Welcome to Mums Advice

Category: Our stories

  • Yes I Have A Favourite Child, I Am Not Ashamed

    Yes I have a favourite child I am not ashamed to say it although I do not make it obvious to my children or the outside world.

    I am the proud mother of two boys a sensitive kind six-year-old named Oscar and a cheeky, funny ten-year old called Charlie who has the condition cystic fibrosis .

    I love Charlie more than Oscar.

    You see my ten-year old needs me much more, I’ve sat up with him through long cold nights, I’ve comforted him, I watched him struggle to breathe and nearly lost him countless times from a variety of infections, I,ve held him and cried with him, I can do little too take away his pain  tears.

    Charlie is my favourite for he is the one who needs my love the most, he doesn’t have many friends as he’s often off school Ill with lung infections or shortness of breathe, I feel immense guilt for giving him this condition, and would give anything to take it away, as a mother you want to help your child but somethings you just cant help.

    My youngest son wouldn’t know that I love his brother more, and I guess most parents in some way favour one child over the other although few would admit it.

    So yes I have a favourite child and I feel absolutely no guilt for the way my heart feels, I love both my children but I’m closer to one than the other, why is it such a taboo subject to say you have a favourite child?

    It is human nature to be closer to somethings more than another, this is why we have favourite pets, a best friend, a parent you are closer to, a favourite outfit so why not a favourite child.

     

  • My Baby Has An Inoperable Brain Tumour

    This is Edie Molyneux, she is three years old and was recently diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour, her only chance for survival is a hospital in Mexico who have a number of success stories through this condition.

    She has a condition known as DIPG, Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma, commonly referred to as pontine glioma, infiltrative brainstem glioma, or DIPG, is a rare tumor of the brainstem that occurs almost exclusively in children. A pontine glioma occurs in a most delicate area of the brainstem (the “pons”), which controls many critical functions, including breathing and blood pressure. Its location, as well as the way it infiltrates normal brain tissue, makes it especially difficult to treat.a rare cancer affecting children.

    Which in Edie’s case is a tumour in the centre of her brain, making it unreachable by uk standard methods without poisoning her whole body, this is where Mexico come in, they have the advancements to treat and shrink the tumour and have 2 cases of No Evidence Detected in other children.

    However we need to raise £300,000 to make this possible, every share, awareness raised and £1 means the world to us.

    Here is a photograph of Edie and a scan photograph of her tumour, also a link to her fundraising page, thank you ever so much, your support will be eternally appreciated.

    Come on Mums advice ladies lets help this little girl, how much do you pay for a bottle of wine or a chocolate bar? Every pound could make a huge differnce and save this precious angel https://chuffed.org/project/the-spider-ede-appeal

    A Chrismas Miracle is what we need

    All my love,

    Emma Fessey

     

    My Baby Has An Inoperable Brain Tumour

     

     

  • Autism The Night Before Christmas

    Autism The Night Before Christmas

    by Cindy Waeltermann

    This poem was written in 2008 by Cindy Waeltermann, who is the founder of the organization Autism Link.

     

    Twas the Night Before Christmas

    And all through the house

    The creatures were stirring

    Yes, even the mouse

     

    We tried melatonin

    And gave a hot bath

    But the holiday jitters

    They always distract

     

    The children were finally

    All nestled in bed

    When nightmares of terror

    Ran through my OWN head

     

    Did I get the right gift

    The right color

    And style

    Would there be a tantrum

    Or even, maybe, a smile?

     

    Our relatives come

    But they don’t understand

    The pleasure he gets

    Just from flapping his hands.

     

    “He needs discipline,” they say

    “Just a well-needed smack,

    You must learn to parent…”

    And on goes the attack

     

    We smile and nod

    Because we know deep inside

    The argument is moot

    Let them all take a side

     

    We know what it’s like

    To live with the spectrum

    The struggles and triumphs

    Achievements, regressions…

     

    But what they don’t know

    And what they don’t see

    Is the joy that we feel

    Over simplicity

     

    He said “hello”

    He ate something green!

    He told his first lie!

    He did not cause a scene!

     

    He peed on the potty

    Who cares if he’s ten,

    He stopped saying the same thing

    Again and again!

     

    Others don’t realize

    Just how we can cope

    How we bravely hang on

    At the end of our rope

     

    But what they don’t see

    Is the joy we can’t hide

    When our children with autism

    Make the tiniest stride

     

    We may look at others

    Without the problems we face

    With jealousy, hatred

    Or even distaste,

     

    But what they don’t know

    Nor sometimes do we

    Is that children with autism

    Bring simplicity.

     

    We don’t get excited

    Over expensive things

    We jump for joy

    With the progress work brings

     

    Children with autism

    Try hard every day

    That they make us proud

    More than words can say.

     

    They work even harder

    Than you or I

    To achieve something small

    To reach a star in the sky

     

    So to those who don’t get it

    Or can’t get a clue

    Take a walk in my shoes

    And I’ll assure you

     

    That even 10 minutes

    Into the walk

    You’ll look at me

    With respect, even shock.

     

    You will realize

    What it is I go through

    And the next time you judge

    I can assure you

     

    That you won’t say a thing

    You’ll be quiet and learn,

    Like the years that I did

    When the tables were turned……

     

  • This Picture Makes Me Sad And Reminds Me How Awful I Was

    This picture actually makes me sad, while others treasure their scan photos all this does is remind me of how awful I was.

    I didn’t announce my pregnancy until I was over 20 weeks and even then I wasn’t going to because to be honest I was embarrassed and ashamed. Ashamed of the situation I had put myself, I was 17 years old, pregnant with a guy I wasn’t with and who offered to pay for my abortion, working a part-time job and out partying 24/7.

    After I reached the point of no return where abortion was concerned I started to question myself “have I done the right thing?” I’ll be bringing up a child on my own, in a bedroom in my mum and dad’s house, I’ll have no life and no other guy will want to be with me when I have someone else’s child.

    It was all about me! I struggled to “bond” with the bump, never spoke to anyone about how I felt and constantly thought I had made the wrong decision. Eventually I gave birth (awfully of course) which made the situation even worse, I didn’t have any skin to skin contact to bond with her, she was just taken away, I’ve never felt so emotionally, mentally or physically drained in my entire life, looking back on it now I remember the bare minimum.

    I know they took my little girl away to the NICU and came to let me know she had to go another hospital 100 miles away, I was so exhausted I didn’t even want to go and see her, I just wanted to sleep but I did, I sat there in a wheelchair like a zombie totally zoned out while a midwife “milked me” like a cow. Then asked to go to bed.

    The next day I went to the  children’s hospital as baby had been taken there overnight, I remember seeing her all tubed up and my stomach sank, I didn’t know what to do. I still didn’t feel a bond between us, I couldn’t even hold her, she didn’t have a name for 4 days.

    I should have received a lot of help from a psychologist or someone to sort my head out after this but the hospital didn’t offer anything so I just got on with it, looking back I strongly think I suffered with Post natal depression but never spoke to anyone about how I was feeling (as I do).

    I went to the hospital first thing in the morning to last thing at night but still didn’t feel like I should have towards her. Getting her home I remember thinking I wished I could go out and do what I want, have my life back, I was still a good mum but I wasn’t happy. I can’t remember what or when it was that changed in my mind but my baby became my everything as she should’ve been from day 1.

    I feel sick now even thinking that I thought that way. I still think about my life before and how easy it was and I didn’t have to get a babysitter to go to a friend’s birthday but that’s not worth anything compared to having a mini you, my little girl is one of the most beautiful children I’ve met even though I’m biased, she makes me laugh every single day without fail!

    I regret not celebrating my pregnancy and enjoying it for her, I regret not asking for help and I regret doubting my decisions but I don’t think I’d be where I am today if it wasn’t for that.

    I think meeting my new partner was a big turning point, knowing there was someone who would love me with a child. Not only love me but love my child more than anything as if she was his own, now she is his, he’s her dad and we now have another beautiful daughter to fill our lives with happiness. I haven’t suffered any PND this time round thank god, I can’t leave this baby alone 😂 I wish so much it had been the same with my first and I had seeked help. If you have bothered to read this massive spiel and you or someone you know might be suffering from PND then please get help, it is fixable. ❤️

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/to-the-mum-pnd-you-are-not-alone/

     

  • I wish I had just one real friend

    I wish I had just one real friend

    I wish I had a friend even just one.

    I have people in my life who call me friend but speak badly about me behind my back.

    I have one who says I am their mate but only sees me when it’s a benefit to her life, be it babysitting her child, or driving her to tescos, a person to go to when she is bored.

    I have another who is my pal but only when we’re alone, if she’s with her little gang of mums she can’t even bring herself to say hello she walks passed me with her head down, I’ve asked her why and it’s always the same “oh sorry I didn’t see you”.

    You see I’m different, I’m odd I’m strange for I am loyal to people, I will stand up for a friend, I will go out of my way to help, I will drop plans to help you even if it isn’t convenient for me, but I am yet to meet one person who shares my views.

    I am lonely, I am sad, I wish I had just one friend, someone I could call for help and wouldn’t feel like a hindrance, a nuisance or a beggar, one friend who didn’t use me, one friend who spoke highly of me even when I’m not around, just one person I could tell my problems to and not worry it would be spread around.

    So give me one friend rather than twenty fake ones, twenty users, if you can’t be a real friend don’t pretend to be one.

    I guess what im trying to say is this world is a hard enough place without others bringing you down, be a real friend, be kind and for gods sakes don’t talk badly of people behind their backs.

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/i-am-a-throw-away-friend/

     

  • Living In Hell Whilst My Child Is In Heaven

    The worst loss of all Living In Hell Whilst My Child Is In Heaven

    I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world that your beloved child died… Let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. Never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing – just silence, emptiness.

    Now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry – what happened, why!?.. You have never felt longing like this in your life! Longing to hear her voice, to see her face again, and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it.

    Now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. Not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. Everything you loved now hurts like hell…

    For example: music, I used to love music, it gave me pleasure, I didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red-hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, the day the music died, that’s me, and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child, I am not unique in that pain – if you lost a child you would know.

    That is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example! You feel the loss with every thought, every emotion, and the loss bleeds into every aspect of your life even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. It doesn’t’ fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn’t fit anymore.

    Everything that felt right, now feels wrong, and of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing…

    As good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children… this we cannot fix, cannot make it better. So on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless…out of control and hopeless…and this is universal, every parent that truly loves their child will feel this. Are you starting to imagine now how it feels? and you are doing this exercise for 10 minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 –

    Day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. you’re a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child’s life…but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget…so now, please add FEAR to the list of emotions.

    This is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, don’t just read the words, FEEL them – died, gone forever… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life. NO WONDER!!!!!

    A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell… that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss… you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.

    And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are – are Gone!!!

    That is why when parents who have lost children hear “I want the old you back”, “it’s been a year (a month, 6 months-whatever), and don’t you feel better yet?” “You are doing this to yourself, you’re making it harder on yourself”, “grief can become a selfish thing you know”, we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive.

    No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves; we are just trying to hold on. So were you able to imagine for 10 minutes what it must feel like? Even 2 minutes is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, I would not wish it any anyone, but did you get a sense of how Life changing it is?

    Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! Now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music…go home and hug your child, listen to them laugh, watch her smile, smell the scent that you know is them and please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven’t lost a beloved child of yours, you haven’t got a clue.

    Now when you hear these words “the presence of her absence is everywhere”, will you finally understand?

     

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/7-things-about-miscarriage-no-one-talks-about-but-should/

    Written by Louise Lagerman..

     

  • Mums With A Child With Curly Hair Listen Up

    I recently got lost in a quagmire of informative sites, forums, and blogs devoted to the topic of curly hair.

    Here and there, I noticed that every now and then in this (surprisingly voluminous) tract of curly discussion, a straight-haired mother would rear her (smooth, shiny, un-frizzy) head asking questions about how to care for her children’s curly hair. These were women who didn’t have a a curly-headed gene to their name but had somehow, poor things, managed to spawn a lil’ moptop.

    I have rampantly curly hair. And my daughter’s hair is increasingly a frickin’ clone of my own, in terms of structure, colour, texture, frizziness and pigheaded stubbornness. I thought that, for the benefit of any mama out there bringing up a little Taylor Swift, a little Adrian Grenier, or, god forbid, perhaps even a little Kenny G, I’d share some wisdom based on 33 years of personal experience.

    The best guiding principle I’ve heard about caring for curly hair is to think of it as requiring the “delicates” cycle. Straight-haired people, lucky bastards, get to chuck their hair in the ordinary old everyday wash. We curlies need to take more care, and similar principles apply: not too much heat, not too many chemicals, and the less handling, the better.

    Here are my eight tips for caring for your kidlet’s curly hair:

    Don’t brush it, ever.

    Don’t use a hair-dryer on it, ever.

    If you MUST brush it (and the only time that’s permitted is when dreadlocks have developed or are imminent) brush it with your fingers while it’s wet. If that ain’t working (ie, you’ve got, like, a baby Captain Jack Sparrow on your hands), brush it with a good sturdy brush, while it’s wet. NEVER brush it dry, unless you think a dandelion is a great model for a human head to aspire to.

    It will look fluffy and dry (read: hideous) after being washed and potentially for days after that; commercial shampoo strips it of its natural oils. Newsflash: you don’t actually need to wash a child’s hair (even if it’s straight) with shampoo; it’s fine to just wet it, to rinse out the sand or the food or whatever else has found its way in there.

    This won’t be appropriate for babies, because it involves a bit of time and patience, but let me tell you about my own routine for washing my hair. I don’t like to use shampoo at all: after years of experimentation I’ve found that the best thing that works for me is a weekly 20-minute mask of egg yolk, olive oil and honey in equal proportions. That’s gonna sound either crazy crunchy (if you’re not very crunchy yourself) or needlessly smug (if you already have crunchy tendencies), but it’s the truth. It doesn’t smell as pleasantly of the salon as Pantene does, but it works. If I’m lacking time I’ll run conditioner through it instead, just to feel like I’m doing something to combat the constant threat of brittle dryness curly hair faces.

    The best way to accentuate curls and to minimise frizz is to wet the hair, preferably in cold water, and leave it. Don’t even towel it dry: let the sun do the job. I give my own hair a blast of cold water just before I get out of the shower and then leave it to dry naturally, with a towel around my shoulders to catch the drips. For Miss Bee, I wet my hands with cold water and pat the water on to her head, picking out stray curls here and there with my fingers: this is enough to define them and somewhat tame them.

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/purple-shampoo-now-im-losing-clumps/

     

  • Why Cats And Pregnancy Can Be Dangerous

    Why Cats And Pregnancy Can Be Dangerous

    Toxoplasmosis is almost always a concern for pregnant women. Some doctors even go so far as to advise pregnant women to get rid of any cats in the household, which can easily lead to panic and grief over losing a beloved companion. With the proper precautions, getting rid of the family cat is not necessary. Some simple safeguards are all that you need to protect yourself and your family from toxoplasmosis.

    It is also worth remembering that the family cat is not the only, or even the most likely, way for a pregnant woman to become exposed to toxoplasmosis. The chance of getting toxoplasmosis from your pet cat is pretty slim if your cat lives indoors and doesn’t hunt or eat raw meat. In fact, you’re more likely to get toxoplasmosis from eating unwashed vegetables from your garden or undercooked meat than you are from your pet cat.

    WHAT IS TOXOPLASMOSIS?

    Toxoplasmosis is caused by a protozoan (one-celled) parasite known as Toxoplasma gondii. The disease can be passed to people through contact with cat feces in the cat litter box. Exposure is also possible through contact with contaminated soil or raw meat.

    Healthy, immunocompetent adults infected with toxoplasmosis typically suffer only a mild flu-like illness or no symptoms at all. However, when a mother becomes infected with toxoplasmosis during her pregnancy, her unborn child can become infected with toxoplasmosis via the placenta. Dangers to an unborn child from toxoplasmosis include birth defects and fetal death.

    A woman infected with toxoplasmosis prior to becoming pregnant does not pose a threat to her unborn child. Only women who are infected with the parasite during the course of their pregnancy are at risk.

    PRECAUTIONS FOR PREGNANT WOMEN WORRIED ABOUT TOXOPLASMOSIS

    While it’s not impossible to be exposed to toxoplasmosis through your cat’s litter box, most people are infected through other means. As mentioned above, most people are infected through contact with contaminated soil or through eating raw meat contaminated with Toxoplasma oocysts.

    Fortunately, cats that become infected with toxoplasmosis shed the organism in their feces for only a short period of time. This means that most cats that are infected with toxoplasmosis will shed oocysts—the infective stage in the life cycle of the Toxoplasma organisms that causes toxoplasmosis

    In addition, even if your cat is shedding the organism, it takes a minimum of 48 hours for the oocysts to become infective. Cleaning the litter box daily prevents transmission. The use of proper hygiene is one of the cornerstones of preventing infection. Washing your hands after handling your cat’s litter box and/or wearing gloves when cleaning the box also prevents transmission of the disease.

    Keeping your cat indoors is a good way to prevent your cat from becoming infected with toxoplasmosis. Also, avoid feeding your cat raw meat and do not allow your cat to hunt. These practices will remove the possibility of exposure of your cat to toxoplasmosis.

    Still, taking precautions to avoid exposure to potential toxoplasmosis in the cat litter is a good idea for any pregnant woman.

    • If possible, a pregnant woman should not change the cat litter box and should avoid contact with cat feces. Ideally, another household member should change the cat litter box.

    • If a pregnant woman does find it necessary to change a cat litter box, she should wear gloves when doing so and wash her hands thoroughly afterward.

    • The cat litter box should be cleaned on a daily basis. Toxoplasmosis cysts in the litter box require 48 hours to become infective.

    • Pregnant women should wear gloves when gardening or working in soil or sand, as it may have been used by neighborhood cats and contain cat feces.

    • Pregnant women should also avoid handling or ingesting raw meat. Wearing gloves while preparing meat and washing hands thoroughly after preparation can also help avoid infection.

    • Any foodstuffs from the garden (fruits, vegetables, herbs, etc.) should be washed thoroughly before ingestion.

    • Pregnant women should wash their hands before handling or eating any food.

    • Do not feed the cat raw meat during your pregnancy.

    • Keep your cat indoors.

    • Cover your children’s sandboxes when not in use to prevent neighborhood cats from defecating in them.

    These simple precautions can help a pregnant woman avoid infection with toxoplasmosis from contact with cat feces or from the cat litter box; and can protect her unborn child from the dangers of toxoplasmosis.

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/children-under-the-age-of-12-will-no-longer-be-allowed-to-attend-pregnancy-scans/

     

  • You Ain’t No Dad To My Kids, You’re Not Even A Man

    You think you’re a dad aye? You may have a child whom calls you daddy and runs up to you when you arrive home from a long day at work but you did not make that child, You Ain’t No Dad To My Kids, You’re Not Even A Man .

    Your child is here with me, remember me I was the one you swore to love forever, remember me I was the one who gave birth to your beautiful son.

    Do you remember your son he’s the one who looked up to you and loved you unconditionally. He still misses you but I guess he’s just a distant memory to you.

    Two long years have passed since you last saw him, two long years since you supported him in any way.

    You choose another woman over me, which hurt me I’ll admit, but what did OUR child do?

    No one has stopped you seeing your own flesh and blood but your too busy playing daddy to another mans son.

    I don’t want you back, I don’t need your money, but your baby boy, your splitting image wants his daddy in his life.

    You can’t just push a child to one side when a new relationship comes along.

    You remember that saying, a dog is not just for Christmas well it goes for children too, a child is not just for the length of the relationship.

    Wake up woman if your man drops his kids by choice he is no man at all.

    There are some wonderful caring brilliant fathers out there who take their role as daddy seriously, there are dads out there who would sell their soul to be able to see their child but a bitter ex makes that impossible, there are fathers raising children alone, you sir are a real man and the world wishes there were more like you.

    Related article:http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/im-not-even-sorry-you-miss-your-child/

     

     

  • I’m Not Ashamed Of Making Easy Money

    Back in 2015 I was a lone parent to two young children, I was scrapping by on benefits, every week was a struggle to pay the bills and put food on the table.

    I had applied for job after job but nothing that fitted in with my childcare.

    Then I scrolled through my timeline on Facebook and saw an advert for female phone sex operators.

    Curious about the whole thing I asked for details and everything they said sounded so easy but i was l unsure.

    Five days later a phone came for me by recorded delivery, it was just a cheap Tesco own phone.

    An advert was  then placed in “men magazines” and cards placed in phone boxes, a profile was created for me on a website I was known as Busty Beth, the photo they used was of a busty tall attractive blonde, not the 27-year-old 5 foot, chubby mum.

    A few ys later my phone was activated and I received my first call in the early evening, it was so simple, I would be standing ironing and telling the man down the line all the naughty things I was doing, and make groaning noises, the longer he stayed on the line the more i got paid.

    I would describe my sexy lingerie and high-heeled boots, all whilst standing in my fleecy onesie covered in polar bears  and over sized dressing gown.

    After a month I began getting regular calls and many men would call over and over again.

    I worked my way off all benefits, didn’t even get tax credits I was earning so much.

    It’s been two years now and I’m not rich but I’m very comfortable and don’t even need to leave the house to make money.

    I am not ashamed of how I make my living after all who would turn down easy money 💰