Category: Our stories

  • We Teach Kids Not To Show Emotions

    Perhaps the reason teens isolate themselves when they’re overwhelmed instead of coming to us with their problems, is because when they’re toddlers we isolate them when they’re overwhelmed instead of helping them with their problems.

    When our kids are small and trying to manage emotions – they can’t express what they are feeling. They throw tantrums, they throw things, they have meltdowns, they scream and they whine. This is their way of communicating with us. They need help to organize, process and express their feelings in a healthy way. And society tells us we should punish them for this. Send them to their room, put them in timeout, spank them.

    We teach them and train them not to show their emotions. Don’t whine. Don’t complain. Your feelings are wrong. Be quiet. Eventually they stop expressing their emotions to us because we told them over and over again we didn’t want to hear it. For so long they needed to deal with it alone. Alone in their room, their chair, their corner.

    And then they turn into teenagers and we expect them to feel safe talking to us. We expect them to know that NOW it’s okay. They are subconsciously wired to think the opposite because this is what they grew up learning.

    Give your child permission to feel. Let them know their feelings are valid and that you care, no matter how small. Make sure they know that they are heard.

    Pretty soon meltdowns over crayons will turn into breakups, heartbreak, sex, or even depression. You want your child to know that you will always hear them, no matter how small. You are their safe space.

    Laura Muhl

  • Please Teach Your Kids That Others Are Different

    To all who parent;

    Please teach your kids that some children are a little “different” and people are not always as “cool” or as “social” as them. To have more understanding and tolerance of those who are a bit quirky or sometimes say things that aren’t always appropriate.

    Heck, to just be kind to your fellow human beings!

    The last few months has been absolute hell-listening to your 12 year old son in absolute desperation telling you how he wants to kill himself and can’t take it anymore. Getting physically beaten up at the bus stop and telling you “I thought if I just laid there and took it he would get bored and stop”.

    To another boy emotionally and psychologically torturing him on a daily basis (slamming him into a wall and breaking his glasses) and for me to reach out to his mother and get blatantly ignored and then “blocked” off FB as she clearly doesn’t want to deal with the situation!

    This journey has not only seen him up in hospital 3 times for mental health assessment for suicidal thoughts but has also caused him to develop an eating disorder now but also caused turmoil for myself, my family and our family friends.

    All because he has Aspergers and is different.

    By Emma young

  • What can be done to create conditions that make exclusive breastfeeding possible?

    I frequently receive emails from disappointed mothers asking me why it is that they were not able to breastfeed exclusively. It is true that a small number of women are unable physically to produce all the milk the baby needs no matter what they do. But in most cases, what happens during labour and birth and the first few days after the birth is directly related to mothers having difficulties.

    The mothers usually say they tried everything but it just did not work for them. They blame breastfeeding, they feel breastfeeding is not what it is promoted to be, and see breastfeeding as unreliable; often the mothers blame themselves. Nobody tells them it is not their fault and, in fact, it isn’t their fault. It is the health care system that is to blame for not creating the necessary conditions for breastfeeding to work.

    What can be done to create conditions that make exclusive breastfeeding possible?

    1. The health professionals should avoid unnecessary interventions during labour and birth. An undisturbed birth is one of the essential prerequisites for breastfeeding to happen. Today, almost all women experience at least one unnecessary intervention. In some hospitals in the affluent world almost all women in labour end up with epidurals and in the US and Canada around 40% have a caesarean section.

    2. The baby should be skin to skin with the mother immediately after the birth and this contact should not be interrupted until the baby has latched and finished breastfeeding. Babies are capable of crawling on their own to the breast and latching on without help. In many hospitals, skin to skin contact is symbolic only and lasts only 5 or 10 minutes, if that. The photo shows a mother skin to skin with her baby immediately after a caesarean section.

    3. The health professional should check the baby’s latch and provide practical help if the baby is not latched on well. If breastfeeding hurts, something is wrong, and the latch needs to be adjusted. Pain or discomfort during breastfeeding are signs that the mother needs help. Mothers should not be told that painful nipples are normal and they should just wait it out. Furthermore, a baby is less likely to get milk adequately if not latched on well. The earlier the mother gets good help, the better.

    4. Mothers need to be shown how to know the baby is actually getting milk from the breast. A baby is not receiving milk from the breast just because he has the breast in his mouth and makes sucking movements.

    5. Mothers should be provided with followup within a day or two of discharge from hospital, not in a week or two, by someone knowledgeable and experienced with helping mothers breastfeed.

    You can read more about how birthing practices may affect breastfeeding in my eBook (also available as a paperback) called Breastfeeding: Empowering Parents: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FS6K9SF

    Dr.Jack Newman

  • Horrific Care Home Abuse Please Help Us Get Justice

    The police have confirmed we are entitled to share our story about Mona Cliffe Care Home, Littleborough and the main abuser Lesley Hainsworth. I will warn you, this may make you cry. No one living with dementia, or vulnerable in anyway, should have to go through this.

    Please help us with our call to action and share this story far and WIDE. Thank you.

    You can help by signing the petition, here: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/258498/sponsors/new?token=OktxwPDveFuoiJguB1QP

    “Help me! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!” he cried over and over again, shouting to try and raise the alarm. “Shut up you idiot! Shut up!” was the only response he got as he was roughly assaulted, and pressure placed on the existing sore.

    “Get your legs in bed! Get your legs in bed! If you don’t, I’ll take you downstairs and leave you alone in a dark room. Now get your legs in bed!” The woman eventually storms out the room shouting “Oh bog off” leaving him sat alone in the dark.

    Alone in the dark, he calls out for help “Freda, Fredaaaaaa!” No response. The man takes off his wet underwear, grabs a towel and attempts to clean himself. Eventually someone arrives “Get your legs back in bed!” The man listens and gets his legs back into his wet bed.

    A few moments later he is in such discomfort he gets back out of bed. Another person enters the room and asks if he wants to get up. “Let’s get this wet t-shirt off you” she says, and carefully puts a clean one on. No washing or bathing involved. The woman asks what happened when he was on the carpet and hurt his back. He responds,” She pushed me”. The woman says, “no one here would you push you”. He responds, “You weren’t here when it happened”. As she gets him ready to take him downstairs for breakfast, he says he needs the toilet, the woman tells him to urinate where he is “you won’t leak, you have a pad on”.

    Its 7pm, the man is weary, he is distressed, he is cold and can’t get warm, sat alone in a room with no heating as the snow falls outside. He has no drink, no means to call for help, and he cries when his granddaughter walks in “I need to go to hospital”. His granddaughter touches his hot face, his head hangs low, he brings his cold hands and little blanket up to his chin trying to get warm. He shivers. His granddaughter asks if he needs a drink? “Yes please”. She seeks out help and a drink and asks for the GP to be called, she is worried her Grandfather may be displaying signs of wound infection. The carer expresses concerns that the man may have had a TIA. She refuses to turn the heating on, saying “I don’t do heating”.

    That night the GP arrives at 10pm. He enters the bedroom of the man, with the same woman who shouted at him the previous night. She suggests that the GP was only called to appease family and they have no concerns. The GP checks temperature and pulse and leaves. He doesn’t check the red raw sore covering half of the mans back because the woman tells him its already been checked.

    The man wakes, mutters his bed is wet through and begins calling for support. Forty minutes later the woman arrives. Does she slap him? We’re not quite sure. Her arm is just off the edge of the video footage. The man says he doesn’t want her there. “You can lay in pee for all I care” is the response. She instructs him to move, her colleague suggests using the proper equipment, the woman threatens the man “I’ll get the hoist, shall I?” Eventually he is able to make his unresponsive body, do as he is being asked. “It’s hurting me” he says. “You will hurt!” She responds, “I’m not pissing about anymore, everyone’s too andy pandy with you. Ridiculous!” and she instructs the other woman to ensure the head of his bed is put down “he’s not getting up again!” and they leave him alone in the dark, restrained, once more.

    One hour later he begins to try and get up, but it is a huge struggle because of the position the bed is now in. The restraint of the bed however is not enough to stop him and eventually he manages to sit up. This time the alarm does not sound. He calls for help, but again, there is no response. He uses all of his energy to muster up the courage and coordination to stand, and he stumbles to his door, again calling for help. No response. He falls into his chair, and then sees his commode. He tries to get to his bed, nearly cracking his head against the wall as he crash-lands backwards onto his mattress. Recovering he leans towards the commode, but he cannot open it. Eventually he gives up. He attempts to get himself dressed, spending 20 minutes trying to get his socks on, both socks end up on the same foot.

    After 40 minutes a woman eventually enters the room. “What are you doing?”, “Drying myself” he says wiping his body with the bed sheet. The woman who told him to ‘bog off’ the night before enters and tells him to stand up “You can when you want to!” After several attempts to stand she shouts, “You’re going in that hoist, we’re not messing about!”

    Confused the man says, “Take your glasses off”, “No I won’t take my glasses off, you’re not bossing me around! I’m telling you!” The man tells her to get off “No, I won’t get off” she shouts, as he cries out in pain. He shouts “get off me” again and is ignored as she roughly pulls a hoist across the bottom half of his back that is still weeping from the huge sore he has. He cries out again “Give me a minute?”. “No, you won’t do anything we tell you so you’re going in the hoist!”

    The hoist is carelessly and roughly attached. Nothing is placed around his legs to aid his standing and take pressure away from the sore on his back. He cries out in pain over and over again. “Shut up you idiot, shut up!” he begins crying for help. “Help me! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!” he cried over and over again, shouting to try and raise the alarm. “Shut up you idiot! Shut up!” was the only response he got as he was roughly assaulted, and pressure placed on the existing sore.

    Now she pulls and pushes him using the hoist strap wrapped around his painful sore back that is still a large open wound, a category two pressure sore. She grabs his wrists forcefully and her colleague grabs his legs with no warning, and they swing him around on to the bed. He calls out in pain again. “Shut up idiot!” is the only response. He gives up crying for help, resided by the fact that no one will come. They turn the light off and leave the room in silence. Again, he is left alone.

    He gets up right away. The woman comes back “We’re fed up of you. Everybody here is fed up of you! Get in bed! You’re waking everybody up. GET IN BED!” She leaves and the other woman returns. He gets his legs back in bed, she pulls the cover half over his body and he says, “thank you”. She leaves. “They don’t realise what they are doing” he says to an empty room.

    Much later he is in so much discomfort he calls out in pain. He calls for help, calls for his wife. After 40 minutes someone comes and says she will be back. Another 15 minutes and they return. “Is he asleep, friggin’ leave him!” then immediately pulls all of his bed covers away from his body. He lays there unable to move half sat up, half lay down skewered across the bed with nothing, not even underwear on the lower half of his body. It is dark outside. She turns the tap on “Oh its bloody cold! How are we meant to clean them with cold water” and then proceeds to roughly scrub the man a with the freezing cold flannel. He cries out in shock and discomfort. He is lay on the sore part of his back, his calves hanging over the edge of the bed, his head lifted off the mattress, but he can’t get up. He cries out in pain “Oh shut up! You’re having a wash, because you stink! Because you peed everywhere”. “I didn’t” he proclaims. “Yes, you did!” She proceeds to wash him with the unrinsed and cold flannel, on his face.

    She raises the bed and continues to move him. He calls out in pain, he is in so much discomfort. He cries “you’ve got to get off” almost as if using his last ounce of effort. “No, I won’t get off!”. She surprises him with cold deodorant sprayed near his under arm and he calls out in shock. “Are you a man or a mouse?” she laughs at him, the colleague laughs at him too, and they both laugh at him together while he sits undressed in front of two strangers he doesn’t know with no dignity or energy left in him. “I think the more you andy pandy with him…You’ve just got to get it done, haven’t you?” The colleague agrees. “It’s freezing downstairs” she says as they get him into his wheelchair and shout at him to “SIT” he calls out in pain again and again.

    This was my Grandad. A few days earlier he had been happy at my Nana’s 80th birthday out with all of the family. He got so upset when we had to take him back to the care home, he had been living in for less than two weeks. We as a family had tried to take care of him at home, but his mobility and large physique meant that we couldn’t physically do it. All those years playing rugby for Littleborough had given him some huge muscles!

    My Grandad went in to Mona Cliffe on Monday 14th January 2019. He was walking, talking and happy in himself. Within a week they said he couldn’t walk, and they wouldn’t allow family to use his walking frame with him. We were concerned and so asked another care home to come out and assess him. Due to the snow, they couldn’t do this for another week. When they came out, they discovered a huge pressure sore across half of his back. They immediately reported it to adult safeguarding and requested a GP come to see him right away. The following day when family asked, the GP still had not been contacted. Family did it on his behalf.

    One staff member said he did it to himself, apparently, he threw himself down on the floor in the lounge and shimmied across the floor and caused a carpet burn on his back. Another said he fell off his bed and did it on the floor shimmying across the floor in his room, laughing with his trousers down. The doctor said it was a pressure sore. You can see the sores in the images below. How had this gone unnoticed?

    Our concerns with the home led me to purchase a hidden camera. We had the hidden camera up for less than 48 hours before removing him from the home and taking him to hospital as we had nowhere else to go. The hospital staff were horrified at the bruising and pressure sore my Grandad had. My Grandad told the nurse he had been hit by the staff there. He was severely dehydrated.

    My Grandad died three weeks later. His death certificate stated he died of Sepsis (Blood infection), caused by a severe urine infection. Secondary cause of death was Acute Kidney Injury.

    My Grandad was a great man. He was on the committee for Littleborough Cricket Club for many years. He used to call the Bingo on a Friday night there when I was younger too. My Grandad was a kind, caring, loving Grandad. He was always singing and smiling; he was a very special man. He was so polite, a gentle giant. He isn’t here anymore, and we as a family blame Mona Cliffe for that. The majority of the staff there were absolutely awful, although there were a couple of nice people working there too.

    The main abuser of my Grandad was Lesley Hainsworth, the woman in the photo below. She was suspended from work and interviewed by police. The police took several agonising weeks to determine if they could prosecute her for her actions caught on camera. Eventually they decided that the evidence we had provided on the video (all of which is written above) was not enough to reach their threshold for prosecution. So now this woman is back working at Mona Cliffe with vulnerable adults. Please do check your loved ones are safe. We do not want this to happen to anyone else. We were informed not to speak publicly about this until after the investigation came to completion. Otherwise we would have done it sooner.

    Three months after our first request, and we are still waiting on Dr Sharma the owner of Mona Cliffe to provide us with my Grandfather’s records.

    What is our call to action?

    1) The Police prosecution threshold should not be so high. The abuse my Grandad received falls under four abuse categories as part of the law provided by The Care Act. Institutional Abuse, Psychological Abuse, Physical Abuse, and Neglect. There are more than 25 separate types of abuse reported on my Grandad under the four categories. The Police threshold needs to be lowered.

    2) All care homes should have a booklet provided to families about the minimum expected requirements and who to contact if you are concerned, they are not being met.

    3) Audio recording technology in all care homes to prevent vulnerable people being treated so cruelly.

    4) The CQC should be updating their reports when serious complaints like this are submitted. Apparently, there was a similar serious complaint about Mona Cliffe 12 months ago. If we had known this, we would have not placed my Grandfather in their care.

    https://www.facebook.com/JusticeforGraham/

  • Kinder Egg Warning-Parents Be Aware

    Georgina Trinder has taken to Facebook to warn other parents about the potential dangers from a certain toy contained in Kinder eggs.

    Trinder said “Hey mummies , just wanna make people aware … I brought my son a kinder egg and inside was bits to build an aeroplane and well…. ended up at the hospital because the wings was so Sharp!! He had to have his foot glued … even the nurses at the hospital was so disgusted with how sharp it was , the age limit does say no under 3s but my son is 3 years old and the could have done damage to an adult let alone a kid …. just wanna let parents know to please be careful with the toys you get from kinder eggs xx”

    Kinder surprise also known as Kinder eggs or Ovetto Kinder is manufactored by Ferrero and have been around since 1974. Each chocoloate egg surrounds a plastic capsule that contains a small toy, parents are advised to always supervise their child/ren when eating a Kinder egg and to check the toys for sharp or broken parts.

    Below is a photo of the toy that caused the damage to the young boys foot.

  • Mums Warning About Public Toilet After Daughter Hurt

    I Would like to warn any parent with young children in public toilets or anybody really, I was with my daughter and my little sister who is 4-year-old well my little sister asked to use the toilets in McDonald’s by herself I thought nothing of it as she goes to the toilet herself at home but I was standing right outside the door while it was still unlocked when two girls about the age 14-15 walk out laughing their heads off I thought nothing of it until I heard my little sister scream hysterically in pain and agony it wasn’t the scream what frightened me it was how she screamed.

    It seems that those 2 girls who walked out literally crying of fucking laughter put superglue on the toilet seat so that it causes my 4-year-old little sister to get stuck not only that but it was hot super glue so it was starting to burn her and when we eventually got her off the toilet seat when I had to get a manager and people who worked at McDonald’s to help they immediately phoned the police and an ambulance to check her out and when they eventually got her off after causing her so much pain her skin was sore and on her bottom half her skin came entirely off!!

    I have never been in so much shock in my fucking life, they have checked the security cameras of people walking out the toilets so I really hope they get back to me if they have caught them 2 girls because it is absolutely shocking of what they did, just thought I would warn anybody to start and check the toilet seat when they go to a public toilet

    Brooke Harris from Sunderland

  • Period Poverty Is A Load Of BullS**T

    What is all this rubbish about period poverty, according to some “experts” 1 in 10 girls can’t afford to buy menstrual products, well I say what a load of rubbish, you can pick up a pack of sanitary towels for under 50p, if they cannot afford that then clearly they are soon going to die as they must be homeless, foodless and close to a pending death…. 50 bloody pence how can this be period poverty.

    What are these girls and woman buying that is so expensive are they bleeding in to diamonds and gold???

    One site claims menstrual products cost more than £18,000, in a women’s life (approx £13 every month)!!! oh piss off I spend one whole pound a month.

    Did you know you can buy Tesco essentials sanitary towels (pack of 10) for only 23p.

    Mate why are we mak out that girls are housebound during their periods and missing school, this is a bullshit excuse for them to sit at home and take snapchats or watch a Netflix series.

    Period poverty in the Uk is absolute rubbish, if you are a parent and cant find 23p for your daughter to bleed in maybe you need to look at your life and make changes, all this is are more snowflakes crying because they have to pay a few pence tax on the product or deem that they shouldnt have to pay as they do not have a choice but to bleed every month… well there are choices…. free bleed and be part of the growing creepy trend, buy some god damn cheap sanitary towels, or a reusable menstrual cup, shut up, woman have been bleeding since forever… you crazy woman make me fear for the future

  • Attention All Road Users-Horses and The Law

    ***Attention ALL road users***

    Imagine this…. You’re driving to work and you’re running a bit late so you take a short cut down a side street or country road. You are going quite fast and you notice a horse and rider up ahead. The road is fairly straight and you can see there are no oncoming vehicles so you only slow down slightly in preparation to pass.

    As you approach the horse suddenly side steps/jumps into the middle of the road, you’re going to fast, you slam on your breaks but it’s not enough, you close your eyes and hope for the best, you hear terrible crashing sounds and breaking glass then….. silence. Are you still alive? Did the horse and rider survive? You have a lot more protection than them and you can feel that you’re injured. Now you’re going to be really late for work, if you even get there. You could lose your driving licence, maybe face jail time for death by dangerous driving.

    A horse is an animal with its own instincts and reactions. A horse is a flight animal that WILL run from anything it perceives as a danger/predator. Horses were our mode of transport long before cars were even imaginable. The horse in the above scenario could have spooked for a number of reasons; a pheasant bursting out of the hedge line, suddenly noticing an animal or farm machinery in a field, a farmer or hunter shooting a rifle, a low flying aircraft, even the sound and vibrations from the car approaching too fast.

    It’s not practical to expect all horse riders to stay off the roads and quite frankly that’s a very selfish and childish attitude to have, after all they were on the roads long before your car/van/motorcycle/truck was. If you encounter a horse and rider while out driving please be cautious and courteous and pass wide and slow when it’s safe to do so. Please also pay attention to the rider and any hand signals they make as they can usually see more than you can. Take a moment while you relax at home to look up a horse riders hand signals and what they are telling/asking other road users to do. Also imagine that it’s your child or a family member on the back of that large, strong animal. It could save a life and that life could be yours.

    ***ADDITION FROM SINNIE KYLIE CURRIE***

    You don’t want a horse stuck in your windscreen repeatedly kicking you in the face either.

    Also By QLD GOV law at least – vehicle drivers must stop at the side of the road and turn off their motor if a horse rider signals that their horse is jumpy or agitated. The horse rider can signal to the driver by raising a hand and pointing to the horse. The driver must not move the vehicle until the noise of the motor, or the movement of the vehicle, won’t aggravate the horse….so I’m guessing it’s still illegal to hit a horse with a car…again in QLD anyway.

    That is for those who don’t care about the animal as they will care about the possible charges, fines and insurance issues.

    Roxy Clark

  • We Need A World Full Of Genuine Amazing Women

    I’M NOT PERFECT

    God only knows that is true.

    I say the wrong things, often.

    I make the wrong choices, daily.

    I overlook life’s important things sometimes and become bogged down in the shallow end.

    I occasionally judge others with the harshness I view myself. And that is wrong.

    I am most definitely not perfect.

    I am not a perfect partner, daughter, colleague, friend, parent or lover.

    Some days, it is all I can do to keep swimming, to stay afloat.

    Other days I feel like I could take on the world and win.

    But mostly, I lumber through the days blindly, hoping for the best.

    I may not be perfect, my friends.

    But you know what I definitely am?

    I am myself.

    I am genuine.

    I am kind.

    I am true.

    I am human.

    I am trying to be better.

    Every day.

    And perfection may continue to elude me for evermore, but it really doesn’t matter.

    In fact, perfection may well be a myth.

    For I have never seen it.

    So, don’t judge my imperfection please, unless you have reached that sacred place already.

    Instead, why not join me here in the real world.

    A world full of genuine, ‘normal’, amazing women – getting it wrong every day… and being wonderfully imperfect.

    Credit: ladiepassiton

  • Before You Judge A Mama Using A Child Leash

    Before you judge a mama for using a “child leash” please know the benefits of using one. As long as they aren’t being used in an abusive matter, the child is fine ♥️

    -Kidnapping is so much easier these days. You can’t leave your child in a cart and turn to grab something without that fear. Much less having a child walking next to you. Child harnesses give you that assurance that your child is right next to you at all times.

    -Special needs children love to run! Heck, all children love to run! Don’t judge a Mamas choice of using one to teach her child respect in a public place.

    -Yes a child harness teaches children respect. So our children aren’t running around in public places, like a grocery store causing problems for other people.

    -A child harness is also handy when a mom has multiple babies or her hands full.

    There are plenty more benefits in using a child harness or child “leash”. The point is, we can’t judge Mamas for putting safety first. We can’t judge a mama for teaching her children respect & discipline. If you are against it, keep walking. Everyone will have opinions but judging other parents instead of supporting them isn’t right. You never know the full situation ♥️

    https://www.facebook.com/MisFitMamas01/