Category: Our stories
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My 12 Year Old Wanted To Kill Herself
This poem is what my then 12-year-old wrote for a school project
“Tick tock…tick tock…
Life is counting down on my internal clock.
People I once knew
walk by without a clue what I’m thinking in my head.
The times we once shared
exist as if you were never there.
People don’t know I’ll soon say my last goodbye.
How I miss the way I used to feel on Christmas day when Santa was real.
But back to reality…back to today, my mind is like a river which I cannot dam, I love my mum but I can’t go on
Tick tock…tick tock.. my clock has to stop.
I need to find away to end my life today, tick tock!!!!”.
The school called me to tell me about it, I rushed to the school to see my daughter, to talk to her to hold her, just to be with her.
My daughter broke down in the deputy heads office she was a broken girl, she didn’t know why she felt this way, she just said she was sad all the time and couldn’t get suicide out of her head.
How do you fix this? How do you make things better? What have I done wrong to make my daughter feel so worthless?
Two years of counselling, two years of watching over my daughter constantly, worrying constantly that my daughter would take her life.
Her Doctor said that Estrogen, a female sex hormone, has consistently been linked to depression. Estrogen levels dramatically increase in girls during puberty, this can cause depression and suicidal thoughts.
My daughter is now 14 and a confident, semi moody teenager, she hasn’t had suicidal thoughts for quite some time and I think she has found herself but I still worry, if you have a son or daughter who you are worried about please seek help, be it the school, the doctors or outside authorities, had she not wrote her thoughts in poem form my daughter may not still be here today.
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I Destroyed My Relationship On Purpose
I met David in 2013 when I was 24 years old, David was a few years older than me and had recently got out of a long relationship with the mother of her daughter.
I was what you would call a whirl wind relationship within three months we were living together and I had never been happier, Davids little girl Evie visited every Wednesday and every other weekend she was the apple of Davids eye and such a sweet, funny, kind girl it made me so happy to have her in my life but it also made me want a child of my own.
By the end of 2014 David and I were actively trying for a baby and it didn’t take long for me to fall pregnant, April 2015 I gave birth to my own daughter Amber.
Evie continued to visit after the birth of Amber and loved being a big sister, but Evie’s mother became a tad jealous, she wouldn’t acknowledge Amber as Evies sister and just called her IT, soon it was harder and harder for David to see Evie, the mum would always have excuses as to why Evie couldn’t visit.
David didn’t see Evie for months so he drove to his exs house and demanded to know why, the ex said she didn’t like me and until we split up he would not be able to see his first-born daughter.
David and I sat down and discussed going down the legal route and fighting for Evie but we just didn’t have the money.
I could see David was getting more and more depressed he was often angry or with drawn, he missed Evie so much, and I was the reason they were apart, I had to do something.
I began fights for no reason, I became lazy, refused sex, I didn’t make any effort with my appearance and started going out in the evening, I was trying to push him away, I wanted him to leave me and to be able to see his baby girl.
David couldn’t take any more of the arguing and lack of love and he left me, he still saw our daughter most days and was able to see Evie again, he now has both his daughters in his life, I have lost the love of my life but I could not sit back and see him so depressed, I loved him so much that I had to push him away.
Some days I regret my decision because I loved him so much but he loved being a dad and now he gets to do that with both his children.
David is the best dad i could ever ask for, I just wish his ex wasn’t such a bitter, twisted or that court costs were lowered when children are involved.
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Easter Is Not Christmas Stop Spoiling Children
Easter is not Christmas stop with all the spoilt children
I for one am fed up of seeing all these posts on Facebook and Instagram with images of giant gift piles for Easter, mums are spending a fortune on their children and it’s ridiculous.
It’s bad enough at Christmas seeing huge piles of expensive gifts but now there is also elf on the shelf bringing Christmas Eve boxes (completely unnecessary)
In one post i saw a woman put a picture up of 4 balloons each costing around £15 each, 2 outfits, a DVD, 4 Easter eggs, gift vouchers and 2 scooters for two children aged 3 and 6, someone please for the love of god tell me why?.
What happened to just a chocolate egg, kids are getting too much now days but who am I to judge its their child to spoil and ruin, but what I hate is the way they spread it all across social media and ask if this is enough!!!
Shut up of course it’s enough!!! Easter is not Christmas, there are parents out there who will only be able to afford a £1 gift, there are parents out there stressing and worrying that they don’t measure up to others, stop attention seeking you know you have gone over the top with the gifts you purely o make people jealous or to brag.
If you feel the need to spend loads of money on Easter that’s your choice but I don’t want to see it on my timeline and you shouldn’t need others to tell you how amazing you are for spending stupid amounts of cash on Easter, grow up ans stop boasting, there is no such thing as a parent of the year award and I bet your children don’t appreciate half the su have got them .
One egg is enough so kindly shut up and stop trying to shame other parents!
Written by: Eliza Fordman
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Homeless,Pregnant And Blood Cancer
When I was 18 I had an underbite that was only going to get worse & went in for corrective surgery. I have 5.5″ taken off my jaw in total & the recovery process was long. I was back at work a short while & the metal plates started coming out so I got a call at work one day telling me I was due in the hospital to have them removed the next day.
Proper panicked & cleared it with work knowing I’d have recovery time again & was nil by mouth by midnight. They had checked my bloods & said that they’d previously been abnormal so they didn’t want to put me under & would rather just take bloods & have me back at a different time which was fine. I left the hospital & had a phone call 5/10 minutes later telling me my bloods had come back high in potassium & I needed to get to a&e, I was rushed through to a doctor straight away & he told me he had to inject me with insulin or I was at risk of my heart stopping.
I remember standing up to tell the nurse the machine was beeping & I remember her asking if I was dizzy & when I opened my eyes my body was in the middle of a fit, I was lying on a bed & I had all sorts of people round me screaming stat. They gave me glucose sweets & told me I had to have a line of sugar injected into me, I was having a hypo & if I slipped into a coma they might not be able to wake me.
When I opened my eyes again my arm was covered in blood & my whole body just felt weak. I had a kidney specialist in to explain I’d have to stay in for a few weeks & have hormonal injections & tests they thought I had a rare kidney disease which was later confirmed. I was back at work a few weeks again & I collapsed. They rushed me to hospital & checked my bloods & found a high platelet count.
I was referred to a haematologist & after a bone marrow biopsy they confirmed I had blood cancer. I broke it to my family gently & my mum told me it wasn’t real cancer if they weren’t going to give me chemo & the rest of them just kind of said OK. I broke down to my ex & he told me to ‘man the fuck up’. I couldn’t work & was on sick pay & my mum was taking 3/4 of my money for digs so I was in my ex’s car or locked in my bedroom.
I found out I was pregnant 2 days after Christmas & everybody was so excited about it. I had my first scan in the January & they stopped my sick pay, I had moved on to ESA but it hadn’t been accepted yet so I hadn’t been paid, there was a 5 week delay before they’d pay me but the money would be backdated. My mum told me I could either give her money or get out her house & I had no choice but to leave.
My ex’s mum offered to let me move in & it was fine to start with but then he lost his job & he was sleeping until 5pm, I’d make him dinner & he’d go out & come home drunk at all sorts of times demanding food or putting the telly up loud so I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t go anywhere because he didn’t allow me to, his family stopped speaking to me so I sat in a room by myself day after day hoping I’d have a house before my baby was born.
I got buses to hospital appointments but anything to do with the baby he was there playing doting dad & acting so nice to me then he’d drop me off & leave me to go get drunk or high or both. I started to hate myself. It got so much one night I walked until I found a bridge & I would’ve just jumped but my baby kicked & I realised it wasn’t just my life anymore. I collapsed walking back & someone found me & phoned an ambulance.
Luckily my baby was OK. He picked me up from the hospital & told me he’d kill me if I ever went anywhere without telling him. It only got worse when we moved in together which was a mistake right away. I couldn’t see anyone. I barely saw my family unless they popped by suddenly. I decorated my house myself at 8 months pregnant & I built all the furniture, I couldn’t ask anyone for help because I wasn’t allowed to have anyone in. I sat in the house every night alone so when my baby finally came I promised I’d never let her feel loneliness.
I phoned the police the first time he ever hit me but he made me feel like it was my fault that i caused it which sounds baffling now but at the time I could’ve swore it was all me. I phoned the police when he strangled me, I phoned the police when he stopped me & his mum leaving the house with my daughter, I phoned the police when he locked us in & threw the keys out the window. I was far too scared to leave him though, I thought he’d maybe just stop just be the person I fell in love with. I didn’t realise who he was I was just finally seeing the real him.
My granddad died & he wasn’t there. The day I went to view his body he tried to stop me & threw me into the fence outside. I told my family I slipped. He made me late for his funeral on purpose & actually tried to make it up to me when I fell apart but I hated him then, I just hated him. My daughter didn’t know him because he was never there. He started working again & I was basically his mother & his punching bag but it gave me freedom because he was at work all day.
Eventually he pushed it too far & when he realised he couldn’t push me anymore he left. He changed his mind after two days obviously having expected me to beg him back & tried to control me again but I said no. He showed up at an outdoor shopping center the night before my little girl turned 1 & threw me into a shop window with her in my arms. I called the police from my mums car & he chased us all the way home after having her car blocked in & the car in front moving.
He snapped his key in my door so I couldn’t lock it. He was arrested & given bail conditions the next day. i spent my daughters 1St birthday on the phone to victim support & the procurator fiscal & answering the door to the police on top of my uncle had died a few days before & it was the viewing of his body that day.
I built myself up after that & it wasn’t easy. I phoned breathing space every night checking my doors & wardrobes & under the bed. I grew anxiety which I never had be& I was scared 24/7. I finally built myself back up & I started to feel ill. My stomach blew up like a balloon bloated constantly to the stage I looked almost 8 months pregnant. I was at the doctors every week & a&e every 2ND week for 9 months. They told me the same thing each time. Heartburn.
Eventually the doctor told me he’d do an ultrasound I think to shut me up. It showed an enlarged spleen. I was referred to gastrointerology (I still can’t spell it.) 3 weeks before my appointment I went back to a&e, I couldn’t walk, I could barely breathe.
The doctor took some fluid from my stomach, rushed me for a CT scan & put me on all sorts of drips. I had 85% organ failure on my liver, kidneys, pancreas spleen & a few other things. My portal vein was obliterated. It had a clot which had wrapped round my liver & I’d been dying slowly for 9 months, I had an hour give or take before my heart gave out with lack of blood & my organs all shut down before that doctor put me on they drips. I was rushed up to a liver specialist hospital in Edinburgh & had 8 1/2 litres of fluid drained from by stomach before they operated & put stents in me.
The operation was the day of my daughters 3rd birthday & I had to cancel her party & I sat crying for an hour & a half I’ve never felt so guilty in all my life. I hate myself for it to this day that she spent her 3rd birthday seeing me for 10 minutes before an operation. It went pretty badly I was ill & they had me hooked up to all sorts of machines in high dependency after for 2 weeks. The day after I came out of hospital was the day I was due to see the gastro doctor.
Safe to say if I waited on the appointment I wouldn’t be here. It took a while to get used to having 3 rare diseases & I manged to get diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a few months ago which is pretty common at least! I’m pretty much just collecting diseases at this point.
I’m still here though & I have an amazing 5 Year old little girl who holds my hand when I get blood taken & tells me I’m OK when I go into hospital to get my stent adjusted.
I am thankful for the life I now have, my daughter keeps me going.
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Two Babies In A Womb, Talking About Life After Delivery
A womans post on Facebook has gone viral and has a lot of people are talking about it.
The post goes “In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”
The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”
The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”
The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”
The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”
“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”
The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”
The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”
Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”
To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”
May be this was one of the best explanations to the concept of GOD.
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I Didn’t Want My Son, Gender Disappointment
August 2016 I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy, my husband and I had tried for two long years and now we were finally going to have our much wanted baby.
At the first scan when I heard my precious babies heartbeat and saw a blurry image of our baby I was so happy, I couldn’t wait to be a mum.
We decided at our 20 week scan we would find out the baby’s Sex. We found out we were going to have a little boy and I just couldn’t hide my disappointment.
The excitement I had felt went away, I didn’t want to buy anything for the baby, I acted as if I weren’t pregnant, I was so tearful and angry, why was IT a boy!
Whenever anyone asked about my pregnancy I quickly changed the subject, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about having a boy.
Even at the labour suite when I was pushing IT out I didn’t want this baby.
My son was born and I just cried and cried, they placed him in my arms and I looked at his little face and realised it didn’t matter what sex this innocent child was HE was mine.
Gender disappointment is a real thing and it doesn’t make me a bad person or a terrible mum.
My son is my life, he is the sunshine in my soul and I wouldn’t change him for the world.
I regret how I felt it ruined my pregnancy experience but I won’t let it ruin my journey through motherhood, I still mourned for the daughter I didn’t have and although I loved my son I was often sad, I spoke with my Gp and was sent for counselling and it really helped.
If you are experiencing gender disappointment don’t hide it, talking about it can help and no one has the right to judge you.
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Another Woman Hurt By The Implant
An unknown woman has taken to social media to warn others about the risks of the implant.
Females who use birth control:
DO NOT use the Nexplanon implant!!! My daughter had it put in her arm, in the standard location where all are inserted, in August of 2017. Since getting the implant, she has been very sick, has had very high anxiety levels, to the point of having to be put on anti-anxiety medicine, and has lost 15 pounds, which puts her below 100 lbs!!! I finally said to schedule an appointment to have it taken out.
She went in to have it taken out, and the doctor couldn’t find the implant in her arm. (They are usually visible under the skin) They took X-rays and couldn’t find it. They performed ultrasounds and couldn’t find it.
They referred us to a general surgeon, who did a more in-depth sonograms yesterday. He thought he had found it and scheduled an emergency surgery to have it removed this morning. IT WAS THAT URGENT!!! Come to find out, once he opened up her arm, the implant had traveled into the muscle, and was a centimeter from an artery! 😱 had it made its way to the artery, it would have killed her!
It has been removed, and she is recovering and is hoping to start gaining some weight and start feeling better again soon. They had to split her bicep muscle in two though, so she’s going to be sore for a while. I debated on posting this, but feel it is far too important not to share. This is serious enough to kill you, if it travels in your body, to an artery or a lung. Please tell your girlfriends, you moms, your daughters DO NOT USE NEXPLANON!!!
Please feel free to share this post to get the word out.
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Don’t Let Your Un-Neutered Cat Out
Linzi Speers is trying to make people aware of the dangers to your cat if they rent neutered
Speers said “This picture is sees the reality of what can happen.
3 Tom cats tormenting a un-neutered female cat.
Mating season has started. Hormones are flying high in the feline world.
Why should I get my girl cat neutered?
They can become pregnant from 16 weeks old! 16 weeks.
Just babies themselves. Their bodies can’t cope. And if they get pregnant time and time again, the chances of troublesome pregnancy increases……
Needing urgent expensive caesarean
Deformed kittens (missing limbs, short tails)
Still births
Death in birthing
Your female cat……. if your female is pregnant, during her pregnancy she may need up to 4 x her usual food intake to ensure she, and her growing kittens are well.
Kittens and mummy cat will eat anything from 4-8 tins of food A DAY to keep strong and grow. (Dependent on litter size)
Once born, the Kittens will need flea and wormers. Wormer at 4,6,8 and 10 weeks to avoid FATAL diseases.
Siblings, (Brothers and sisters), can start to mate and reproduce from 16 weeks old. Siblings reproducing can result in awful deformities.
Mummy cat can get pregnant again, once her Babies are 4-5 weeks old………..
MUMMY CAT CAN GET PREGNANT AGAIN, ONCE HER BABIES ARE 4 WEEKS OLD!!!
Let that sink in….. do not let her out, until she is neutered!
Males:
Their pee, if not done, STINKS! it does!
They will SPRAY, they will ROAM, often GET LOST, they WILL FIGHT.
Un-neutered males, fighting, not only are at high risk of injuries, bite wounds, needing ANTI-BIOTICS and expensive vet care, they are also very prone to FIV (Cat version of HIV) transmitted through deep bite wounds.
Lastly, your local rescue and ALL rescues in the Uk and abroad, are bursting at the seams of unwanted cats and kittens… many in some organisations, are euthanized.
Please, do not put your cat at risk. Please, do not add to the problem of so many needing homes.
Neuter is a quick and simple solution.
Your local rescue, cats protection league etc can help you part fund the neuter if you contact them.
The solution is simple, the outcome, if you do NOTHING, is seriously cruel and unnecessary.
Please, this week, take the steps and get your cat done!
They will thank you, they will feel happier, they will be safe.
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Why I Wish I Hadn’t Had My Daughters Ears Pierced
Angelikara Willi took to Facebook to make others aware of the possible regret you may feel if you pierce your babies ears.
Willi said “When River was a few months old, I took her to have her ears pierced without much thought. Not only that, but I took her to a place that used a piercing gun.
I knew people were opposed to this, but I didn’t really care. I truly thought those people were just being dramatic. She wouldn’t remember the pain and it’s better to get them done before she can mess with them, I thought.
Eventually she didn’t like them.
She wanted me to take them out often, we kept losing earrings and they just bothered her.
As I grew in motherhood and knowledge, I decided not to put them back in.
I strongly believe that my children have a right to decide what alterations happen to their body, and realized that this too falls into a cosmetic alteration. I’ve posted before about her asking me why I did this to her, and apologizing because I did not know better. Thankfully I learned before I had my second daughter.
The holes have closed but the scarring mark remains… and now, more than four years later, look at that placement! It looked perfectly fine as an infant, but ears grow.
That is not where earrings should be placed, and now my baby will have those scars that I agreed to.
*Please, rethink piercing your baby’s ears*
Let them decide if they want this done…
their body, their choice.
Do you agree with what she says or is it easier to have them done when they can’t remember it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments