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  • I Will Get Justice For My Baby

    šŸ’œšŸ‘¼Florrie’s StoryšŸ‘¼šŸ’œ

    17 weeks 3 days pregnant I was assaulted in the kitchen of my home by my ex and the ‘Father’ to my 3-year-old daughter. I was already having a bleed due to the miscarriage of her twin a few weeks before. I can’t go into detail about the assault but the baby’s waters ruptured. Going upstairs I discovered I was soaking wet and there was blood everywhere. The only thing I could think was “That’s it. It’s game over”!! I rang the hospital and was taken in.

    I had internals,scans etc etc and then I was told “I’m so sorry Amie. The baby’s waters have ruptured and there’s nothing we can do but wait for the labour process to begin or have a medically induced termination”!! I was absolutely heartbroken šŸ’”I decided to go home and wait for the inevitable to happen. I didn’t want to stay in hospital and I definitely didn’t want to kill my own baby!! I wanted to be at home with my daughters.

    My ex partner was arrested from my home and me and the girls went to stay with my mum for a couple of days. I had a scan booked for 2 days later if I hadn’t gone into labour already. I hadn’t!! I went for my scan at Fetal Medical Assessment and they told me that the babies waters were definitely ruptured and that I had Placenta Preva. They told me my Placenta was completely covering the baby’s exit and that if I had wanted a termination I couldn’t have one anyway because the baby would have to be born by Csection or I’d hemmorage and quite possibly bleed to death!!

    Scary times šŸ˜”Other than her Waters been ruptured my baby was doing well for now but it was early days so the problems wouldn’t kick-start straight away and I was told to prepare for the worst. I was absolutely shattered!! I never went into labour though. I didn’t know the sex of my baby till the day she was born because there was so little fluid we couldn’t see. Even through all the stress,the constant worry and the heartache I just wanted to know whether my baby was Team Pink or Team Blue šŸ’œšŸ’™It was the ‘Normal’ things that kept me going.

    Every 2 days I had to go into hospital for obs,blood test to check my infection markers etc. Always went okay. Never caught any infections despite constantly losing fluid and having bleeds all the time with the Placenta Preva. Obs were always good,baby was always active during scans and she was still alive. That was the main thing!! Fast forward to 20 weeks pregnant and going to my 20 weeks scan. Changes had started taking place. Her lungs were on the small side and her heart was slightly enlarged and she had Tepeles (Club foot) all due to lack of fluid.

    I was then referred for all my scans to take place at Fetal Medical Assessment at the LGI and that would be where baby’s birth would be taking place as they were more equipped to deal with her birth there. I had Fetal Medical scans every week and although we had bad weeks we had some good weeks too but her prognosis was never good. They told me the chances were highly likely that Florrie wouldn’t make it out alive but if she did she would be Trachea dependant for the rest of her life and that her life wouldn’t be a long one. They told me she had an enlarged heart with fluid surrounding it (Possible Cardiomyopathy) Potters Syndrome,Teples and she would be born cramped up as she had been squashed with no water for however long the pregnancy went on.

    I was sat down after one scan and told “Amie. We’re quite concerned that your developing Placenta Creta”. On the scan it had shown a space about as thick as a finger nail between my Placenta and previous section scar tissue and I was referred for a MRI the following day. I went home and did my research and didn’t like what I’d learnt šŸ˜”That night I had to go to hospital with another bleed. I had to go to hospital with every bleed as any bleed could be a dangerous bleed and I could hemorrhage at any time. They kept me in as the blood flow didn’t slow as quickly as it previously had before. I was carefully monitored and the MRI the next day went ahead.

    Later that night back on the ward the man who did the scan came to see me with he’s team. I could tell by their faces that it was bad news. Luckily my mum was with me. I just blurted out “I’m attachedĀ aren’t I”!! šŸ™ˆThey pulled the curtains round and all gathered around. He sat on my bed and he said “Amie.. I’m so sorry to tell you this but you’ve got Stage 4 Placenta Creta”! I’m sat there thinking about what iv read on the Internet and he’s saying summat about Stage 4. And I’m just thinking “What the fuck is he even on about”?? He goes on to tell me “Iv never seen anything like this in all my 30 years in medical practise and were going to have to draft in some doctors from oversees before we can even think about delivering your baby. Amie I’m so sorry to have toĀ say this but your life is now at serious risk and we would strongly advise you and your family to prepare yourselves for the worst”!!

    I can’t remember much after that. I just know I didn’t cry. I turned to my mum and she was just in absolute pieces. She was how I was when I was told Florrie might not make it. I gave her the biggest cuddle and I told her “Don’t you be sat there mum listening to these fukin idiots because I’m not going anywhere”!! I never shed not one single tear. I had to be the strong one now. I told them “I understood everything they had said and when could I go home”. He told me I could go home the next day providing my blood loss had stopped. It did and home I went. I carried on with life like you do and I just thought “Florrie’s what matters at minute and making sure I keep life as normal as possible for the kids”.

    I didn’t tell my kids I might die. It’s something they didn’t need to know. Fast forward to 29 weeks 2 days pregnant by this point I’d learnt I had Placenta Preva,Stage 4 Placenta Creta,my Placenta was not only attached to my previous section scar tissue it was also attached to my womb,my Uterus, my Cervix. It was like a sling inside my belly (Their words) I got took into hospital with another bleed. I was put on the monitor and her heart rate and slowed and changes were taking place so I was admitted to the Labour Ward. My team came to see me and said a doctor from the Netherlands was on he’s way to England and he would arrive sometime early morning to assist the operation.

    I would be going to theater at 11 o’clock 29th March 2017. I’m not going to lie I was absolutely shitting myself but I turned round and just said “OK love that’s good with me”!! He then told me I’d be kept on monitor all night and that I’d not to lay flat on my back. I sent my mum home for some sleep and told her to be back for 8 the next morning. I didn’t sleep that night I sat in the chair at the side of my bed cuddling a Pink furry rabbit babygro that both Ruby and Elsie had worn to come home from hospital in.. And I cried and cried and cried!!!

    All I could think was “I might never see my daughters again. I might not even get to meet my baby. I might never see my mum, my brothers or my sister ever again. Next time they see me I might be laid there dead with my dead baby in my arms”!! I rang my mum and I said “Mum if me and the baby do die will you promise me one thing? That we get put together in the same coffin and if she’s a girl please call her Florrie after my grandma”.

    My mum might lose not only her grand baby but her daughter too”!! And I’d just sent her home to get some sleep šŸ˜”I can remember going for a bath about 7 o’clock the next morning and then I was scanned at 8 o’clock.. Florrie had her leg in her hand and was putting it above her head. I can remember saying “She’s going to be a gymnast when she’s older and laughing with the doctor”!! My mum arrived at 8 and then at 9 o’clock I was scanned by my Consultant Tom so he could mark up where my incision was going to be.

    Scan started I seen my baby move. We heard her heart beat although it was a little low and there was gaps between beats. I remember thinking “This might be the last time I ever get to hear that sound or see her image” then Tom goes “I’m just off to go get another member of the team”. I didn’t think anything of it. In they come scan continues sound gets turned off and he turns the screen to him. I’m just thinking he’s measuring up to see where I’m getting cut. One doctor goes out. Tom’s deep in concentration. He never said a word. There was a deathly silence in the room. Then something started to not feel right. I felt uneasy. Next thing so many doctors came rushing through the door they almost didn’t fit in the room. Their all gathered round the screen talking in hushed tones.

    I just know somethings badly wrong here but I was so calm its unreal. Tom looks at me with the most saddest look. I said “Tom what wrong.. Something is wrong isn’t it”? He said “Amie I’m so so so sorry. Amie the baby has just gone”!!

    Again that deathly blood curdling scream that left my body i willĀ never unhear. I’d literally just watched my baby pass away on the screen šŸ’”12 weeks to the day my baby had battled in the womb to stay alive and on the morning of her section she had passed away. Totally heartbreaking šŸ’”My mum must have rung my family because I remember them turning up. I remember us all been outside. I can’t remember what got said or anything. I was a complete and utter mess!! I said bye to them all and I walked back up to the Labour Ward with my mum and my team were at front desk I said “I’m ready to go to theater now and have my baby”!!

    I got out the outfit I wanted my baby to wear,the scenting blanket I’d spent the night scenting up incase I didn’t get to meet her and I passed the nurse her blanket and told her to make sure she was cleaned up,dressed and wrapped in her blanket for me. I was prepped for theater and I said my goodbyes to my mum just incase I didn’t see her again.. I was put to sleep. In theater I gave birth at 29 weeks 3 days to my beautiful baby girl Florrie-Mae born sleeping at 12.50pm weighing 1Ib 15.5oz on 29.03.17 šŸ’œšŸ‘¼

    I lost my full body’s supply of blood, I had all my blood replaced,I had to have a Hysterectomy, my Uterus and some of my cervix was also removed. At one point they went out and told my mum I’d had a little girl and it got that bad in theater they told my mum things were really bad and they were doing all they could to save me but she had to prepare for the worst because it wasn’t looking good. She must have rang my family and they a turned up at that point. At one point they were going to give up but the doctor from the Netherlands stepped in and performed an emergency Arterial block and put me on a Self Saver machine.

    I was in theater 8 and a half hours. I came out on full life support in an induced coma and transferred to ICU …. But I was alive. Only just. They told me it was a miracle. I now do believe in miracles šŸ‘ŒCan’t keep a warrior down for long. 36 hours later I woke up. As soon as the ventilator was out I said “I had a little girl didn’t I”? The doctor said “Yeah you did Amie”. I just said “I bloody knew it”! šŸ¤£I asked when I could have her and they said as soon as we can get some of these tubes out of you so I said “Well you better make a start then haven’t you love” šŸ˜‚ From waking up to leaving ICU it took me 2 hours. I wasn’t messing around lol.

    Arriving at HDU they got me settled and then they brought my daughter to me. I’d waited so long for this cuddle. She got passed to me and I swear to god she was gorgeous. She looked like she had been crying šŸ˜¢ I remember saying “I’m so sorry Florrie. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. But I promise you I’m going to fight like fuck for you baby”!!! And here I am. Fighting like fuck to get my daughter the justice she deserves. The man responsible for her death is going on trial in 2019 for charges I can’t discuss.

    My Florrie will be 2 years and 2 months old when it takes place. Its been a long hard battle but iv got it this far and I don’t intend to give up now!! I promised Florrie she wouldn’t die for absolutely nothing and so I set up Florrie’s Army šŸ’œ šŸ‘¼My daughter may not be here but she will sure never be forgotten. I believe she got given to me because she had some work that needed to be done and she picked me to do it šŸ’•I got hand picked from Heaven by the most perfect little angel ever šŸ‘¼She’s doing amazing things from Heaven and while ever I’m here Florrie’s Army will be here xxxxxxxx https://www.facebook.com/Florries-Army-In-Rememberance-Page-123309771943179/

  • Pregnant Mamas Please If In Doubt Get Checked Out

    So I’ve decided I wanted to share publicly what happened with my delivery in hopes that it can help someone else one day.

    So the day I turned 38 weeks was obviously just a normal day, I got up and went to work like usual. Pretty early that morning I had already noticed Maddy wasn’t kicking around very much but had assumed she was having a less active day (which happened regularly). By noon, I felt her adjust her position which brought to my attention that she still hadn’t kicked, but at least I had felt some kind of movement.

    So the day goes on and I still hadn’t thought much of it until 7pm. Dalton put his hand on my belly and asked if she had been kicking. I became uneasy as I realized she still hadn’t moved all day. So I took a bath, drank cold orange juice, Dalton poked at my belly, and we even listened to her heartbeat with our fetal Doppler (which there was a heartbeat) but still no movement. We became a little panicked but since I had felt her adjust positions and heard her heartbeat, I knew she was at least alive so I didn’t know what to do. I texted my mother asking if it was normal because online did not help (duh Ayla, its internet..). half of everything I read said go in immediately, and the other half said that babies run out of room to kick.

    My Mom was very persistent and insisted I go in or at least call my midwife. So I called my midwife, left a voicemail, and eventually got a call back saying there would be a room waiting for me in the labor center. Upon arriving I was hooked up to monitors so they could track babies movement. Once again I was given orange juice, ice, rolled this way, rolled that way, adjusted… literally at one point they had my bed set up to where my belly and legs were flat and my upper body was tilted upside down slightly!!

    After about 30-40 minutes I was informed that my midwife was on her way. (which my mother knew was a bad sign and got everyone to the hospital, thankfully). Upon my midwife arrival, she wasted no time to inform me that things were not looking the way they wanted and I was most likely going to have an emergency cesarean that night. I was shaking uncontrollably but was kind of in too much shock to really have emotions about it. We were informed that if there was life threatening problems with Maddy, which they believed to be a pretty high chance, she would be life flighted over to Randall’s.

    So I was stalled out while my midwife waited for all the on-calls to arrive and then was immediately rushed into the operating room. I was given my spinal and before they could even get Dalton in the room they began the delivery. She came out fine and cried a little bit, but she needed oxygen. After about 40 more minutes, Maddy and I were released back to our original room. There I was informed that my placenta had aged prematurely, was calcified, and had basically given up. (I was also told they don’t know why this happens and there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent it). This had caused Maddy to not be receiving as much oxygen or food as she needed. This was causing her to try to preserve her energy, which is why she had stopped moving. This also caused her to have low blood sugar upon arrival so she needed to be hooked up to a glucose drip IV her first few days.

    My mother asked what would have happened had I not gone in when I did. “She wouldn’t be here” was the reply. She wouldn’t have made it the rest of the night…

    So the point in me sharing this is to let anyone else know that things like this DO happen. You know your body and what’s normal for your baby. And BABIES DON’T RUN OUT OF ROOM!! that was the common response I kept seeing. Babies will always kick whether there’s much room or not. IF YOU HAVE DOUBTS, GO IN. GO IN. GO IN. GO IN!!! Always be safe rather than sorry. Because I almost didn’t. I almost waited till morning to see if anything changed. And had I done that, I wouldn’t have my love. I’ve heard so many stories of stillbirths because signs may not have been taken as seriously as they should’ve been.

    Sorry it was such a long read, but I know many people have no clue what happened. So part of this was to let those people know who have been curious but were to kind to ask. But mostly I wanted to let anyone expecting, or planning to have a baby to be aware of activity and that a halt in activity is very much NOT normal.

    Thanks for reading ā¤ļø Ayla Heller

  • Barnsley Hospital Killed My Baby

    šŸ’•PLEASE KEEP SHARINGšŸ’•

    for everyone who doesnā€™t know the story about Oscar this is how shit Barnsley Hospital are!

    Oscar was a healthy baby up until aprox 27 weeks. I was in and out of hospital for numerous reasons including: bleeding, intense pains, plug loss, waters leaking and reduced movements. I was in hospital EVERY day for them to do nothing, apart from send me home and tell me to take paracetamol. They didn’t once keep me in or do a thorough check to make sure me and my baby were okay, despite being asked if they could induce me after being in hospital in excess of 10 times in 7 days, phoning the labour suite and been told to stay at home and take paracetamol as they wasnā€™t bothered.

    They refused to induce me 3 times at 37 weeks as ā€œit could kill Oscarā€ And as a result to them not listening they killed him themselves..

    The day before Oscar died (28/7/2018), I attended Barnsley hospital as my waters were leaking and I was in agony and yet I was again sent home.

    I thought it was another case of reduced movements but unfortunately it wasnt…

    so on the 30th July I had to go through the most traumatic event and birth my little boy, knowing there was going to be no joy at the end of it. I was offered no help at all in terms of after care, mental health, or even what to do next regarding the funeral we were then faced with organising, they sent me home 6 hour later with a little memory box with a few items and that was that no help, no nothing. And wrote in my green notes ā€œI WANTED TO LEAVEā€

    A few days after Oscars birth, we visited the funeral home and his belongings were missing! They tried to give his/our personal items to my friend who sadly lost her baby 2 days before.

    When I left the hospital less than 24hoursĀ after having Oscar, the hospital told me my placenta results would be 7 days. 22 weeks later and Iā€™ve only just received them in the rudest meeting Iā€™ve ever had. The hospital staff came across as hostile and uninterested and didnā€™t answer any of the questions I had, and only just offered me help then.

    So.. after weeks upon weeks of phoning the hospital chasing up my results and been told to stop phoning and ā€œyouā€™ll get a phone call backā€ and never did.

    My placenta results came back and they was a slight chance my placenta was dying inside of me. The hospital said I was having scans every 2 weeks. Even though I was given 4 scans throughout the whole pregnancy and one of them was a private scan we paid for. And they had lost TWO days worth of green notes from me going into the hospital what they didnā€™t care about.

    I am currently in communication with my solicitor to try to get some form of justice for the blatant medical negligence I received from Barnsley Hospital and staff during pregnancy, labour and postnatal care. Unfortunately nothing will bring my little boy back, but I will try my hardest to get justice for him, myself and for any woman who has been or is currently being neglected by their lack of care and consideration.

    YOU KNOW YOUR BODY YOU KNOW YOUR BABYšŸ’”

    Brooklyn Smith

  • Justice For Lily-My Last Photo Of My Angel

    This is the last picture I will ever have of my baby girl. 5 years ago right now she was eating lucky charms with my dad when I told her we had to get dressed. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “why mommy?” And all I could do was say “I’m sorry baby.” I held her hand as she cried on the way to meet her “father”. She asked if we could go to splash village and I told her we would when there was snow on the ground. She asked if Barney could come to her birthday and I told her that he would. And the last promise I made her was that one day she wouldn’t have to go to their house.

    We got to the meeting spot and she was crying saying mommy please don’t make me go. I just kept telling her I’m sorry baby and I love you and I will see you tomorrow. He took her and she continued to cry. He let her give me one last kiss and he walked away as she screamed and reached trying to get back to me. You never forget that sound. I went home to get things ready for her to come back. I was going to clean our room and meet my cousin Erica to give her some of Lily’s old toys. And I was going to go Christmas shopping.

    I was at Walmart when my mom and dad texted they arrived at our cabin 3 hours away. They sent me a picture of a 3 foot princess stocking and told me to start shopping for stocking stuffers. I was in the stocking stuffer isle at Walmart at 3:01 pm when I looked at my phone and saw her “father” calling.

    I picked it up and he said to get to the macomb general hospital right now. That there was an accident and Renee fell on Lily in the shower. I asked if she was ok and he said he didn’t know and to just get there right away. I left my cart and sped walked to the car thinking that’s it! She’s not going back. Thinking it was a broken arm or leg. I called my mom and she said to meet my uncle at my house and he would drive me. They were on their way.

    So I pulled in my driveway jumped in the passenger seat as him and my cousin jumped in and we left. He drove as fast as he could trying to get their but it was rush hour traffic. Her “father” kept calling and saying where are you? I told him I was trying to get there as fast as I could but the hospital was an hour an a half away without traffic. I asked if she was ok and he hung up on me.

    This continued a few more times before I called the hospital. I asked the nurse if she was ok and she said the words I will never forget, “I wouldn’t be telling you this over the phone but you need to get here. It’s bad. She’s been back there with the doctors for an hour and she has no pulse.” I don’t remember the rest of the ride. I remember asking my 14-year-old cousin to call everyone and ask them to pray. I should have never put that responsibility on her.

    When we arrived at the Er they made my uncle move the car. Her “father” was standing outside smoking as I opened the door. My knees gave out and I couldn’t stand. I asked him if she was ok and he said no. I asked him if she was alive and he said no. My world came crashing down at that moment. When the detective came in later she asked what type of underwear was Lily wearing and asked if I helped wipe her that morning when she used the potty. I told her I did and she asked if there was blood. I told her no.

    My mom said why are you asking these questions. The detective said because Lily was severely sexually abused preceding her death. We went home that night and sat in the car. How do you go back into a house that the one person who made it a home is never coming back? How do you go on when all your hopes and dreams are taken away? It was just supposed to be 33 hours, not a lifetime. To this day I hate when my parents go anywhere far away because I’m scared something is going to happen.

    To this day I can’t go in that isle of Walmart. To this day I can’t wake up on November 20th and not replay every horrific moment. I miss you Lily to infinity and beyond always and forever and I will never stop fighting for you. So if you are still reading at this point please share Lily’s story today. Please make a choice to be her voice because there is no excuse for child abuse. And please hug your children a little tighter and longer as none of us are promised tomorrow. Thank you all for your support! God bless you! #justiceforlily #lilysvoice #30daysoflily

    Update 11/26/18- Itā€™s been 3 years since I wrote this and this post still rings true. In the hardest days each year I am thankful to each one of you that have shared her story. To know that her supporters have grown and praying that at least one child is saved in her memory. I miss her every second of everyday but coming on here and seeing her story being shared 8 years later has me in tears. God bless each and every one of you! ā¤ļø

    Update 11/27- I have received a ton of messages asking if she got justice. Renee was found guilty of criminal sexual conduct, first degree child abuse and first degree murder. She is spending life in prison without parole. I truly wish I could individually thank each and every one of you who have shared but the shares are coming in at like 3000 an hour. So please know my entire family is so thankful for each of you being Lilyā€™s voice. If you would like to join our fight please go to https://www.facebook.com/JusticeForLily/ā¤ļø

  • Mums Should Be Tested For Strep B At The End Of Their Pregnancy

    I believe all mum’s shouldĀ  be tested for Group B Strep during the last stages of pregnancy to prevent any more babies catching this during the mothers labour, in which sadly many of these babies can end up with severe disabilities including damage to their brain, cerebral palsy and worse sadly some don’t even make it.

    It is something that the NHS do not reallyĀ  tell you about and even when you ask to be tested the refuse to do so on many occasions.

    Unfortunately this was the case for my family as when we advised our midwives etc that I had tested positive for strep b in my previous pregnancy (showed up during a routine blood test) they refused to test me in my last pregnancy, in which has resulted in 20 months and a lot of fighting for my son to be checked over properly after being dismissed, for his mri scan to show that he has damage to the left hand side of his brain and cerebral palsy in which he has no function in the right hand side of his body.

    This should have been prevented and should never have happened if all mothers to be were given this very cheap test and could also save the NHS millions at the same time.

    Please take anute out of your day and sign the below petition

    https://www.change.org/p/nhs-all-mum-s-to-be-should-be-test-for-group-b-step?recruiter=56089019&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial.pacific_email_copy_en_gb_4.v1.pacific_email_copy_en_us_3.control.pacific_post_sap_share_gmail_abi.gmail_abi.pacific_email_copy_en_us_5.v1.lightning_2primary_share_options_more.control&utm_term=petition_management_at_publish_v3&utm_content=fht-14103178-en-gb%3Av5

  • A Few Important Rules To Teach Your Sons

    A few important rules to teach your son’s šŸ’–

    1. Itā€™s okay to cry when youā€™re hurt. But, wash your face, and get up off the floor when youā€™re done. You donā€™t belong down there.

    2. You are a man you do not need a woman, but you can absolutely enjoy your life with a good one.

    3. Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Donā€™t confuse these.

    4. Never walk through an alley alone.

    5. ā€˜Canā€™tā€™ – is a cop-out.

    6. Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.

    7. If you canā€™t smile with your eyes, donā€™t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.

    8. Stay true to yourself always.

    9. Your body, your rules.

    10. If you have an opinion, youā€™d better know why.

    11. Practice your passions.

    12. Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.

    13. Wish on stars, and then get to work to make them happen.

    14. Stay as sweet as you are.

    15. Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.

    16. Reserve ā€œIā€™m sorryā€ for when you truly are!

    17. Question everything … except your own intuition.

    18. You are amazing! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does….walk away. You deserve better.

    19. No matter where you are, you can always come home.

    20. Be happy and remember your roots, family is EVERYTHING.

    21. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

    22. Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you.

    23. If in doubt, remember whose son you are and straighten your crown.

  • Iā€™m Sorry That When He Left Me, He Also Made The Decision To Leave You Too

    An open letter to my children

    MyĀ daling childrenĀ I am sorry, Iā€™m sorry you have faced years of disappointment; and have yet another lifetime to come. Iā€™m sorry I didnā€™t realise your father wasnā€™t a good man untill it was too late; Iā€™m sorry the start of your lives were filled with so much hate and anger. Iā€™m sorry you will never remember we were once a family unit; a broken one granted. But still a unit.

    Iā€™m sorry you will never remember that mummy tried. I really did; I tried ever so hard. I fought continuously for you all. For us to be happy. But unfortunately your father just could not be a part of that.

    Iā€™m sorry that when he left me, he also made the decision to leave you too. Iā€™m sorry that for him to break away, he had to break you too. And Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t protect you from the years of disappointment. The crying at the window wondering why daddy never came.

    Iā€™m sorry I made a selfish decision; to cut him out for good when you were only 2 and 3 years old. Iā€™m sorry that even though that decision protects you from pain; that it also hides you away from part of who you are.

    Iā€™m sorry you have questions, that I just cannot answer. Iā€™m sorry that the men who will teach you to be well, men. Werenā€™t the man who gave you life. Iā€™m sorry he missed out on all of the most important and invaluable moments of your sweet little lives. And Iā€™m sorry he missed out on the ā€˜small and insignificantā€™ factors. Such as your favourite food.

    Iā€™m sorry he will never be a part of the beautiful and respectful gentlemen you will grow into. And that he will never play a role in helping you succeed and strive in life.

    I do however promise you;

    I will always do my best

    I will always stand by your side

    I will never walk away

    No matter how hard it gets I will always support you.

    I will guide you in life as best I can, but always with your best interests at heart.

    I will probably make mistakes along the way, hell Iā€™ll probably mess up on a daily basis. But please always know; Iā€™ve loved you unconditionally, and I will be here for you no matter the condition. You are my motivation, my reason to carry on. And I will forever be grateful to you both for saving my life.

    And Iā€™m not sorry, for protecting you from being destroyed. The way he destroyed me. I am not sorry for protecting you from a monster.

    Even if that monster gave you life. ā€”Ā Credit Kayleigh Jade.

  • Female Paedophile Is Adding People On Facebook

    A woman who was jailed in 2015 after forcing a nine-year-old girl to stand naked in front of a webcam so paedophiles could see her is back on Facebook adding random people

    Shannon Main (formerly of Aberdeen) but now living in Roker, Sunderland allowed two men to watch the naked girl over Skype. She also posted indecent images online for people to view

    Main carried out the abuse on various occasions. She was only caught after the young girl told her family about what had happened to her.

    Main admitted three charges, which involved taking indecent images of a child, having these images in her possession and distributing them over a ten-month period.

    She also sexually abused the girl by inducing her to remove her clothing until she was completely naked. Main also touched her sexually.

    In December 2014, she was spared jail after she made a false rape allegation against an innocent man

    Main eventually admitted she had not been raped when police confronted her

    Attached are just a few of her profiles – We have counted 11 profiles so far that she is using. Some in her real name and some in fake names

    The warped pervert even uses a picture the press took of her outside court as one of her profile pictures

    Credit and Conviction: https://theukdatabase.com/2014/11/26/shannon-main-aberdeen/

  • A Few Important Rules To Teach Your Daughters

    A few important rules to teach your daughters:

    ā€¢ Travel light through life. Keep only what you need.

    ā€¢ Itā€™s okay to cry when youā€™re hurt. Itā€™s also okay to smash (some) things; but, wash your face, clean your mess & get up off the floor when youā€™re done. You donā€™t belong down there.

    ā€¢ Just because you can, doesnā€™t mean you should.

    ā€¢ 5-second rule. Itā€™s just dirt. There are worse things in a fast food cheeseburger.

    ā€¢ Youā€™re a woman, you donā€™t NEED a man- but itā€™s ok to want the right one.

    ā€¢ Happiness is not a permanent state, it takes intentional effort everyday.

    ā€¢ Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.

    ā€¢ Never, ever walk through an alley alone!

    ā€¢ Be less sugar, more spice, and only as nice as youā€™re able to without compromising yourself.

    ā€¢ CANā€™T is a cop-out, set your goals high.

    ā€¢ If you canā€™t smile with your eyes, donā€™t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.

    ā€¢ Never lie to yourself.

    ā€¢ Your body, your rules.

    ā€¢ Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.

    ā€¢ Wish on stars & dandelions, then get to WORK to make them happen.

    ā€¢ Stay as sweet as you are.

    ā€¢ Fall in love with music, memories, literature, food & travel.

    ā€¢ Take lots of pictures along the way.

    ā€¢ Say Please, Thank You & Iā€™m Sorry whenever the situation warrants it.

    ā€¢ Naps are for grown-ups too.

    ā€¢ Question everything, except your own INTUITION.

    ā€¢ You have enough, you are enough.

    ā€¢ Youā€™re AMAZING! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel youā€™re not. If someone does… walk away. You deserve better. Never forget that!

    ā€¢ No matter where you are, you can always come home… ALWAYS!!

    ā€¢ Say what you mean & mean what you say.

    ā€¢ No one will ever LOVE YOU more than I do.

    ā€¢ Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you.

    ā€¢ If in doubt, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown.

     

  • What To Say In An Emergency When Out Partying

    TO ALL DJ’S, DOOR STAFF, BAR STAFF, MANAGERS

    INFO…And anyone going out to party

    A dj was approached while working by a young girl and asked for the first time, “Is Angela working tonight?” – having read about the #AskforAngela initiative He knew instantly what she was referencing, said yes, told her to jump in the DJ booth with him, (she was extremely nervous…) and in turn asked the nearest security guard the same question. Luckily, he too knew, and the young girl was escorted through the back of the venue and into a taxi immediately. Her “date” upon returning from the bathroom was asked to leave by management, he without delay turned violent and security stepped-in.

    Basically, #AskforAngela is a scheme in place (established in the UK) which aims at reducing sexual violence and vulnerability by providing WOMEN and MEN with a subtle phrase to assist getting them out of potentially dangerous and helpless situations. First-dates, Tinder-dates or frankly getting home alone after a night out can unfortunately (history-proven) be a risk. I urge all DJs, venues, those in hospitality/night-life to look into the concept and educate yourselves and your staff. It may seem extreme, but sometimes you may be someones only option,