Tag: support
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Don’t Forget To Care For Your Wife/Girlfriend
I finally told my husband last night that he’s failed to realize I’ve been taking a shower only once a week. He felt pretty bad. That everyone always forgets to care for momma after baby is born and even later when baby is 6 months old.
I told him no one looks out for me to see if I’m doing okay because they are so wrapped up in making sure baby is okay and or themselves. He didn’t offer to help until he was all done with his nice long shower and potty session which goes uninterrupted.
I let him know though. I said how am I supposed to feel pretty when I’ve been unnoticed for so long? He couldn’t say anything really except that he apologizes for not appreciating me more.
Deep down it’s more than that for me. He asked what he can do to help and I told him to offer to take her more when ever he can because I need my breaks. Not just once a day breaks either.
Mums do not be ashamed to voice how you feel, if you are overwhelmed, tired or need extra help say something, unfortunately some men don’t notice how much you do or how hard you are finding things, point them out let them know, sometimes a little chat can make a lot of big changes happen.
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Do You Have A Friendship Like This?
Friendship is:
-Picking your friend up with a busted knee
-Looking in the rain to find a chemist in a strange place
-Coming together even just for a walk
-Blowing a hand-dryer to hide your friends toilet issues
-Giving up the double bed
-Laughing at the rubbish jokes they make
-Celebrating your friend’s ability to finally poo after 3 days
-Falling asleep when your friends are talking without them thinking you’re rude
-Being able to share secrets with going no further
-Confidence boosters
-Talking about your fears with no judgements
Finally, travelling distances just for that one hug. Through mums advice I am thankful to have met some beautiful, fun-loving ladies.
If you are feeling lonely or need someone to talk to the admins at Mums advice are ready and willing to help.
Did you know we also have a pen pal group to help mums to make lasting friendship.
Life is often hectic, life is often hard but life is made so much easier with real friends by you side, they don’t have to live round the corner, some friends you don’t even get to meet but the are always just a message a way.
A laugh or a cry with a friend can be such a stress reliever.
Do you have someone who is always there for you no matter what? If not take a look at Mums advice pen pals & new friends (Facebook group)
Do you have a true, funny, heart breaking or inspiring story you would like to share with us? Are you trying to raise awareness of any topic(doesn’t have to be parenting related) or would you like us to do so on your behalf? Are you interested in advertising on Mums advice Facebook page and or website and want to know our rates? If you answered yes to any of these then please send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com
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As A Carer You Will Instantly Judge Me
As a Carer you’ll watch me do things and instantly judge me for them, you’ll look down your nose and see me as nothing more than someone who deals with other people’s body fluids and makes cups of tea.
You’ll wonder why I can walk out of a room and instantly into another, forgetting that I may have promised your relative a blanket or a cup of water because I was “distracted” by someone else.
You’ll wonder why I’ve walked past your relatives room and not entered theirs, you’ll wonder why some people are attended to sooner and you’ll curse my name under your breath as they wait.
You’ll wonder how I seem to have time to sit down and write and wonder why I cannot fix things immediately.
You’ll wonder how, under any circumstance, I could be sharing a smile or a laugh with a co-worker as if laughter has no place.
As I walk in for my shift, you’ll look at me, your eyes saying that you want me to help and you’ll wonder why I can’t just make that happen.
But here’s what, if you’re very lucky, you’ll never see.
You’ll never see me lose. You’ll never see me take off my sweaty gloves and say a goodbye to someone I’ve cared for for months or even years
You’ll never see the weight that we carry home. For minutes or hours, days, or weeks, or even lifetimes.
You’ll never see our children’s faces as we kiss them goodbye on Christmas morning so that we can make it a special day for your family member.
You’ll never see the deep breath we take as we walk into a room to prepare a loved one before family enter to say their last goodbye.
You’ll never see our hearts ache with the pain for those we have nursed and passed and those that continue to battle.
You’ll never see our minds as they tirelessly over think and overwork scenarios, wondering how or if we could do something better next time.
You’ll never see us break the news that someone’s husband or wife, that they have been married to for 50 plus years has died because they have forgotten again, you’ll never see us comfort them as they cry.
And for the most part, I’m okay that you can’t see those things. It’s my job to do, my burden to carry, and my labor of love and service so that you don’t have to, so that the relationship you have remains as it always has been, so that you don’t have to become their Carer. I’ll take on that role for you.
However, I’ll be honest, there are times that I wish you could understand the alternative to your relative that’s waiting. There are times I wish you understood the difference between urgency and emergency. And there are certainly times that I wish I could be transparent enough to tell you when your relative dies it breaks our hearts too.
If you know, or love a Carer please do me a favor and just give them a hug. Or maybe a fist bump if hugging isn’t their thing, or maybe even just a nod of approval but more anything please remember we’re more than just bottom cleaners and tea makers.
We’re working as hard and as fast as we can, and most days, it’s never enough.”
Original source unknown
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Out Of The Closet, I Have Something To Tell You
Out of the closet
Hey Mum, I have something to tell you,
“What dear” she turns and replies,
I freak as I don’t know what to say,
So I feed her some more lies.
It’s hard to tell your parents,
It’s hard to tell your friends,
So you pretend your normal to everyone,
You don’t want your relationship to end.
But 30 years later,
And your secret is still unknown,
All the times you could have said,
So your still in this on your own.
You decide to pluck the courage,
It’s time to face your fear,
You hold the phone so tightly,
Wiping away the tears.
You dial the number slowly,
Then press on call and wait,
The dialling tone is ringing,
I’ll hang up, maybe it’s to late.
Then she answers “Hi dear”,
You say hello back and sob,
“What’s wrong” she asks she’s worried,
Your heart begins to throb.
“Mum, I’m sorry, I’m different”
“I’m not who you want me to be”,
She cries down the phone and whispers,
“Your my daughter, now please tell me”
“Ok” but now I’m hysterical,
I say “Mum I am gay”,
“I’ve known for years, I’m sorry”
Then I take the phone away.
I’m terrified of her reaction,
Then my Dad comes on the phone,
“Oh you silly Girl, we always knew”,
“Now get your butt back home”
I walked in through the door,
They held me oh so tight,
We wish you’d told us earlier,
It would have been alright.
So you see now I’m happy,
I told all my Family,
Some are distant, most are fine,
But hey THIS IS ME 🙂
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A Sculpture To Capture The Trauma Of A Still Born Or Baby Loss
A sculpture made to capture the emotional trauma of a still born or a pregnancy that never made it full term.
This sculpture will probably hit the hearts of women who see this and this isn’t to cause upset, I felt if anything, it enables people to realise that no matter what stage a foetus is developed and what stage your loss occurs, your loss is always a profound heart breaking loss that the mother endures.
People say “she wasn’t even that far gone” to attempt to ease a mother’s pain but those ignorant comments can not help fill the void of her loss.
1 in 4 pregnancies are lost before birth so this post goes out to all the angel babies who never made it and all the heroic mothers that have endured and grieved their loss ❤️
Above content credit goes to Sammie Steers
Take a look at more of the sculptures amazing work at http://facebook.com/maddilynnmemory
For parents who are expecting a new life but find themselves facing death, and when a mother has physically given birth to a baby, accepting the reality of that emotionally is immensely difficult. Mothers will still experience all the normal post-natal reactions, which may be especially distressing because their baby has died.
When a baby dies, fathers often have a great deal to manage. Not only are they grieving for their baby, but their concern for their partner makes this a very difficult time. Often they may be asked how the baby’s mother is rather than how they, as fathers, are feeling themselves.
Society is likely to dictate that men should be strong, always ready and able to do the supporting – but fathers too have lost their baby and will need to find ways to express their grief. They too need support and care. For help and support please see https://childbereavementuk.org
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Unless You Have Lost A Parent You Won’t Understand
Unless you have lost a parent you won’t understand the days where half of you is completely gone, you can’t get out of bed, have no motivation for anything, not even to eat or drink, not to wash or brush your hair or get dressed.
The days you cry for hours. The days you drive yourself insane asking yourself if it was your fault and could you have changed anything. The days of waking up taking multiple different medications just to try to keep your brain stable.
The days of anger and rage where you feel everything is against you. The days you are triggered by something so slight that it will make you burst into tears. The days of seeing little girls happy with their fathers or hearing people say “hello dad” on the phone. The days of wishing, hoping, begging to turn back time.
The days of wondering what the future would have been like and imagining all the happy times you could have had. The days of wishing that it would have happened later on in many many years down the line so you could have experienced life together and been by each other’s sides. The days of wishing you had a family to support you through, or just someone to call when your crying all alone.
But this is the reality that I have to wake up to every day. These are the days I spend with my dad now, cuddling his ashes and having one-sided conversations only imagining what his replies would be, a voice in my head and a memory in my heart.
It’s important to remember that just because we walk around with normal faces it doesn’t mean we aren’t dying and broken inside.
I wrote this to show that these are “the days” I face now. They will never understand but maybe they might realise just how hard it truly is. I suffer every single day.
I’m so glad this post is bringing comfort to people, we are not alone in this x
Credit: Tallula Hurford
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Just A Carer Is What People Think Of Me
Just a carer?
I am just a carer
That’s what people think of me,
It isn’t very pleasant,
They’ve seen it on TV.
Blood and guts and vomit
Sickness and diarrhoea.
They wouldn’t want to do it,
It isn’t a career.
But I have been a carer
Since the day that I left school.
I haven’t been to college,
But I’m really not a fool.
Caring for the elderly
Is more than making tea.
It needs a special person,
And I know this is for me.
When you have dementia,
when you’re getting old.
It can be very lonely,
When you’re left out in the cold.
It needs a special person,
One who really cares.
One who lights the room up,
When all around are stares.
Someone very patient,
Someone very kind.
Someone who will lead you
When you’re going blind.
A wealth of understanding
And time to listen too.
You won’t be able to do it,
If all you think about is you.
The job is quite a privilege
That others do not see.
When you finish work today,
Did you think of me?
Did you know I sat with
Someone taking their last breath?
Do you know how precious those moments before death?
Do you know how hard it is
To say goodbye and then,
Go and help the other folk
And do it all again?
Do you know how good it is
When you get a smile,
From someone who is down and low
When you’ve gone the extra mile?
Caring is a way of life
Judge us if you must
But we are not just carers
We are magic fairy dust!
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Punched, Threatened & Humiliated That Was My 9 Year Olds Reality
Punched, threatened, excluded and humiliated; that was my daughter’s reality at just nine years old.I was sick of watching her slowly destroy my daughter. The worst thing was the lack of support. Teachers would tell me they hadn’t seen anything, everything was fine at school, or even worse, there’s nothing more we can do.
I’d wake with waves of anxiety flooding my body. The guilt of not being able to protect my little girl was immense.She was too fearful to speak up. I began to be known as the mum who always complained.She remained quiet and well-behaved. I got angrier, exhausted and absolutely sick of being intimidated and shamed for speaking up.Thankfully the bullying went too far even by the school’s standards – there was mention of a knife being brought to school the following day. No need to explain that the very next person I spoke to wasn’t the school, wasn’t any of the professionals that had let us down for so long, I phoned the police.Would it actually have happened?
You’d like to think not but even the child’s mum told me she wouldn’t put it past her daughter to do it just to prove a point. Did things change after that? Yes, but it was temporary. It didn’t take long for the sleepless nights, tummy aches and anxiety to take over our lives again but it did stop eventually, and permanently this time.
It wasn’t any one thing that made the bullying stop and it certainly wasn’t anything the school or the bully did! In a nutshell, it was just that WE had had enough, not in a tired, beaten, frustrated way but in a ‘my boundaries are rock solid and I’ll do what it takes to enforce them’ kind of way. And in that moment of clarity was what it took to make the bullying stop. I was beyond hoping the teachers would help. I’d lost complete faith in the adults I had entrusted my daughters care to.
My daughter had learned the hard way that adults aren’t always there to protect you and they don’t always know best!It was Christmas Day evening. The day had been great yet come bedtime my daughter was in tears. Not because she was over excited and tired but because it had dawned on her that she was halfway through the school holidays and we were now on the decline towards the return to school. And she was scared.
The fear of being bullied is bad enough but to know that you’ve to face that alone because the adults who are meant to look after you aren’t, would be enough to tip anyone over the edge. Something inside of me snapped. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t even resentful. I was determined.I looked my daughter in the eye and gave her permission to do whatever she needed to do to make this stop. I told her she could hit back if she needed to. I told her she could scream, shout, argue with the teachers, do anything to make sure she was safe at school. And I promised her that no matter what she did, even if the teachers told her off I would back her.
Actually, I told her it would be a good idea to really kick-off because then the teachers might call me into school, and they might start to see how terrified she really was, how much she was hurting.That was the turning point. Looking back I think that moment was a culmination of things that resulted in my daughter realising her own strength. One reason is that I believed in her ability. She knew I really understood how much others had let her down and how unacceptable that was. She felt how determined I was and that I was completely behind her, 100%, no matter what. She felt heard, understood and ultimately I think she needed permission to not be the good girl who kept putting up with the crap because the adults around her told her she ‘just needed to ignore it’ as if she was making a big deal of nothing.
I tell you what when your child tells you they don’t want to live their life anymore, there are no words. I only wish the teachers had taken us more seriously before it had got to that point.The good news is that we did make the bullying stop and my daughter is thriving. We learned so much from our experience, and for that I am grateful.Through our experience, I recognised the gaping hole where easily accessible, immediate advice and support should have been. So once our lives were back on track I volunteered for a bullying helpline but after 4 years I didn’t feel I was doing enough.
I needed to provide what we had been in desperate need of, and so my business was born, supporting parents in protecting their kids from bullying. All parents are welcome, whether their child is being bullied, has been bullied, worries about being bullied, or they are the one who is bullying.
I never want to hear of a family so isolated and unsupported that they feel there’s just no option but to put up with it or hide. Bullying is not okay and you know what? The bystanders are just as bad as the bullies! In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.”If bullying is something you worry about you can find me and other parents who understand in our free group on Facebook, The Mums Hub (https://www.facebook.com/groups/574353102769101/) , my Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/gemmaehills), or you can email me at contact@gemmahills.com. No judgement just understanding.
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Always Give Your Wife The Best Of You
Before I got married one of my relatives who had been divorced gave me advice, he said “Always give your wife the best of you, the mistake I made was assuming that I could just give what’s left and that would be enough.”
What he meant was that he would come home late after a long day of work and only give his wife a few minutes of time before going to eat and sleep, on the weekend he would only hang out with his wife for a couple of hours before disappearing for most of the day with his friends.
Eventually it was the constant distance not just physically but emotionally and spiritually that erased the feelings they had for each other, the love that existed had gone.
There is a reason they say that family is the most important thing, because when you put your family first everything else seems to fall in place so beautifully, things feel right, you feel that no matter how bad things get in every other part of your life you still have a home filled with love, you still have open arms ready to comfort you when you get home, and you still have the people who love you most ready to support you and make you strong again.
There is a beautiful quote that I read which said a great marriage doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how will you continue building that love till the end, and that is what we try to do, every day, to build that love till the day we are together forever in heaven. Full credit: Khalid Al Ameri
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