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Tag: support

  • Check On Your Loved Ones

    I first met Luke when we were 11 years old, starting our first day of secondary school. We were seated next to each other on a seating plan and we instantly clicked, so much so that he came and chose to sit next to me in our lessons that we were allowed to seat ourselves. We would message each other after school, we both liked one another but were too shy to admit it. I moved schools in year 8 and we lost contact.

    In June 2016 we regained that contact. We had the same initial spark but we were a lot older now and more open to the idea of a relationship. Luke and I did not have a perfect relationship, but we made some amazing memories together in those almost 3 years that I will never forget. We went on holiday 3 times, we went to concerts, festivals, parties, water parks, we drove around in his car just to spend time together. We always came as a pair, we did everything together. We had our ups and downs like any couple, but we cared for each other so deeply.

    What most people will not know is that I struggle with mental illnesses. Luke was always there for me. He came to my college open days where my anxiety would be at an all time high. He supported me through everything and I feel so so guilty that I couldn’t do the same for him. Luke always wanted me to follow my dreams, go to college, go to uni and pursue my dream career. My life has just been turned upside down, but however long it takes me, I will do it for you Luke.

    Luke lived with my family and I, I saw him every single day and I was still oblivious to him being in this dark place. Please check on your friends, your partner, your co-workers, anyone and everyone in your life. You really never know what is going on in somebody’s mind.

    Luke, I hope wherever you are you can see how much me, my family, your family and your friends care for you. Not a day will go by where I won’t think of you. I wish I could’ve supported you in the same way you did for me. I wish you would’ve talked to me, I would’ve understood. It feels weird talking about you in the past tense, I don’t think this will ever fully sink in. I will miss you so so so much. I’m not just mourning my boyfriend. I’m mourning my best friend, my support system, the only person I felt I could turn to. I will love you forever.

    Sarah Harris

     

  • I’m Ok, It’s Ok, No Adult Company Again Today

    Say bye to my husband as he goes out to work. Take the eldest to school. Just me and the 2 year old again. Alone.

    What shall we do today? All alone.

    Farm? Soft play? The park? Just us. I wonder if anyone fancies a brew?! But who is there to call?

    I’ll just do some jobs, have a brew. What time is it? Shall we head out and get back for dinner? Where shall we go? Just us.

    The loneliness creeps in. Should I ring my husband? No he’s busy at work, I mustn’t disturb him. Who shall I message?

    I’ll just scroll Facebook and maybe the gram. See if anyone’s about.

    Should I message that mum from school? No she’ll be busy. You only know her to chat to, will she even want a brew?

    We play some games. Read a book. Shall we watch some telly? I’ll just scroll Facebook again… get some contact with the world. Something other than these 4 walls.

    Now it’s dinner time. Maybe someone will be around after school?

    Hi are you in this aft? x

    No sorry.

    Ok x

    Why what’s up?

    Nothing (not strictly true), was just seeing if you were free for a brew. x

    No I’m not sorry.

    Hi what you up2?

    Just in town.

    Ahh ok.

    Why?

    Just seeing if you were in and fancied a brew.

    Are you home?

    No I’m at work.

    It’s just me, the toddler and these 4 walls today. There’s always tomorrow.

    No-one messages, maybe it’s me. Maybe no-one wants to meet us. It’s ok. I’m ok. No adult company today. The loneliness is creeping in.

    We pick the eldest up from school. If I’m lucky there might be a parent about for a chat. Only I can’t hold a full conversation as the youngest is clinging off me, running about. I need to keep my eye on her.

    We go home and there’s now 2 little voices to contend with.

    By the time my husband gets home from work, we’re eating tea. He joins us. We chat about nothing much. I’m exhausted.

    Exhausted from being lonely.

    There’s always tomorrow for some company.

    The days blur. The loneliness sinks in. So much so that even after you’ve had company, you still feel lonely.

    You stop asking if people are free. You stick to the 4 walls, your kids and your brew.

    It’s the loneliness that numbs my brain. Does it numb anyone else’s? No conversations to make me think, to make my brain whir.

    I forget how to interact with people. I can’t make new friends. The ones I’ve got don’t have time to meet up, why would anybody new? It’s ok. I’m ok.

    The loneliness sinks deeper into my skin.

    There’s always tomorrow.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/thenonperfectparentsclub/

  • £6.77 What Could You Buy With That?

    £6.77.

    What could you buy with that?

    In the real world, the answer is “not a lot” – but in my ex’s world it’s apparently enough to provide for your child for a FULL WEEK.

    £6.77 is the exact amount of money my ex is willing to pay, per child, per week in child maintenance.

    He’s paid today and hasn’t even rounded it up to the nearest quid.

    He’s fiddled his business books so hard he’s managed to reduce his maintenance payments from £414 per month to a measly £59 per month for TWO children. 👏

    £6.77 wouldn’t even buy his Netflix subscription, or a packet of fags – yet it’s the price he’s put on feeding and clothing his first born children.

    You may be wondering how this can happen? Well, it’s a massive #CMS loophole which thousands of self employed parents are exploiting.

    Parents who own their own business can declare earnings of their choosing to HMRC – and it’s win win because a) they pay little or no income tax and b) The CMS use this figure to work out maintenance payments.

    It doesn’t work for those who are “employed” because HMRC can see true earnings for those who are PAYE and so earnings can’t be hidden.

    According to CMS, my ex declared his earnings to be £8,137 last year. If he only earned £8k, I’m a millionaire. (I’m not)

    This loophole is affecting THOUSANDS of children – why won’t anyone listen and take action?

    So I’m making it my mission to get this sorted. Watch this space and give me a wave if you are with me.

    #ihaveaplan #karma #CMS #nevergiveup #whatgoesaroundcomesaround #taxevasion

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/singlemumstillstanding/

  • Please Teach Your Kids That Others Are Different

    To all who parent;

    Please teach your kids that some children are a little “different” and people are not always as “cool” or as “social” as them. To have more understanding and tolerance of those who are a bit quirky or sometimes say things that aren’t always appropriate.

    Heck, to just be kind to your fellow human beings!

    The last few months has been absolute hell-listening to your 12 year old son in absolute desperation telling you how he wants to kill himself and can’t take it anymore. Getting physically beaten up at the bus stop and telling you “I thought if I just laid there and took it he would get bored and stop”.

    To another boy emotionally and psychologically torturing him on a daily basis (slamming him into a wall and breaking his glasses) and for me to reach out to his mother and get blatantly ignored and then “blocked” off FB as she clearly doesn’t want to deal with the situation!

    This journey has not only seen him up in hospital 3 times for mental health assessment for suicidal thoughts but has also caused him to develop an eating disorder now but also caused turmoil for myself, my family and our family friends.

    All because he has Aspergers and is different.

    By Emma young

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  • We Need A World Full Of Genuine Amazing Women

    I’M NOT PERFECT

    God only knows that is true.

    I say the wrong things, often.

    I make the wrong choices, daily.

    I overlook life’s important things sometimes and become bogged down in the shallow end.

    I occasionally judge others with the harshness I view myself. And that is wrong.

    I am most definitely not perfect.

    I am not a perfect partner, daughter, colleague, friend, parent or lover.

    Some days, it is all I can do to keep swimming, to stay afloat.

    Other days I feel like I could take on the world and win.

    But mostly, I lumber through the days blindly, hoping for the best.

    I may not be perfect, my friends.

    But you know what I definitely am?

    I am myself.

    I am genuine.

    I am kind.

    I am true.

    I am human.

    I am trying to be better.

    Every day.

    And perfection may continue to elude me for evermore, but it really doesn’t matter.

    In fact, perfection may well be a myth.

    For I have never seen it.

    So, don’t judge my imperfection please, unless you have reached that sacred place already.

    Instead, why not join me here in the real world.

    A world full of genuine, ‘normal’, amazing women – getting it wrong every day… and being wonderfully imperfect.

    Credit: ladiepassiton

  • No one tells you about days like today

    Today I cried.

    I cried hard.

    I sat at top of the staircase, covered my face, & cried.

    When he saw me start to come down the stairs, The Toddler ran behind the recliner to hide.

    He knew he wasn’t allowed to have the cereal but there it was spilled all over the kitchen counter I had just finished scrubbing.

    He was hiding from me, afraid I would start yelling again.

    I wanted to. I would have.

    But instead I cried.

    He watched me for a moment; confusion turning into concern.

    “Oh Mom,” he said, “please don’t cry.”

    But I just sat there. Exhausted, defeated, & broken.

    He brought me his ball & his racecar.

    He did a silly dance & made a funny face.

    He touched my face & put his tiny arms around my shoulders.

    “Please Mom. Don’t cry.”

    Today was a bad day.

    He wants candy for breakfast.

    I want to go back to sleep.

    He wants Team Umizoomi NOT Bubble Guppies.

    I want to turn the TV off & go back to bed.

    He doesn’t want to take a shower.

    I want to take a shower by myself.

    Instead, I shower with my hands over my ears with the Toddler sitting at my feet. The shower walls amplify his defiant screams & shatter my eardrums.

    He wants to get out of the house.

    I want to go to bed.

    He wants a tennis ball from the grocery store.

    I want a bottle of wine.

    Wait now he wants the football?? He screams it loud enough for the entire store to hear.

    I want to leave him in the parking lot.

    The entire day goes on like this. Fight after fight. Argument after argument.

    Despite it all, today, I am trying.

    I reach out to a friend & tell her how I’m feeling.

    I keep my voice level & calm. I talk to the Toddler & listen & try to understand. I give so many hugs & dozens of kisses.

    I turn off the screens & turn on music.

    I dance around & play on the floor & read books.

    But no matter how hard I try & no matter what I do or say or act, it doesn’t stop.

    Today, I tried. I really, really tried.

    Everything I thought I knew about parenting was exhausted & useless.

    Today, I failed.

    Today I screamed & cussed & threw things.

    Today I popped my kid on the mouth more than once & I put him in timeout.

    Today I lashed out at my husband & resented the peaceful relationship he has with our son.

    Today, I was mean. I was unkind. I was impatient.

    Today, I lost.

    I lost the fight with my son. I lost the fight with my husband.

    I lost the fight with myself.

    Today, I don’t think I can do this anymore.

    Today, I don’t want this life.

    So yeah, today I cried.

    No one tells you about this part.

    No one tells you about the anger & the sadness & the isolation & the disdain.

    No one tells you that motherhood brings out an unrecognizable version of yourself who you hate & resent.

    No one tells you about days like today.

    But as I sat on the staircase weeping at the terrible thoughts rattling through my head, that little boy didn’t leave my side.

    He had spent the entire day watching me morph into a terrible, ugly monster, just as I’d watched him become one as well.

    But at the end of the day, when our scary monster masks melt away, I am still his Mama & he is still my child.

    Today, I am his mother & tomorrow will be the same.

    So tomorrow, I will keep trying.

    & you should too.

    Keep trying, Mama. Keep going.

    Today was hard. Tomorrow might be too. That’s okay.

    Some days won’t have a happy ending. Some days there are no resolutions.

    You just have to go to bed & wake up ready to try again.

    We can do this, Mamas. We can do this.

    Credit

    https://www.facebook.com/New-Moms-Connect-283292652500838/

  • When I Am Sad, I Don’t Want To Reach Out

    When I Am Sad, I Don’t Want To Reach Out.

    I want to retreat.

    I want to hide.

    If I could disappear completely, until the feelings pass, I would.

    And if you ask me if I am okay I will say fine, every time.

    You see, I don’t want your help, because I don’t feel like anyone can help me.

    I don’t feel like I deserve the help.

    When I am sad, I don’t want to ‘reach out’.

    But if you reach in, if you really reach in.

    Ask me twice, 3 times, how do you really feel, are you really ok.

    Maybe I will answer honestly one day.

    And if you show up at my door and sit with me, without judgement.

    Maybe I will awake to a brighter day.

    Maybe I will look for the help.

    When I am sad I don’t want to reach out.

    Maybe you will be the one to reach in.

    Please don’t give up on me

    #depressionkills

  • I Hate School What Is It Teaching Me-Nothing!

    I hate school – and no it’s not because ‘i’m a teenager’ and don’t like waking up at 7:00am every morning, it’s because the school system isn’t about learning anymore, it’s about passing. Pretty much every teenager ever is so stressed out about school that they suffer with mental health issues, fake illnesses and even try to kill themselves but yet nobody has thought to themselves “maybe our system is flawed” and instead given teenagers the reputation of ‘kids that are lazy and selfish’ like whats up with that?

    I mean, who really cares about finding the area of a stupid triangle? Teach me how to raise a family, drive a car, get a job, pay bills and LIVE A HAPPY LIFE! I’m forced to sit in a classroom for 6 hours straight and learn about things that I’m not interested in and will probably never use in my life after my exams. And what really annoys me is that teachers don’t understand that some students suffer from mental health disorders like social anxiety and force them to talk in class for a high-grade, or that some students suffer with depression and teachers just assume they are moody and negative all the time.

    Students are in tears every single night and wake up every single morning wanting to throw up at the thought of going to school, thinking that they’d rather be dead than go to school. How is that fair? The fact that i have to choose between my grades and my health is really messed up. X

    India Gallowayy

  • So You Think You Can Parent My ADHD Child Better Than Me?

    Don’t Judge…..

    You must think I cannot hear you,

    You must think I cannot see,

    But I am just a mum, of a child with ADHD.

    You think you could parent him better,

    That you could “sort him out”,

    That it’s discipline he’s lacking,

    And he just needs a good clout,

    You do not understand or know him,

    But yet you stand there and judge,

    I take a deep breath and smile at you,

    And hold not a grudge,

    I’ve built up broad shoulders,

    Become stronger than I ever thought I could,

    Not a choice I consciously made,

    It’s what I’ve done for love.

    My child may be impulsive,

    Loud and always on the go,

    But there is so much more amazingness to him,

    That I would love for you to know.

    He doesn’t have a filter,

    Or a mechanism to make him stop and think,

    But It’s not his choice to behave that way,

    His brains messages’ are on the blink.

    He pretends to you he’s big and tough,

    Causing him at times to be too rough,

    To hide the hurt he keeps inside,

    You don’t have to hear him cry or find he’s googled ways to die.

    ADHD isn’t something made up,

    To excuse behaviour or a parenting mess up,

    It’s months of countless tests and appointments,

    And lots of despair,

    Meetings with professionals that can get too much to bear.

    It breaks my heart when he cries, and asks “why me? Why can’t I be ‘normal’ and then I’ll be happy?”

    He just wants to fit in,

    And hates standing out,

    But I tell him, “your special,

    That’s what ADHD is all about,”

    Don’t you think he’s aware of the things he does wrong?

    And understand his class clown act, is him trying to belong?

    There’s no one I know that punishes themselves more,

    I don’t want him to feel that ADHD is a flaw.

    You don’t see the struggles that he daily has to face,

    The world to him is a heightened challenging place.

    He is incredibly clever,

    And so desperate for you to see,

    But the sensory overload just won’t leave him be.

    He has the biggest heart, and the fastest brain,

    That just takes more time, nurture and understanding to train.

    It’s a disability he lives with,

    Just one you can’t see,

    Making your lack of empathy so unjustified to me.

    Full Credit Tracey Loxam