Today my beautiful baby girl, Ava Aurora Goulborne would be 13 days old…

12 days ago I went into hospital at 38 weeks pregnant to be induced and finally meet my beautiful baby. I didn’t even know if was having a boy or a girl at this point, but I did know I loved them so much after 9 months of growing, caring and nurturing; of course this also came with buying everything for the baby, setting up the nursery, creating our family home, setting up the next to me crib and stressing over what looked right where… which now seems so ridiculous.

13 days ago, my waters broke after being in the hospital for 15 hours alone without my partner due to covid-19 and new regulations. I looked down and there was blood, a lot of blood. The next thing I knew I was being rushed down to a delivery suite, calling Nathaniel on the way, lots of midwives and doctors all around me, hooking me up to machines, and bringing an ultrasound scanning unit in. Then I was told my baby has no heartbeat…

In that moment in time I was convinced they would still be delivering my beautiful awake baby, who had only been checked an hour before and was fine, in no destress and with a heartbeat. I broke down; How could this be? How did this happen? How is my baby dead? How? Why? What’s happened? My waters broke, now I should be in labour delivering my beautiful healthy baby into the world? How? Why? How? Why?

I spent the next 23 hours in labour drugged up to my eyeballs with the most amazing people in my life:

Nathaniel; the man of my dreams, my childhood sweetheart, the father of my baby. This amazing man sat next to me through everything and didn’t once let go of my hand whilst he is also living his worst nightmare.

My mum, was also there holding herself together better than any mother would/could whilst watching her own baby girl go through such a tragic and traumatic experience.

And, my best friend, my wifey – not once has this girl ever missed a big event in my life since we have been friends and this wasn’t going to be any different. The whole time she managed to laugh at the stupid things I was saying in my drugged up state and made me smile, even though I didn’t/don’t feel it is fair to laugh anymore.

After 23 hours I was ready to start pushing… just me, Nathaniel and our beyond amazing midwife brought our beautiful baby girl, Ava Aurora Goulbourne into the world at 23.56 on Thursday 16th April 2020., weighing 5lb 10oz.

She had the skinniest and longest legs I have ever seen on a baby, big feet to match her legs, the longest and softest black hair, big blue eyes, the sharpest and longest fingernails. She looked perfect, just like us and the perfect combination of her Mummy and Daddy.

Once she was born and we had got to hold her, the midwife continued to deliver my placenta. Once delivered, I asked if it was ok and she replied that it didn’t look right.
The cord hadn’t gone through the placenta as it should and the amniotic sack was covered in what looked like veins. I looked at it and it didn’t look like any “normal” placenta I’d ever seen. My midwife agreed and called for a second opinion and that person also agreed.

There’s a condition called Vasa Praevia and another condition called Velamentous Cord Insertion, which is what we believe to be the cause of Ava’s death.

Now this is where this all becomes so much more cruel, if that was even possible! The whole way through my pregnancy I’ve been scanned more than any normal pregnancy as I was deemed “high risk” due to my baby being small and only in the 10th percentile. Not once was either condition picked up on an ultrasound scan when in fact both conditions CAN be detected by an ultrasound scan? I even had other symptoms that can be related to these such as swollen feet and reduced movements. Yet, not once was I offered further tests. I even went to the hospital full of cold and flu just as this Covid-19 business began and was then referred for but then refused a Covid-19 test, although I was showing all signs.

There are so many questions we have yet to have answers for.

Anyway, back to my beautiful baby girl… Once Ava was born and I was stable to get out of the delivery suite our midwife went off to find a ‘Cold Cot’. A cold cot is a normal looking moses basket with a very cold blanket at the bottom to keep sleeping babies cold, so parents like Nathaniel and I able to spend valuable time with their babies before having to say goodbye. On top of the cold cot enabling us to spend precious time with our daughter we were offered something called the ‘Rosemary Suite’. The Rosemary Suite is a self contained flat within the hospital where you are able to sleep in a normal bed with your partner, make food and make as many beautiful memories with your sleeping angel as you can.

We spent the most precious 3 days with our baby girl in the Rosemary Suite creating memories, dressing her, changing her, reading to her and taking her hand and footprints as keep sakes. Then it was time to say our goodbyes… this by far is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

All of these wonderful things that the hospital gave to make our tragic experience the best it could have been was all made possible by other parents and families of sleeping babies. We will forever be grateful for this.

So, what we would like to do in memory of our sleeping beauty Ava Aurora Goulbourne is to raise money towards making sure that all local hospitals have cold cots and anything else they may need to ensure grieving parents have the most perfect stay possible in their versions of the ‘Rosemary Suite’. We would also like to raise awareness for Vasa Praevia and Velamentous Cord Insertion, push for more tests to be completed throughout pregnancy, symptoms to be monitored and to ultimately prevent this happening to any other mummies and daddies like us.

Please help us raise money by donating on Ava’s memory page

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/vicki-louise-1?utm_term=JApmnW5G2