Category: News

There are many lessons which can be learned from a popular Netflix series, a Guernsey Police officer said.

Digital safety development officer Special Constable Laura Simpson said the programme Adolescence shone a light on how the so-called manosphere – male rage and misogynistic influences online – could affect boys and young men’s mental health.

The show, starring Stephen Graham, follows the family of a 13-year-old schoolboy who is arrested for killing a female classmate, and explores the impact of social media and misogynist influencers on some boys.

Con Simpson said the series should act as a “wake-up call” to parents, carers and professionals who worked with children.

Con Simpson added people should not “bury their heads in the sand” when it came to the online lives of children and what influenced them.

She said: “I think my key takeaway from the series was a moment in the last episode when the parents looked at each other and asked: ‘Should we have done more?’

“That acknowledgement that they were not involved enough in aspects of their son’s life which had ultimately led to tragedy should be a wake-up call to everyone who is a parent, carer or professional who works with kids of any age.”

She said her advice to parents was to talk to their children about their online lives, be active users of apps and games played by them and use parental controls on the internet.

She also said parents and children should share videos and content with each other they think is interesting, along with sharing information and ideas with other key people in a child’s life, including teachers and relatives.

I have long though that children have no place in ‘adult’ spaces like luxury spa hotels.

I vowed to never become one of those entitled parents who force their offspring onto others.

Then our little one arrived and, 10 months in, I have never craved a white fluffy robe and a French 75 more. Motherhood, as they say, is a humbling thing.

Still, I had reservations about how our particular bundle of joy would cope on the type of holiday we enjoyed BC (before child). First to roll, first to crawl, last to sleep, our inquisitive little livewire was recently described as ‘spirited’ by the leader of a local baby group. Expecting him to go unnoticed in an opulent country home seemed not only unrealistic, but also unfair. 

Then, we heard of Calcot.

Set within 220 acres of rewilded Cotswolds countryside, Calcot Manor, located four miles from Tetbury, prides itself on offering luxury spa breaks that go beyond the basic requisites of ‘family-friendly’.

Guests are encouraged to ‘hit the parental pause button’, with childcare included in your stay and a ‘baby-listening service’ available in the evenings, so the grown-ups can enjoy dinner while the little ones sleep, with staff keeping an ear out for any disturbances. 

‘Sign us up!’ we thought, as two tired parents in need of some TLC. But as our trip grew closer, anxiety crept in.

Would I feel comfortable trusting strangers to look after the most precious thing in my world? And more importantly, would the most precious thing in my world enjoy his first holiday, or simply feel abandoned while Mummy got a facial? 

First impressions

Those butterflies began to settle from the moment we checked in. Our room, one of the Generous Family Suites, was kitted out with everything parents could possibly need, including a comfy cot, steriliser, bottle warmer, changing mat and nappy bin, all easily accessible but neatly tucked away. 

Our two bedrooms, two bathrooms and spacious living area were subtly baby-proofed, with round-edge furniture perfect for a 10-month-old explorer, without compromising on style.

Added details like baby shampoo, bath toys and a fun door sign with my son’s name spelled out in magnets reassured me that he was welcome at Calcot, not seen as an inconvenience.

This theme extended across the site, with high chairs, baby cutlery, bibs and baby change all available in the communal areas, but so tastefully blended in, I’m not sure child-free guests would have noticed them. 

The childcare

The childcare at Calcot is a major selling point for parents seeking some down time. You get up to four hours per day included in your stay, with additional baby sitting available at £25 per hour.

We booked our baby into The Playbarn – the Ofsted-registered crèche – for two hours each day, not wanting to throw him in at the deep end (he’d not yet started nursery). 

The staff, who take babies from newborn, greeted us with smiles and were entirely unfazed when I handed over formula, nappies and a huge bag of snacks ‘just in case’. The purpose-built space has toys and crafts for little guests, while a separate area, The Mez, has PlayStations, Wii consoles, Xboxes, computers and a 12-seater cinema for kids aged 8 and over.  

Itching to play, my son broke into a smile and charged full speed towards a child of a similar age without looking back. There was nothing left to do but go and enjoy ourselves.

Adult-only spaces

The spa has a spacious pool, sauna, steam room, treatment rooms and relaxation rooms, each tastefully decorated with timeless, tranquil interiors. The outdoor hot tub, where staff will deliver a drink of your choice – from Champagne to Apple Cider Vinegar shot – is the star of the show. But do expect a steady rotation of guests taking their turn in the bubbles.

For deeper relaxation, book a treatment performed by one of the skilled therapists. I emerged from my Back Massage and Facial (£125 for 55 minutes) in a blissed-out haze, tight shoulders loosened, tired skin a smidgen more awake. 

Although the spa is adults-only for the majority of the day, there are two 45-minute family swim sessions available to book each afternoon, which our little one loved. From May to mid September there’s also a separate outdoor pool, open to kiddies from 8am to 8pm. 

The second adults-only area is the Grain Store, a newly refurbished fitness sanctuary with the latest gym equipment, plus a packed timetable with classes including strength and conditioning, spin, HIT, barre and ‘calorie blast’, at a cost of £10 per class for hotel guests.

The holistic studio was more my speed, with the evening yoga nidra class, taught by the lovely Jinny, a highlight. As the sun set on a glorious spring day, we stretched limbs, breathed deeply, and were invited to welcome the season, embracing ‘new beginnings’ as we emerged from winter, ourselves letting go of old worries, old coats, that no longer served us.

It felt serendipitous, considering I was taking this trip during my final week of maternity leave and would soon be taking on the new identity of ‘working parent’.

Food and drink

Calcot has two restaurants – The Hive and The Brasserie. The former, a stylish café lounge, offers sandwiches, salads and grazing boards throughout the day, transforming into a cocktail bar by night. Light bites start at £10 for soup, while flatbreads are from £15. It also serves children’s dinner from 5pm to 6pm, although younger guests are welcome to join parents for a meal later in the evening if they choose. 

We were really impressed by how the staff accommodated our little one, asking if we’d like his sandwich brought out before ours so we could start the lengthy feeding process (yes!).

Crudités were also laid out buffet-style at dinner, giving impatient kids something to nibble on while the chef whipped up sausages, tomato pasta and pizza at break-neck speed. The set meal time for kids is a great idea, allowing child-free guests to avoid the noise and enabling us to fully encourage our boy’s excitable babbling, without worrying about disturbing others.

Dinner at The Brasserie was, suitably, a more formal, quiet and leisurely affair. 

We decided to take up the baby listening service (something I was in two minds about in advance), reasoning that our room really was only thirty seconds from the restaurant, and our boy was likely to sleep through after such an exciting day. A monitor in the room notifies reception if your child makes a sound, and a member of staff will come and notify you. Like other parents in the dining room, we also borrowed a video monitor from reception (available by request), for added reassurance. Calcot’s ‘home from home’ atmosphere meant I soon relaxed into it.

The food was exceptional, with our mains on the first night – lemon sole for him, venison for me – both knockouts. Those with a sweet tooth will want to order the pecan choux bun for pudding. Starts start at £12, while mains are from £24, and all desserts cost £5. And if you’re looking for a digestif, the Perfect Pear (similar to a French 75 cocktail, with a surprise hit of pepper), was so good we ordered it twice. 

Breakfast is also served in The Brasserie, with a well-stocked buffet alongside an à la carte menu. Unsurprisingly, our baby inhaled his first ever pancakes. 

Breakfast for adults and children is included in the cost of your stay, as is kids’ dinners if you stay midweek. Lunch and adults’ evening meals is at an extra charge.

The perfect balance  

We needn’t have worried how our baby would fit in on a luxury holiday. Calcot Manor manages to be family-friendly while simultaneously feeling entirely grown-up. Far from feeling like we’d abandoned him at the crèche, our short baby-free hours left us rejuvenated for some action-packed family time.

It’s hard to convey in an article how much we laughed – on family walks, splashing in the pool, playing in the room and trying new, exciting food at every meal. The staff made a real fuss over him, as did the other guests – he was going through a real ‘waving faze’ that week, and almost everyone enthusiastically obliged! There were plenty of other families too, and thanks to the creative timetables, we didn’t feel like we were encroaching on a haven for the child-free.

The true surprise, perhaps, was that the calm atmosphere seemed to rub off on our lively boy, who simply smiled in wonder at this strange, delightful turn of events.

Family-friendly doesn’t have to mean kiddie discos, soft play and beige food. Those holidays have their place (and I’m sure we’ll experience our fair share of them too). But while we’re in the phase where every environment is new and exciting, I know where I’d rather be. 

Rachel Moss was a guest of Calcot Manor and Spa, where prices start at £344 per night, including full spa access.

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A Pembrokeshire father and daughter have admitted causing unnecessary suffering to animals.

Richard Scarfe of Park Street Pembroke Dock and his daughter Brogan Scarfe of Woodbine Terrace, Pembroke, appeared at Swansea Crown Court on March 4^th charged under the Animal Welfare Act 2006 of causing unnecessary suffering to pigs, sheep, poultry and dogs, between 25^th January 2022 and 18^th April 2023.

Richard Scarfe was further charged with breaching a Court Order, made on January 26^th 2022 following a conviction for animal welfare offences, banning him from owning, keeping or participating in the keeping of goats, donkeys, cattle, sheep and pigs, or being party to any arrangement under which he was entitled to control or have influence over their care, for a period of five years.

The prosecution by Pembrokeshire County Council followed a number of visits to the site, initially to monitor the welfare of animals and, as conditions deteriorated, to secure veterinary support and subsequent intervention.

Over the course of the visits it was established that Richard Scarfe continued to play a role in the keeping of animals and to be actively involved in the day-to-day husbandry activities, contrary to the disqualification.

Officers also found that the welfare needs of the animals were not being met and as matters deteriorated that the animals were subject to unnecessary suffering.

On one occasion officers found dead pigs left in close proximity to enclosures with live pigs.

The enclosures were unsuitable with hazardous materials and knee deep in mud, there was also no clean dry lying available and no food or continuous drinking water.

The pigs were inappropriately housed in large numbers resulting in fighting, aggression and injury.

One pig in particular had extensive damage to both ears, likely as a result of cannibalistic behaviour caused by the pigs competing for the limited food and space.

Sheep were repeatedly found with insufficient water and food, were thin and of poor body condition, with the ribs and spine clearly visible.

Dogs were found locked in a makeshift kennel block. The kennels were too small to accommodate the dogs and littered in faeces causing a strong, foul smell.

The dogs were never seen loose from their kennels on any visit made by officers.

A number of the dogs were under weight and nervous. A private vet’s opinion was sought on the dogs’ condition and wellbeing.

Over the course of the visits officers had expressed concern over standards and sought to offer animal welfare and husbandry advice to both Richard and Brogan Scarfe, to address the immediate welfare needs of the animals.

However, this failed to result in meaningful improvement, and veterinary surgeons from the Animal and Plant Health Agency were asked to assist and to provide independent veterinary opinion on cattle, pigs, sheep and poultry.

With the veterinary opinions being that the animals on the site were suffering unnecessarily as a result of serious failures in their care, veterinary officers issued a certificate under Section 18 of the Animal Welfare Act 2006 for the removal of the animals to a place of safety and to prevent further suffering.

One cow, 26 Sheep, 43 Pigs, 23 poultry and five dogs were subsequently seized and removed to a place of sanctuary where they were examined by a veterinary surgeon, with many needing medical intervention.

During the hearing Richard Scarfe pleaded guilty to two offences under section 4(1) and 32(1) of the Animal Welfare Act 2006 of causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal, namely pigs and sheep.

Brogan Scarfe pleaded guilty to two offences under section 9 (1) and section 32(2) of the Act of failing in her duty to take reasonable steps in all the circumstances to ensure that the needs of an animal (namely sheep and pigs) for which they are responsible are met to the extent required by good practice.

The father and daughter will be sentenced at Swansea Crown Court on May 12^th, 2025.

Councillor Jacob Williams, Cabinet Member for Planning and Regulatory Services, said: “The lack of care shown to animals in this case was evident to both officers and veterinary experts, and will unfortunately have resulted in needless suffering.

“Officers initially sought to offer guidance to secure improvements in welfare conditions, however this wasn’t acted upon appropriately so the Council had no alternative but to seek veterinary input and, ultimately, legal powers were used to take control of the animals to prevent further suffering.

“The fact that Mr Scarfe continued to keep animals, despite being disqualified from undertaking any activity of this sort, is clearly unacceptable, and this was a clear factor in the poor standards of animal husbandry witnessed in this sad case.”

The wake afterwards was a further organisational headache.

Here the Covid restrictions were a little more complex.

I could have a total of six people inside, but outside was less restricted, provided everyone kept to social distancing.

Thank goodness Mum had a back garden. I know that not everyone had that luxury.

It was heartening to see quite a few friends and family.

Five years on, looking back on Mum’s death and the funeral, it still feels so strange – and tinged with the sadness of what could have been.

Con Simpson added people should not “bury their heads in the sand” when it came to the online lives of children and what influenced them.

She said: “I think my key takeaway from the series was a moment in the last episode when the parents looked at each other and asked: ‘Should we have done more?’

“That acknowledgement that they were not involved enough in aspects of their son’s life which had ultimately led to tragedy should be a wake-up call to everyone who is a parent, carer or professional who works with kids of any age.”

She said her advice to parents was to talk to their children about their online lives, be active users of apps and games played by them and use parental controls on the internet.

She also said parents and children should share videos and content with each other they think is interesting, along with sharing information and ideas with other key people in a child’s life, including teachers and relatives.

Sitting across from one of my oldest friends over dinner, I found myself staring at yet another ultrasound. “That’s why you ordered a virgin mary,” I nodded, putting the pieces together. It was my friend’s third baby – and ninth in our friendship group – tidily completing the family life that also comprises a three-bedroom house, a cockapoo, and a husband. Our lives couldn’t be more different, as she pointed out when, three sips into my second Negroni, I felt her tone shift: “Do you ever think about wanting any of that?”

A part of me wanted to bite back. No, the part replied, all stink-eyed and Medusa-haired, I’m too busy trying to pay my rent and find someone to date who isn’t completely awful. I don’t have time to think about if I want “any of that” because “any of that” is a fantasy so far removed from my reality I can’t even imagine what it feels like to want it. I won’t let myself. How rude. How entitled. How smug.

There’s an entire cultural canon that has taught me to respond this way, one that is predicated on divisions between thirtysomething women: those with children and those without. It’s a perpetual conflict that, despite all societal progression, hasn’t really changed in decades – consider the Smug Marrieds in Bridget Jones’ Diary. It’s something I’m constantly reminded of, too. And not just because so many of my friends are having children; three of them are due to give birth this month.

In 2023, there was Allison P Davis’s viral article in The Cut, which documented how friendship groups were being torn apart by the arrival of tiny, crying humans, and earlier this month, another Cut article addressing the subject also went viral. Clearly, this is something people want to talk and read about, perpetuating the us versus them dynamic that is at its core and how relatable it is.

It’s the big baby divide, an idea that, I suppose, is based on the theory that someone like me – single, childless, and living in rented accommodation – is unable to find common ground with friends who have become mothers. Our lives are simply too disparate, defined by wildly different vectors with hardly any intersection. We can’t have fun together anymore because we can’t understand each other. What would we do? What would we talk about? What would we laugh and cry about? It’s a narrative that seems to be being peddled everywhere and frankly, I’m fed up with it. Not least because I don’t relate to it at all.

Of course, babies have changed the dynamics in our group. The mothers will hang out together with their kids and at a first birthday party thrown by one friend for her son, only those with children of their own were invited. There are conversations about childcare I can’t contribute to and shared experiences I know nothing about. But if any of that’s supposed to rankle me, or spark some kind of bitterness, it doesn’t.

I’ve never felt judged, sidelined, or pitied by any of my friends with kids. When we do hang out, which I’ll admit is a bit less these days though that has more to do with being in your thirties than having or not having kids, we still have the best time together. I don’t feel like my life is any less than theirs, nor do I find it in any way superior. It’s an equal playing field, the way it always has been. It just so happens that our lives look a little different to one another.

I should clarify that the friends of mine who have children have been in my life for a very long time – one of them has been my best mate for 27 years, and the rest I’ve known since I was 12. I’m aware that changes things slightly and puts me in a fairly fortunate position; when the foundation of a friendship is that strong, built on years of memories, loves, and losses, it’s pretty unshakeable. But that doesn’t make my views on the big baby divide any less stringent.

Let’s break it down a little. If women with children are supposed to resent those without, and vice versa, why is that? And what does it say about our expectations of womanhood? And our views around female friendship?

At its core, this is a division based on a set of ideologies rooted in misogynistic stereotypes that dictate who is being a “good” woman (mothers) by conforming to societal expectations and who is not (hello). The conflict comes, I think, from these two things being in opposition to one another and one side subsequently feeling compelled to consistently justify their version of womanhood to the other. Because all of us want to be doing it all and doing it right, don’t we? How dare anyone make us feel like we aren’t.

When you look at it like that, it’s hard not to see the big baby divide as just another way to pit women against each other. That’s why I begrudge it and will continue to refuse to buy into it. Sure, I might not have as much in common with my friends with kids as those without. But they also aren’t my only friends. Since leaving a long-term relationship three years ago, I’ve worked hard to build a network of single female friends. We share the same financial, romantic, and emotional struggles. We’re in the same WhatsApp groups. We go on nights out together. We support one another. Those relationships aren’t any better than those with my friends with children, they’re just different.

So when my friend asked if I wanted “any of that”, I hushed my hissing hair and didn’t bite back at all. I simply explained that it wasn’t something I was thinking about right now. Not out of fear, avoidance, or resentment; it’s just that my focus is elsewhere. And that I’m – whisper it – quite happy and fulfilled as I am without being remotely envious of my friend. That shouldn’t feel like a revolutionary, or even remotely surprising, thing to say. But it does. It really, really does.

Canadian actress Lisa Ray slammed Air India for rejecting her 92-year-old “ailing” father’s medical waiver despite submitting doctors’ letter. She further questioned the airline for not showing “empathy” in managing the situation considering her father’s age and health condition.

“Here we go again @airindia My father is 92, unwell and I have to cancel travel due to his ailing condition. Submitted doctors letter and the waiver was denied? How is that possible? Where is the empathy from an airline that is claiming to care about passengers???” Lisa Ray posted on X.

Replying to her concern, Air India said, “We empathize with your concern and wish your father a speedy recovery. Please help us with  the email address from which you’ve written to us or the case ID (if any) via DM. We’ll look into it.

She then posted a screenshot of the medical emergency, where the booking website mentioned there is no medical waiver. It also saw the detail regarding her father’s hospitalisation.

 

The incident received mixed reactions, with some supporting her, while others saying that medical waivers might not apply to non-flexible tickets. “No airline will and no airline SHOULD give you a waiver for whatever reason if your ticket is not a flexible or changeable ticket,” one user remarked. Others suggested purchasing travel insurance or flexible tickets for future situations.

Who is Lisa Ray?

In 1994, Lisa Ray made her acting acting debut with Hanste Khelte film. Her prominent roles comprise Kasoor, Water, and I Can’t Think Straight. In June 2009, she was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a rare bone marrow cancer. After three years of recovery, she relapsed again. She starred in India and Canada films. The actor shared about the journey in memoir Close To The Bone that released in 2019.

She is married to businessman Jason Dehni in 2012. They were blessed with twin daughters, namely Soleil Ray-Dehni and Sufi Ray-Dehni. The actor was latest seen in the Four More Shots’ second season.

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, why not spoil your mum with a tranquil spa experience? You might be amazed at what you can snag for a steal, particularly with the current offer from Macdonald Hotels and Resorts. When you reserve the Divine Spa Day for two treatment packages, you’ll secure a 55-minute ELEMIS Pro Glow Brilliance Facial treatment, full access to the spa and leisure facilities, and a complimentary ELEMIS Cleanse and Replenish Kit worth £88. There are resorts scattered across the UK, from the Scottish Highlands to the Lakes to the historic city of Bath, offering numerous ways to make Mother’s Day extra special.

Treat mum to afternoon tea or the Mother’s Day Sunday Lunch, where friendly staff and scrumptious food are guaranteed. Plus, if your mum has specific tastes, you could also choose one of several voucher options so she can select her treatments and gifts herself. In addition, there are plenty of other spa day options tailored to Mother’s Day, such as the offers at Bannatyne Spa. Virgin Experience Days also offers a wide range of treatments and locations, reports the Mirror.

Macdonald Hotels have garnered a strong reputation for their spa experiences, with numerous five-star reviews on Trustpilot singing their praises. One satisfied customer shared: “We did a one-night spa break and found it to be good value for money,” adding, “The rooms are comfortable and our meal in the restaurant was very nice. We really appreciated the staff storing our daughter’s birthday cake in the fridge! Many thanks.”

Another glowing review stated: “Superbly well-appointed kitchen and living/dining area,” and continued to commend the establishment by saying, “Gardens and facilities are generally well up to standard. The main difference from the Algarve is the potential weather and fewer dining and bar outlets on site. It is very relaxing and well-organised. Quite honestly, I had not expected anything as good – and the price very reasonable.”

However, not all feedback was positive. A guest who stayed at the Windermere hotel expressed dissatisfaction, noting: “I stayed in the Windermere hotel and had a very disappointing experience,” and elaborated, “The staff were pleasant enough but useless when we asked for some local information and very slow at serving breakfast and afternoon tea.”

Yet another reviewer had a more favourable view, stating: “The staff here were all very lovely and helpful, and the rooms were all clean. The amenities were all brilliant as well.”

Families who have yet to sign up to the Government’s Tax-Free Childcare scheme could be missing out on savings of up to £2,000 per child

Working parents could pocket savings of up to £2,000 on childcare costs for the 2025/26 financial year by utilising a scheme run by HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC). As the Easter break is just around the corner, families who haven’t yet registered for Tax-Free Childcare could be missing out on yearly savings of up to £2,000 per child, or £4,000 if their child has a disability.

Tax-Free Childcare can contribute towards the cost of approved childcare for children aged 11 or under, or up to 16 if the child has a disability. Parents can receive up to £500 (or £1,000 if their child is disabled) every three months, which means for every £8 paid into their online account, they will automatically receive an additional £2 top up from the UK Government.

HMRC stated that it only takes 20 minutes to apply online for a Tax-Free Childcare account and it can be used to help cover the cost of a child’s nursery, childminder, breakfast or after school club or holiday activity club.

Once an account is opened, parents can deposit money immediately, so it is ready to be used whenever it is needed; and unused money in the account can be withdrawn at any time, reports the Daily Record.

Eligibility for Tax-Free Childcare

Families could qualify for Tax-Free Childcare if they:

• Earn, or expect to earn, at least the National Minimum Wage or Living Wage for 16 hours a week, on average
• Do not receive Tax Credits, Universal Credit or childcare vouchers
• Have a child or children aged 11 or under. They stop being eligible on September 1 after their 11th birthday. If their child has a disability, they may get up to £4,000 a year until September 1 after their 16th birthday
• Each earn no more than £100,000 per annum

How to apply

You can apply for Tax-Free Childcare online. If you’re married or in a civil partnership and living together, or not married or in a civil partnership but cohabiting as though you are, you must include your partner in your application.

You’ll also need your National Insurance number, Unique Taxpayer Reference (UTR) if you’re self-employed, the UK birth certificate reference number for any children you’re applying for, and the date you started or are due to start work.

There are also special rules if you’re registered as a director with HMRC. You will need to show evidence that you meet the minimum income requirements that prove you’re eligible for the scheme, this could be done through PAYE records.

However, if you do not submit regular PAYE information then you may have to provide additional evidence that shows you are working and expect to meet the minimum income requirements for the next three months.

A statement from your accountant, copies of invoices, wage slips, and bank statements may be required. Additionally, you might need to provide year-end payroll, a letter from your tax agent or adviser confirming your salary has been paid and taxed, and annual wage slips.

Instead you collage together comments and popular fictions; ‘life changing… never be the same… the best thing you’ll ever do… hard, hard, hard.’ I hadn’t held a newborn baby ever before having our daughter, had never changed a nappy, had never winded a baby, cooed a baby, rocked a baby. This makes becoming a parent seem somewhat speculative, and we start as shocking beginners. 

We cannot ask our children if they wish to be born. Our daughter was summoned forward by us in February 2023 without asking. I like to think of souls as more than bodies, as bodies as more than containers. But wherever souls might linger, they are brought here now under such terrible circumstances.

There are some people who, reflecting on the world the way it is now, choose not to have children. In some ways having a kid seems to indicate that I approve of this world, that I think it’s a decent place for life, which I don’t. The society I bring her into is profoundly sick, and hostile to life in all its forms.

She spent the first three weeks of her life in neonatal intensive care after having surgery at 72 hours to correct a congenital anomaly which meant her oesophagus hadn’t properly formed. Everything she swallowed went into her lungs, which caused her to stop breathing at six hours old. Having a seriously ill child was a type of pain I haven’t experienced before.

It had a depth and physicality new to me, and I thought frequently of the mothers in other places, of the mothers in Palestine in particular – who are forced to pull their children from rubble, and where the last neonatal unit closed during the weeks we were inpatients at King’s College Hospital.

I have no conclusion to this thought, I just say it here as something that haunts me, an amazement that mothers have to survive the death of their children, though I’m sure in many ways they don’t.

The shibboleth that humans are intrinsically bad or evil, apart from being lazy and convenient, is an insult to all the people who do continue to live in a way that is sustainable and free, and to all of us who are depressed by the habits of behaviour and consumption we feel pinned into and harmed by. And I refuse to take responsibly for it.

We do our best within an architecture built by monsters that deal in death and war. I have faith that our daughter will love the world the way I do, the way her dad does. Having a child is rarely a rational choice, but for me was driven by the desire to be combined with the person I love the most in a living, pulsating, breathing thing.

To have a shared object, a human anchor, an agreement in flesh that our union should be permanent, everlasting, transcendent beyond our own bodies and souls in a non-reversible way. Having a child is a way to demonstrate love; for your partner, the world, life itself. 

Antenatal poem

Every mother has 

DDT in her breast milk now 

but I still want you to be my 

baby daddy 

and for us to watch my

tummy get 

hard and big and shiny 

like a hazelnut 

amongst all the terror 

and mourning of the world

i sleep like a princess 

beside you and 

dream that i am 

a cockroach, a raccoon, 

a rat

and i don’t care, really

if it’s okay to have a child

i just want to see 

you and me 

united

in the body of 

someone new

and when my belly rises 

like a strong and vicious army 

i will squeeze my big breasts 

and squirt my poisoned milk 

all over the world 

just look at it!

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