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Living In Hell Whilst My Child Is In Heaven

The worst loss of all Living In Hell Whilst My Child Is In Heaven

I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world that your beloved child died… Let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. Never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing – just silence, emptiness.

Now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry – what happened, why!?.. You have never felt longing like this in your life! Longing to hear her voice, to see her face again, and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it.

Now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. Not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. Everything you loved now hurts like hell…

For example: music, I used to love music, it gave me pleasure, I didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red-hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, the day the music died, that’s me, and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child, I am not unique in that pain – if you lost a child you would know.

That is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example! You feel the loss with every thought, every emotion, and the loss bleeds into every aspect of your life even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. It doesn’t’ fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn’t fit anymore.

Everything that felt right, now feels wrong, and of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing…

As good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children… this we cannot fix, cannot make it better. So on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless…out of control and hopeless…and this is universal, every parent that truly loves their child will feel this. Are you starting to imagine now how it feels? and you are doing this exercise for 10 minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 –

Day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. you’re a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child’s life…but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget…so now, please add FEAR to the list of emotions.

This is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, don’t just read the words, FEEL them – died, gone forever… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life. NO WONDER!!!!!

A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell… that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss… you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.

And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are – are Gone!!!

That is why when parents who have lost children hear “I want the old you back”, “it’s been a year (a month, 6 months-whatever), and don’t you feel better yet?” “You are doing this to yourself, you’re making it harder on yourself”, “grief can become a selfish thing you know”, we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive.

No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves; we are just trying to hold on. So were you able to imagine for 10 minutes what it must feel like? Even 2 minutes is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, I would not wish it any anyone, but did you get a sense of how Life changing it is?

Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! Now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music…go home and hug your child, listen to them laugh, watch her smile, smell the scent that you know is them and please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven’t lost a beloved child of yours, you haven’t got a clue.

Now when you hear these words “the presence of her absence is everywhere”, will you finally understand?

Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/7-things-about-miscarriage-no-one-talks-about-but-should/

Written by Louise Lagerman..

December 14, 2017
Don’t Add Me To Vaccination Groups-Autism and MMR

So today I was added to a group. I was added by a friend as they were debating about autism and it being caused by the Mmr vaccination.

Many believe this scaremongering, which is scary.

So many children are now at future risk of a serious illness due to being told incorrect facts. Please do your own research before making such a huge decision. It isn’t your life, it’s your children’s life being put at risk.

The worst I heard on this thread was that the Jews were to blame…..so instead of just blaming professionals they take it out on a whole religion, surely that isn’t on?

I have three wonderful children, all vaccinated. I have one with autism. Do I believe this was caused by the mmr? No I don’t!! There is a huge genetical link in my family. Besides, what is more important than protecting your children against everything you can?

Autism comes during pregnancy and during the first 6 months of life. This could be genetical or even environmental factors that trigger it. So there for this before the mmr, how can it cause it.

At 12-18 months a young child starts to learn social behaviours, including language development…unfortunately this coincides with when the vaccination is given which is why people started blaming it. If mmr was the cause wouldn’t the whole population of children having had the vaccination be autistic?

Would I change my son having autism? No I wouldn’t! He is an amazing little boy who I wouldn’t change for the world. Some days can be tough, very tough but he truly is amazing. He has an incredible mind and is extremely clever for his 4 years of age. He has an amazing mind and I love seeing the world from his eyes. I love learning about how he sees the world.

As a family with an autistic child we will continue to learn, continue to love and continue to show the world how amazing he is! Hopefully we can teach the world that autism really isn’t a bad thing.

Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/?s=autism+and+abuse

December 13, 2017
Mummy Is My Face Scary, Can I Get A New Face?

“Mummy why do people stare? Mummy is my face scary can I get a new face?”

This is what my 4-year-old Alexi asked me today whilst walking back from nursery and having several people making comments about her, none overly nasty but things like “aww poor little thing”, or “did you see her hand as well”, my beautiful daughter shouldn’t have to feel ugly or have grown adults staring and whispering about her.

Mummy Is My Face Scary, Can I Get A New Face?

Alexi has Nevus (spelt Nevus or Naevus)

It is a skin growth present at birth, basically a birthmark.

It is a rare disorder that affects around 1 in 20,000 newborns in some form and as few as 1 in 500,000 in its most severe form.

It is composed of a special pigment producing cells called melanocytes, which are the pigment producing cells normally found in skin.

They can exist on any part of the body, and grow in proportion to body growth.

Alexi has nevus on one hand a small mark below her eye and one on her cheek and spots on her lower back she feels no pain from it, just her self-esteem and confidence is knocked, I understand children talking about it and asking questions (out of the mouth of babes and all that) but adults should know better.

On one occasion a middle-aged lady approached us and rudely said “surely you shouldn’t take her out in public like this anyone could catch it”.

Please if you see a child or adult with nevus don’t stare, smile it may make that person feel better that day, ask questions we love people being curious as long as they are kind.

Alexi is beautiful inside and out she is a happy loved child who is finding ways to deal with the stares and whispers and shy we have found that adults notice it and comment far quicker than children.

one of her little friends even coloured in her hand to be like Alexi, Children don’t see it as ugly, scary or weird most think she looks cool, adults please don’t shy away, please don’t whisper, just look passed the nevus and see my beautiful little girl whom has the most precious smile.

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December 13, 2017
New Mums Have It Easy Give Me A New Born Any Day

New mums have it easy, give me a new born any day, I often see new mums complaining how hard it is, now I understand new babies awake during the night and feed on demand and poop and cry but I’m sorry but new babies are easy.

I’m not disputing that having a new baby isn’t a huge change and tiring especially one with colic or reflux is hard work but the real struggles are yet to come.

A baby whom can crawl but has no understanding of danger is terrifying, everything is a hazard.. EVERYTHING.

A toddler who is tired and can’t understand why you have to pick up their siblings from school is no fun, not to mention the tears and screams when they have to put shoes on, public meltdowns, refusing to eat, to sleep to listen arghhh.

Roll on to when they start school, they suddenly know it all, yet still can’t be reasoned with, this phase will last years, the worry if they are making friends, are they being bullied, are they achieving, are they eating enough?

Then we get to the time when your child starts secondary school, they suddenly demand their complete independence but you still have to remind them to wash their hands after using the toilet. They spend more time on the internet and you spend most of your own time checking up on them, making sure you know who they are speaking to, where they are and who with.

And then the dreaded zone the teen years, the back chatting the constant worrying what they are up to, the grunts the groans, the teenage angst. The stress of exams, the peer pressure, hoping that their happy and worrying for their futures.

So give me a new-born, a cute sweet bundle of joy, that screams all night, but smells so good, who loves you unconditionally and needs you, you know exactly where they are at every second of the day, and cries can be stopped with milk, a bum change or a cuddle.

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December 12, 2017
I Saved My Daughter From Bullies But I Paid The Price

I Saved My Daughter From Bullies But I Paid The Price.

My daughter Amelia is a shy quiet girl with a heart of gold, she is kind and sweet.

We have moved a lot in her short 11 years, my husband is in the army and every two to three years we have to move for his job.

This has been a fantastic experience but has meant Amelia loses friends and has to start again.

When Amelia was due to start secondary school we decided to settle back home in Cambridge.

Amelia started at the local school and she didn’t seem to settle well, maybe just nerves I thought, small fish in a big pond type of thing.

After the first few weeks she began coming home without her bag or shoes, saying she had lost them and then I noticed marks on her, scratches, bruises and even a chunk of hair was missing.

I confronted Amelia and she denied she was being bullied, she said it was from playing hockey, or got her hair stuck in her locker.

I knew something was going on, one day At the beginning of October I decided to wait round the corner from the school to see if I could see anything.

I followed her across a field, six girls aged 14-15 jumped my little girl, they were pounding blows on her tiny frame, kicking her, pug her beautiful blonde locks and taking her stuff and trowing it.

An anger rose in me, I ran at them screaming for them to get off of her.

I was greeted with a cackle of laughter and verbal abuse.

They picked Amelia off of the floor, held her arms behind her back and said “let’s put on a show” they hit my quiet, sweet, kind girl in her tiny stomach, winding her, my daughter looked at me with pleading eyes.

I couldn’t stand by and watch my child be beaten, I hit one of the girls and dragged another off of my daughter throwing her to the floor.

I took my daughter by the hand and we ran home.

My daughter was visibly shaken and scared, I bathed my girl the first time in years I had helped her bathe.

That night we sat cuddled up watching movies and eating snacks, I was determined that my daughter wouldn’t be returning to that school.

Half way through the movie there was a load knock on the door and two police officers were there.

I was spoken to in my house about the assault , not the one on my child though, the one on them.

I was told I had to hand myself in, in the morning.

The next day I arrived at the police station, confused and scared.

I had my fingerprints taken, mug shot, and read my rights, I was interviewed for several hours and placed in a cell.

I was finally called back into the interview room and told I was being cautioned on assault of a minor.

I thought that would be the end of it, but rumours began spreading that I had beaten a child, that I was a danger to children.

People threw rocks through our windows, my tyres were slashed, but for me the worst was hearing the whispers behind my back, the looks I was given.

It got so bad I was scared to leave the house, and for what the fact I hit a teenager my own height for beating my daughter who was tiny.

After six months of living in fear, we gave in and moved, we are now living in Leeds and things are starting to look up.

I still don’t know what else I was supposed to do when I saw my daughter being attacked, I can’t think of any other way to have dealt with it.

November 22, 2017
ADHD Is A Made Up Disease Says Mum

ADHD is a made up disease says mum

My little soldier is nine years old he’s called Jacob James.

I always knew something was different about Jacob.

He could never sit still, so easily distracted, barely slept, I was exhausted being his mum, but I was his mummy and I would do anything for him.

At first I just thought James was a hyperactive energy filled boy.

When James started School his teachers picked up on his lack of attention span and told me to see his Gp for a referral.

After extensive tests, therapies and assessments he was finally diagnosed with ADHD.

It was strange, I felt relieved finally there was a reason behind all his actions, finally I had more empathy and understanding.

The school actioned a plan to help James whilst he was as school, I was feeling more hopeful and happy.

That was until I told my mother “mum James has ADHD”.

Now I wasn’t expecting the response I got from my sons nan my own mother:

“ADHD are you kidding me, that boys just naughty, it’s a made up disease, no child in my school or when you were growing up had it, it’s purely bad parenting and lack of discipline, what that boy needs is a hard smack on the bottom”.

Since getting his diagnosis I have seen more and more comments on social media and over heard people in the streets saying similar to my mother.

ADHD diagnosis is not given lightly, a “naughty” child isn’t a child with ADHD.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a group of behavioural symptoms that include inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Symptoms of ADHD tend to be noticed at an early age and may become more noticeable when a child’s circumstances change, such as when they start school.

My child is not naughty he doesn’t need to be smacked or disciplined he needs understanding and help

Find out more about ADHD here http://adhdsymptoms24.com/?m=1

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November 16, 2017
My child is overweight My child is unhealthy

My child is overweight My child is unhealthy

My child’s diet needs to be changed and he needs to lose weight.
Well according to his school any way, their little table of heights and weights puts my son close to being obese.

My son is seven and a healthy active happy boy, he attends football training three times a week and plays matches twice a week, he’s always in the garden, kicking a ball or on the trampoline or running around.

He has one small chocolate bar twice a week, and four packets of crisps like wotsits or quavers four times a week.

The majority of his meals are healthy and nutritious, he has his recommended five fruits and veg a day.
McDonald’s and take aways are a rare treat.
But no my active “skinny” boy is verging on obese and we wonder why our children grow up with body confidence issues and are consumed with worry over their figure and diet.

My child is overweight My child is unhealthy

Now I understand that being healthy is important but shaming and scaring children because of a chart on someone’s computer is ridiculous.

I mean seriously have they looked at my child, there isn’t an ounce of “fat on him”.
Girls especially grow up thinking they are fat or ugly and these charts and warnings at a young age does them no good at all and could be a factor in eating disorders in later life.
What seven-year old wants to hear they’re fat, unhealthy and need to lose weight.

They even suggested that if we didn’t nip this in the bud now he is likely to be overweight as an adult, have health problems like type 2 diabetes or heart problems.

It is time the board of education stopped ticking boxes on a computer and actually look at our children.

My child is overweight My child is unhealthy

November 14, 2017
I Nearly Lost Custody Over A Silly Mistake

Jackie Lilley of Maldon Essex nearly lost custody of her little boy Brayli for one silly mistake.

Brayli aged 21 months had just been picked up from nursery by his mother Jackie, 24.
Brayli was tired and cranky but Jackie still had errands to run, the tired toddler had fallen asleep in his car seat.

Jackie had to pick up Her medication from the local pharmacy before it closed.
Jackie made a big mistake she decided to leave Brayli asleep in his car seat and run into the pharmacy, after all she would only be gone for a matter of minutes.

Jackie knew he could come to no harm, he was in plain sight, strapped in his car seat and fast asleep and it was not a hot day.

Little did she know a PCO was walking past and spotted the child, he jotted down her number plate and searched for the mother whilst radioing into report it.

Jackie pleaded her case to the community officer and after giving him her details she was able to leave, still in shock she drove home.

Jackie thought that was the end of it, but social services called, to check up on the welfare of Brayli, she was asked multiple questions and felt scared, she was warned not to leave her child alone in the car even for a minute.

Although there is no written law stating what age a child can be left alone if those in power deem it unsafe or neglectful you run the risk of losing your child.

Jackie wants to warn other parents to never leave their child in the car, even though it can be a hassle to unbuckle them or have grumpy children or temper tantrums, it is not worth the risk of losing your child or being in big trouble.

November 9, 2017
Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

British couple Nikki and Louise Draven are one of Britain’s first families to raise their child, Star Cloud, in a completely gender fluid environment. Louise (Star’s Mum) was born as a man and is currently undergoing hormone therapy to successfully transition into a woman. Nikki (Star’s Dad) identifies as both male or female, and transitions between genders on a day-by-day basis.

Both parents wish to raise Star in an environment that is neutral and fluid, straying from traditional gender roles. They allow Star to choose whatever clothing and toys he wants, or wear any colours he likes.
Nikki and Louise met at an LGBT meet-up in 2011 and found that they shared very similar views about family and gender. The two of them wish to provide Star with the freedom of choice they wished they had while growing up in their homes. They want Star to be able to choose his own gender when he is older.

Louise and Nikki want to raise Star in as ordinary a home as possible, but neither of them put much stock into gender roles defined by society.

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

Star is like any ordinary kid, but instead of playing with only cars or trucks, Star also enjoys playing with dolls and barbies.

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

Faced with challenges, the other children in Star’s nursery tell him that he can’t play with dolls because they are for girls, but Louise and Nikki carefully explain that Star is free to play with whatever he enjoys.

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

Star will be attending school soon, which will require him to wear a boy’s uniform, but he gets to wear a pink vest and socks: his favorite color.

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

When addressing Star in their home, Louise and Nikki use ‘him’ and ‘his’ but don’t put too much emphasis on the words.

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

Nikki and Louise want to make it very clear that Star is allowed to wear makeup, put on a dress or even paint his nails if he wishes.

Star knows that he is a boy, but Nikki and Louise want him to know that they don’t want to put limitations on his gender in any way.

The couple has had multiple run-ins with bullying and public criticism, but remain hopeful that others will keep an open mind about their family

Family Where Mum Is Dad, Dad Is Mum And 4-Year-Old Son Gender Neutral

November 8, 2017
Dad Tearfully Kisses Daughter Goodbye

If there is such a thing as mother’s instinct, a mum named Sanda Alibabic doesn’t have any of it.

The Slovenian woman, along with her new boyfriend Mirzan Jakupi, are now being accused of murdering her daughter.

Alibabic decided to leave her husband, Senad Kardasevic, last year to be with Jakupi. This left the divorced couple co-parenting their little daughter, Arina.

Meanwhile, Alibabic and Jakupi moved in together. A short while into their new arrangement, Kardasevic began to notice bruises, scratches and marks on his daughter.

Of course, every child gets bruises from playing and general clumsiness, but these seemed more sinister and deliberate. The little girls dad reported this to local child protective services but nothing came of it.

Social services were unable to find any evidence of abuse and dropped the case. Unfortunately, the situation soon escalated.

Kardasevic was on his way to visit his precious little girl Arina when he received the worst phone call of his life. On the other end of the line, doctors were telling him that Arina was in the hospital’s intensive care unit.

Her mother, Alibabic, had called an ambulance claiming that the toddler had run into a radiator. But Arina’s broken bones and bruises told a different, much more harrowing story.

Doctors at the hospital did everything they could to save Arina. Meanwhile, they called the police, leading to the arrest of the despicably abusive couple.

Two days later, Arina passed away from her injuries. Her father sat by her and kissed her as the precious two-year-old took her last breaths.

The dad wants to raise awareness of child abuse and wants social services to investigate claims of child abuse more seriously, if they had his precious little girl would still be here.

If you suspect a child is being abused please do not hesitate to report it https://www.gov.uk/report-child-abuse

November 6, 2017