Category: Our stories
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Last Photo Before Her Dad Took His Life
This is a picture of my daughter the night before her Dad took his own life. 4-years old and her first night of ballet class. Full of joy. Full of innocence. The worst thing that had ever happened to her was dropping her ice cream cone at the county fair.
The next day her Dad waved goodbye to her as we drove off to our play date and then he got in his car and went and shot himself on my Grandpa’s land.
I had to sit on her little bed with her and her fuzzy stuffed animals and baby dolls and I had to tell my 4-year old that her Dad had died. She stared at me and then said, “Mama? What does die mean?” It took days, weeks for her to fully understand…….even after she seen him in his coffin…..that he was not ever coming home and that’s what die means.
If you are having suicidal thoughts and you have children? Your children will not be better off without you. Your kids need you. Your death will take away some of their innocence. They will have nightmares. They will wake up sweating and screaming. Look at their photo and figure out a way to keep yourself alive on this earth. Don’t drop a load of pain, guilt, abandonment, trauma, and grief on their shoulders. They are so little. They need you. Stay. If for nothing else…….if for no one else……stay for them. Find your fight and get yourself the help you deserve so that you can care for your children.
This girl knows things other kids don’t know.
She knows how her Dad died. I told her the truth….not the gory and scary details…..but just the plain and simple truth that he hurt himself so that he would die. She knows what suicide is and openly says the word when most adults shy away from it.
She also knows that he was a very loving, kind, and good person who made a very wrong choice.
She knows that he was human, that he was sick, and that he was terrified and she has deep compassion for him because she too knows what it’s like to be scared.
She knows that he loved her to the moon and back a billion times and he still does.
Telling her the truth opened up conversations about mental health, love, emotions, strength, grief, God, spirituality, and more. She doesnāt judge him or blame him…..only loves him.
She forgives her Dad.
She knows that he didn’t leave because he didn’t love her but because he had no fight left in him to stay.
She misses him…….we all do…..every day. Itās a soul deep missing when a child loses a parent.
She barely remembers him.
She still loves him…….very, very much.
She will grow up not knowing what it’s like to have her very own Dad to protect her, laugh with her, care for her, and love her.
If she grows up someday, gets married, and has children of her own? That will be the first time since she was 4 that she sees first hand in her own home what a Dad does.
I look at this photo and my heart hurts so much for this little girl.
This girl is now 7 and she is happy again. She is joyful, smart, kind-hearted, loving, adventurous, compassionate, and the bravest girl I have ever met in my entire life.
So, you. The guy who is thinking of taking his life. The guy who is sitting at the dinner table right now with his kids and wife eating tacos and you’re smiling and you’re laughing but in your mind you are planning your own death for the next day?
I’m asking you to stay.
I’m asking you to tell your wife your plans.
I’m asking you to close your eyes and remember being a little kid. Remember how much you loved and needed both of your parents.
Fight for your life.
You belong here on earth.
You are worthy and so, so loved.
Your family needs you.
You belong here on a Tuesday night eating tacos with your kids and your wife laughing at inside jokes only a family understands.
You deserve to watch your children grow up.
You deserve their hugs and kisses and giggles.
They need you.
Maybe pleading with you to stay on this earth won’t work. Maybe it’s not enough…..maybe you’ll still go. I don’t know if spreading this love and pleading will work because I never got that chance to do that with my husband. But maybe it will help you. Maybe it will help just one of you and that’s why my children and I share our story.
So, you. Please stay.
Yes, they will survive and move forward in their lives if you leave but they won’t be better off without you.
They will forever be missing a piece of themselves….a piece of their heart.
Love and strength, Nikā¤ā¤ā¤
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Full credit www.niktebbe.com
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I Can’t Have Been Raped As He Was My Boyfriend
Last September, I was raped by my (then) boyfriend. He booked a hotel for the night near me (he lived 2hrs drive away) so we could spend some time together. I’ve got some health conditions and chronic fatigue so I’m always in quite a bit of pain. He wanted to try different styles etc but I didn’t and he got a bit annoyed.
He said if we weren’t going to have sex, I could perform oral sex on him. I said no because I don’t like it but he wouldn’t listen and he deliberately tried to sit on my face and force me to do it until I pushed him off and he called me a b***h. I thought it was weird at first but then he started laughing and said it was fine and that he was going in the shower.
When he came out, he seemed in a mood and asked for sex and I said I felt too tired but he said I owed him because he paid for the hotel and we hadn’t had sex that night yet. I felt uncomfortable but still said no. He was annoyed and said he was going to sleep. I knew I would be up all night over thinking everything so I took some sleeping pills (they were prescribed) and went to sleep.
I often wake up with sharp chest pain and pressure so when I woke at 2am with this pressure on me, it didn’t startle me too much. It wasn’t until I was becoming more aware that my (then) boyfriend was on top of me and was forcing himself inside me. I said no but he told me I had already said yes and couldn’t change my mind and I owed him anyway. (Sometimes I sleep talk so don’t know if I said yes when I was asleep).
I tried fighting him off but I couldn’t and I tried shouting out but he kept on kissing me over and over and I was struggling to breathe. In the end, I gave up and waited for it to be over. When it finished, I got changed out of my pyjamas (he fell back asleep) and I went to the garage over the roadĀ from the hotel for some air and a drink. I didn’t have enough money on me for a taxi, my mum thought I was with friends and she doesn’t drive and wouldn’t have been able to afford a taxi for me anyway.
I went back to the room and stayed awake all night, I sat in the chair. The next morning, he had to drive straight back home (he is in the RAF and was on duty that afternoon). I decided to let him sleep as long as possible so he would have to rush and not have time to talk. I pretended I didn’t feel well and didn’t really say much. He dropped me off at a chemist, which I thought was weird, but he said he didn’t use a condom and I needed to take the morning after pill.
I got out of his car and weĀ haven’t spoke again since. I got the pill, went to the sexual health clinic, where they done a full STD panel and reported everything. I was started on prophylaxic Hepatitis B injections, at first I wasn’t sure if I was raped, I was naive and thought that if you are in a relationship it isn’t rape, but after speaking to my mum she made me see clearlyĀ .
Luckily everything was all clear. I had regular counselling sessions, was diagnosed with PTSD and prescribed more sleeping tablets and a short course of diazepam. 2 weeks ago, I finished counselling and have managed to put most of the incident behind me, I even found the courage to report him and get him convicted.
Even if you are in a relationship No still means No and Rape is Rape, if you do not consent get out and report it, you are not alone and you WILL be believed.
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This Picture Is The Final Straw For Me-Alfie Evans
Sarah Clegg has something to say about the high profile case of little Alfie whose parents are currently fighting to remove their son from Alder hey hospital and get treatment else where, Alfies parents have set up protests and petitions.
Clegg said “Iāve tried so hard to not share my feelings about the current situation at Alder Hey but this picture is the final straw 4 me…… a bouncy castle in the middle of a dual carriage way, what a lovely addition to a great day out where people can take their children to observe abuse bein hurled at staff, placards with āmurdererā written on them being flashed, people chanting like they are at a football match, fireworks being set off, laser pens being shone, horns beeped, roads blocked, megaphones used! How is any of this helping Alfie or maintaining his dignity in any way…… most of these people are not āpeacefully protestingā for Alfie, they are joining a mob culture, that has been ill-informed via social media.
I know exactly how alfies parents are feeling and denial is a horrendous place to be…. I fully understand that you would travel to the end of the earth if there is hope of a cure for your child, however there are hundreds of sick children in Alder hey and this circus is distressing for them and their families! Iām not going to share the specifics of Theoās icu journey, because that is our journey and not something I feel anyone else needs to know, but all I will say is we were all treated with the up most love, respect and dignity and we as parents always lead on decision-making about Theoās care!
On this exact day 3 years ago, the very staff that are currently being spat at, receiving abusive phone calls and called murderers stayed on beyond their shifts and most of the night whilst they battled in theatre and saved Theoās life! That very night they were all supposed to be going to one of the consultant cardiologists leaving do after work!!!! Not one single person went to that do, they stayed in theatre all night long working on my boy….. his surgeon then didnāt go home to his own family that night, he got his head down in the staff room for an hour before starting work again in the morning!”
So……….
#imwithalderhey
#imwitheveryparentsatnexttotheirchildsbed
#imwitheverychildterrifiedofattendingtheirappointment
#imwiththebereavedparentwhoisleavingtheirchildinthebereavementsuitelisteningtothiscircus
#imwiththebereavedparentsnowquestioningandrelivingtheirendoflifedecisions
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Balloons Do Not Go To Heaven
Balloons do not go to heaven. They land in the ocean and choke sea turtles, kill dolphins, whales and fish, and the ribbons entangle birds of all sizes. Many times, they end up on a beach as litter. Even the ones marked “biodegradable” can hurt animals before they have a chance to break down. Animals far from the ocean, such as horses, have been hurt and killed by balloons (they eat them when they land in their hay or they get spooked and bolt). Some balloons have even started fires when they got entangled in power lines.
Balloons Do Not Go To Heaven Sky lanterns have set homes, power lines, trees, and buildings on fire. Sky lanterns can also entangle an animal even if it is marketed as “biodegradable.” There are many safe alternatives to releasing litter into the air, such as planting a tree for your loved one and watching it bloom, or blowing bubbles into the air. Grief is a painful process. In our grief, we do not need to cause others grief. While there are many environmental problems facing our planet, this is a very simple one to solve, please thinkĀ before youĀ release anything into the sky.
Author unknown (for credit please email us)
We hope we have notĀ offended anyone who has lost a loved one but we saw this and we thought it was important to share and raise awareness I know noone means to cause harm but we are slowl killing our precious planet, please share and get the message out.
If you would like to raise awareness, share your own story or see a topic you think we should cover or advertise on Mums advice Facebook page or website please send us an email to mumsadvieltd@outlook.com and we will get back to you as soon as we possibly can.
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Pretty Much Dead From The Moment They Walked In
The shelter manager’s letter:
“I am posting this (and it is long) because I think our society needs a huge wake-up call.
As a shelter manager, I am going to share a little insight with you all – a view from the inside, if you will.
Maybe if you saw the life drain from a few sad, lost, confused eyes, you would change your mind about breeding and selling to people you don’t even know – that puppy you just sold will most likely end up in my shelter when it’s not a cute little puppy anymore.
How would you feel if you knew that there’s about a 90% chance that dog will never walk out of the shelter it is going to be dumped at – purebred or not! About 50% of all of the dogs that are “owner surrenders” or “strays” that come into my shelter are purebred dogs.
No shortage of excuses
The most common excuses I hear are:
We are moving and we can’t take our dog (or cat).
Really? Where are you moving to that doesn’t allow pets?
The dog got bigger than we thought it would.
How big did you think a German Shepherd would get?
We don’t have time for her.
Really? I work a 10-12 hour day and still have time for my 6 dogs!
She’s tearing up our garden.
How about bringing her inside, making her a part of your family?
They always tell me:
We just don’t want to have to stress about finding a place for her. We know she’ll get adopted – she’s a good dog. Odds are your pet won’t get adopted, and how stressful do you think being in a shelter is?
Well, let me tell you. Dead pet walking!
Your pet has 72 hours to find a new family from the moment you drop it off, sometimes a little longer if the shelter isn’t full and your dog manages to stay completely healthy.
If it sniffles, it dies.
Your pet will be confined to a small run / kennel in a room with about 25 other barking or crying animals. It will have to relieve itself where it eats and sleeps. It will be depressed and it will cry constantly for the family that abandoned it.
If your pet is lucky, I will have enough volunteers that day to take him / her for a walk. If I don’t, your pet won’t get any attention besides having a bowl of food slid under the kennel door and the waste sprayed out of its pen with a high-powered hose.
If your dog is big, black or any of the “bully” breeds (pit bull, rottweiler, mastiff, etc) it was pretty much dead when you walked it through the front door. Those dogs just don’t get adopted.
If your dog doesn’t get adopted within its 72 hours and the shelter is full, it will be destroyed.
If the shelter isn’t full and your dog is good enough, and of a desirable enough breed, it may get a stay of execution, though not for long. Most pets get very kennel protective after about a week and are destroyed for showing aggression. Even the sweetest dogs will turn in this environment.
If your pet makes it over all of those hurdles, chances are it will get kennel cough or an upper respiratory infection and will be destroyed because shelters just don’t have the funds to pay for even a Ā£100 treatment.
The grim reaper
Here’s a little euthanasia 101 for those of you that have never witnessed a perfectly healthy, scared animal being “put-down”.
First, your pet will be taken from its kennel on a leash. They always look like they think they are going for a walk – happy, wagging their tails. That is, until they get to “The Room”.
Every one of them freaks out and puts on the breaks when we get to the door. It must smell like death, or they can feel the sad souls that are left in there. It’s strange, but it happens with every one of them. Your dog or cat will be restrained, held down by 1 or 2 vet techs (depending on their size and how freaked out they are). A euthanasia tech or a vet will start the process. They find a vein in the front leg and inject a lethal dose of the “pink stuff”. Hopefully your pet doesn’t panic from being restrained and jerk its leg. I’ve seen the needles tear out of a leg and been covered with the resulting blood, and been deafened by the yelps and screams.
They all don’t just “go to sleep” – sometimes they spasm for a while, gasp for air and defecate on themselves.
When it all ends, your pet’s corpse will be stacked like firewood in a large freezer in the back, with all of the other animals that were killed, waiting to be picked up like garbage.
What happens next? Cremated? Taken to the dump? Rendered into pet food? You’ll never know, and it probably won’t even cross your mind. It was just an animal, and you can always buy another one, right?
Liberty, freedom and justice for all
I hope that those of you that have read this are bawling your eyes out and can’t get the pictures out of your head. I do everyday on the way home from work. I hate my job, I hate that it exists and I hate that it will always be there unless people make some changes and realize that the lives you are affecting go much farther than the pets you dump at a shelter.
Between 9 and 11 MILLION animals die every year in shelters and only you can stop it. I do my best to save every life I can but rescues are always full, and there are more animals coming in everyday than there are homes.
My point to all of this is DON’T BREED OR BUY WHILE SHELTER PETS DIE!
Hate me if you want to – the truth hurts and reality is what it is.
I just hope I maybe changed one person’s mind about breeding their dog, taking their loving pet to a shelter, or buying a dog. I hope that someone will walk into my shelter and say “I saw this thing on Facebook and it made me want to adopt”.
That would make it all worth it.”
Author unknown
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Ladies Stop Being So Weak You Got This
I want everyone whoās out there crying over a man to read this.
I was diagnosed stage 3 of breast cancer when I was six months pregnant with my son, my life changed forever after thatāĀ After my son was born his dad walked right out myĀ life, He didnāt give two fucks that I was dying, š he had more important things he had in mind as far as his life.
I had only had my son home for a week… could only hold him with my left arm because I had my breast removed TWO DAYS BEFORE. I could barely feed him but I DID IT…I could barely change him BUT I DID it… yes I cried… yes I screamed… I BEGGED god šš¼ to not let me go through all this at one time…but I had to fight it!
I could barely feed my damn self. I almost didnāt make it through the firstĀ week. But look at me now 6 weeks on still fighting, still breathing and still being an amazing um to my awesome son. If I can do it with nobody by my side I sure as hell know you women can also!
Stop being so weak. Stop letting people seeĀ you guys go crazy over someone who DOESNT give a damn about u! I had to deal with my man leaving me not caring I barely had much time left. But itās okay! Shit happens! Stay strong! Because now Iām smiling and almost done with radiation and will have both of my breasts back soon. The crying is over! Iāve never felt stronger in my life.
Be strong ladies, be brave and most importantly be the best mum you can be, you got this girl.
Written by the amazingly strong Bianca Rodriguez
To share your story or raise awareness please email us at mumsadviceltd@outlook.com
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I Expect Top Care Off Staff Not My Boy Left Like This
When I leave my son in the care of the nursing staff I expect top quality care not my poor boy being left
I have just walked into my sons room and his nurse was over by his cot she realised I was behind her and scurried out only for me to see my son like this his leg twisted right behind him
For those who know my son Jacob know he canāt get himself like this because of his muscle tone it isĀ impossible !!!!!!
He was diagnosed withĀ dystonia 6 months ago which made him bend in half backwards however this is not dystonia as his whole body would do this if it was.
He has been out like this and left he was screaming in pain
Luckily my friend was with me to take photos as I sorted him out and comforted my distressed and in pain baby boy.
Not only didĀ the nurseĀ do this she also messed up his antibiotics and left a syringe attached to his tube instead of taking it away like she should.
Also a few weeks ago my friends walked In to Jacobs room to find a pillow over his face and his machine had been beeping for twenty minutes when they looked back on the review of the machine how can they be so incompetent
Yes I have been to pals yes I have spoken to the ward manager but this is not the first time something like this has happened or a fuck up on Jacobs meds, I wish I could be by his side every waking minute but that is not possible, I have no choice but to trust these trained staff but they are failing my son.
I am devastated he is a little boy who deserves the right care and no fucks ups.
What else can I do?
To follow more of Jacob’s journey take a look of their Facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/thelittleboywhostolemyheart/
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One Million Dollars For One Injection
My name is Kristen Sturgeon and Iād like to thank you in advance for taking the time to read this letter about my heartbreaking struggle to save my sonās life.
Kaiden Sturgeon-Harper was born on May 26, 2015. He was a typical baby full of smiles, laughs and love. There were a few medical issues right from the beginning but I was completely unprepared when at four months of age, Kaiden was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Sandhoff Disease.
Sandhoff Disease is a neurodegenerative condition that progressively destroys nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. With Sandhoff, a deficiency of the enzyme beta-hexosaminidase results in fat deposits in the brain and other organs of the body. The end result is blindness, deafness, seizures, paralysis and eventually death. This disease affects 1 in 500,000 children and Kaiden is the only child in Ontario as far as I know. The average life expectancy of those afflicted with this horrific disease is 2-4 years.
In November 2016 we began a drug trial through the University of Minnesota of the drug Zaveska. It isnāt a cure but itās shown to slow the progression of the disease. I believe it has been crucial to extending Kaidenās life. We recently received notice that our insurance company will no longer cover the cost of this very expensive medication (approximately $10,000/month).
Dr Jagdeep Walia is a geneticist and he is also Kaidenās doctor. He has found a potential cure for Sandhoff Disease. It is a virus that is injected one time only intravenously. It may also reverse some of the effects of the disease but that is still unknown as Kaiden will potentially be the first human trial. The problem is that this one time treatment comes at an approximate cost of ONE MILLION DOLLARS. We have had a little media coverage and have been working nonstop to raise money in various ways. At this point we have raised $35,000, a long way from a million dollars. Once the money has been raised it will still take some time to make the virus.
As my son is almost three years old and potentially entering the last quarter of his life, I am humbly asking for any help you can provide. I am looking to raise that one million dollars and I am looking for media and social media exposure. I will never stop fighting for my son, and other children like him. If something else becomes available sooner than Dr. Walia’s potential cure that can save my son, I am willing to donate into that as well. All money raised will be donated into a cure for Sandhoff disease whatever that cure is and I am asking that you join me in this fight.
With Gratitude,
Kristen Sturgeon
Donation Sites:
www.youcaring.com/cureforkaiden
www.gofundme.com/jm6w8wm4
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Don’t Judge A School By It’s Exam Results
This week in my classroom…
– I sent a child to theĀ office in the morning. She had a 102 fever and threw up. No one could reach her parents the entire day. They never came to get her after school. The receptionistĀ walked her home and the parents didn’t even come to the door to find out why.
– A previous student from last year visited me during lunch. She told me all about how her cousin was murdered last night. Everyone is crying and sad. They’re going to see the body today. She spent herĀ lunch and my whole lunch break with me just chatting.
– One of my students and his mother were kicked out his aunt’sĀ home and had to move into a bed sit.
– Another student showed up in the same white shirt 3 days in a row, which by yesterday, had turned gray with grime. Thank goodness our school has extra clothes to give him and a shower if it comes to that.
– A different student’s father didn’t show up to chaperone for ourĀ school tripĀ like he said he would. The child was sick with worry because his dad left angry the night before and never came home. He’s still not home. A trip to the counselor helped him out a lot.
– On theĀ coach to said school trip, another student told me all about his secret money hiding space under his bed. He further explained that he has to hide his money because his granddad steals it to buy cigarettes. He now hides his money in my desk drawer because granddad found his new hiding place (it’s only Ā£5).
– A little girl asked to grab 2 pears instead of one because she worried her mum was too tired to the food shop again. I gave her a bag of extra food and snacks that the school keeps around. Good thing we give all of our students free breakfast and she gets free school meals from the government.
– A little boy showed up with a shaved head. He was so embarrassed that he refused to take his hood off his head. Eventually he told me his mum shaved his head because his aunt hasĀ nits so badly that you can see the bugs jumping around. He was terrified of the nits crawling into his ears and getting into his brain. A little research together duringĀ lunch put his fears to bed.
– Another student shared that, when her dad gets out of jail, he’s bringing her to a skating rink. We started her a countdown on our class calendar.
– Her story prompted another boy to share that his dad is going to get his ankle monitor off soon so they can go for a bike ride this summer. Of my 29 students, I know of 5 who have a parent that has recently been or still is incarcerated.
Keep in mind that these are just the events of ONE week in ONE classroom. Are we actually surprised that so many of these kids can’t read or add? Is it really schools that are failing kids? Maybe schools have to be more than a place to learn for some kids.Ā Teachers areĀ doing more for kids than you can even begin to understand.
The government needs to stop with the constant testing of primary age children and look at the bigger picture some children need support in other areas other than reading and writing, many need a friend, a role model and a bloody hot meal.
When a school is only classed as good by the exam results we are failing the children who need the most helped.
Ā