“I had to pee so badly but they wouldn’t let me go. They said I needed a full bladder because it’s easier to see the baby during the ultrasound. I remember feeling so frustrated not only because of my full bladder, but because I had to fill out what seemed like 50 pages of paperwork before I could empty my bladder and see the baby I’d been waiting to see for 8 weeks.
I finally was walked to the back room where I was greeted with a smile from everyone because the happiness from carrying a baby was contagious. The ultrasound began and I saw the images right in front of me. My heart was beating out of my chest. This was exciting!
This was a day my husband and I had been waiting for, for over a year.
But these images were different than the ones I’ve seen on Facebook that all my girlfriends had posted, something was wrong.
I saw nothing because my body was just hours away from miscarrying.
My ultrasound tech was quiet and I just knew. She left the room and my husband quickly assured me that “everything is fine.” But don’t tell that to a girl who has seen hundreds of ultrasound photos, who has searched Instagram for the hashtag “8weeks” to see what her baby now looked like.
I knew it wasn’t right and it wasn’t.
I remember being afraid to cry. I didn’t feel as if I deserved to cry because “I wasn’t that far along,” and “this happens all the time.”
I remember holding back the tears with every ounce of my being and not being able to look my husband in the face because I knew his pain would break me.
I was sent home to let my body naturally run its course and it did. I felt everything but had nothing to show for it. My doctor didn’t let me leave without warning and she was right about everything. But what she didn’t warn me about was everything that would happen after the initial heartbreak and pain.
She didn’t tell me I was going to be reminded for weeks to come because my body was going to take that long to “clean out.” She didn’t tell me I was going to have to watch my husband weep. She didn’t tell me how hard it was going to be to tell my mom what had happened. She didn’t tell me that my body was going to continue thinking it was pregnant for weeks to come. She didn’t tell me how hard it was going be to tell people I was fine when I wasn’t. She didn’t tell me that this was going to make me a jealous person over-night. She didn’t tell me how much harder the question “when are you having kids?” was going to be. And she didn’t tell me that it was going to be so hard losing someone I had never met.
But she did tell me it was okay to cry and she did tell me that I wasn’t alone.
Miscarriages are SO real and so common, in fact, one out of four women experience a miscarriage; but don’t let that confuse you into thinking it hurts any less. As large as this statistic is, I still felt alone and I have finally figured out why: because no one talks about it.
It wasn’t until I started talking about it to my friends and family that I slowly realized I wasn’t alone. That my mom, my aunt, my sister, my sisters best friend all have experienced this heartbreak and pain, a heartbreak and pain I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
People may wonder why I choose to talk about this after months have passed, but it’s the harsh reality that time really doesn’t heal all wounds so I am hoping sharing my story will help with the healing process. I am not looking for pity and I am not looking for answers. I am sharing this so that maybe one less woman will feel alone and use this as a reminder or message that there is hope after this heartbreak.
This is my hope for you…
I hope that you won’t feel alone.
I hope that you let yourself cry.
I hope that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope that though your faith will be tested, you will be strong.
I hope you find peace.
I hope you won’t be afraid to try again.
I hope that you don’t blame yourself.
I hope that your friends hug you a little tighter.
I hope that you give someone else hope through your hardship
I hope that you are a light in the darkest of time.
…and I hope that you celebrate that baby’s life as much as you celebrate the next because no matter how short a life, all life deserves to be celebrated and all loss should be mourned.
Feel free to share if this spoke to you or you feel as if it might speak to someone you know.”
A lady named Raye Lee took to Facebook to express her feelings and the post has since gone viral
Lee said: “Oh. A c-section? So you didn’t actually give birth. It must have been nice to take the easy way out like that.”
Ah, yes. My emergency c-section was absolutely a matter of convenience. It was really convenient to be in labour for 38 hours before my baby went into distress and then every contraction was literally STOPPING his HEART.
Being told at the beginning that I was displaying great progress and wouldn’t need a cesarean section… and then being told that I was being prepped for major abdominal surgery was not a shock at all. It had nothing to do with the fact that I physically couldn’t because I was given no other choice to save the life of my child. Oh, and that surgery is super easy peasy to recover from.
WRONG, That is all sarcasm.
This was the most painful thing I have experienced in my life.
I now belong to a badass tribe of mamas with the scar to prove that I had a baby cut out of me and lived to tell the tale.
( because you can die from this, you know. )
Having a shrieking infant pulled out of an incision that is only 5 inches long, but is cut and shredded and pulled until it rips apart through all of your layers of fat, muscle, and organs (which they lay on the table next to your body, in order to continue to cut until they reach your child) is a completely different experience than I had imagined my son’s birth to be.
This was not pleasant. It still isn’t.
You use your core muscles for literally everything… even sitting down, imagine not being able to use them because they have literally been shredded and mangled by a doctor and not being able to repair them for 6+ weeks because your body has to do it naturally.
When that first nurse asked you to try getting out of bed and the ripping pain of a body cut apart and stitched back together seared through you, you realized the irony of anybody who talks about it being the “easy way out”. So fuck you and fuck how you see what I did.
I am the strongest woman, that I know. Not only for myself, but for my beautiful son… and I would honestly go through this every single day just to make sure I am able to see his smiling face.
The police have reported that two teenagers from Southampton have been arrested on suspicion of murder after the death of a six-week-old baby boy.
Police officers and paramedics were called to the scene at Defender Road at 5.05am on Sunday after reports that a child was in need of medical attention.
The baby boy was taken to Southampton General Hospital, where he sadly passed away.
The teens, an 18-year-old woman and a 16-year-old boy, have both been arrested in connection with the death and remain in custody for questioning, a spokesman for Hampshire Police confirmed.
August 2016 my beautiful little baby boy went for a routine MRI, this was to check this was to check everything was ok due to him being born early at 31 weeks and his first 3 months were touch and go.
We had expected it to be an in and out appointmen…IT WASN’T!
Before he had come around from the sedation the doctors came into the bay, pulled around the ‘sound proof curtain’ and delivered the news that my tiny baby boy had a huge build up of fluid on his brain.
A blow we were not prepared for! How do you cope with being told that the tiny baby laying in front of you has something seriously wrong with him, a baby wh no chance to live.
We had 5 months of calm our baby boy was a perfect addition to our little family and his big sisters doted on him and then it’s like everything around you shatters.
We had to prepare ourselves to watch our baby face something we knew nothing about, we had to tell our young daughters that their much-loved baby brother had a poorly head and the doctors had to make him all better, they were too young to understand but I could see they were worried.
The next day he was taken to Addenbrooks where he would spend nearly a month!
We were presented with the choice between a shunt or ETV (endosopic third ventriculostomy) a hard decision and we followed what we thought would be the best long-term solution along side the advice from his neurosurgeon.
After 3 and a half hours we got the call that our tiny baby boy was out of brain surgery.
The ETV had failed he now had a bleed on the brain, seeing him laying there with a tube coming out of his head and blood filling up the pot that it was attached was absolutely heart breaking, if I could have swapped places with him I would have.
Our daughters were amazing throughout all of this, we didn’t want to scare them and let them see their little brother with a tube coming out of his head and them not being able to pick him up but they got tearful not having him at home with them, they had moments of being sad but they kept us ‘distracted’ and helped us to keep going forward.
Our little fighter had to have an external drain to relieve the pressure and to allow the blood to clear, brain surgery 2 was 9 days into this to replace the tube and reduce the risk of infection.
It took 3 weeks for the blood to clear and then it was time for his 3rd surgery to place his shunt, he was home the next evening!!!
The shunt drains the fluid from his brain to his abdomen.
To look at you would never know he had it, it just means we have to be extra cautious with his head and any type of hit to the head could end up with him back in hospital for more surgery.
When he is poorly or sick it puts us all on edge as not only is it horrible seeing your baby ill but sickness is also a symptom of a malfunction.
As of August 2016 our boy has hydrocephalus, a chiari malfunction (the route cause of hydrocephalus)and epilepsy.. these join a list of problems he’s had to face and continues to.
Our little fighter now.
But he is our little superhero! He’s battled a lot and has come such a long way.
He is always happy and such a character, your typical boy who loves cars, dinosaurs, paw patrol and being on the move non stop.
Shunts are far more common than I ever realised and they save lives, I thank my lucky stars every day for the person who invented the shunt without it our boy would not be with us today.
My Rockstar drink addiction ruined my relationship
I was a happily married guy to my dream girl, we met in June 2015 whilst working together doing night shifts as Tesco.
After a year of dating we decided to move in together to be able to afford the rent I picked up extra shifts and some weeks I would work 7 nights at one point I worked 16 nights in a row.
I was drained of energy, I just couldn’t get a decent amount of deep sleep during the day so drank Rockstar energy drinks to keep me awake at work.
Things went on like this for a long time and it just seemed the norm, sleep and then drink Rockstar.
My girlfriend and I decided we wanted to try for a baby I was so happy I had always wanted to be a father.
We started trying a few months after but I had a problem I couldn’t finish I would stay erect for over an hour and would not cum.
If I didn’t have an energy drink I couldn’t get it up but if I had one I couldn’t finish.
After 3 months of failed sexual intercourse my girlfriend sat me down and said she felt like a failure like an ugly tramp, that I clearly didn’t fancy her anymore.
I tried to explain it was the Rockstar drinks which were doing it to me and she laughed at me and asked if that were true why didn’t I just stop drinking them.
But it just wasn’t that simple I needed them I was addicted to them, I couldn’t get through a day without one.
Rockstar energy drinks have ruined my life, I now love back with my mum and see no way of getting off Rockstar a doctor would probably laugh at me.
If you work nights please don’t drink this poison, I hate seeing teenagers and sometimes younger kids drinking them it is not worth the risk.
Zoe Jones took to Facebook to share her hilarious misunderstanding with the police and it had us creasing with laughter.
Jones said “Omfg!!! 😲 Just had a knock on the door and I opened it thinking it was the postman with my parcel I’ve been waiting for and to my surprise it was 4 police men and a women!! 👮♀️ 👮♂️
They asked me how long I’d been home an if I could open my car for them 🤔 I shit myself and got my keys and opened the door for them. They then asked why I would leave a newborn baby in the car on its own so I explained my baby was 5 years old now an I had just dropped him to school with his 2 older sisters 😐 but then one of the officer reached in and pulled a baby car seat out and said this baby 👶 I automatically laughed but the police woman didn’t find it funny and said that it was an offence to leave a baby unattended 🙈 I quickly reached into the car seat an unwrapped the “baby” out of its blanket to show them that it was tess’s (my daughter) reborn that she had left in there 😂🙈 these kids will be the death of me ai 🤣🙃”.
When You Leave Your “Baby” In the Car Alone
The post has since been shared over ten thousand times and received hundreds of comments all who find it funny, but wonder how the police or passer bys could mistake a doll for a baby
Kerry Blackaller is currently going through hell her little angel her only daughter has been removed from her care and she is fighting to get her back.
Blackaller said “Well since 8 this morning I’ve been trying to find the right words. This is the best I could do. 11 months ago today was the happiest day of my Life. You completed me finally after all these years. Some time passed in that time we passed I lost my battle to keep you with me. Please believe me it was not my fault I did everything in my power.
Unfortunately the system let me and you both down. Since you’ve been gone I still have fought for you every day. My days have been bad but this day has hit me like a ton of bricks. Every month you was a month older we always used to do something. This month we can’t 💔 furthermore I’m now realising its only one month away until your first birthday and I’m dreading that day coming.
Social Services Have Taken My Heart I Want My Baby Back
Lyla baby my life is just not the same without you here. I don’t want to get up in the mornings, The fight I have left in me is minimal, but of course for you I’m not giving up and still somehow going. You are the only reason right now that I breathe. What I would give to hear a silly little cry or a moan or the smell of a stinky nappy.
To just feel your presence and your arms around my neck, your head on my chest, your hands in mine, to hear the most amazing sound of all that beautiful laugh of yours, to feel your heart beat next to mine, to see the worlds most captivating smile, to feel the most beautiful skin I’ve ever felt, most of all the best sound I have ever heard in my life, you in the morning rocking the cot and calling MUM. I have deep trouble accepting the fact that your gone. How you’ll now call
Someone else mum, how I won’t get to see you flourish and grow anymore, your 1st day at nursery, then big girl school, to know if your hurt or sad, jobs, friends, boyfriends, prom, career, for the rest of my life this will eat me alive. But I promise as long as you ok and smiling I will deal with it and wait for
You to come and find me to make it up to you and show you all I done. I really hope you understand I done what I could. You have made me the happiest and proudest mum in the world. Every minute and second I spent with you was the best time of my Life.
While I sit and write this with tears streaming down my face there’s still this smile that is permanently stuck there to my face and heart because of you. For this I thank you and I will cherish it all until I see you again. I miss and love you so much it hurts, and makes my heart skip beats. There’s not a single day that goes by that I don’t hurt, or think about you and smile, that I don’t smell or hear your infectious laugh. Not a day that I can’t wait to have you back in my arms. Or a day I wish I could turn back time, most of all not a day goes by where I don’t pray to have you back and that your safe and happy.
Social Services Have Taken My Heart I Want My Baby Back
Please god keep my baby safe and happy. Let her grow into all she can be. Let her know I’m here not giving up. I promise mummy will think about u and cherish every moment of you every day. I promise I will always be here. You’ve given me feelings I never knew existed. Until we meet again.. I have to say bye and god only knows how I’m going to do that. I love you more than any words could ever comprehend. Not only because you’re my daughter but you was my best friend too. And Forever that will remain. My whole 🌎 my ❤️ beat. My baby 👶🏼 mummy’s 👸🏼 forever and always 👩👧 💜💕💔💔💔💔”.
if you are able to help Blackaller who is trying to raise funds for legal fees
I am the proud mummy of a three-month old baby girl called Ava Marie she was born three days late weighing 7ib 3oz but every one of my friends and family knows that.
I did not get to tell them though, I didn’t get the thrill and excitement of phoning everyone and announcing the birth of MY baby, I called and told my mother and my parent in-laws.
My sister-in-law was obviously told by my mother in law and then took it upon herself to announce the news over social media, even tagging me in the post so every single one of my friends saw the post, I called my elderly grandmother to tell her that Ava Marie had arrived in the world and she already knew, my brother knew, my best friend too, it is a complete anti climax when you call someone to share special news for them to already know.
The news I had waited to tell people for 5 years, 5 years of trying, 5 years of stress and worry that I couldn’t carry a child to term, 6 heart breaking miscarriage and my angel baby Samuel born at 23 weeks, all ruined by a thoughtless act.
My sister-in-law who is 27 and a mother of 2 decided to ruin my moment, my excitement and my news.
Once I had left the hospital and settled into a routine I confronted her and all she had to say for herself is she was just excited and wanted to tell someone, she didn’t understand the upset she had caused.
My husband didn’t understand why I was so upset, I guess only mums who have had their announcement ruined get where I am coming from.
So if a relative or friend is pregnant please don’t tell the world let the parents post what they want first, it’s their moment, their news and their baby.
Naming a baby is one of the most difficult things a parent can do.
You have so many things to think about and consider; what would a child’s nickname be if you give them that name? Will it go well with the middle name or the surname?
It can be an absolute mind field!
Perhaps due to these struggles some of these names are starting to fall off the map and possibly going extinct! We personally can’t remember last time we heard of a newborn baby being named any of these names!
Check out this list of TEN girls names going EXTINCT!
Andrea Beverly Dorothy Doris Ethel Gladys Irene Selma Susan Velma
What do you think of these baby names is it something you would consider or perhaps you have a baby with one of these names!
