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Tag: support

  • Just A Carer That’s What People Think Of Me

    Just a carer?

    I am just a carer

    That’s what people think of me,

    It isn’t very pleasant,

    They’ve seen it on TV.

    Blood and guts and vomit

    Sickness and diarrhoea.

    They wouldn’t want to do it,

    It isn’t a career.

    But I have been a carer

    Since the day that I left school.

    I haven’t been to college,

    But I’m really not a fool.

    Caring for the elderly

    Is more than making tea.

    It needs a special person,

    And I know this is for me.

    When you have dementia,

    when you’re getting old.

    It can be very lonely,

    When you’re left out in the cold.

    It needs a special person,

    One who really cares.

    One who lights the room up,

    When all around are stares.

    Someone very patient,

    Someone very kind.

    Someone who will lead you

    When you’re going blind.

    A wealth of understanding

    And time to listen too.

    You won’t be able to do it,

    If all you think about is you.

    The job is quite a privilege

    That others do not see.

    When you finish work today,

    Did you think of me?

    Did you know I sat with

    Someone taking their last breath?

    Do you know how precious those moments before death?

    Do you know how hard it is

    To say goodbye and then,

    Go and help the other folk

    And do it all again?

    Do you know how good it is

    When you get a smile,

    From someone who is down and low

    When you’ve gone the extra mile?

    Caring is a way of life

    Judge us if you must

    But we are not just carers

    We are magic fairy dust!

    To share your story or to raise awareness of any topic or to ask us to do so on your behalf, or to find out our advertising prices then please send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com

  • Give all women the choice of an Induction at 41 weeks of Pregnancy

    Victoria Birtles is desperate for support and needs your help.

    Birtles said “Give all women the choice of an Induction at 41 weeks of Pregnancy.

    Our son Archie was stillborn in June 2017 at 41+5. He had died only hours before I had gone into labour and was born a perfect 7lb11. Had I been induced with Archie at 41 weeks he most certainly would have been born a healthy baby boy. We now have to live everyday with the grief of losing our son.

    Eight babies are Stillborn everyday in the UK. Evidence proves that a pregnancy continued past 41 weeks has a dramatically increased risk of a stillbirth. Due to this evidence the USA induce all women at 41 weeks.

    Unfortunately we have no such law in the UK and it is still currently procedure to let mothers continue to 42 weeks. The result of this is that the UK still has one of the highest percentages of stillbirth in the world today.

    Help us save lives of unborn children in the UK.

    Please sign the petition below and share on Facebook, Twitter or via email if you can.

    https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/215228

    The deadline to get 100,000 signatures is only a few months away so please help.

    To share our own story, advertise on Mums advice Facebook page or website, raise awareness of any topic or would like us to do so on your behalf then please send a short email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com. We also feature new and established bloggers.

  • Just Do The Dam Dishes Without Being Asked

    Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing “preach Queen”, someone said to me “if you want help you need to be specific… ask for it. People need lists, they aren’t mind readers.”

    So I tried that, asking.. specifics..

    “Can you take the bin out?”

    “Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years”

    “Can you go to the shops? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond.”

    And yeah, she was right… shit got done.

    But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..

    And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking…?

    NOTHING.

    Again.

    And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write fucking lists.. We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them.

    Just do it.

    Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet?

    Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day?

    Is one of you carrying the weight?

    Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists….

    All your left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer..

    It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That’s your job.

    Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers.

    Full credit goes to Constance Hall

  • I am you. I see you. I am with you, I cry with you

    For the woman whose husband makes an “extra stop” after work every evening.

    For the woman who is mourning the loss of a pregnancy that nobody else knew about.

    For the woman who still leads from the front even although she’s lost inside.

    For the woman who was fired for her fourth late because she has been awake for a straight week with a sick child.

    For the single mom who doesn’t know how the utilities are going to stay on this month.

    For the woman who has gone through 2 IVF’s and has tried for five years without success but still shows up to every baby shower for her friends.

    For the woman who still hasn’t forgiven herself for the abortion that she had 20 years ago.

    For the woman who has a line of judging eyes at her and her children as she counts out coins or has to put something back at the supermarket.

    For the woman who opens the door to the news of her husband being killed overseas three weeks before he was to return home.

    For the woman who lives with a quiet anxiety because nobody understands what you could possibly be stressed about.

    For the woman who gives to her family all day- everyday and just.needs.a.break.

    For the woman that smiles at strangers all day in public- but weeps silently every night.

    For the woman who has wanted to end it all but found strength to carry on.

    For the woman that heard the rumor about herself at church today.

    For the woman sleeping next to a stranger every night.

    For the woman whose genetics will never allow her to look like the ones in the magazines.

    For the woman that endures one broken relationship after another because there was no father around to teach her what love looks like.

    For the woman raising a fatherless daughter and praying that history doesn’t repeat itself.

    For the woman who loves with all her heart who’s desperate to be loved.

    For every single woman that cries in the shower so that nobody else can see. Because if you aren’t strong-nobody is.

    Just because the water washes your tears doesn’t mean that you don’t cry. Just because you cry doesn’t mean that you’re not strong enough to handle it.

    I am you. I see you. I am with you, I cry with you. I love you.

    #womenempoweringwomen #femalesolidarity

    Full credit goes to the amazing Sarah Ponton

  • No One Believes I Was Raped And I Don’t Know What To Do

    I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of my rape for 2 months. It has been excruciating.

    I’ve been a dancer for a little over a year. I work in upscale clubs where I only provide lap dances and bottle service. At my home club (where I began dancing) I was friends with everyone because I’m not a ‘messy dancer’. (I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I don’t sleep with my coworkers, and I don’t fight with other girls.) when I would go to work I would give a hug to everyone. I would smile at everyone. I would loan other girls anything they need and they would all greet me happily. It was a good place to work.

    A new door guy (security and someone who brings people to the club) started working there. I was just as friendly with him as any other employee. I said hello, I gave him hugs, and we chatted on slow days or when there was nothing for me to do. A couple of weeks into our friendship he was telling me how he was going to have to wait 3 hours after close for the city bus, so I offered to give him a lift. I was having a bad night, had just gone through a breakup, and for some reason I couldn’t stop crying that night. When he got in my car he rubbed my shoulder and it didn’t seem weird.

    When we got to his house I had offered to share my food with him and we sat in the driveway eating and talking. When I think back on this I remember how suddenly the topic changed to going inside. He told me his parents wouldn’t appreciate someone they didn’t know conspicuously sitting in their driveway. I had already been sharing my food so I went inside with him and after a while chatting he started making me uncomfortable.

    Before I could do anything or make a move to leave he was over me, pulling my skirt up and forcing himself on me. He brutally orally raped me and I was paralyzed to do anything. He was about 3 times my size and I couldn’t imagine how I could get away. I cried and choked and he told me to shut up “about it” repeatedly. When he was done he ushered me out and didn’t look me in my face. Afterwards he texted me saying I should come over again. I ignored every text and never said a word. I didn’t go back to work.

    Eventually I thought of the other girls around him daily and I made a call every ounce of me didn’t want to make. I called my boss and told him what happened. My boss and I had forged a friendship I thought, and I thought he would protect and care for me. Instead he said “what” and never said a word to me again. They put the man who raped me on company probation while they “investigated” what I had told them. They took his statement.

    Eventually he was let go because of the accusations. I couldn’t bring myself to work at the club I was at anymore. It made me sick to my stomach to be treated so coldly. No one asked me anything, no one spoke to me about it. Everyone I had been so friendly to wouldn’t speak to me. Soon the entire company knew about it. I started working at an affiliated club so that I could continue paying my bills and he started coming into the club I moved to. Every time I saw him I would feel panicked and leave work after having them kick him out. He hasn’t been barred completely and has come back 3 times. My heart is broken by how no one is supporting me or cares what I’ve gone through. No one believes me because I can’t provide proof it happened.

    I’ve never felt so alone in my life and I’ve never felt so disgusting and humiliated. I have no support group and I can’t bring myself to talk about it in person. Every part of me hurts.

    I don’t know what to do.

  • Stabbed To Death After Fleeing Domestic Violence Relationship

    On 27th December 2010 I arrived back from the Next Sale forgetting to buy my husband paracetamol for his headache on the way home. It caused him to lose his temper in-front of my two daughters & three step-daughters…by this point we had been together for ten years and it was a familiar scene…that day I left, like I had done so many times before, only when I arrived at my mums this time I called the police.

    Two officers arrived and watched my husband frantically circle my mums flat in his car & they listened to the constant voicemails where he screamed “Why are the police there? Why are you talking to the fucking police? Think about what you’re doing”.

    They then heard the voicemails change to him sounding calm and rational saying “Come on baby. It’s a row. Just come home. I love you”….

    If it hadn’t have been for the patience and time those police officers gave me that day I wouldn’t have made that statement. I wouldn’t have been honest when I answered their Domestic abuse risk assessment and I wouldn’t have agreed to let them be present at my marital home as I cleared out my belongings.

    And as my family and friends helped me clear out mine & my babies clothes I listened to him tell me he was sorry, in front of those Police officers. I listened to him tell me he would change this time and as he begged and his tears came I wondered if I was making a mistake – but those officers and that support network reminded me why I had made the choice I had.

    Afterwards the threats & abuse started – and some were carried out. My mum got investigated for benefit fraud, he attempted to destroy one of my siblings marriages with false accusations of infidelity, every single one of my friends were paid visits – my best friend saw him outside her house with a baseball bat in his hand, my car was keyed, my Managing Director walked into my workplace with our dog which he had found tied up outside & I was repeatedly assessed by social services for child neglect and abuse.

    I was stalked – he followed me in his friends cars so I wouldn’t recognise him and he hid in bushes outside my new home.

    And after the threats and abuse came the apologies and false promises….most of the above my eldest daughter saw and still remembers….

    …..and that cycle of abuse was as intense when I left that marriage as when I was when I was in it….and I was frightened. There were times I considered going back for an ‘easier life’ and there were times I accepted that I’d just be controlled forever.

    Today I’ve spoken to the mum of the stunning girl in this post.

    Faye.

    She was a thirty year old mum of three beautiful little girls…she left her husband after years of Domestic abuse. She had left him many times before – only this time it was for good..and as she got stronger being away from him he saw he was losing control.

    On Saturday 28th April he stabbed Faye to death.

    Her mum will now try somehow and continue to live without her daughter, her friends and family are left destroyed and one day her babies will learn that their Mummy died under the most horrific cruel circumstances.

    Right now, this month, seven women be murdered in our country by a current or former partner.

    This is the exact reason Domestic abuse needs to be highlighted.

    It’s why every agency from our schools to our Police force need a full understanding of Domestic abuse to support men; women and children to leave and remain safe.

    Faye – I am so sorry – I am devastated we have lost another mum, friend, daughter – another amazing woman who should be waking up tomorrow to do the school run.

    Please help smash the target here to somehow help towards Faye’s babies futures: https://www.gofundme.com/5hkcti0

    #justiceforfaye

    Credit Facebook page Part-Time Working mummy

  • Please Help Me My Teenage Brother Is Suicidal

    Please can someone help me. My teenage brother is suicidal. He’s been going missing from school and sitting in woods, fields and even cemeteries, he has been hurting himself and looking n the internet of ways to end his life he is only 13.

    He doesn’t speak for days on end and sleeps whenever he can, he is always looking down at the floor and doesn’t ever smile or laugh anymore.

    He broke down in tears yesterday after he was found in a different town during school hours. He says he sits and thinks about hanging himself in the woods or drinking bleach.

    My brother has always been a shy, quiet, kind-hearted boy, never in trouble but he is fully aware of right and wrong, three months ago he saw four 14-16 year olds pushing around a young child with learning difficulties, my baby brother stepped in and told them to stop.

    This is where it all went wrong, he was targeted not just at school but via social media, soon these teenagers were spreading vicious rumours about my brother and people believed them, so even when he was at home in his bedroom he was being bullied via hs phone.

    The school is offering support and the main bullies now leave him alone but the rumours are still there from other children, they cannot punish the whole school, my mum has taken him to the doctor and she’s now going to keep him off school so she can be with him, but what else can we do? How can I support him through this? We have taken away all his electronics so he can’t see what they are saying but now we feel we are isolated him even more, we cannot move, there is no money to go else where, please help us, how do we deal with this situation it is breaking our hearts that this sweet boy is being so hurt emotionally and we don’t know how to take it away

  • Being Alone In A Room Full Of People

    Being alone in a room full of people

    Being alone in a room full of people

    People believe that when you are in a room full of people it is impossible to be lonely that is false being in a room full of people can be the loneliest place to be when your heads not in it.

    Welcome to anxiety people.

    Feeling the outcast, the misfit the one there because people feel awkward for not inviting you in case you get upset or depressed that you weren’t invited. But even when your there you’re looking for an escape. You sit drinking tea scared of making a fool of yourself in front if people while they get drunk. You are desperate to be treated the same as everyone but because of who you are you’re not.

    They expect your reactions to be a certain way no matter how hard you try to be better. They say they are helping but they don’t change with you.  You sit quietly trying not to be noticed and people think your miserable when your really not you will just do anything not to draw attention to yourself. They talk about things you have no experience of so you can’t contribute and end up feeling dumb.

    Is it intentional or in your head? You will never know cuz you will never ask afraid of answers you will get. You let life pass you by because you’re so scared of everything but nobody understands the crippling fear of not being wanted or not being good enough. So being in a room full of people can be the loneliest place to be.

    If you have anxiety please contact your doctor, you don’t have to alone there are people out there who feel the same as you. help is available.

  • Adopted, Neglected, Raped and Created Mums Advice

    I want to tell you my story and why Mums advice was created xGemx

    I was born in Colchester the youngest child of 4 to an alcoholic mother (she was pissed out of her head giving birth to me lol) I lived with her and my older siblings, my mum would go out and leave us for days on end, my older sister (8) kept us going with tomato ketchup sandwiches for the older ones and sugar-water for me. One day she had been gone for 4 days and the neighbours heard me crying none stop, the police were called and I was rushed to hospital with malnutrition and pneumonia I spent a long time in Colchester hospital fighting for my life.

    I was then placed in foster care with one of my siblings.

    When I was nearly 4 me and one brother were adopted by a lovely couple and moved to a tiny village. Everything was great.

    When I was 13 I wanted some extra spending money so asked at the local Indian restaurant to do some odd jobs wiping tables, washing up etc all was fine until a few weeks later when 5 of them locked me in the store cupboard and raped me. I was 13 and they told me to come back next week or they would show my mum and friends the pictures they had taken.

    I was young and dumb and didn’t know that had I told someone it would have stopped there… It continued for 2 more yrs and I still beat myself up that I allowed it to continue.

    It affected my home life I was moody and angry I started experimenting with drugs was anorexic and was self harming, I was expelled from school, I even blamed my wonderful caring parents, had they not adopted me I wouldn’t have been raped although I never said this verbally I treated them appallingly!

    Aged 15 we moved I was free, but my demons followed me, my head was a mess I looked for comfort in drugs and love from the wrong people, eventually aged 17 I had enough and told myself I was a lesbian and sort comfort in woman. The phase didn’t last long..,.

    I got a job in a care home for the mentally ill and loved it I ended up becoming a qualified mental health nurse.

    Aged 21 I met a man I became pregnant with my son Harrison, although the relationship didn’t work out due to my insecurities etc. Becoming a mum saved me, the love I had for that child stopped my anger, lifted my self-worth.

    Aged 22 I tracked down my biological father and my lost siblings (have no interest in my mother).

    When my son was 2 I met someone new and jumped straight into a relationship even though I wasn’t ready I had 2 children by him and the relationship was loveless and abusive.

    When my middle son Elijah was 7 months old he had a cot death and after 15 minutes of resuscitation he took a huge breathe, he suffers with sleep apnea now and will stop breathing if he’s unwell or run down, he is also on the autistic spectrum and has dyspraxia but such a funny kind boy.

    Me and the little twos dad split 3 years after him cheating on me, he has walked out of his children’s life and has caused me countless problems including reporting me to the police for attacking him with a bag of wellies (if he was gonna get me arrested for something I didn’t do he could have made up a better lie lol) .

    I now am a single parent to 3 wonderful children

    I suffer from PTSD, but i am strong, I fight each day, I have a great sense of humour and love helping others.

    I look back at my past and things could be so different but I’m using my experiences to help others which in turn helps me, Mums advice means so much more to me it’s not just a page or website, it’s bringing people together and people like myself who struggle to say what happened to them out loud can write their feelings down and find people who may be able to help or understand.

  • 1 In 8 Couples Are Infertile-Don’t Tell Them What To Do

    Think about this: 1 in 8 couples are infertile. Chances are, you know someone who is secretly dealing with infertility, it could be a close friend, relative or neighbour.

    Think about the simple task of going to the supermarket and walking down the baby aisle and the many emotions this are triggered.

    Think about their pain when asked to attend a friend’s baby shower, or scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and seeing so many new mums cradling their precious new-born, or seeing baby scans posted.

    Think about the complete devastation of finally getting pregnant and then losing the baby they always prayed for, and then the ignorance of people’s comments “oh you can try again you are only young” many woman who have a miscarriage are met with insensitive but well-meaning comments .

    Think about your own children and how much you love them. Think about those women and men who never get a chance to experience the love they long for, who try to adopt but are often unable to or spend their lives savings trying to conceive.

    We do not expect mums not to post photos of their scans or new-born baby photos, we do not want supermarkets to hide the baby stuff, this is something that cannot really be avoided, what we can ask that if someone loses a baby no matter the gestation to listen and care and not make the insensitive comments, a lose is a lose no matter how far gone they are, do not give a couple who are infertile tips on how you got pregnant, trust me they have tried everything, only give your opinion if you are asked for it.

    1 in 8 are infertile these statistics are so high so chances are you may be faced with one of these conversations, be kind, be compassionate and put yourself in their shoes.