Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: parent

  • Here’s Why Your Child Misbehaves Just For You

    Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder what you’re doing wrong because your child is so well behaved for everyone else, but isn’t for you?

    Challenging behaviour, pushing boundaries, screaming, crying, not listening, shouting, you get the idea.

    People will say you’re too soft and need to get tougher.

    Or that you’re not disciplining them properly and need to gain more respect.

    Or that you have lost control.

    Or that you are a rubbish parent.

    Want to know what I think?

    Its because your child knows you understand them more than anyone else.

    It’s because your child knows that they can show frustration, anger and emotions that we all have and you will still unconditionally love and support them.

    It’s because your child knows that you’re the one person who can make everything better.

    It’s because your child knows you’re the person they can always go to with all of their problems and will never be silenced.

    It’s because your child knows that if they want to cry then they can when you’re there.

    Next time you pick your child up from nursery or from school where they say they’ve been angels all day and once home their behaviour becomes challenging maybe it’s because they’ve been holding it together all day and with you they can let all of their emotions out. Because they know you are never going anywhere. Because you’re their mum.

    So why do they behave differently for you?

    It’s not because you’re their soft touch.

    It’s because you’re their safe place.

    You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing everything right. You’ve reassured your child that they can share their feelings with you and that whatever those feelings are, you will love them unconditionally.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Children’s mental wellbeing means the world and I’ve started sharing what I do at home to encourage my kids to talk about their feelings and emotions through play – have a look here www instagram.com/thenofiltermum

  • You Have Missed Everything Daddy

    There was a time in my life that I thought you were the greatest man alive. I got pregnant with your child while we were both still children ourselves.

    I was scared, devestated and so mad at myself. You made things okay. You promised you would be there. You promised that we would make it. My first mistake was believing you. You kept your promise for awhile. You stuck by my side through the cravings, and the roller-coaster emotions, you held my hand through the delivery, you woke up with her at night, changed her diapers, worked to help support her.

    You were perfect. I was so grateful that you were there to help me, I was so grateful that our daughter had a family. Despite everything I had thought the day I took that pregnancy test, I was happy. I had my own little family and life was good. Little did I know how short lived my happiness would be. And little did I know that the person I trusted and loved so much would be the person to rob me of that happiness. When you left, I was devastated. I was devastated not for me, but for our daughter. For the little girl whose first word was dada, for the little girl who smiled so big every time you walked in a room.

    I was devastated that she wouldn’t see mommy and daddy together anymore, but I took comfort in knowing she would still have two parents who loved her, even if they weren’t together. But then you stole that from her. You walked away from her and never looked back. I would hold our baby and cry at night, wishing things could be different with her.

    With each and every day that passed with no phone calls or texts from you, no emails, no letters my sadness started to turn to anger. I was angry at you. I was angry that you left me to do it all alone. I was angry that I worked so hard but still had to stress about bills and buying diapers.

    I would get angry whenever I would see pictures of you partying on social media, without a care in the world. I was so damn angry at you. But here it is, 2 years later. I’m not angry anymore. I am so happy. Your daughter is 3 years old. You haven’t seen her for almost 2 years.

    You have never seen her blown out her 2nd and 3rd birthday candles, talk in sentences, learn her numbers and shapes or dance to her favourite songs. You missed her first day of school and her first school performance. You’ve missed everything. I guess I just want you to know that you lose. I have the greatest gift of all, the gift of child who loves me. And you will have to live with the regret of not knowing the most beautiful little girl that you helped create. And that was your choice.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/nikitawalker97

     

  • I have seen a lot of people making fun of these shoes

    I have seen a lot of people making fun of these shoes.

    A lot of people with children too. Smh.

    Listen. Your kids literally don’t know the difference until they hear YOU make fun or crack jokes.

    Your kid don’t know to want NAME BRAND until you made the comment “he ain’t wearing no off brand shoes”

    So then your kid goes to school, sees the less fortunate student has on the “off brand” and now your child is mimicking YOU and bullying another student….

    Quit teaching these kids a Name Brand means something… I PROMISEEEEE they wouldn’t of cared until YOU MADE THEM CARE.

    My daughter always picks out some paw patrol shoes or sandles out… and we’ve bought “fake vans”

    Do you know it took a whole day before she got red kool aid on them and they were ruined? Do yall know how mad I’d be if I had spent 40 or 50 on shoes just for her to spill Kool aid on them 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

    But they were only 13, so I could go grab another pair to replace if I had really wanted to.

    The point I’m trying to make is… your kid doesn’t care if the shoe has a Nike, Vans Or Jordan logo… at least they didn’t until you made it very clear that YOU had the issue.

    There is NO ISSUE with kids wearing knock off shoes. None. Especially how these kids like to kick up mud and dirt around and spill Kool Aid on things 😂😭🤷🏻‍♀️

    NOTE: To the people who are some how triggered by this post, I’m not sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️.

    This isn’t a “parent bashing” post.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/jessa.porter.1

     

  • One Day All These Magical Moments Will Be Gone

    When you first have children they talk about the challenges of parenting….the struggles of a baby waking in the night, the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare, injuries from sports…

    Having to take off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches….

    You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning….and try to soak in the magic of those moments.

    You coach them in sports, rushing to practices and ballgames…and tote them all over the country to let them play the game they love…no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.

    Life is just so busy that you rarely even stop to think what the end of those days look like.

    In fact, it’s not really even something you can wrap your mind around.

    You go into it thinking that 18-20 years sounds like a long time….

    Then suddenly hours turn into days…days into months…and months into years.

    That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons…suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go.

    And the chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home….gets filled with silence and solitude.

    You’ve learned how to parent a child who needs you to care for and protect them….but have no clue how the whole “letting go” thing is supposed to work.

    So you hold on as tight as you can…wondering how time passed so quickly…feeling guilty that you missed something….

    Because even though you had 20 years…..it just somehow doesn’t seem like it was enough.

    You ask yourself so many questions…

    Did you teach them the right lessons?

    Did you read them enough books as a child?

    Spend enough time playing with them?

    How many school parties did you have to miss?

    Do they really know how much you love them?

    What could I have done better as a parent?

    …..When it’s time for them to go, it all hits you like a ton of bricks.

    And all you can do is pray….hope….and trust that God will protect them as they start to make their way into the world alone.

    Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life….that at times leaves you exhilarated….while others leave you heartbroken.

    But one thing is certain…..it’s never enough time…💕

    So for all the parents with young children…who’s days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness…

    Exhausted day in and day out…

    Soak. It. All. In.

    Because one day….all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, ballgames, practices and late night dinners…

    All come to an end.

    And you’re left hoping that you did enough right, so that when they spread their wings….

    They’ll fly…💕

    credit ; Misty Brewer Lee

  • Stop Using Kids As Weapons and Let Us Men Be Men

    Can’t help but notice a lot of women commenting on male suicide. So here’s my two pence, stop using your kids as weapons stop going out getting on the gear and whoring yourself out and then say we are not fit to be parents.

    Stop trying to make out that being a red blooded male is a bad thing after all without these traits the human race wouldn’t exist, stop trying to feminize us, or making us feel bad for being us.

    Stop being cheating lying gold diggers. Women have the power to completely destroy our hearts minds and souls but also heal all wounds and comfort us in our darkest times.

    It has never been harder to be a man in this strange modern world. Everyone should be able to be who they are if they are a red blooded male that’s fine if they are kind and caring that’s fine if they are more feminim than masculine that’s fine everybody should just be them and not try to live up to what tv media and women tell you how you should be.

    What the hell do you want us men to do? No matter how we act we are wrong, want us to be in our kids lives stop making it so hard for us to do so, want us to change do ya? Why? when you met us we were fine but now you wanna throw in new rules, new goal posts and then seem surprised when we walk away.

    Let us men be men, let us be who we are, shut up with your emotions and neediness

    Credit Darren Purslow

  • Tough Love Is All I Know How To Give

    HAD TO SHARE THIS : …..

    Tough love is all I know how to give !

    When I’ve busted my butt to do everything possible to give my child a great life .. a better life that I had and guide her and her siblings to the best of my ability …

    Several talks .. plenty of chances and still chooses to act a fool at school and at home…

    Well this mom has reached her limit !

    She will learn to appreciate having a nice cozy bed .. now that she is sleeping on the floor .

    She will learn to appreciate the clothes and shoes we have bought her now that I have limited her to 3 pants , 3 tops and 3 undergarments , 1 hoodie and 1 jacket and 2 pairs of shoes.

    She will learn to appreciate having a washer and dryer …because now she will have to wash those 3day outfits by HAND to re-wear them.

    She will appreciate the fact that she had nice clothes to sport the weekends ..because now she will be wearing her same weekday school uniforms during the weekend .. since that’s part of the wardrobe I allowed her to keep!

    She will appreciate to have had a tv 📺 to watch because now she will only have the 4 walls in her room to look at or a book to read.

    She will learn to appreciate family time and miss it now that she will have plenty of time alone to think about her horrible actions !

    She will appreciate the phone she had and we pay for because now she is disconnected from the world 🌍 NO SOCIAL MEDIA, NO FRIENDS , NOTHING!

    She will learn to watch her mouth and respect her elders at home and at school .. as well as follow directions and correct her behavior as we have taught her to do so!

    Teenagers nowadays think that us parents NEED to give them all that extra stuff .. we sure in hell don’t! All we need to do is provide the basic needs, a roof over there head and food.

    They take everything for granted and complain about every little dumb crap!

    So at this point this punishment is indefinite but at the very minimum a month!

    Best believe she’s going to learn from this one!!

    Credit Liza sepulveda

  • So You Think You Can Parent My ADHD Child Better Than Me?

    Don’t Judge…..

    You must think I cannot hear you,

    You must think I cannot see,

    But I am just a mum, of a child with ADHD.

    You think you could parent him better,

    That you could “sort him out”,

    That it’s discipline he’s lacking,

    And he just needs a good clout,

    You do not understand or know him,

    But yet you stand there and judge,

    I take a deep breath and smile at you,

    And hold not a grudge,

    I’ve built up broad shoulders,

    Become stronger than I ever thought I could,

    Not a choice I consciously made,

    It’s what I’ve done for love.

    My child may be impulsive,

    Loud and always on the go,

    But there is so much more amazingness to him,

    That I would love for you to know.

    He doesn’t have a filter,

    Or a mechanism to make him stop and think,

    But It’s not his choice to behave that way,

    His brains messages’ are on the blink.

    He pretends to you he’s big and tough,

    Causing him at times to be too rough,

    To hide the hurt he keeps inside,

    You don’t have to hear him cry or find he’s googled ways to die.

    ADHD isn’t something made up,

    To excuse behaviour or a parenting mess up,

    It’s months of countless tests and appointments,

    And lots of despair,

    Meetings with professionals that can get too much to bear.

    It breaks my heart when he cries, and asks “why me? Why can’t I be ‘normal’ and then I’ll be happy?”

    He just wants to fit in,

    And hates standing out,

    But I tell him, “your special,

    That’s what ADHD is all about,”

    Don’t you think he’s aware of the things he does wrong?

    And understand his class clown act, is him trying to belong?

    There’s no one I know that punishes themselves more,

    I don’t want him to feel that ADHD is a flaw.

    You don’t see the struggles that he daily has to face,

    The world to him is a heightened challenging place.

    He is incredibly clever,

    And so desperate for you to see,

    But the sensory overload just won’t leave him be.

    He has the biggest heart, and the fastest brain,

    That just takes more time, nurture and understanding to train.

    It’s a disability he lives with,

    Just one you can’t see,

    Making your lack of empathy so unjustified to me.

    Full Credit Tracey Loxam

  • Stay At Home Mum Depression Is Something We Need To Talk About

    Stay at home mum (SAHM) depression… the elephant in the room nobody talks about. I mean, how dare you complain after being gifted this opportunity to stay at home and raise your own kids?

    But it’s not that simple: of course we SAHM’s are grateful to stay home and raise our young but that it’s literally all we become.

    No one talks about the isolation. No one talks about the loss of identity. No one talks about the loneliness. No one talks about losing your sense of self. No one talks about how you had to give up your career because it’s cheaper for you to stay home.

    No one talks about how you cry in the shower because your day was overwhelming. No one understands why you’re tired. No one understands why you’re irritable. No one understands why you need a mental break. No one understands why you’re so aggravated with your kids.

    No one understands why after you’ve been home all day, the house is a wreck still. No one understands why you just need 5 minutes with no one speaking to or touching you. No one understands why you’ve lost your sex drive. No one understands why you’re completely and utterly exhausted, after all, you just sit at home all day.

    No one understands the feeling you have when you are told you don’t have a “real job.”

    Most of us were working women at one point. We got to go to a job and interact with other adults outside our home. We contributed financially to our household. (Shoot, most of us want some kind of side hustle or part-time job because it would sure help with financial relief.)

    We didn’t feel like an endless maid. We got that break away (even though yes, work is a love/ hate relationship) that gives you space from the people you live with (children, spouse, etc.) because yes, every relationship needs time away in it to not go crazy being around each other 24/7. That’s not healthy. Contrary to popular belief – you need a break daily.

    I can’t tell you how many women I meet or know that say “oh, you have too much time on your hands,” I sure wish I could stay home, I wouldn’t complain.”

    Good for you!

    I can guarantee you will change your mind 6 months in, unless you’re wealthy and have money to constantly go do things. I once was you. I wished upon a star I could stay home with my kids because I wanted to spend all the time I could. I didn’t realise what all came with being a SAHM.

    Oh but you chose to have those kids. You should’ve thought about that before having them. If you didn’t want to go through all this you should’ve never had kids. And you said you want more?

    Seriously… Heard those all before.

    Next time you hear or see a SAHM venting her frustrations, listen and make her feel like she’s somebody. That her struggles are not invalid.

    Thanks Momma’s Tired for shedding light on depression and voicing the challenges many mums face. For being honest because for many, this is a typical week.

    Check out Momm’s tired on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/themommastired/

  • This Picture Perfectly Illustrates The Divide That Happens When No one Steps In

    *This picture is blurry for a reason.

    I’m not trying to put this specific family on blast, but I am trying to shine a light on these little moments of motherhood that can add up to feeling isolated and resentful, and this one captures it perfectly.

    While at lunch yesterday, I watched this mom entertain her baby with a balloon, with walking around, with touching the art on the wall, etc. (we’ve all been there) the entire time her family enjoyed their birthday celebration with food and drinks and lively conversation. No one stepped in to let HER enjoy being part of the group. This image, with the mom in pink on the left (with her baby touching a balloon) is an accurate visual of the constant, UNSEEN care-taking of motherhood many moms do that leave us out of the group.

    Either no one noticed the subtle work she was doing, or no one wanted to give up their enjoyment to let her have a taste of it too. I considered offering to hold her baby so she could rejoin her family for a bit, but I knew that was gonna be weird.

    And people wonder why postpartum depression, rage, and resentment are a common part of modern motherhood. 🤔 We don’t just need better diagnosis and doctors to help new moms – we need our families and friends to notice us, and to help bring us back to the table.

    I vividly remember this stage and I remember writing in a journal that I never wanted to forget how isolating it felt at dinners and parties to be walking a baby around while everyone sips on wine and tickles the baby’s feet as I pass them instead of offering to help me eat without a human on me. I never wanted to forget it because I knew that “Gramnesia” would probably erase it from my brain. I wrote it down so I would remember to help my then grown-up kids and spouses in this department – especially the moms.

    Please share this far and wide so that people in different phases of life and roles in families can see where these cracks form for us moms, and where they can easily step in and help us. Even if they can’t understand it because they haven’t lived it, this picture perfectly illustrates the divide that happens when no one steps in. #bringusbacktothetable #gramnesia #motherhood #defaultparent

    credit

    https://www.facebook.com/AdultConversationParenting/

  • I Never Let My Kids Eat Processed Foods

    “ I Never Let my Kids eat processed Foods”

    Oh Piss off Paula you lying Bastard! After a week of 3 School Runs a day, plus the ‘I forgot my banana on the stairs Mum!!’ re run before you eventually turn up for Work, looking like something a Fucking Cat Dragged in, you reach for those Chicken Twatting Nuggets, Chips and Beans on a Friday Night like we all do!

    “ My Kids are in bed by 7pm every Night”

    Really Susan?? REALLY?? Because my little C**ts were swinging from the Curtains like Fucking Spider Monkeys every night last week until 8:30pm when they eventually shut the fuck up and went to sleep. Fuck off Susan ya lying twunt and put your Piriton Syringe away ya cheating fuck stick!

    “My kids are only allowed their Tablets for 20 Minutes a Day”

    Barbara you’re a lying Bastard! We all tell them to ‘watch a film’ whilst we clean our Shit hole houses, then before we know it they’re neck deep and 2 hours into some screaming little twat on YouTube, watching them play an Xbox game that they Fucking own themselves, but noooooo, its more fun watching some snotty bratty bastard playing it!!

    “Mine aren’t allowed treats in between meals, they have Fruit”

    Carol you bullshitting Arse Goblin!! I left the room for 5 Minutes last week and this happened 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

    A fuck Tonne of Milk! A whole Tray of Biscuits. Both ipads and Massive happy faces!!!

    Like fuck i was taking it off them. I was proud of their teamwork !! They’re Children. They should be allowed Chicken Nuggets for Tea every now and then. It’s ok if they have a Late night here and there, or an ipad game/film for longer than 20 Minutes so we can maybe, just maybe wash our Fucking hair alone without Our Gremlins trashing the bathroom like a pair of Wild Bastard Seals!!

    Mums You’re doing just fine! Make the Fucking Nuggets. Utilise the ipads so you can maybe hear the voices in your head again 🤪 . Let them knacker themselves out playing TMNT upstairs on the C**ting Curtains until they flake out, and let them have a treat, Let them steal the cookies from the cupboard and let them be Fucking proud of it!

    i know i am 😊

    Full credit goes to:

    Leigh Anne Smith