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  • I Never Let My Kids Eat Processed Foods

    “ I Never Let my Kids eat processed Foods”

    Oh Piss off Paula you lying Bastard! After a week of 3 School Runs a day, plus the ‘I forgot my banana on the stairs Mum!!’ re run before you eventually turn up for Work, looking like something a Fucking Cat Dragged in, you reach for those Chicken Twatting Nuggets, Chips and Beans on a Friday Night like we all do!

    “ My Kids are in bed by 7pm every Night”

    Really Susan?? REALLY?? Because my little C**ts were swinging from the Curtains like Fucking Spider Monkeys every night last week until 8:30pm when they eventually shut the fuck up and went to sleep. Fuck off Susan ya lying twunt and put your Piriton Syringe away ya cheating fuck stick!

    “My kids are only allowed their Tablets for 20 Minutes a Day”

    Barbara you’re a lying Bastard! We all tell them to ‘watch a film’ whilst we clean our Shit hole houses, then before we know it they’re neck deep and 2 hours into some screaming little twat on YouTube, watching them play an Xbox game that they Fucking own themselves, but noooooo, its more fun watching some snotty bratty bastard playing it!!

    “Mine aren’t allowed treats in between meals, they have Fruit”

    Carol you bullshitting Arse Goblin!! I left the room for 5 Minutes last week and this happened 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

    A fuck Tonne of Milk! A whole Tray of Biscuits. Both ipads and Massive happy faces!!!

    Like fuck i was taking it off them. I was proud of their teamwork !! They’re Children. They should be allowed Chicken Nuggets for Tea every now and then. It’s ok if they have a Late night here and there, or an ipad game/film for longer than 20 Minutes so we can maybe, just maybe wash our Fucking hair alone without Our Gremlins trashing the bathroom like a pair of Wild Bastard Seals!!

    Mums You’re doing just fine! Make the Fucking Nuggets. Utilise the ipads so you can maybe hear the voices in your head again 🤪 . Let them knacker themselves out playing TMNT upstairs on the C**ting Curtains until they flake out, and let them have a treat, Let them steal the cookies from the cupboard and let them be Fucking proud of it!

    i know i am 😊

    Full credit goes to:

    Leigh Anne Smith

  • Name A Cockroach After Your Ex And Watch It Be Eaten On Valentines Day

    What good is Valentine’s Day if you don’t treat yourself, being single on Valentines day isn’t such a bad thing really?

    You could be like me and wait until the 15th of february to celebrate by treating yourself to all the half price chocolates.

    Or you could “watch a cockroach named the same name as your ex get eaten and destroyed”.

    Yes, this is a very real thing and is totally something I would love to do.

    So, how can you go about naming a sleazy cockroach after your ex?

    The El Paso Zoo will name a cockroach after your ex and then feed it to a meerkat live on camera and you can watch it all go down, what better way to spend Valentines day!

    You can message the zoo on Facebook with your ex’s name, then wait patiently for February 14 to watch the roach get devoured during the “Quit Bugging Me” meerkat event, which will live-stream on Facebook and the zoo’s website.

    The names of those exes will also be displayed around the meerkat exhibit and on social media starting February 11. The zoo calls it “the perfect Valentine’s Day gift.”

    On Facebook, the Zoo even says:

    What’s the perfect Valentine’s Day gift? ❤️Naming a cockroach after your ex, of course! Message us your ex’s name and we’ll name a cockroach after them! We’ll post names (First and last name initial!) starting February 11 here on Facebook! Watch on Facebook Live or on our website’s Meerkat webcam on Valentine’s Day at 2:15 pm to see them devour these little bugs!

  • Everyone Warned Me That Cuddling My Baby Will Result In A Clingy Teenager

    ‘I’ve been rocking and cuddling my baby to sleep since that day he was born. I mentioned this to a nurse at my clinic recently. She said that she did the same thing with her son, and everyone warned her that she would still have a teenager sleeping in her bed. And then she told me that, a few weeks ago, her teenage son came home from school very upset.

    He didn’t want to talk, and just went to his room and listened to his music, typed on his phone and cried. The mother gave her son space, and night time came and she went to bed. Just as she was about to turn off her side light, the door opened, and her 15 year old padded into the room.

    He climbed into the bed with her, laid his head on her shoulder and cried. He told her all about the girl that broke his heart, all about the friends who laughed, all about the stresses of being him. She told him about her first broken heart, about friends who’d been cruel, and told him she understands. They talked in the dark for hours, until he fell asleep in her bed. Still sad but relieved after their talk.

    ‘So you see’ she said to me, when she finished the story. ‘I was so scared that I wound wind up with a teenager who would ‘need me’ at night, that I never stopped to consider how beautiful that would really be.’

    Above story by the beautiful L.R.Knost – Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources

    When we stop listening to the unnecessary noise around us, we begin to tune in to who is right in front of us.

    Image by Angelickpicture https://www.instagram.com/angelickpicture/

  • A Letter To CBeebies Regarding Bedtime Hour

    RE: ‘BEDTIME HOUR’

    Dear CBeebies,

    I am writing to complain about ‘Bedtime Hour’.

    Since becoming a parent I have very much enjoyed your programming. I love almost everything about it; from Hey Duggee to Andy’s Prehistoric Adventures.

    Yes, Abney & Teal’s a bit shit, Bing’s a whiny dick and the Tumble family can be a bit unsettling (I’m just going to say it: Mr Tumble, Grandpa Tumble, Polly Tumble, there’s not a single member of that family that doesn’t look like they keep body parts in the freezer), but generally speaking Cbeebies is pretty awesome.

    That said, ‘Bedtime Hour’…

    6 o’clock?

    ..6 o’ f**king clock!?

    In what parallel universe does CBeebies exist that kids are settling down for bed at 6 o’ Clock!!?? Most kids are still crayoning cocks on the radiators at half 7!? And that’s the really well-behaved ones.

    Have you ever tried to get a kid anywhere near their bed between 6 and 7? … they’ll have your bloody eyes out. It’s like trying to get a pissed and f**ked off badger into a carrier bag. (It doesn’t want to go and someone’s gonna get hurt).

    Far from being bedtime.. Between 6 and 7 is the time when most kids piss-taking abilities are at their most powerful. For them, it is the perfect time to go ‘berzerker’.. full William Wallace.. smash the place up, face-plant off the settee, get out every toy they’ve ever owned and stick a plastic light-sabre up the dog’s arse.

    6-7pm is go f**king nuts time.

    It’s not just in our house, I’ve done extensive research on this and I can categorically say that 6 o’clock is not bedtime hour in anyone’s house with young kids in it.

    In fact, if you’re interested, the hours preceding bedtime are actually as follows:

    6-7pm – ‘Negotiation’ Hour

    7-8pm – ‘For Fucks Sake’ Hour

    8-9pm – “No, how many more times, you’re not watching The bloody Incredibles, its bedtime!?”.’ Hour

    9-10pm – ‘”It was your idea to have kids in the first place”‘ Hour

    10-11pm – ‘Losing the last dying embers of your will to live.. Kill Me. Kill Me ‘ Hour

    11-12pm – ‘Bedtime’ Hour

    12-? – ‘How are you up again? What are you.. a f**king vampire!?’ Hour.

    With all due respect, I know it must seem like you’ve got ‘bedtime hour’ correct – because it gets massive viewing figures – but that’s only because Tom Hardy sometimes does the bedtime story and half the mums in the UK are licking the screen.

    In truth, four hours after you lot have knocked off – to go on the piss with Dr Ranj, Mister Maker and the cast of Biggleton – Most parents are still negotiating with their mini terrorists to find out what they want in return for just going upstairs.

    And the worst thing is that, without Cbeebies, parents are then forced to stumble over to Nickolodeon Jr to endure American cartoons about talking cars and ‘being buddies’ and an endless cycle of adverts for plastic unicorns and dolls that piss and shit themselves.

    Look, I’m sure there’s a topsy and tim type family somewhere in the Home Counties where the kids adhere to this 6-7 bedtime hour. I’m sure these kids are tucked up beneath hemp blankets, that mommy weaved just that morning, gently dozing as daddy plays ‘Let it be’ on an acoustic guitar. But not in our house where if we can get our child to bed without a major fire or anybody dying that’s a pretty good evening.

    So, please. For the sake of the threadlike sanity that every parent in this nation clings to at the end of each day do the right thing. Move bedtime hour to.. let’s say…reality.

    Matt x

    P.S. Oh, and not to be an arse, but to make matters worse you lot don’t start the programmes again until 6 in the morning. This morning my son got up at 4am. He couldn’t have got up any earlier if he’d invented time travel.. I was that tired I couldn’t feel my face.. and where were you.. nowhere!?

    If I hadn’t had a couple of Go Jetters stacked up on the sky planner I’d have thrown myself under the bin lorry at 8.

    P.P.S and thanks for The Stick Song by the way, you utter barstards.

    P.P.P.S… love you really.

    Fulll credit to the amazing guys at man versus baby… check them out>>>

    https://www.facebook.com/manversusbaby/

  • If He Is Kicking and Screaming Its Just His Way Of Coping

    If he falls to the floor, kicking and screaming, because there’s no chicken nuggets, it’s just his way of coping. Be patient, you’ll get your turn to order.

    If he bumps his head and starts to hit himself in the face, don’t stare, it’s his frustration. Mum will handle it, she see’s it everyday.

    If mum is cutting her child’s food, she’s not treating him like baby

    She just doesn’t want her son to choke.

    If he ignores your child on the playground, he’s not a brat. he’s just not good at social interaction. he would love to play with your child, he just doesn’t know how.

    He may be too big to sit in the shopping trolley, no, he’s not lazy. He wants to run around, but his mum needs to shop. She’s not up for chasing him today.

    If he has to be carried out screaming, it’s probably because of a meltdown. Be helpful, open the door. Don’t just stare or whisper. No, it’s not because he didn’t get the toy he wanted. If it were only that simple.

    Don’t talk to him like a child, unless he is one. Don’t yell, he’s not deaf. he may not talk, but he can understand.

    No, it’s not bad parenting. Discipline won’t help.

    This is autism, it’s his life. Don’t judge him, he’s not judging you.

     

  • This Is Why I Agree With Late Term Abortion

    In light of New Yorks abortion laws, I wanted to share my story for anyone that needs to hear it.

    In 2006, at 21 weeks pregnant I went in to my ob/gyn for a routine ultrasound. My doctor told me they suspected my daughter had Trisomy 13. They said they needed to do an amnio to be sure. Then they asked if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. I said, I wanted to wait until the results came back.

    I wasn’t able to make that decision without knowing for sure. They told me that the results would be back in 7-10 days and by that time I would be past 22 weeks and would not be allowed to have a medical abortion in my state. I had 45 minutes to make that choice. 45 minutes! I decided to wait for the results. That decision is the biggest regret of my life and I have played that conversation in my head over and over for the past 13 years😢 The results came back positive.

    Molly had a genetic chromosome disorder. Over the following weeks, I learned she had 2 holes in her heart, her brain was not formed properly, she didn’t have eyes, she had a cleft palate, extra fingers and toes and barely functioning lungs. The only thing keeping her alive was me. They told me I probably wouldn’t carry full term and if I did, her survival was unlikely. The truth was, Molly would suffer immensely if she lived past birth.

    I carried Molly full term to 40 weeks, I gave birth with a team of doctors by my side and I held her in my arms for 31 minutes and watched my daughter suffocate to death.

    Every single day after I found out the results were torture, delivery was torture, telling my children that after I had the baby, she would die was torture. Telling my family was torture. People would congratulate me on my pregnancy and I would smile and say Thank you because retelling my story over and over was torture.

    FUCK ABORTION REGULATION! MEDICAL DECISIONS SHOULD BE BETWEEN THE PATIENT AND THE DOCTOR. PERIOD!

    That was my choice and it was taken from me. The ptsd I still go through daily is real and debilitating some days.

    Molly was wanted. Molly was loved. My heart goes out to anyone denied 3rd trimester abortions! These are not people who just changed their minds, these are heartbreaking, gut wrenching, life changing stories and NOBODY gets to make those decisions for someone else.

    If you want to learn more about 3rd trimester abortions or the courageous people who risk their lives providing compassion to women, I recommend watching the documentary, After Tiller. I put a link in the comments.

    THANK YOU New York, Alaska, Colorado, New Hampshire, New Mexico, Oregon and Vermont for your compassionate laws regarding 3rd trimester abortions. Thank you for trusting women and their doctors to make these excruciatingly hard choices. Thank you for your compassion❤️

    Full credit Crystina  Irizarry

  • Um, Original Source, Can We Talk?

    Um, Original Source… can we talk?

    I’d like to take you back to around 6.45am this morning, when I stepped into my bath, and found that my usual, rather innocuous bottle of shower gel (Waitrose essentials, Rose) had run out. A tad irritating, but fortuitously, I had a solution close to hand. A brand new, unopened bottle of your very own Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel. My bodily cleanliness was assured once more. I breathed a sigh of relief.

    I took the Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel and began to work it into a lather. I applied it to first one leg, then the other, and shaved them diligently. (Yes, feel free to be impressed at my commitment to body defoliation at 6.45am on a Wednesday morning. I was too.) So far, so good.

    I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience.

    And then.

    AND THEN.

    Oh. Dear. God.

    MY VAGINA WAS ABLAZE.

    For a moment, I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. Had I repeated the never to be forgotten error when I managed to apply hair removal cream which was strictly not for front bottoms to my front bottom? Had a stray spark inadvertently set light to my pubic thatch?

    BECAUSE IT FUCKING FELT LIKE IT.

    Yes, Original Source, your innocuous looking green bottle of so-called shower gel, it turns out, is an absolute fucking liability. MY FLAPS WERE ON FUCKING FIRE. I had a quick look at the ingredients list to see if it contained gasoline. It did not. There was a warning though. ‘KEEP AWAY FROM EYES.’ Keep away from eyes? KEEP AWAY FROM EYES? Frankly, my eyes were the least of my problems right now.

    I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce. ‘7,929 tingling leaves’ claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later.)

    Some twelve hours later, my front bottom has finally calmed down, though may well be suffering from as yet unconfirmed PTSD. My eyes have eventually stopped watering. And so, in the interests of public safety, I thought I would pen you this missive.

    May I suggest a rebranding of the front of your bottles of Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel? Something along the lines of the following:

    ‘7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy.’

    If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf.

    Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.

    Kisses, IKINTST xxx

    Full credit goes to>>>>

    https://www.facebook.com/iknowineedtostoptalkingblog/

     

  • A Simple Trip To The Dentist Nearly Turned Deadly

    As parents we always want to do what’s best for our kids, from teaching them manners to growing up to be amazing humans. Yesterday was our 6 month dentist check up. Both girls got a cleaning and received there cavity free certificate, but all the happiness faded within the next 2 minutes.

    As we where checking out Aeverie told me her throat hurt, and I assured her she was ok, but she wasn’t! She looked at me with her eyes watering and said she couldn’t swallow (she started salivating) I went to grab her Epi (AUVI-Q) she had turned a light pale blue. As I administered her epi and she immediately started vomiting profusely! She kept saying she couldn’t breath she didn’t feel good, her chest was tight, so she was put on oxygen!!

    Thank goodness we where still at the dentist where there was a doctor, the yhad additional epi’s and had oxygen. Paramedics were called, she was transported to the children’s hospital. She was given a second does of epi in the ambulance, was monitored for about 6 hours and was stable enough to go home with a list of medications, including steroids and a new prescription for epi.

    I was scared. I was SCARED! I felt she wouldn’t make it. It happened so fast. She reacted to the “nut free” fluoride. Turns out the manufacturer doesn’t disclose to the dentist office that it’s made on shared equipment and the same facility with all of the top 8.

    I was given information stating that it was free from peanuts, tree nuts, dairy, fish, shellfish, gluten, soy and eggs. No where in the pages the handed to me or the bottle did it state the may contain. But when I called the manufacturer the paper states it in bold red letters that it was made on shared equipment and same facility. Aeverie reacted to it within 2 minutes. Thank you to all who where there to help. To keep me calm as I was literally crying inside, trying to be strong for my sweet girl! THANK YOU!

    There is still so much work to be done, advocating that food allergens are not only in food but nearly in everything you can think of!

    Credit Stephanie Labile-advocate

     

  • I Wish I Had Told Them To Stop But I Didn’t

    Angelina would like to spread awareness of the dangers of Vacuum suctins in hospitals and we urge other mums that if they do not feel comfortable with something to speak out

    Angelina said “I would like to help get the word out of what is going on. My son, Killian weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces when he was born and due to that I could not push him out on my own because he would not fit through my birth canal, so they suggested a vacuum to help get him out. Well, they said it would be tried three times and if that did not work the doctor would have to perform a C-Section (which it seemed like he did not want to do for reasons unknown).

    The minute the doctor applied the vacuum to Killian’s head and told me to push it popped off and splattered blood on his clothes and face, so he said it malfunctioned and did not count that as one of the three times he tried to use it. Another three tries went by and the vacuum kept popping off, now I was told that if it kept popping off and not working 30 minutes needed to go by before trying again, which the doctor DID NOT do, also if the device kept having issues the alternative was to be given a C-Section immediately not sit there and try to use the device again. Now my son has swelling in his head (which has gone down since birth) and skin missing from his scalp, I wish I had spoken out.

    Killian, my handsome, you will get justice for what has happened to you. I hope you all have the kindness in your hearts to help get the word around. I am just not sure what else to do at this point”.

    Written by Angelina tingle

  • When Your Baby Isn’t Your Baby Anymore

    One more cuddle please

    One more kiss

    One more story

    One more goodnight mummy

    Just one more please mummy so I can sleep.

    I love you

    I’m scared

    I’m not tired

    I don’t want you to go

    Can I have five more minutes please mummy

    I don’t mean to annoy you

    I know you’re tired

    I know you have lots to do

    I missed you

    Look what I can do mummy, look how high I bounce

    I can’t find my bear

    My night light won’t work

    Where have you gone mummy

    I don’t want to be alone

    Whether your my baby or a grown man, I will never refuse your request for more time.

    No matter what you say to ask me to stay, you will never have to beg my darling.

    You are my world, and I will always have the time to give you. I treasure every memory we have of these moments.

    You won’t always want a cuddle

    You won’t always want a kiss

    You will grow too old for stories

    You won’t want me to say goodnight

    Please don’t grow so fast my baby

    Although you will always love me

    You won’t need me to fight the monsters

    You won’t always be wide awake

    You will beg some days for me to leave

    Please can I have a few more years

    You will be embarrassed of me

    You won’t always be home at night

    You will have your own life to live

    You won’t always miss me

    You are amazing my baby, and will grow to do incredible things and though you might get older, things will never change.

    I will always find your toys

    I will always make the lights and stars work

    I will always be here even when your grown

    🖤 You will never be alone 🖤

    https://www.facebook.com/Justamommaneedingcoffee/