Tag: anxiety
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Strong Woman Still Need To Be Loved
STRONG
When they see you as a strong woman, they think that you do not need anything or anyone, you can bear everything and will overcome whatever happens. That you do not mind being listened to, cared for or pampered.
When they see you as a strong woman, they just look for you to help them carry their crosses. They talk to you and they think you do not need to be heard.
A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, suffering or falling, if she has anxiety or fear. The important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the fog or a rock in the middle of the sea.
The strong woman is not forgiven anything. If she loses control, she becomes weak. If she loses her temper, she becomes hysterical.
When the strong woman disappears a minute, it is immediately noticeable, but when she is there, her presence is usual.
But the strength that is needed every day, to be that kind of woman, does not matter to anyone.
Honor, recognize, respect and thank the strong women in your life, because they also need to be restrained, loved and feel that they can rest.
Original source unknown
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It’s Normal To Be Anxious In This World
It’s normal to be anxious in this world. How are you not?
We live in a society in which at the first sign of someone else’s distress we pull out our mobiles to record what it happening instead of helping.
Homeless-ness has become so common that no-one is trying to prevent it anymore, the numbers are just growing. In the UK prior to royal wedding of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry they ‘cleared’ the streets of Windsor from all the homeless people. I saw a spokesman on ITV News at the time saying that homeless people choose to live on the streets.
Everyday on the news we hear of another drug taking over our local communities. It scared me when Heroin, a drug as a child I would have only heard of in films. Is now easier to get now than a packet of cigarettes.
School is the scariest place for some children to go because they are being bullied. More than one out of every five (20.8%) students reported being bullied according to the National Center for Educational Statistics, 2016.
School is also a competition from the first day to the last. From the parents to the children. The parents want their child to have the best equipment and do the best. The children then turn into teenagers who begin to want better equipment than their friends and to do better than their friends rather than helping them.
Why has Christmas turned into a social media event basically? Everything is posted on Facebook especially the main one (the picture with the 1000 presents.) It’s like everything has to be a competition these days. Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, Communions etc. It Is like we are losing the love for each celebration. Constant competition with no thought for those with less.
The internet is at a child’s fingertips. The youngest person I know to use the internet is 5. We can all have an opinion on how the internet is affecting the generations to come but the majority of things that can be seen at a click of a button are negative.
Social Media has changed the idea of beauty creating standards that are unreachable for young men and women. Self-esteem issues starting at pre-adolescence. It is the platform of cyber bullying and arranged fights. It is constant negative videos circulating every day, from videos of people abusing children to videos of people fighting. Facebook was invented so we can connect with friend’s, right?
People are still widely being victimized based on their gender, race, sexual orientation, religion etc. We are becoming more accustomed to what ‘labels’ people fit instead of treating them as people, equal.
In a corporate environment it will never matter how well you perform your job to move up the corporate ladder. ‘It is not what you know it is who you know.’
It constantly feels that it is the government against the people and their welfare instead of being for the people. Why does it always seem that they always focus on the minor problems of the city rather than the major?
A celebrity death is no longer a case of mourning. It is a case of insensitive meme’s and jokes now. Is this generation losing the values of respect?
There have been 142 school shootings in the US Since 2013. Schools in which our children should be safe. When there is a school shooting it is publicised all over the news which creates further fear in children at any school. Is school even a safe place anymore?
We don’t speak up for those in need of help as much as we possibly could. I believe voices have the ability to change everything wrong in this world if only we had enough voices, and even with that too many people would be afraid to speak up due to the fact they may suffer the consequences personally.
We hear swear words from most children’s mouths these days and it isn’t even shocking anymore.
The news and media are all so corrupt and negative. It seems like they know exactly how to sway the public to a certain way of thinking.
Are the Police to be trusted? When you see the Police do you feel safe?Personally, I do. But some people do not and are completely within reason.
In Northern Ireland at the minute there is no government at all, not that the people of the North’s voices ever get heard anyway but imagine having no government in your country. I don’t know how many times I have heard people ask, ‘what the hell is going on here.’
Drugs are literally everywhere and scarily available to people whom I have heard of aged as young as 14. Coke, MDMA, Ecstasy, Speed, Spice, Heroin, everything. Imagine a child finding the remains of a needle and spoon from a heroin hit in the middle of their city centre?
We hear the words ‘Nuclear Bombs’ a lot these days. That’s normal to hear and doesn’t cause fear.
We live in a world where a 9-year-old just committed suicide. A 9 Year old should not know what suicide is! END OFF!
I could go on longer on this but really, it’s like no wonder why so many people have anxiety disorders living in this world.
Credit https://www.facebook.com/themindmattersmost/
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What They Don’t Tell You About The NICU
It’s been 4 months since my little baby came into this world. 4 months since I was being rushed back for an emergency c-section. 4 months since the doctors cheered after hearing your little cry. 4 months since you were taken out of the operating room and into the NICU before I could see you.
Just two days before that we were given a tour of the NICU. I remember feeling pretty calm and comfortable with the fact that that’s where my baby would be. The nurse showed us the different pods, told us what to expect, and explained what he would need to do in order to go home: breathe on his own, eat on his own, and gain weight.
Looking back now I realize that there were so many things that they didn’t tell us. That I wasn’t prepared for.
They don’t tell you that in just a couple of days that place will terrify you. It will become a second home you wish you never had.
They don’t tell you how absolutely depressing it is to be discharged. Packing your bags and being wheeled out of the hospital without your baby is enough to make you want to vomit.
They don’t tell you that you will feel this way EVERY TIME you leave that hospital without your baby.
They don’t tell you that just days after a c-section, the walk from the parking deck to the NICU will be the longest, most painful walk of your life.
They don’t tell you that holding your baby for the first time will be the best and worst moment of your life. You finally get to hold him – yay! But it’s not supposed to be this uncomfortable and terrifying.
They don’t tell you that your interstate anxiety will instantly become a thing of the past because nothing – rain, flooding, thunderstorms, and not even the Afton mountain fog – will keep you from seeing your baby.
They don’t tell you that you will blame the nurses and doctors. Your baby was having such a great day yesterday and now he’s back on oxygen and hooked up to IV’s. The medical staff must not be keeping a close enough eye on him.
They don’t tell you that you will dream about the NICU. You will hear beeping machines in your sleep.
They don’t tell you that you won’t feel like a mom. Someone else is taking care of your newborn. They are feeding him, changing him, and keeping him alive. What are you here for?
They don’t tell you that you will cuss the people in the parking deck and the ones walking slow in front of you because it’s 1:55 and if you’re not in the NICU at 2:00 they will feed your baby without you and that’s what you look forward to everyday.
They don’t tell you that you will pull into a rest stop on your way home to call and bitch at the nurse for not giving your constipated baby a glycerin yet. Obviously that’s way more important than what her other babies may be dealing with.
They don’t tell you that you will hate your significant other. He obviously doesn’t love your baby as much as you do. How dare he want to take a day off from visiting him to relax and get some things done around the house. He must not care.
They don’t tell you that your friends will piss you off and not even know it. How dare they have fun together and live a normal life when you feel like yours is falling apart.
They don’t tell you that you will keep these feelings bottled up. You know you’re being irrational.
They don’t tell you that you will become miserable to be around. You don’t want to have fun. You don’t want to tell your family members that your baby is having a “bad” day.
They don’t tell you that someone telling you that their coworkers sisters best friends baby was in the NICU and she’s 5 years old now and healthy as can be will NOT make you feel better. That’s not YOUR baby. YOUR baby may be different.
They don’t tell you that someone telling you to “take a day off” will piss you off. How are you supposed to take a day off when that’s your baby over there, in the hospital, an hour away?
They don’t tell you that you will make the trip to see him two times in one day because you got home and realized that you missed him and needed more cuddles.
They don’t tell you that even though he isn’t home yet, you still don’t get much sleep.
They don’t tell you that you will eventually become numb to the feeling of nurses rushing in when his oxygen and heart rate drops once again, causing a machine to alarm.
They don’t tell you that you will become an expert on NEC, chronic lung disease, and various other diseases that can affect preemies.
They don’t tell you that you will struggle. The money it takes to travel there adds up. You’ll take weeks off work because your baby needs you. You’re significant other will take FMLA when your baby isn’t doing good. You will understand what it means to be broke.
They don’t tell you that people will talk. He was probably born early because I worked out during my pregnancy, right? Or I must have been doing SOMETHING wrong to make him come early.
They don’t tell you that you will blame yourself. Even though you know there was no way to stop the preeclampsia, it was still your body that was the problem. And cutting back on sodium and drinking more water doesn’t touch a blood pressure that is 178/119.
They don’t tell you that you will go from ignoring every unknown caller to rushing to your phone at the sound of the first ring. Who knows, that number from Houston, Texas may be a doctor that just recently moved to VA.
They don’t tell you that your heart will race when your phone does ring. Is it UVA? Is it bad news? Is Grayson ok?
They don’t tell you that you will always have a terrible, awful, feeling that your baby will never come home with you.
They don’t tell you that you will learn to smile to hide your jealousy. You will try to hold back tears as yet another happy family walks out of the NICU with their baby, taking him home.
They don’t tell you that the first couple nights home with him will be absolutely terrifying. Is he breathing ok? It’s hard to tell without monitors on him.
They don’t tell you that you won’t remember much from that time frame. If it didn’t have to do with the NICU and your baby, it didn’t happen.
They don’t tell you that you won’t know fear until you see your baby being rushed BACK to UVA in an ambulance because his oxygen is low. All those tears you’ve held back for weeks will finally pour out.
They don’t tell you that your heart will stop and your soul will leave your body when you hear the doctors mention pneumonia. You know what that means for a baby that delicate and small.
They don’t tell you that your blood will boil when his 6-year-old brother tells his grandma that he’s big and healthy because he “got out of the hospital on time, unlike Grayson”. You let it slide and don’t say a word because he’s only 6 years old, you know he didn’t think of that on his own. 6 year olds don’t say things like that. Adults do.
They don’t tell you that you that people you don’t even know will send you their prayers. Friends and family members that you haven’t seen or spoken to in years will give you their support and love.
They don’t tell you that this whole experience will make you thankful. There will be a new meaning to life. Your baby fought for his life and won. He may be fragile but he’s STRONG.
Babies are born smaller and earlier than Grayson everyday. He was born with no life threatening health issues. He spent 53 days in the NICU. He’s one of the lucky ones.
Grayson James was born at 32 weeks gestational age at 2 lbs 13 oz. He’s now 4 months old and 9 lbs 3 oz. That’s something to be thankful for.
Credit: Morgan Leigh Propst
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This Is What Depression Looks Like For Me
This is what depression looks like.No. Not the clean dishes.
But that there were that many dishes in the first place; that I’ve gone 2 weeks without doing them. 3 days ago I sat on the kitchen floor and stared at them while I cried. I knew they needed to be done. I wanted to do them so bad. But depression pulled me under. It sucked me in. Like a black hole. Rapidly, sinking quick-sand.
I walked by them morning and night and all day long. And just looked at them. Telling myself that I could do them. Telling myself that I would. And feeling defeated everyday that I didn’t. Making the depression only that much worse because not accomplishing something that needs to be done is failure. Worthless. Failure. Piece of shit. Incompetent. Stupid. Lazy. All things that roll through the mind of someone with depression.
All. Day. Long. Throw anxiety on top of it, and you’ve got yourself a real treat. Being scared your husband will leave because he thinks you’re lazy. Being scared to let people into your home because they’ll think you’re nasty. Feeling like you’re failing your kids because for the 3rd night in a row you don’t have any clean dishes to cook dinner on.. so pizza it is. Again. And the worst part of it all, it’s not just with the dishes. The laundry, cleaning, dressing yourself, taking a shower, dressing your kids, brushing your and their teeth, normal everyday tasks. It all becomes a nightmare. A very daunting task.
Somedays it doesn’t get done at all. Depression is something that “strong” people don’t talk about because they don’t want people to think they’re “weak”. You’re not weak. You’ve been strong for so long and through so many things, that your body needs a break. I don’t even care if the only thing you did today, was put deodorant on. I’m proud of you for it. Good job. I’m in your corner. I’m on your side. I’m not looking for sympathy, not in the slightest. But I am letting everyone know that I’m here for you. I get it. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here to help.
Full credit goes to the amazing Brittany Ernsperger
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Punched, Threatened & Humiliated That Was My 9 Year Olds Reality
Punched, threatened, excluded and humiliated; that was my daughter’s reality at just nine years old.I was sick of watching her slowly destroy my daughter. The worst thing was the lack of support. Teachers would tell me they hadn’t seen anything, everything was fine at school, or even worse, there’s nothing more we can do.
I’d wake with waves of anxiety flooding my body. The guilt of not being able to protect my little girl was immense.She was too fearful to speak up. I began to be known as the mum who always complained.She remained quiet and well-behaved. I got angrier, exhausted and absolutely sick of being intimidated and shamed for speaking up.Thankfully the bullying went too far even by the school’s standards – there was mention of a knife being brought to school the following day. No need to explain that the very next person I spoke to wasn’t the school, wasn’t any of the professionals that had let us down for so long, I phoned the police.Would it actually have happened?
You’d like to think not but even the child’s mum told me she wouldn’t put it past her daughter to do it just to prove a point. Did things change after that? Yes, but it was temporary. It didn’t take long for the sleepless nights, tummy aches and anxiety to take over our lives again but it did stop eventually, and permanently this time.
It wasn’t any one thing that made the bullying stop and it certainly wasn’t anything the school or the bully did! In a nutshell, it was just that WE had had enough, not in a tired, beaten, frustrated way but in a ‘my boundaries are rock solid and I’ll do what it takes to enforce them’ kind of way. And in that moment of clarity was what it took to make the bullying stop. I was beyond hoping the teachers would help. I’d lost complete faith in the adults I had entrusted my daughters care to.
My daughter had learned the hard way that adults aren’t always there to protect you and they don’t always know best!It was Christmas Day evening. The day had been great yet come bedtime my daughter was in tears. Not because she was over excited and tired but because it had dawned on her that she was halfway through the school holidays and we were now on the decline towards the return to school. And she was scared.
The fear of being bullied is bad enough but to know that you’ve to face that alone because the adults who are meant to look after you aren’t, would be enough to tip anyone over the edge. Something inside of me snapped. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t even resentful. I was determined.I looked my daughter in the eye and gave her permission to do whatever she needed to do to make this stop. I told her she could hit back if she needed to. I told her she could scream, shout, argue with the teachers, do anything to make sure she was safe at school. And I promised her that no matter what she did, even if the teachers told her off I would back her.
Actually, I told her it would be a good idea to really kick-off because then the teachers might call me into school, and they might start to see how terrified she really was, how much she was hurting.That was the turning point. Looking back I think that moment was a culmination of things that resulted in my daughter realising her own strength. One reason is that I believed in her ability. She knew I really understood how much others had let her down and how unacceptable that was. She felt how determined I was and that I was completely behind her, 100%, no matter what. She felt heard, understood and ultimately I think she needed permission to not be the good girl who kept putting up with the crap because the adults around her told her she ‘just needed to ignore it’ as if she was making a big deal of nothing.
I tell you what when your child tells you they don’t want to live their life anymore, there are no words. I only wish the teachers had taken us more seriously before it had got to that point.The good news is that we did make the bullying stop and my daughter is thriving. We learned so much from our experience, and for that I am grateful.Through our experience, I recognised the gaping hole where easily accessible, immediate advice and support should have been. So once our lives were back on track I volunteered for a bullying helpline but after 4 years I didn’t feel I was doing enough.
I needed to provide what we had been in desperate need of, and so my business was born, supporting parents in protecting their kids from bullying. All parents are welcome, whether their child is being bullied, has been bullied, worries about being bullied, or they are the one who is bullying.
I never want to hear of a family so isolated and unsupported that they feel there’s just no option but to put up with it or hide. Bullying is not okay and you know what? The bystanders are just as bad as the bullies! In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.”If bullying is something you worry about you can find me and other parents who understand in our free group on Facebook, The Mums Hub (https://www.facebook.com/groups/574353102769101/) , my Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/gemmaehills), or you can email me at contact@gemmahills.com. No judgement just understanding.
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This Is What Depression Looks Like, No, Not The Clean Dishes
This is what depression looks like.No. Not the clean dishes.
But that there were that many dishes in the first place; that I’ve gone 2 weeks without doing them. 3 days ago I sat on the kitchen floor and stared at them while I cried. I knew they needed to be done. I wanted to do them so bad. But depression pulled me under. It sucked me in. Like a black hole. Rapidly, sinking quick-sand.
I walked by them morning and night and all day long. And just looked at them. Telling myself that I could do them. Telling myself that I would. And feeling defeated everyday that I didn’t. Making the depression only that much worse because not accomplishing something that needs to be done is failure. Worthless. Failure. Piece of shit. Incompetent. Stupid. Lazy. All things that roll through the mind of someone with depression.
All. Day. Long. Throw anxiety on top of it, and you’ve got yourself a real treat. Being scared your husband will leave because he thinks you’re lazy. Being scared to let people into your home because they’ll think you’re nasty. Feeling like you’re failing your kids because for the 3rd night in a row you don’t have any clean dishes to cook dinner on.. so pizza it is. Again. And the worst part of it all, it’s not just with the dishes. The laundry, cleaning, dressing yourself, taking a shower, dressing your kids, brushing your and their teeth, normal everyday tasks. It all becomes a nightmare. A very daunting task.
Somedays it doesn’t get done at all. Depression is something that “strong” people don’t talk about because they don’t want people to think they’re “weak”. You’re not weak. You’ve been strong for so long and through so many things, that your body needs a break. I don’t even care if the only thing you did today, was put deodorant on. I’m proud of you for it. Good job. I’m in your corner. I’m on your side. I’m not looking for sympathy, not in the slightest. But I am letting everyone know that I’m here for you. I get it. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here to help.
Full credit goes to the amazing Brittany Ernsperger
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To The Man Whose Wife Or Partner Has Anxiety
To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety,
You might have heard that she has anxiety from sitting by her side in a doctors office, holding her hands while the tears steam down her face. You might have seen her get angry and explode because she’s overwhelmed. Wondering where this rage has come from. You might have seen her sit quietly staring into the distance with a panic in her eye.
You might have guessed, or she might have told you, but either way there are things you should know.
Anxiety isn’t a one size fits all, it isn’t consistent and it isn’t always easy to tell. You might think she’s just snapped at you, but it was anxiety that did it, you might think she’s angry, but it’s the anxiety that’s got a choke hold, you might think she’s not enjoying herself when you go out and it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s anxiety.
You know how she can’t understand when she asks you what are you thinking, why you would respond with “nothing”… it’s because she never thinks nothing. Her thoughts replay like a freight train in her head full steam ahead, over and over. It’s exhausting for her. It’s why she’s tired.
There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t think. She thinks about everything, and usually it is the worst case scenario. She worries that something will go wrong. That some days if she leaves the house, something will happen. Kidnapping, deaths, falls, cars spinning out of control, that’s why she can’t just leave the house or just go out, even though you’ve suggested it with good intentions. But it’s not so easy. That’s why when she’s home alone or out by herself she will text you a million times, telling you her every move or telling you everything that’s going wrong, she knows you can’t change anything, she knows you feel helpless, but so does she, that’s why she needs to share it with you, otherwise her head will explode with panic.
Sometimes she wonders why you’re with her, and if you knew she had anxiety would you still be there, do you regret it? Being with her? Do you wish you were with someone else that didn’t have this vice around their neck?
I want you to know I see that this is tough on you, tough to see your loved one hurt, tough on you, the pressure for you would be immense. But don’t think for a second she doesn’t see you, don’t think for a second she doesn’t worry about you too. she even gets anxiety about you. She knows it’s not your fault, and she knows you want to fix her and in the way that means you help her, but you can’t fix her. She’s not broken.
But you can help her, you can loosen the vice. You can see what gets too much for her, the crowds of people or bed time, dinner time, see it and help her by holding her hand and tell her you’re with her. Do it with her, take over, tell her to sit down for a while and breathe.
If you see her struggling with appointments, reschedule them for her, encourage her to take it slowly. Too much is overwhelming for her, even though she has good intentions. Don’t make her feel bad for missing an appointment, a party, whatever. She wanted to go, but she couldn’t. She already feels bad. Tells her it’s okay. Take the kids out for a play when you see her struggling, encourage her to take time out for herself. If the kids are awake all night and she’s worse if she has less sleep, get up with her, take over. Tell her to go back to bed.
Sometimes the answer won’t be so obvious. Sometimes she won’t even know the answer is to what she needs, but so long as your patient with her, she will feel your love.
She or you won’t benefit if you get frustrated, it’ll just escalate and make both of you miserable. She doesn’t want her anxiety to define your relationship and when you are patient, you’re telling her you’re willing to do the same.
Anxiety is heartbreaking for her. Really it is. She wishes she could just feel free. The free feeling of just being carefree and not a prisoner to this ugly illness. Free of the voice that follows her listing all her insecurities.
Not every day will be bad, and those days should be celebrated, but on the bad days, still celebrate her, because she needs it.
She appreciates you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared. But she chose you to share her biggest deepest scar tissue that resides in her heart, and she knew the day she met you that you were the one worthy enough to see her in all her imperfections. She will love you with that whole heart, and you know she will because she’s already listed the pros and cons 😉… and just as you are by her side she will be fiercely loyal to yours. Forever and ever, you just to need take her hand and tell her, “I am with you”
Love,
A wife, a woman and a mumma who has anxiety.
Full credit goes to the mum on the run, please follow her at instagram https://www.instagram.com/themumontherun_/
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A Day In The Life Of A Reactive Dog
A day in the life of a reactive dog
Hello. I’m a reactive dog. People call me ‘reactive’ because I sometimes bark, growl and lunge towards other dogs, people, cats, cars – some of those things, or all of them.
‘Reactive’ is a label though and I would like you to understand what it’s really like to be ‘reactive’ and how I actually feel when I ‘react’.
If you are a ‘reactive’ dog, certain things, taken for granted by other dogs – such as a simple walk in the park or a trip to a dog show, become a bit more complicated. While I would love to be able to investigate all the fantastic smells in the park, or have a great time in a training class, scoffing off some yummy treats and exercising my brain cells, life for me is sadly full of anxiety and fear, and instead of enjoying these events, I am constantly on edge.
Why, you might want to ask? Can’t you just, like, get over it?
Nothing ever happens to you when you are out, why get yourself so worked up?
The problem is, ‘getting over it’ is not that simple. My anxiety and fear stem from many things – I might not have been socialized properly when young, or I might have had a bad experience. That means that certain things (other dogs, small children, load noises, people coming up to say hello) fill me with anxiety, fear or sometimes even panic. In many of those situations, if I could, I would probably run away, but many a time I can’t as I’m attached to a lead or cornered (like when another dog comes up to me and doesn’t want to leave me alone). But what sometimes works to make scary things go away is barking and growling at them – even bouncy dogs eventually get it. And while I might not look pretty or friendly when I growl and bark and lunge – hey! It works to get me out of a sticky situation and makes me feel safe again.
It’s not easy to feel scared every time I leave the house, and it’s not nice to see my owner tensing up or upset every time I feel I need to react. People shout abuse at me sometimes, ask my owner to muzzle me or even never walk me. But frankly, I don’t mean anyone any harm, I just want to be left alone. My owner works so hard to convince me that life isn’t all that scary after all – she feeds me yummy treats when a scary things approaches, she keeps me safe by helping me move out-of-the-way rather than walk towards what is bound to upset me, she really, really tries, and I am slowly learning to trust things that used to freak me out loads.
But every now and then, just when I start thinking that maybe other dogs, people, cars etc. aren’t that scary after all, someone or something comes up a bit too close and my old fears come back – and all I can do is panic and scream (that is bark, growl and lunge) to make them go away.
So next time you see one of us – reactive dogs – out and about, please please – don’t judge. Don’t shout abuse at my owner who is trying all she can to make me feel safe. If you’re asked to call your dog away, please do, and don’t ask questions or claim your dog can do no harm as he’s friendly (to us, reactive dogs, that’s sometimes even worse!). Don’t let your children stroke us unless our owner says it’s fine. Just give us a bit of space so we can be on our way.
Thank you so much!
Written by the team at Pets in Practise “where determination and positivity, works!”
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Being Alone In A Room Full Of People
Being alone in a room full of people
Being alone in a room full of people
People believe that when you are in a room full of people it is impossible to be lonely that is false being in a room full of people can be the loneliest place to be when your heads not in it.
Welcome to anxiety people.
Feeling the outcast, the misfit the one there because people feel awkward for not inviting you in case you get upset or depressed that you weren’t invited. But even when your there you’re looking for an escape. You sit drinking tea scared of making a fool of yourself in front if people while they get drunk. You are desperate to be treated the same as everyone but because of who you are you’re not.
They expect your reactions to be a certain way no matter how hard you try to be better. They say they are helping but they don’t change with you. You sit quietly trying not to be noticed and people think your miserable when your really not you will just do anything not to draw attention to yourself. They talk about things you have no experience of so you can’t contribute and end up feeling dumb.
Is it intentional or in your head? You will never know cuz you will never ask afraid of answers you will get. You let life pass you by because you’re so scared of everything but nobody understands the crippling fear of not being wanted or not being good enough. So being in a room full of people can be the loneliest place to be.
If you have anxiety please contact your doctor, you don’t have to alone there are people out there who feel the same as you. help is available.