Welcome to Mums Advice

Category: Our stories

  • Don’t Add Me To Vaccination Groups-Autism and MMR

    So today I was added to a group. I was added by a friend as they were debating about autism and it being caused by the Mmr vaccination.

    Many believe this scaremongering, which is scary.

    So many children are now at future risk of a serious illness due to being told incorrect facts. Please do your own research before making such a huge decision. It isn’t your life, it’s your children’s life being put at risk.

    The worst I heard on this thread was that the Jews were to blame…..so instead of just blaming professionals they take it out on a whole religion, surely that isn’t on?

    I have three wonderful children, all vaccinated. I have one with autism. Do I believe this was caused by the mmr? No I don’t!! There is a huge genetical link in my family. Besides, what is more important than protecting your children against everything you can?

    Autism comes during pregnancy and during the first 6 months of life. This could be genetical or even environmental factors that trigger it. So there for this before the mmr, how can it cause it.

    At 12-18 months a young child starts to learn social behaviours, including language development…unfortunately this coincides with when the vaccination is given which is why people started blaming it. If mmr was the cause wouldn’t the whole population of children having had the vaccination be autistic?

    Would I change my son having autism? No I wouldn’t! He is an amazing little boy who I wouldn’t change for the world. Some days can be tough, very tough but he truly is amazing. He has an incredible mind and is extremely clever for his 4 years of age. He has an amazing mind and I love seeing the world from his eyes. I love learning about how he sees the world.

    As a family with an autistic child we will continue to learn, continue to love and continue to show the world how amazing he is! Hopefully we can teach the world that autism really isn’t a bad thing.

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/?s=autism+and+abuse

     

  • My Mother Should Have Aborted Me

     

    My mother should have aborted me

    The statement my mother should have aborted me may shock some people, but this is how I truly feel, everyone would have been better off had I never been born.

    My mum contemplated having me aborted but decided the money she would receive for my existence was worth bringing me into the world.

    I was never loved nor wanted growing up, my mum could barely say my name, birthdays were non existant and love was something I did not know, pain and misery were the only things my mother ever shoe me.

    My mother was a single woman but had a constant array of partners, I was raped for the first time aged around 6, and regularly throughout my childhood.

    Mum would never attend my school events or show any interest in me, I would often go hungry and scavenge through bins or steal from people’s packed lunches.

    My clothes were hand me downs, more like tattered rags only fit for the bottom of an old dogs bed.

    School was hard, I was an outcast, a misfit, not good enough to be anyone’s friend, not academic, not sporty, not pretty, a poor loner.

    By 16 I had dropped out of education which meant I was no longer a financial use for my mother, I was cast aside to fend for myself.

    Homeless and scared I was a target for violence and sexual abuse yet again, eventually I was placed in a dirty bed sit, surrounded by drug users and vagrants.

    I have always been unwanted, a waster, a woman of no worth.

    So yes I wish I had of been aborted then my life would have not been one of misery, one of pain and one of self loathing.

    I am finally at the age of 27 getting some support from my husband, I have cut of my mum completely from my life, my demons still haunt me and I suffer from depression, I am yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I do not see how I will ever recover nor a bright shining future but I will carry on this existence in the hope that one day, some how I recover enough to be able to bring life into this world and give my child the Up bringing I was never entitled to have.

    If you need help please see: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/  or https://www.samaritans.org/

    Read similiar story here: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/i-wish-my-son-was-never-born/

  • Mummy Is My Face Scary, Can I Get A New Face?

     

    “Mummy why do people stare? Mummy is my face scary can I get a new face?”

    This is what my 4-year-old Alexi asked me today whilst walking back from nursery and having several people making comments about her, none overly nasty but things like “aww poor little thing”, or “did you see her hand as well”, my beautiful daughter shouldn’t have to feel ugly or have grown adults staring and whispering about her.

    Mummy Is My Face Scary, Can I Get A New Face?
    Mummy Is My Face Scary, Can I Get A New Face?

    Alexi has Nevus (spelt Nevus or Naevus)

    It is a skin growth present at birth, basically a birthmark.

    It is a rare disorder that affects around 1 in  20,000  newborns  in  some  form and  as  few as 1 in 500,000 in its most severe form.

    It is composed of a special  pigment producing cells called melanocytes, which  are  the pigment producing cells normally found in skin.

    They can exist on any part  of  the  body,  and grow  in  proportion  to body  growth.

    Alexi has nevus on one hand a small mark below her eye and one on her cheek and spots on her lower back she feels no pain from it, just her self-esteem and confidence is knocked, I understand children talking about it and asking questions (out of the mouth of babes and all that) but adults should know better.

    On one occasion a middle-aged lady approached us and rudely said “surely you shouldn’t take her out in public like this anyone could catch it”.

    Please if you see a child or adult with nevus don’t stare, smile it may make that person feel better that day, ask questions we love people being curious as long as they are kind.

    Mummy Is My Face Scary, Can I Get A New Face?

    Alexi is beautiful inside and out she is a happy loved child who is finding ways to deal with the stares and whispers and shy we have found that adults notice it and comment far quicker than children.

    one of her little friends even coloured in her hand to be like Alexi, Children don’t see it as ugly, scary or weird most think she looks cool, adults please don’t shy away, please don’t whisper, just look passed the nevus and see my beautiful little girl whom has the most precious smile.

    you may also: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/a-little-known-law-affecting-those-who-marry-after-having-children-is-leaving-parents-confused/

     

     

  • Should We Post Embarrassing Pictures Of Our Children

    Should we post embarrassing pictures of our children onto social media platforms like, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and snapchat.

    Your little ones are so funny, so cute and so mischievous, and parents regularly capture precious moments onto their phones cameras.

    But should we post embarrassing pictures of our children online?

    You know the ones I’m talking about, the two-year old who has smeared poop all over themselves, the little boy covered in make up, the girl with a toilet seat stuck on their head.

    Now I love seeing these photos, they make me smile and even laugh.

    But after speaking with a friend I’m in two minds whether or not we should share these images online, this is what she said to me:

    “imagine your child seeing that photo in years to come, imagine a bully finding it on social media and sharing with all of their peers, embarrassing photos should be for family photo albums only not for the entire internet”.

    Now that got me thinking should we post embarrassing pictures online, are we going to wound our children when they are all grown? are our children going to hate us for posting their childhood stupidity for the world to see?

    I regularly attend a breast-feeding support group and put this debate to them, the majority disagreed with the statement and said it was harmless and every parent embarrasses their child at some point in their life, a few mums didn’t agree with posting any photos at all online.

    So I decided I would ask my children what they thought, I was met with shrugs and mehs from my 4 and 6 year old until I asked my 11-year-old and he said he would not be happy with photos of him online, even as an infant which could cause embarrassment.

    I have now decided any photo which could cause embarrassment or shame are to be printed off and kept in our family album and only pulled out to embarrass my child face to face.

    What do you feel? Is it something personal or are you happy to share on social media, can it affect a child when they grow?

    Let us know your thoughts In the comments

    You may also like: Should we post 

     

  • New Mums Have It Easy Give Me A New Born Any Day

    New mums have it easy, give me a new born any day, I often see new mums complaining how hard it is, now I understand new babies awake during the night and feed on demand and poop and cry but I’m sorry but new babies are easy.

    I’m not disputing that having a new baby isn’t a huge change and tiring especially one  with colic or reflux is hard work but the real struggles are yet to come.

    A baby whom can crawl but has no understanding of danger is terrifying, everything is a hazard.. EVERYTHING.

    A toddler who is tired and can’t understand why you have to pick up their siblings from school is no fun, not to mention the tears and screams when they have to put shoes on, public meltdowns, refusing to eat, to sleep to listen arghhh.

    Roll on to when they start school, they suddenly know it all, yet still can’t be reasoned with, this phase will last years, the worry if they are making friends, are they being bullied, are they achieving, are they eating enough?

    Then we get to the time when your child starts secondary school, they suddenly demand their complete independence but you still have to remind them to wash their hands after using the toilet. They spend more time on the internet and you spend most of your own time checking up on them, making sure you know who they are speaking to, where they are and who with.

    And then the dreaded zone the teen years, the back chatting the constant worrying what they are up to, the grunts the groans, the teenage angst. The stress of exams, the peer pressure, hoping that their happy and worrying for their futures.

    So give me a new-born, a cute sweet bundle of joy, that screams all night, but smells so good, who loves you unconditionally and needs you, you know exactly where they are at every second of the day, and cries can be stopped with milk, a bum change or a cuddle.

    You may like: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/is-my-child-ready-for-soilds/

     

  • Why I Hate Social Media At Christmas

    Why I hate social media at Christmas.

    So the festive season has begun, adults are rushing round shops buying gifts for loved ones, putting up decorations, writing lists, attending the nativity and going to work parties, all fantastic and part and parcel of Christmas.

    But this is why i hate social media at Christmas…

    At this festive time the braggers and attention seekers come out of the wood work in a vain attempt to make themselves look good.

    As a mum myself I love to spoil my children, buying their gifts and lovingly wrapping them, making the holiday a magical and special occasion.

    I however wouldn’t dream of posting a photo of a mountain of presents and asking “is this enough” or is £300 on each child too little, I’m worried I haven’t got enough,does anyone have any suggestions what else to buy.

    No one cares how much you have bought, it is not a competition but it appears social media is making it just so and many mums are jumping on this bandwagon.

    What people fail to realise is there are many parents out there who struggle at Christmas and their children only get a handful of presents, seeing posts like that will make them feel even worse about their situation, everyone’s budget is different and most children would be grateful for a few special presents.

    Feel free to share your photos on Christmas morning on your personal Facebook for your loved ones to see but keep it out of “Mum groups” and don’t brag about it.

    Also make sure the gift that Santa brings is a modest one, a child who goes back to school and says “Santa got me a Nintendo switch” to a child who got a puzzle isn’t really fair.

    Christmas should be about love and family, not the biggest pile of presents under the tree, spread love not envy and attention seeking.

    Also read:http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/should-parents-have-to-work-at-christmas/

     

  • Help Your Child Build Skills To Deal With Nightmares

    If you have ever been awakened by your terrified child because of a nightmare, you know how helpless the situation can make you can feel.

    Although we cannot control what our kids are dreaming about, we can help them build skills to cope with their nightmares. Here are a few ways to help your children get back to their sweet dreams after a nightmare.

    Function of dreams

    Nightmares are dreams that usually wake the dreamer and stir negative emotions. The highest prevalence of nightmares has been shown between the ages of 5 to 10, according to a study of children’s nightmares.

    Bedtime routine

    How you set up bedtime can make a huge difference in the emotional content of your dreams. Make sure bedtime is early enough for your children to get 8 to 10 hours of rest. We might feel like we are doing them a favor by letting them stay up late, but really we might be hurting their sleep cycle.You’ll want to stay as consistent as possible so that the routine is predictable for them, as prediction of future expectations is comforting for children.

    Comfort

    Make sure to take the time to comfort your children on both the rational side and the emotional side, An example of how to comfort the rational/logical side would be to say: “You are safe here. No one is chasing you.”With the emotional side, you want to acknowledge the emotion the child is having and help them calm themselves. For example: “I know you are scared. Take some deep breaths to calm your fear down.”

    Practice mindfulness

    Talk your child through the five senses mindfulness activity – going through the five senses of touch, hearing, smell, taste and sight. Ask your child questions like: “Feel your blanket. Describe to me how it feels,” and “Take a drink of your water. What is it like to drink water?” This exercise gets your child back to their body and more centered.

    Rewrite the ending

    If your child can remember the nightmare, have them rewrite the ending. If they were being chased by a monster, help them come up with an ending where they defeat the monster. If the nightmare ended with them losing someone or having someone they care about die, have them create an ending in which they saved that person and became the hero. Not only does the story change for them, it can give the child a sense of control that is often lost in nightmares.

    3. Change the “channel”

    If your child is having a difficult time focusing in on themselves or telling the story, walk them through changing the “channel.” Just like they are changing the channel on a television, they are going to imagine flipping to a new channel that features a particular show that is calming or comforting to them. Have them tell you what the show is, what the plot is, and which characters are in the particular episode.

    Prevention

    Along with a healthy consistent bedtime routine, you’ll want to consider the images and media your children are interacting with. Having parental locks on media sites will help reduce adding new images to those that are apart of their nightmares.

    Also read: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/i-saved-my-daughter-from-bullies-but-i-paid-the-price/

    Another aspect to pay attention to is whether your child feels safe. Even if their answers don’t make rational sense, you should try to make them feel more secure. Adding baby gates, night lights and extra blankets can help your child feel more secure.

    Seek support

    Just because your child is experiencing nightmares, it does not mean that they are experiencing traumatic events in their waking hours, a 1992 study found. However, it is important that you address these distressing dreams and find support in creating a safety support plan. This support can be found with teachers, counselors, other caregivers and even siblings.

     

     

    Nightmares can be a stressful and uncomfortable time for both the child and their caregiver. But with a little help and practice, your child can learn how to manage nightmares and return to a good night’s rest.

     

  • HELLO, my name is DRUGS- I destroy lives

    HELLO, my name is DRUGS – I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start. I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold, and if u need me, remember I’m easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town.

    I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. Try me you’ll see, but if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me the twice, and I’ll own your soul.

    When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie. You do what you have to just to get high.. You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad, I’ll teach you my ways. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side. You’ll give up everything… your family, your home… your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone. I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give.

    When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live. You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

    You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I’ll be your master; you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, LET ME LEAD YOU TO HELL.

    If you need help getting off drugs see:https://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/drugs/Pages/Drugtreatment.aspx

    Also see: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/my-little-girl-saw-me-like-this/

     

  • Is Cursive Handwriting Making Children Struggle

    Is cursive handwriting making children struggle without any just cause?

    Right can someone (a teacher perhaps?!) explain to me why it is that every single primary school child that im aware of is expected to have identical cursive handwriting?? I’m baffled. My daughter is in year 2 and now she has been taught cursive handwriting she is  expected to write like this.

    My daughter has always written non cursive, that is how she naturally writes, it is relatively neat and her spelling and punctuation is good.

    She’s a leftie and it can occasionally be a bit scruffy but it’s mostly clear and very legible. She is struggling to write cursive and is trying so hard that her letters are now completely squiggly and curly and mostly illegible. As a result of this where she would usually score 10/10 for her spelling tests, her teacher is now marking her tests as low as 3/10 for some tests purely because she can’t actually read a lot of my girls cursive handwriting.

    She knows how to spell the words as she can spell them out loud correctly to me,but the teacher just can’t read what she has written.

    What on earth is the logic behind every child having to write the same?? We as adults all have different handwriting and it doesn’t hinder us in life as long as it’s legible, so why all of a sudden is this a thing??? She used to absolutely love writing things, she would write her own little stories at home and she kept a diary too and now this cursive handwriting is causing her so much stress she told me she doesn’t enjoy writing anymore and thinks she is rubbish because of his spelling test marks.

    So do you think cursive handwriting should be mandatory or optional, maybe they should be shown how to do it but not forced to used it in all lessons?

    Has your own child struggled with this technique?

     

  • Should Parents Have To Work At Christmas

    Should Parents Have To Work At Christmas

    I am a lone parent and up until last week was a respected night carer, having worked for 18 months for the same employer.

    Last year I worked Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, fine by me.

    This year I was scheduled to work Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve and day, night shifts.

    Now I understand I have to do my fair share but spoke with my employer and explained as a lone parent to three small children I would be unable to get child care for the Christmas Eve shift, even if I could have, my children’s Christmas would have been ruined, Santa wouldn’t come until I returned home, small children forced to wait several hours for me to get home and a very tired mum.

    My employer in his wisdom decided it was my choice to have children and he would not change the rota.

    Well I’d rather lose my job than my children, there was no one to look after my children that night and would never in a million years leave them home alone, I had no option but to hand in my notice, I debated just going “sick” for the shift but knew my employer would take disciplinary action.

    I spoke with a group of mothers at a playgroup and many thought my employer was being unfair, but one mum said “why would you get a job that requires you to work over Christmas to start with?, those without children deserve Christmas off as well.

    So this began a debate, should parents have to work Christmas?

    Should dads get as much time off as mums, should lone parents get priority?

    Well in an ideal world everyone would get time off, but hospitals, care homes, police and fire services and many other professions have no other choice but to remain open.

    I do feel that people should be given the option to work on which days suit them during the festive period, there are people who enjoy working other Christmas for the over time or simple do not celebrate it.

    If staff cannot come to arrangement to cover shifts then I do feel Christmas Day should be given off to those with small children.

    Let me know your thoughts in the comments, should parents get Christmas off?