Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: baby

  • Confessions Of A Rainbow Baby

    Confessions of a rainbow baby

    A rainbow baby is a term used for a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn or neonatal death. It’s used because it represents the beauty that can become of such a horrific storm. People don’t often understand that it’s not all beautiful though. They see your happy posts on social media and think “a happy ending” but in reality it doesn’t quite work that way. Much like an actual rainbow the clouds from the storm remain lingering despite the many breath-taking colours shining through them in their miraculous display.

    Being pregnant with a rainbow means checking the toilet paper for blood EVERY time you go to the bathroom. It means taking 50 pregnancy tests to make sure the line is getting darker. It means going to extremes to do ANYTHING to stay pregnant. Including medication, blood work, injections.. whatever your doctor thinks.

    It means holding your breath when they check for a heartbeat. It means frantically purchasing a home doppler to relieve your anxiety between appointments because the relief that comes from an appointment is temporary, 24 hours at best. It means sitting in a waiting room filled with women who have their innocence still in tact and envying them.. even though you’re pregnant too, you know you’ll never feel the pure bliss they do.

    Your mind is constantly wandering to the worst.. will this baby live? Do I dare buy baby clothes? It’s picking out a few cute things online and leaving them in the cart without cashing out because if you dare to get excited and actually buy it, it becomes another reminder. It’s trying to take everyone’s advice and “stay positive” but knowing positivity doesn’t change a damn thing. You cannot will a baby to live. If you could the one you lost would still be alive. It’s the struggle of bonding with the baby when they kick and immediately wondering if it’ll be the last one you’ll feel. It’s seeing their beautiful little face on an ultrasound and wondering if you’ll actually be granted the ability of holding them alive and breathing.

    It’s trying to overcome the fear as you approach the point of your loss..It’s progressing past the point of your loss and thinking oh God what if the baby dies now.. I can’t handle a loss THIS far.. but then I didn’t want to handle the last loss either.. it’s hitting viability and think there’s a chance now.. but then maybe there isn’t.. it’s knowing there is no safe zone until the baby is here.

    Then the day comes when your long awaited rainbow is born. You hold your breath, you don’t notice a single thing, you’re zoned into the sound.. waiting for it, that glorious scream.. ahhh there it is. The moment you’ve been waiting for.. relief washes over you. And for a moment you think finally.. this is it. Or is it?

    It doesn’t end there, no this is when the real mind fuck begins. This is when the constant back and forth happens. This is when you start staring at your baby, so incredibly thankful for this new human life that was long awaited and secretly breaking inside. You begin the constant battle of feeling happy and heartbroken all at the same time.

    It’s feeling guilty for that happiness and feeling guilty for still grieving the baby that’s gone. The sense of betrayal to your angel for “moving on” and the sense of betrayal to your rainbow for continuing to long for the baby that could have, should have been. It’s feeling damned either way.

    I find myself staring at my son, relishing in his existence and strangely being thankful for my daughter’s death because had she survived he simply wouldn’t be here. It is enough to tear a mother in half having those feelings. Trying to navigate life with a rainbow is trying.. exhausting. I still wonder daily if I’ll have to give him back. Will he catch a virus and never recover? Will something happen to my other children? The anxiety never ends.

    While life continues to march forward.. I’m in total and complete awe of the spectacular display my rainbow brings to me and my family; those clouds from the storm linger, and honestly I don’t know how long they’ll last. So I continue to carry on, looking up, lost in the beauty of the colors all while still stepping in the mud puddles of the storm.

    Written by L.L.

  • You Aren’t Required To Give Birth In A Hospital

    You aren’t required to give birth in a hospital. Did you know that? You’re allowed to decide if a birth center, hospital or your home is the best choice to birth your children.

    You have the right to make choices that you feel are in the best interest of you and your babies. This is your body and you are their parent.

    Do your research. Put together a birth team who will support your wishes and help to educate you on your options. Trust your intuition. You are the conductor of this experience and your birth team is there to help YOU.

    This strong mama knew that she could birth her gorgeous twin girls at home. She put a team together to support her and received incredible care from local OBs along with the prenatal care of her homebirth midwife. She met each milestone necessary to have a homebirth and at 37 weeks and 4 days brought these sweet little ones into the world. Her strength inspires me as she fought hard to keep these babies safe until they decided it was time to enter the world.

    Congrats to a wonderful family and please give a warm welcome to these girls who are already so loved.

    It was such an honor to document.

    XOXO,

    Stacey

    www.cincybirthstories.com

     

  • This Is The Exact Moment I Realized

    ” of all the photos I posted from my daughter Malia,

    This one makes me more emotional because it shows the second exact I realized she had down syndrome.

    The moment he was born and cleaned it, I asked: ” has down syndrome?”

    Nobody heard me, so I asked: ”

    It’s all right?”.

    I felt guilty that these were my first words, even without someone hearing them.

    When they put it on my chest the first time, I took this picture and entered a kind of limbo.

    I wasn’t ashamed in any way… but the photo was somehow, I don’t know what word to use… revealing? A Confirmation?

    Every time I wanted to post a picture of her, I was back to see this first picture.

    I thought the world out there wasn’t going to answer as I wanted. But I love this photo more than anyone can imagine.

    The reason I’m finally posting it now is that if there’s someone out there who listens to this diagnosis, before or after birth, I want you to know that everything is fine. Maybe not at first, maybe not for a while, but everything will be fine.

    Among all the parents who could have had, his baby chose you “.

    Text and photography @thedsdn

     

  • If You Own This Bath Seat Please Throw It Away

    Smyths Toys Superstores TO EVERYONE WHO OWNS THIS BATH SEAT PLEASE THROW AWAY IMMEDIATELY!! BOUGHT FROM SMYTHS IN BLACKPOOL.

    Tonight I was bathing Olivia, she managed to get her self stuck with two legs between one hole! There is no way of releasing the bath seat legs incase your baby gets stuck. Olivia was screaming for an hour and is now very shaken. After trying to get her out the bath seat Kalum Smith had to phone the fire brigade to cut her out of the seat as there was no way to get her out!!!

    The fire brigade had to cut her out using specialist equipment as there was no way of getting her out!!!

    If You Own This Bath Seat Please Throw It Away
    If You Own This Bath Seat Please Throw It Away

    After reading online about this bath seat many others have had the same problem and have had to get the fire brigade out to cut there child out of this seat!!!!! This bath seat called safety first is definitely not safe, what if the baby slips and gets stuck???? There’s no way of getting them out !!! The material of the bath seat is extremely slippy!!! Will be sticking with the angel care bath seat as much more safer!!

    I have never been so scared in my life panicking about Olivia, her legs are still bright red and she was screaming in pain!

    PLEASE SHARE I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THIS BATH SEAT IS!!!!

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/jessy.cookson

     

  • Baby Badly Burnt By Nurse

    Although I have contemplated on posting this I believe it is time that our story is shared…

    Roughly 24 hours after birth our healthy baby boy was taken to the nursery, by the nurse, to have his PKU test done. A heel warmer is used during a PKU test to increase capillary circulation to an infants heel which is where the labs are drawn from for the test. For whatever reason the nurse decided to put hot water in a diaper and wrap it around Dash’s foot and leg with the heel warmer. The water was so hot that it resulted in our newborn baby having 2nd and 3rd degree burns.

    Baby Badly Burnt By Nurse
    Baby Badly Burnt By Nurse

    After consults with NICU, plastics, wound care, and a burn center our perfectly healthy baby was admitted to the NICU for 6 days. He had an IV, was on morphine, Tylenol, and ibuprofen, and had to have an NG tube. After finally being discharged from the NICU we’ve had multiple follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon and at 13 days old our baby had to have a surgical debridement.

    This whole situation should’ve never happened. It all took place because of an ignorant decision made by one nurse. This first time mother and father experience was taken from me and Andrew because of one nurse’s bad decision. The opportunity to breast feed my baby was taken from me because of one nurse’s bad decision. I watched my baby desat and turn blue during a feeding because he was so incoherent from the morphine he needed for pain because of one nurse’s bad decision.

    If you work in healthcare I encourage you to remember that you are taking care of someone’s loved one. Although to you it may be just another day at work and another patient, to someone else that is their world, and they are trusting you to provide the utmost care.

    We are very thankful that Dash is almost completely healed and, as of now, shouldn’t have any long term effects besides scarring and possibly losing his pinky toenail. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on this journey.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/kaley.johnson.779

     

  • Will You Bet Your Child’s Eyesight On Your Husbands Faithfulness

    In the words of one of my favorite midwives, “If you’re willing to bet your child’s eyesight on your husband’s faithfulness, then you don’t need the eye ointment.”

    Let me explain. 🤓

    Did you know that antibiotic ointment for your baby’s eyes at birth is normally NOT needed and is only needed IF you are positive for a STI at the time you give birth?

    The fact is, most babies do not need it. If a mother knows she doesn’t have chlamydia or gonorrhea, there is no reason to routinely expose an infant to antibiotics in their first hour of life.

    There are always reasons to look into routine practices.

    We have to understand that anytime we interfere with physiological birth in any capacity, including but not limited to, 3rd and 4th stage of labor and newborn care — it will change how nature intended it to be. Sometimes, there is a need to intervene. But that is just the point, it should only be utilized when necessary. ⤵️

    What about cesareans? If a baby is born by cesarean, then it is extremely unlikely that the baby will develop Ophthalmia Neonatorum (ON — the complication that the ointment prevents if exposed to the STI at birth). But unless denied, every cesarean-born baby in the United States is routinely given erythromycin eye ointment.

    🔻 What are the facts?

    The use of erythromycin eye ointment in newborns has its roots in the late 1800’s and it’s purpose was to try to prevent ON. Even then, ON resulted in blindness in only 3% of affected infants. When we take a look at that, isn’t it very concerning that in 2019 we are still using a practice that came from the late 1800’s, where such a small percentage of infants were affected over a hundred and thirty years ago?

    We have to realize we have come a long way in almost 140 years.

    First, antibiotics have made it possible to treat pregnant people who have sexually transmitted infections as well as any infant who contracts bacterial ON, making blindness highly unlikely in developed countries.

    Does the ointment prevent other infections, like staph? Non-gonorrheal and non-chlamydial bacteria in the newborn’s eye are not dangerous and do not progress to blindness. Next we ask, is the antibiotic ointment effective?

    ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

    After the use of prophylaxis, infectious ON still occurred in 13%, 15%, and 18% of newborns treated with povidone–iodine, erythromycin, and silver nitrate, respectively.

    Compared to the group that received povidone-iodine, groups that received silver nitrate and erythromycin had overall rates of pink eye that were 34% and 16% higher, respectively. Erythromycin was first introduced in 1953 and by 1968, strains of Streptococcus bacteria had developed resistance. That means 50 years ago, strains were already becoming resistant and we still routinely use this now.

    What are the benefits?

    1️⃣ Erythromycin prophylaxis may be helpful if the mother and her partner(s) did not receive adequate screening and treatment for gonorrhea/chlamydia during the pregnancy AND it’s not possible to test the mother at the time of birth and treat the infant as needed.

    2️⃣ Erythromycin prophylaxis may help to protect a newborn from gonorrheal ON if the mother was infected after a negative screening result earlier in the pregnancy (for example, due to a partner’s infidelity).

    What are the risks?

    1️⃣ Adverse effects can include chemical pink eye, or eye irritation. A study in Kenya found that 13% of infants who received erythromycin developed pink eye with no evidence of infection.

    2️⃣ Blurred vision could potentially interfere with bonding by disrupting early eye gazing between the newborn and parents.

    3️⃣ Erythromycin is not 100% effective at preventing gonorrheal ON — it had a 20% failure rate in the past and might be less effective now due to growing resistance.

    4️⃣ Erythromycin may not be effective at preventing chlamydial ON or ON from other non-gonorrheal bacteria.

    What other options are there?

    I’m glad you asked! ⤵️

    Colostrum, or the first breast milk after the birth. Three randomized trials have looked to see if applying drops of the mother’s first breast milk into the newborn’s eyes can help to lower the risk of ON from non-chlamydial, non-gonorrheal bacteria. All three trials found that drops of the mother’s first milk can lower the risk of ON from non-sexually transmitted bacteria.

    So… What do we do with all of this information? 🤰🏻

    It is up to the birthing parents to discern the risk versus benefit and if they choose to safely decline the ointment, their decision should always be respected.

    Today, laws in many U.S. states still mandate the use of (remember this does not mean you cannot decline. This simply means the hospital has to routinely use unless declined) erythromycin with all newborns even though the erythromycin may not be effective and even though other preventative options are available. Given the fact that other options can be used to safely prevent and treat newborn eye infections, the mandatory nature of these erythromycin state laws should be discontinued.

    ❗️Did you know all of the facts when your baby received the eye ointment?❗️

    Did you know you had a choice in the matter and could say no? In my personal experience, it was not even offered because my doctor knew our baby was not at risk. But in the experiences I hear all the time from other people, informed consent with the erythromycin ointment is very rarely given. If it was, the care provider would give the birthing family all of these facts I’ve given here and let them decide if they want it or not.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/kelseymwangshol

     

  • This Is Not A Safe Way To Sleep…But

    First let me say that this is NOT a safe way to sleep with your baby! NEVER fall asleep with your baby on a sofa! Read on…

    But, it is a reality that every new parent is very likely to fall asleep (most likely while breastfeeding!) with their baby somewhere, at some point, in the first few months.

    We’re tired. We’re up 2781764x a night changing diapers, figuring out breastfeeding, healing from birth, comforting an awake baby (or toddler!) We’re exhausted. 😴😴

    But did you know that breastfeeding also naturally makes us sleepy? Particularly in the first few months of breastfeeding, that surge of prolactin and oxytocin you feel during a ‘let down’ ⚡️also causes you to relax, so you can fall asleep with your baby, because our bodies know we need rest to heal and be amazing 💪 mothers.

    When mothers fight this sleepiness (3am nursing sessions, anyone?) by scrolling 📱 through their smartphones, turning on a light, walking to a nursery and sitting upright in a recliner to stay awake, they wake themselves more fully than necessary, and thus have a harder time falling fully BACK asleep before baby is awake again. This can cause even greater fatigue.

    This is where SAFE bedsharing and cosleeping are so important. We have to talk about this, y’all. Safe cosleeping means

    🚫 NEVER on the couch 🚫

    🚫 Never in a recliner 🚫

    ✅ On a safe surface, with safe people, with a full-term infant, no smokers, a firm-ish mattress, no crazy pillows or blankets around baby ✅

    This can be done safely, comfortably, and easily without any special equipment, and we need to start teaching this to parents right from the start, instead of telling them that cosleeping and bedsharing are unsafe, and then sending them home to unsafely fall asleep while nursing on the sofa.

    This photo is of myself, ten years ago, almost to the day. My oldest child turned ten today, and I have learned so much in that decade. When he was born in the hospital, I was told to Never, ever cosleep, because it was so dangerous to babies. We went home and I basically spent zero time in my own bed that first week, because I was holding my baby on my chest almost nonstop, learning to nurse, meeting his needs.

    But I had been told bringing him to my bed was dangerous. So we avoided it. And so we have about a dozen photos of me asleep in recliners and on sofas with our sweet baby. 🙂 We were afraid to cosleep, and knew nothing about safe cosleeping, but eventually I began bringing him to bed with me out of necessity. I was so exhausted, I didn’t know what else to do.

    By the second and third babies, I knew better. 💜 We safely bedshared from birth. I slept. They slept. I breastfed and slept. They were safe and content. Everyone’s needs were met, and I didn’t have to fight those biological mechanisms that make mothers sleepy while nursing a newborn. We napped, gloriously, safely on my 🛏 bed, daily. We slept well despite ‘waking’ every couple of hours to take care of a newborn.

    This is what we need to be teaching parents. Safe bedsharing. NEVER on a sofa or recliner. In bed. Safe and sound.

    Links on safe bedsharing and cosleeping:

    https://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

    https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/

    Safe Sleep Guide for Breastfeeding Families

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201309/bedsharing-or-co-sleeping-can-save-babies-lives

    Co-sleeping and Bed-sharing

    #safebedsharing #cosleeping #biologicallynormalinfantsleep #lactationconsultant #ibclc #jaxibclc #jaxmoms #motherhood #infantsleep #nighttimeparenting #breastfeeding #breastsleeping #bedsharing

     

  • Remembering Life Before Children

    “It’s 3am and the baby cries,

    You look at your partner but he’s got work at sunrise.

    You get annoyed at him for laying there and sleeping,

    The baby monitor starts flashing and beeping.

    You try and wake up but your body protests,

    The milk is already soaking your pyjama vest.

    You remember the life you think you’ve lost,

    Everything has changed now but at what cost?

    It’s 3am and you know what this used to mean,

    Dancing and parties, following your dreams.

    You think about all the things you used to enjoy,

    All the stuff that happened before your little boy.

    You remember how your body used to be,

    No stretch marks, no wobbles, no imperfections to see.

    The housework was always up to date, the washing always clean,

    There were days where you never had to question hygiene.

    You remember the people you met, the ones you don’t see anymore,

    The friends who forgot about you and yours.

    The invites stopped because you became a mum,

    Didn’t you know motherhood is lonely, as a rule of thumb?

    But it’s 3am and the baby cries,

    He looks up and you with those big hazel eyes.

    He stops his tears and a big grin appears on his face,

    You’re his mother, his lifeline, his safe place.

    Everything has changed, yes that’s true,

    But this little bundle looks up to you.

    He doesn’t care what you’re wearing or how you look,

    Motherhood replaced the life this baby took.

    It’s hard, challenging and a difficult feat,

    But there no better sound than his little heartbeat.

    So hold him close and forget about every mindless thing,

    Life is better than before, happiness is just for you and your little king.”

    – Beautiful words and artwork by @Levi Duvall Thompson

     

  • My Baby Died But I’m Still Feeding Babies

    When I found out I was pregnant again, I wanted nothing more than to be successful at breastfeeding.

    But when we found out of Samuel’s diagnosis, I knew that was not going to happen. Just another hope that was taken from me.

    Before Samuel passed, I told myself I would pump my milk to donate. Afterall, Porter was given donated milk more than half of her first year of life!

    My Baby Died But I'm Still Feeding Babies
    My Baby Died But I’m Still Feeding Babies

    I couldn’t save Samuel’s life, but maybe I could save another baby’s life .

    Pumping is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard. Mentally and physically. And it’s even harder when you don’t actually have a baby.

    There were times I was angry because why did my milk have to come in when I had no baby to feed? Why was I waking up in the middle of the night for this? The other part of me felt it was the only thing connecting me to Samuel here on Earthside. I sure hope he’s proud of me!

    I pumped for 63 days after his birth. I am not an over supplier by any means- but I did it.

    And today, his due date, I donated my milk to the NICU milkbanks for the first and last time. Walking through the hallways of the hospital was just another step in healing.And I know, (because I felt him), that Samuel was there with me💜

    #smilingforsamuel #trisomy18awareness

    https://www.bonfire.com/store/smiling-for-samuel/

    Credit. https://www.facebook.com/sierra.coulthard

     

  • There’s No Trophy For Labour

    “There’s no trophy Ashley”

    The best 4 words my husband could have said to me in that delivery room. It put my whole world as a Mom into perspective. I was in agony and trying to decide whether or not to get an epidural. I had no idea I was already at the very end of my labor and would be pushing Leo out within minutes. All I knew was that I was in pain and couldn’t imagine laboring like that for what I thought would be a few more hours.

    I was trying to talk to him between contractions on the verge of tears and he lovingly spoke lots of support and some truth into my universe with, “There’s no trophy Ashley.”

    Then when I was fretting about supplementing with some formula those first few days and not wanting to feel like I was already failing at breastfeeding I heard those words again, “There’s no trophy Ashley.”

    There it hit me. As moms in today’s world it can feel like we’re all competing for a trophy that doesn’t exist. I literally thought in that delivery room that I would somehow be “less than” as mother for tapping out and asking for the drugs. Like there would be a gold medal or AT LEAST a gold sticker on my medical chart for having a natural birth. And I felt like I was letting some invisible committee down when we bought formula to help him pass the amniotic fluid he had swallowed.

    Since having this third sweet boy six weeks ago I’ve given lots more thought to the invisible trophies we create as moms. Some society creates for us. Standards we try so hard to measure up to even though the contest is make believe and we were made to live in community, not competition.

    🏆There’s no trophy for delivering naturally vs. opting for an epidural or having a C-section.

    🏆There’s no trophy for breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding.

    🏆There’s no trophy for losing the baby weight the fastest.

    🏆There’s no trophy for cutest delivery gown (FOR THE LOVE, it’s okay to look like you just had a baby!!!).

    🏆There’s no trophy for most creative birthday party theme.

    🏆There’s no trophy for how many activities you sign your kids up for.

    [This list could go on forever]

    My husband has no idea how meaningful those words have been allowing me to relax into having a newborn again. And I wanted to invite you to relax into motherhood with me.

    🤱Because the only trophy you’ll carry through life is the bond you create with your baby. And like I’ve said before, we all go home from the hospital with a big basket of mesh undies and sanitary pads the size of our newborns no matter how glamorous our Insta pics look.

    Photo Cred: Kayla Mattox — she’s amazing to work with!

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/ashleyjaynegibson