Category: News

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so today we’re diving into the archives of Care and Feeding, Slate’s parenting advice column, to share classic letters with our readers. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My fiancé was raised as a Reform Jew; I am a casual Christian. We have mutually decided not to circumcise our forthcoming son. His family is, to put it lightly, up in arms about our not hosting a bris. (“Because it’s a Jewish rite of passage!”)

I’ve tried reasoning that I won’t be up for hosting 20-plus people seven days after giving birth; I’ve tried explaining that we just won’t be circumcising; I’ve tried making the argument that it’s not sterile for a random rabbi to cut our newborn on the dining room table. [Ed. note: In a bris, the circumcision is performed by a mohel, who is trained in the religious and surgical aspects of the ritual.] I’ve done everything short of saying “Because I don’t want to host a penis party to expose my son to the world.”

Through my fiancé’s sister, we were warned of my future mother-in-law’s plan to host a “surprise” bris at our house a week after the birth! I’m ready to fly off the handle. This isn’t completely out of character for her, but it seems like a new level of crazy and violation. My fiancé has intervened in the past, but never on something of this magnitude. I feel that as the baby’s mother, this is not a situation I should just leave to him.

How do I confront her about this and, God forbid, deal with a “surprise bris” if family and a rabbi show up at our door in a few months?

—We Do Not Want a Bris

Dear WDNWaB,

You may be the baby’s mother, but your fiancé is the son of the lady who appears to be planning to toss you a “surprise” bris, and it’s absolutely his job to have this conversation. He needs to talk to her, preferably in person, immediately.

I guarantee that she does not think the decision was mutual. She thinks that you, “a casual Christian,” have pressured her Jewish son into forgoing something intensely important to his cultural heritage (not just the bris, but the circumcision itself), and nothing you say to her on the subject is going to make a dent in that.

Your fiancé has to have this talk. He needs to look her in the eyes and say that this is what he wants as well. You are blessed in your future sister-in-law being willing to narc on the “surprise!” bris; perhaps she and you and your fiancé could plan a party, a month or so after you’re truly back on your feet, that will celebrate his side of the family and his Jewish heritage, minus any mild surgery. It’ll be later than usual, but would you be open to a naming ceremony? I think that might do a lot to heal this relationship.

I do think she is behaving outrageously, but I also think, like so much outrageous behavior, it’s coming from a place of fear. That your family will be closer to your grandson, that your holidays will take precedence over the ones she raised your fiancé to celebrate, etc. Even as he lays down the law on the bris, I want your fiancé to do it with great kindness and provide her a degree of reassurance that this beautiful boy is still 100 percent her grandson, and (I assume) you plan on keeping his Jewish heritage alive in his life.

If that’s not the case, well, I would reconsider that. I wish you the best of luck, and if a mohel does show up with a medical kit, you can lock yourself in the bathroom with the baby until he goes. I am hoping that your fiancé and his mother can have the sort of conversation that renders that unnecessary.

From: A Surprise Bris?! (May 10th, 2019)

Dear Care and Feeding,

My son is 2 years and 5 months, which I know is on the early side for this, but he grasps the general concept of the potty and is intrigued by it. He’s also the youngest in his class, and he observes slightly older kids using the potty like champs and seeks to emulate them. Perhaps most importantly, he knows, as his sister did before him, that a gummy bear awaits him if he potties successfully. Here’s where we are: Night after night after night, he sits happily on the potty for a good long while, eventually climbs down, then gets into the bath and, standing up, calmly, and with a sense of great purpose, pees in his bath. I try to anticipate this by talking him through it, but it doesn’t matter. He seems generally happy with this state of affairs. What am I doing wrong?

—Ew!

Dear Ew,

My answer depends on a piece of information I do not possess: Does your son enjoy having baths, or not? If he loves the bath (super common, and it’s certainly apparent he feels quite at home and relaxed in the tub!), then when he pees, you say, “Oh, you know we don’t pee in the bath, so bath time is over, and we’ll try again tomorrow.” Fish him out, dry him off, don’t make it a big deal, but make it clear.

If he does not enjoy the bath, then put his pullups on, wait until he pees in them (or, God willing, the potty), and then put him in the bath so that his tank is as close to empty as you can manage.

Kids pee in the bath. It’s OK. It’s common. It’ll pass.

From: My Kid Won’t Stop Peeing in the Bathtub (June 17th, 2019)

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have two boys, ages 9 and 6. They often play with a neighborhood boy named Carl, who is 5.
Yesterday, my morning sitter heard my younger boy say to the older one, “Don’t you think Carl’s penis looks weird?” My sitter jumped in and asked how they know what Carl’s penis looks like. They told her that he took it out and showed them, but they didn’t show theirs. Carl told them not to tell me.

While he says he didn’t, I’m not sure my 6-year-old wouldn’t have reciprocated. He’s been seen by different neighbors outside on a snowbank, shirtless with his pants around his ankles (underwear up!) beating his chest like King Kong. I think he’d just won king of the mountain, but why he’d need to drop his pants to celebrate, I have no idea.

I had a talk with my boys reminding them that their privates are private and they don’t take their penises out around other people. I made sure there was no touching involved. We talked about not keeping secrets, and that if this happens again, they should tell Carl to put his junk away, and tell me or their dad or the sitter what happened. All good.

My feeling is that Carl’s behavior is within the range of age appropriate for a 5-year-old. Am I wrong on that? Is it something I should to talk to his parents about? They seem perfectly nice, but we aren’t friends, and our contact is limited to text messages saying, “Can you send my kid home.” I think I’d want to know, but I admit I’m pretty uptight and from what I can tell, she’s more laid-back. Do I wait and see if it happens again?

I’ll admit I’m also concerned about my 9-year-old being around when a much younger kid has his penis out. Mine knows to keep it in his pants, and says he was uncomfortable and walked away when Carl dropped trou. What should I tell him to do if it happens again? Should I keep him from playing with Carl? That would be hard, since there are no kids his age in the neighborhood. Should I make sure they only play in our yard where I can keep an eye on the activities (also hard)?

—Please Keep It to Yourself

Dear PKItY,

I think this is pretty standard-issue behavior for a 5-year-old, but I do admit that the fact Carl told your sons not to tell their parents gives me pause. That (maybe) sounds like repeating a warning he’s heard before. I don’t think you need to go full KLAXON KLAXON KLAXON here, but I would definitely call Carl’s parents and relate the very simple course of events: Carl showed our sons his penis, our sons told us about it, we reiterated that we don’t take our genitals out to show people. You can tell them you’re only calling so they can remind Carl about keeping his junk to himself, but also that he did tell your sons to keep it a secret, which you found mildly worrisome, and you would want to be told about it if your situation were reversed.

From: Carl Dropped Trou (March 29, 2019)

—Nicole

Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

In Anora, Madison plays a sex worker from Brooklyn who meets and marries the son of a Russian oligarch.

She also paid tribute to the community she had represented in the film. “I also just want to also recognise and honour the sex worker community,” she said in her Oscars speech. “I will continue to support and be an ally.”

But what do we know about Mikey Madison’s real-life background? Let’s meet her low-key parents.

Who are Mikey Madison’s parents?

Brittany Mahomes has a new gym buddy!

On Tuesday, Mar. 4, the Kansas City Current co-owner, 29, shared a boomerang video on her Instagram Stories as she snapped a mirror selfie while at the gym. In the clip, Brittany can be seen wearing green leggings and a gray zip-up hoodie, pushing a black stroller that fully covered her baby daughter inside.

“My fav workout partner 🤍,” Brittany wrote across the snap, referencing her daughter Golden Raye, whom she welcomed in February with husband Patrick Mahomes, 29.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Related: Brittany and Patrick Mahomes Welcome Baby No. 3, a Girl — and Reveal Her Name in First Photo

Brittany and Patrick are parents to three kids together — daughters Sterling Skye, 4, and Golden, as well as son Patrick “Bronze” Lavon III, 2.

At the end of February, Brittany shared a snap on her Instagram Stories of herself and her daughter Sterling Skye as she offered a glimpse at her newborn daughter.

“Twins,” Brittany’s caption read, with the boomerang capturing the proud mom carrying daughter Golden in a baby sling while Sterling did the same with her toy baby doll.

While Brittany carried Golden in a gray animal print sling, Sterling’s doll was placed in a floral carrier, matching her pink dress.

On Feb. 20, Brittany shared a post on her Instagram as she celebrated her daughter Sterling’s 4th birthday, which included a sweet photo of Sterling with her baby sister Golden.

In the snap, Sterling could be seen wearing a pink long-sleeve T-shirt and holding her baby sister, who had a white cap on and a pink onesie. Sterling fed her sister a bottle as another person out of frame reached out to help support Golden.

Later on her Instagram Stories, Brittany shared a Reel of Sterling pushing Golden’s stroller, staring off into the distance as she rocked back and forth. “The best big sister 🥹,” she wrote across the video.

Read the original article on People

This special edition is part of our Guest Prudie series, where we ask smart, thoughtful people to step in as Prudie for the day and give you advice.

Scaachi Koul is a senior writer at Slate, the co-host of the Ambie-award winning podcast Scamfluencers, and the author of Sucker Punch and One Day We’ll All Be Dead And None Of This Will Matter. Sucker Punch just hit shelves this March.

We asked Koul to weigh in on pregnancy scares, surviving divorce, and dating cycles:

Dear Prudence, 

I never wanted to be a father. After one too many scares in college, I got the snip. I didn’t tell my mother or sisters because frankly, for being a bunch of dyed-in-the-wool liberals they have a real conservative streak (our family name dying out doesn’t affect me—we aren’t the royals). Over the holidays, I messed around with an old family friend a couple of times. I had to work Christmas through New Year’s Eve so I was visiting early. I got woken up by a furious phone call from my mother. The family friend claimed to be pregnant and I was named as the father.

My brain didn’t catch up to my mouth. I told my mom that was impossible since I’d had a vasectomy. My mother and sisters have been freaking out ever since. I am apparently too stupid and young to choose not to be a father and my future wife owns my body. I finally sent a text in the family chat: no dick, no opinion and I was blocking everyone until after January to give them time to cool off. I enjoyed the quiet but I don’t want to cut my family out of my life forever. So what now?

—Snippy

Dear Snippy, 

Wow, this is so much penis-talk with your family. Maybe your folks can adopt my father’s approach to genitals, which is that he seems to have a break with reality anytime they’re mentioned. He once turned off an animal documentary because two of the frogs started to mate. If I told my dad I got my tubes tied, he’d surely be upset in the same way your family seems to be, but his first reaction would be, “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR TUBES” and then he would dig a hole into the earth’s core and live there forever.

Anyway, this is a lot of ball-talk for the people you’re related to. If you want to be able to have a relationship with them, then it sounds like you have to accept some of their upset. Go over for Sunday night bangers n’ mash (I’m assuming—again, a lot of dick talk) and keep things cute and casual. If your refusal to sire an heir comes up, tell everyone you’re not going to discuss it further. If they won’t give it up, leave. You are an adult, and your penis is no one’s business other than your own.

Now: Should you be porking your family friends? No, stupid. If you want to keep your family out of your sex life, don’t wag your wiener at Aunty’s daughter.

Pick Up a Copy of Koul’s Latest

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Thank you for your support.

Dear Prudence, 

I’m a married single mom to two young boys. I am the breadwinner and primary parent while my husband works part-time. He’s a wonderful father (present, engaged, fun but firm) but a crappy husband (my needs are dead last every single time). We’ve been together a long time and as I look back on our relationship, I see all of the red flags I ignored, mainly due to low self-esteem issues and being afraid of being alone. I’m in therapy (solo, my husband refuses to go) trying to reconcile the anger I have at myself for not leaving the relationship early, at him for being such a hunk of junk to me, and the idea that I wouldn’t have my boys if I had left early on. I’m really struggling and my marriage is in rough shape. Due to financial reasons, we can barely afford my therapy, let alone a divorce. The idea of not being with my children every day is gutting. Finding time for myself is nearly impossible and I have zero privacy. I feel like a zombie most days and putting one foot in front of the other takes monumental effort. How do I survive this?

—Struggling in Seattle

Dear Struggling in Seattle,

You survive it by making a plan for how to leave it.

You describe your situation as wholly untenable: Your partner is a good parent (unclear how this is possible if he’s so dismissive of you, the other parent) but a very bad husband to you. You are deep in a well of anger at yourself (over someone else’s behavior, no less), and you’re burnt out from taking care of your kids and muscling through your financial burdens. I appreciate that telling you to leave feels simplistic and rote, and clearly, you know that’s your final destination. But to survive something is to create a version of the world where it isn’t happening anymore, and to inch yourself in that direction until you finally arrive.

I’m not entirely sure what you’re hoping to save in your current situation. You’re calling yourself “a married single mom,” a sentence that makes me so mad I could burst through a brick wall like the Kool-Aid Man. What is the point of being married if the guy still makes you feel like you’re doing everything alone? I know I sound like a broken record! I know I’m being a brute about it! I don’t care: leave.

You know who gets divorced? Pretty much everyone! It’s an unbearably common thing, done by the rich and the poor, the dumb and the smart. You can get a divorce too, if only you so choose to do so. Make a list of whatever it is you need to help you leave. Write down the tangible and intangible steps you know are coming, from finding your own place to live to how you might separate your bank accounts. (Call a lawyer for a free consultation, while you’re at it. Call two!) All of this will seem daunting. You will feel daunted. Feel free to weep and rage at the machine; divorce is exhausting. But don’t let it feel unapproachable or impossible. Our current defense secretary has been divorced twice. Anyone can do it, bookie. Literally anyone.

While you make your plan to leave, you need to fortify your community and foster it in every form. Do you have friends or family members who you trust? If not, go create some chosen family. Make friends with the parents of your kids’ friends. Join the PTA. Linger at soccer practice. Go on Reddit and start chatting people up in the divorcee forums. Read books and watch movies about starting over. Join a club. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Take stripping classes and/or a self-defense course. Get really into breakdancing. Just hang out with people enough that a few of them know your favorite movie. (Mine is RoboCop.)

Once you have your friends around you, you’ll have to do the unimaginable and welcome them into your vortex of sadness. Isolation and despair are doubled by our very human and foolish insistence that we should suffer in silence. There are always people around hoping to help you, but they can’t unless you ask. I think often about how little I told people about how much I was struggling while trying to get out of my marriage. I wanted to show a brave face and not seem like such a resounding fuck-up. What did it save me? A bit of embarrassment? I ended up embarrassed anyway, several times over, about my divorce and then a hundred other little things. I now know that had I just asked, I would have at least saved myself some time and some pain. The shame was always waiting for me no matter what.

Tell your friends and family about your plan. Ask them for help filling in all the blanks. Your arrangements will fill out steadily, and you’ll see the path to putting it in motion. And one day, sooner than later, you’ll take a look at your life, and see how much you managed to transform it.

Dear Prudence, 

A really close friend of mine recently got out of a five-year relationship. The breakup was her choice, not his, but things seem as civil as they can be. In a conversation post breakup, she mentioned that she didn’t know who she was outside of being someone’s girlfriend. I am proud of her for seeing that line of behavior in herself. There is a slight age gap between us so sometimes I catch myself wishing she wouldn’t make the mistakes I have. Well, about three weeks after her breakup, she committed herself to a new boyfriend. I just can’t shake my disappointment. I’m finding it difficult to talk to her about him or even to her in general. I admittedly think this new flame isn’t good for her. But she is happy at the moment. I want to support her but I also want to hold her accountable for what she said about wanting to find who she is without being partnered. What do I do?

—Wanting the Best for Her

Dear Wanting the Best for Her,

While I was married, I had (and still have) one particular friend who just hated my ex-husband. She really hated him. Looked at him like he killed her dog. Every photo of her on my wedding day is a portrait of a woman being held hostage.

I knew she hated him because it seeped out of her pores, but she never gave me shit about it. Instead, she made herself a safe place for me to talk about what I wanted, deserved, and wasn’t getting. Mostly, she asked me questions, let me answer them, and allowed the ensuing silence to teach me a lesson. She tolerated him, which I was grateful for, but mostly I was thankful she didn’t make me feel humiliated when I did finally admit to her my marriage was over. So much was humiliating to me back then, in the heady days of a breakup, so it was nice to not be embarrassed in one more place, even if I sort of felt like I deserved it.

But this is what a lot of friendship is: turning a blind eye, periodically, for the sake of someone’s feelings. No one can be dragged into their future, and your friend clearly isn’t done avoiding herself just yet. While I know it’s tempting to hold your three to six (I’m guessing) years over her head, as if you’re some neighborhood sage ready to impart your hard-earned wisdom, that likely won’t work. All you can do is remind your friend—if and when the time comes—that she said she wanted to get to know herself outside of being some yokel’s girlfriend.

If you think this new guy sucks, you should tell her in a way that doesn’t make it sound like you’re going to hold it over her head for the rest of their relationship: I don’t love this guy for you, I think you can do better, and I know you talked about wanting to find out who you are before jumping into something new. From there, if she pushes back and stays with the guy, you sure got your answer. You can’t make everyone face themselves, and when this relationship falls apart—which so many of them do, as you know, o’ wisened crone—you get to decide if you want to be around for this little catastrophe, or to protect your peace and convert yourself into a loose acquaintance.

—Scaachi

When Andrew Sean Greer Was Guest Prudie

My husband is very, very smart. He graduated from an Ivy League college, has published in academic journals in multiple fields, and achieved success in a competitive field while still in his 20s. That is all great, but what I like best about him is that he always wore his intelligence lightly. He prefers to ask questions than to expound, answers questions clearly and simply without being patronizing, and is always looking to find people smarter or more knowledgeable than him—he has no desire to be “the smartest guy in the room.” But that has changed in one specific context.

Last week, standing in front of President Donald Trump’s first Cabinet meeting, Elon Musk, the unelected billionaire running a blitzkrieg against the US government, acknowledged that he had made a mistake—that in going after the US Agency for International Development, the foreign assistance program that he has all but destroyed, he accidentally ended the Ebola prevention project it ran overseas. Musk claimed the error was quickly fixed and there was no interruption in service. But former and current USAID staff quickly told the Washington Post that Musk was wrong—the Ebola response remained sharply curtailed. And, as the Bulwark reported, Nicholas Enrich, the acting assistant administrator for global health at USAID, who was placed on administrative leave Sunday, had drafted an unfinished memo that predicted the demolition of USAID would lead to more than 28,000 cases of Ebola and related diseases, as well as a 28 to 32 percent increase in tuberculosis globally, up to 18 million cases of malaria (with up to 166,000 deaths annually), and an additional 200,000 cases of paralytic polio a year.  

Musk’s assertion that his slash-and-burn assault on USAID had no negative impact on combating Ebola was disinformation. He was hiding the truth on a critical global health issue. I spoke about Musk’s claim with Jeremy Konyndyk, president of Refugees International. He ran the Office of Foreign Disaster Assistance at USAID during the Obama years and returned to the agency to work on Covid during the Biden administration. I asked him to describe how dangerous the cuts are. Have Trump and Musk seriously undermined the nation’s ability to prevent a major pandemic from hitting the United States?

Watch the interview and read the lightly edited and condensed Q&A below.

What does USAID do to prevent the spread of Ebola and other highly infectious and dangerous diseases overseas?

So you’ve got two big chunks to that. One is preparedness. You want to have the systems in place at a country level that can respond when an outbreak emerges and also reduce the likelihood that it emerges. That includes things like laboratory capacity for diagnostics and surveillance, so you can detect things rapidly when they emerge. And then you have to implement treatment, isolation, and infection prevention, so that when people begin showing up sick, they don’t infect health workers or other people.

USAID makes those kinds of investments, along with the Centers for Disease Control [and Prevention], in a lot of countries overseas that are prone to novel outbreaks. When something is detected—like the Ebola outbreak now underway in Uganda—USAID would normally swing into action with an active response team, deploying technical experts to support the Ugandan government, ramping up supplies, and providing personal protective equipment.

Another important element is traveler screening. You might remember the big hullabaloo in 2014 about travelers reaching the United States with Ebola. There’s a lot of investment in traveler screening to prevent people who are sick from traveling and potentially spreading the disease to other countries.

We should underscore here that this obviously helps people in the countries where this is happening. But we also have a bit of self-interest in preventing the spread, right? We’re doing good for others and for ourselves. Does this entail using USAID workers or working with contractors?

Typically, that would mean deploying some USAID personnel, but a lot of the frontline work is done through partner organizations—providing grants and contracts to aid organizations to support the Ugandan government and to run some of their own activities.

When Elon Musk came in with his minions and shut down USAID and froze federal foreign assistance, how did that affect this?

Almost none of the things that would routinely happen in a major outbreak actually took place. USAID did not deploy anyone to Uganda to support the response. They did not get money out to partners quickly. It took them weeks, when it would normally take hours or days. And even the funds that did go out were very, very small. Some contracts were canceled. One of the awards that had been made was to a partner supporting traveler screening at Uganda’s major airport in Entebbe—that was just canceled last week.

That means people can get on a plane in Entebbe and fly to London, Frankfurt, New York—wherever—and no one’s asking them about Ebola?

It means that the support to the Ugandan government to make sure that screening is as robust and airtight as possible is gone. So it’s a huge risk.

Elon Musk says everything’s been fixed. No?

He has no idea what he’s talking about. He’s making it up as he goes. He doesn’t understand the things he’s canceling. He and his team of teenagers and twentysomethings are using AI—or keyword searches, as far as we can tell—to decide what to cut. They’re not bothering to stop and understand what they’re actually losing when they shut these programs down.

We’re focused here on Ebola, but what does this mean in terms of other diseases and other possible pandemic threats?

One of the things you realize really quickly when you start getting involved in outbreak response is that there are outbreaks all over the world all the time. It’s really hard to know at the front end of one which has the potential to truly explode at a global level. That’s why it’s important to get on top of all of them very, very quickly, before they have a chance to spread. When you lose these capabilities, you increase the chances that one of those outbreaks will spread and get out of control globally.

I read in the newspaper that there’s something going on in the Democratic Republic of Congo, 50 people dead from a mysterious illness. What does it mean now that the US aid capacity has been severely cut, if not abolished?

This is a good and interesting example. This was a mystery for the first few weeks. Over the weekend, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced they now believe it’s due to water contamination—a waterborne illness. If that’s confirmed, then hopefully that one won’t pose a risk of spreading. But we only know that because WHO was on top of it.

Why is WHO on top of it? Because the section at WHO that handles emergencies and outbreaks was largely created at the behest of—and under pressure from—the US government after Ebola in 2014. And we are the principal funder of it.

Now, the United States is withdrawing from WHO, and the CDC has been barred from talking to WHO. All of our funding is being pulled. So we’re not just taking ourselves out of the game—we’re actively weakening the entire global infrastructure we built to keep us safe from these threats.

That doesn’t sound very encouraging. Let’s see if we can end on a somewhat optimistic note. Would it be possible to restore these capacities if, for some reason, a wave of rationality and sanity struck the Trump-Musk team?

It absolutely would. One of the ironic things here is that clearly, Musk feels pressure over this. He wants to reassure the public and the administration that they’re not cutting things that put Americans at risk. But, of course, they are. He has no idea what to cut and what not to cut—he’s just cutting everything by default.

There could be a different approach. Congress could intervene and put parameters around this, asserting itself in the process. They haven’t really done that yet. But when you look at what’s actually been done to USAID—yes, they are canceling contracts; yes, they’re trying to push out staff—none of that is unsalvageable. It could still be pulled back, as you say, in a fit of rationality. The risk is that if we persist on this path—if we lose all this capability, all this expertise—it’s going to take decades to rebuild what we’re about to lose. Right now, they’ve done more talking than actual damage. They’re close to locking it in, but it’s not locked in yet. They have no idea how to read the things they’re looking at, and they’re not bothering to stop and listen to the people who could explain it to them. They’re just making fools of themselves.

You’d think that with crises at home and abroad, the government would have enough problems to deal with, but now, it appears, they are going to pick the mother of all fights with the parents of disabled children. 

According to a report from The Guardian citing sources from the Department for Education, it is planning a ‘complete recalibration’ of special educational needs (SEND) provision for schools in England and Wales so that local authorities can balance their books. 

The details of that recalibration haven’t been confirmed, but as the parent of someone who needed SEND provision, I’m concerned and frankly let down by the fact the government seems to be prioritising the deficits of councils over helping kids. 

Authorities have been lobbying to try and limit the parental rights to appeal, and reducing powers of tribunals to mandate provision. 

That could mean that the current legal right of children is diluted, and would leave councils, rather than tribunals, directing exactly how a child’s needs are accounted for. 

That’s worrying because, for many local authorities, their main concern is their bottom line. It’s parents who know what’s best for their children, and a government that has promised ‘to break down the barriers to opportunity’ for children instead risks erecting more. 

If disabled or neurodivergent children don’t have the right support to allow them to do ordinary things like go to class, read a textbook, or improve their communication skills, Keir Starmer’s reported plans could curtail their life chances. 

That’s not exactly sticking to Labour Party values. 

My daughter is now 23, but when I read that report I thought of parents who have only recently had a diagnosis of their child’s disability.

What does the future hold for them? Has the Government just written them off to prioritise the ‘deficit’ of councils? 

Parents I have spoken to across the country are in shock. They are also terrified. No detail has emerged from the Government so they are imagining the worst.

It feels disrespectful for a newspaper to find out this apparent plan to rip up the SEND system and start again before young people or charities that are on the ground providing services have been consulted. 

What does ‘complete recalibration’ mean? Will new laws tighten the criteria to be given support? Is there a threat to post-18 access to colleges or training?

All of this might save money and improve council accounts in the short term but us parents know, because we’ve lived it, such cuts will only lead to greater expense down the line, when children and families reach crisis point because of lack of support. 

Already parents are struggling to get their children into the right school, to get councils and the health service to agree to fund equipment, or to pay for therapies that mean they can have what every other child has – a chance to learn. 

Families know that there is a shortage of money in public finances. We read the news. But we also see the waste in the system. Councils spend £100m  a year fighting parents in SEND tribunals, beating families in only 1.2% of cases. 

The law as it stands means children should be assessed for support if a parent, school, doctor or other specialist feels they might need extra help. Councils must carry out that assessment. 

If necessary, they must work with the family, doctors, teachers and any other specialists involved with the child to create an Education, Health and Care Plan. 

An EHCP is a legal document that spells out the outcomes expected of a young person, what support they need to achieve those and who is responsible for providing that support. 

This law was created in 2014. It coincided with councils being hit by austerity. Schools’ funding was slashed and teaching assistants were let go. 

But councils seem determined to put the blame for their financial woes directly on disabled children and their parents and these reports suggest they want to do less, not more. 

Budget deficits have built up, not just because of the extra funding required for children but also from increases in adult social care needs and, in some cases, terrible investments by local authorities. 

An accounting fudge called ‘the statutory override’ has allowed councils to exclude their ‘high needs’ budgets from their figures. That agreement comes to an end next March, hence the panic in the Treasury. 

All of this has led to a pressure cooker environment. Parents are distressed, councils are staring at a financial cliff edge but worst of all a ‘lost generation’ of children has been created. 

In my opinion, the government should be writing off these deficits.

As the Budget looms, the Government seems determined to cut costs, and I worry this ‘recalibration’ is going to hit SEND funding hard. 

If this plan leads to reduced rights, it makes me feel like I have failed. 

As the parent of a 23-year-old daughter with learning and physical disabilities I have fought for two decades for her and for other incredible young people like her. We don’t want much, just the very basic aspiration for our children to go to school. 

Last week I visited the fantastic special needs college that my daughter will leave this year. 

In the bright, sunny reception I saw a tiny dot of a girl, no older than three. 

She bowled in on the smallest walking frame I have ever seen. Her parents walked proudly behind her, having come in for an assessment. 

I wonder if she will even get a place at this terrific school if budgets are cut. I wonder if she will receive the support she needs to flourish. I wonder how much pain the Government will put her family through. 

I urge the Secretary of State for Education to understand that children need a truly inclusive education, whether that’s in mainstream or special schools, with well-trained staff. 

Families need help. The needs of children are more important than council balance sheets. 

On behalf of my daughter and others like her – please reconsider. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

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With a new baby, there are so many firsts: first bath, first smile, first laugh, first word, first hibachi grill. Wait, what? But yes, this is the “first” that is currently trending on TikTok—and also giving us a reason to smile today! 

Seriously, if you need a dose of joy (and who doesn’t?), you can’t beat seeing a sweet baby’s eyes light up with complete wonder over something as simple as an open flame at a hibachi restaurant.

Sound like this is up your alley? Then please enjoy a few TikTok videos showing this trend in action.

Different Reactions to ‘Baby’s First Hibachi Grill’ Trend

One TikTok, shared by creator @nishalysoto, has gone viral and garnered over 10,000 comments at time of writing. “Took the boredom right outta him,” one commenter jokes.

Hooked? Then you need to see how another adorable baby who was filmed for this trend looks like when witnessing this awe-inspiring sight. To be fair, she seems half amazed and half terrified over the festive dinner display.

These videos are all-the-more hilarious because they are set to an Edai song called “Opera,” raising the stakes of the popular chicken and shrimp cooking method quite considerably.

Meanwhile, some of the creators who were compelled to get in the baby’s first hibachi grill trend didn’t capture joy per se. A few of the tots in the videos clearly felt genuine fear when their high chair views of a dinner being prepared by a chef gave way to a burst of flames within a few feet.

Still, it seriously doesn’t get old seeing babies’ wide-eyed astonishment over a hibachi grill fire, even if many small customers’ reactions are tinged with concern.

Don’t you want to know what is going on in those little minds at this mealtime moment that is going viral on TikTok?

Scrolling through these videos is pure joy, a sentiment shared by several commenters. Also, we’re just left with gratitude in our hearts that this innocent content exists. Otherwise we may be contemplating far more worrisome current events. We can do that later.

But of course, speak with your health care provider before taking your kid to a hibachi restaurant if you have any concerns about the loud noises and flames.

Behind every champion is a family. But sometimes, instead of lifting them up, they tear them down. That’s the reality 24-year-old track and field star Jakob Ingebrigtsen is facing. His father and former coach, Gjert Ingebrigtsen, has been charged with physical abuse. With some allegations spanning over a decade. Jakob alleges his father slapped him in 2008, kicked him in 2009, and abused him between 2015 and 2016.

In fact, Gjert even allegedly attacked Jakob for 30 minutes and threatened to k*** him, The Times reported. Authorities first charged Gjert in 2023 for abusing one of Jakob’s siblings. But later the charges also included Jakob and another sibling. In 2023, Jakob, Filip, and Henrik exposed the abuse in a newspaper column.

Gjert, however, has denied all allegations. With a 30-day trial scheduled, the case has become one of the biggest sports scandals in Norway. It is expected to draw global media attention. The tension within the family first became public in 2018 and continued into 2022. All this happened when Gjert stepped down as coach shortly after the track and field star’s 1500m Olympic gold in Tokyo.

At the time, speculation ran wild, but few knew the full extent of the fallout.

After winning the gold in the Paris Olympic 5000m, Jakob faces his most challenging battle in a trial against his own father. According to his interview with The Telegraph, he continues handling the competition pressures while facing his legal battle.

While he can’t discuss the trial, he did shed light on how he manages to stay focused despite everything playing out in the public eye. “It’s a very good question because I think I have learned to not have such a good view on everyone else,” he said. “I use my team and work together with them in some areas. But I am definitely not relying on anyone for confidence and self-belief.”

Jakob expressed that his most productive athletic outcomes have happened during times when his attention remained focused only on his sport. “I did a lot of my best races in Covid because there was no one around. I didn’t struggle with that at all.” His focus stayed completely clear in those situations.

His ability to disregard outside noise presents the strongest potential tool to navigate through current circumstances where worldwide attention surrounds both his upcoming legal proceedings and his athletic aspirations. What were the initial circumstances that sparked this supposed mistreatment?

Track and field legend Jakob Ingebrigtsen confronts family rift

Over a span of ten years during his school days, Jakob Ingebrigtsen exposed his father and former coach Gjert Ingebrigtsen to physical violence along with mental abuse. According to the Norwegian newspaper VG, state prosecutors charged Gjert with delivering physical punishment to children under his coaching via beating them.

He was also charged with punching Jakob along with kicking him and performing multiple head strikes, according to official documents. The document also states that a single attack continued from 15 minutes up to 30 minutes. The charges also include Gjert Ingebrigtsen calling Jakob a “thug” and a “t*rrorist.” All this while threatening to “shame him and knock him out of health.”

The lawyer for Gjert asserts that the authorities hurriedly launched their prosecution, though his client asserts every charge is untrue. The famous Norwegian sports dynasty known as the Ingebrigtsens rose to fame through their participation in a popular reality TV show. The show monitored Jakob alongside his brothers Henrik and Filip as they studied under their father.

Then, Gjert chose to step down as coach in 2022 but told the media he needed health rest. The athletes eventually approached Norwegian athletics officials to get assistance in staying away from their father during competitions because Gjert still coached various athletes, including 2023 world 1500m bronze medalist Narve Gilje Nordas.

“We grew up with a father who was aggressive and controlling, using violence and threats,” the brothers wrote in a 2023 newspaper column. “The fear he instilled in us as children still lingers.”. While multiple family members have supported Jakob’s claims, Gjert insists he never used violence. He has simply admitted that he was “too much of a coach” rather than a father.

Now, the track and field star is juggling it all. He is preparing for a trial that will put his family’s darkest moments aside. However, he is still pushing himself to be the best runner in the world.

4 March 2025, 18:31 | Updated: 4 March 2025, 18:49

The mother of a two-year-old girl who died after being found in a village pond has been charged with murder.

‘Beautiful’ Annabel Mackey was found in a pond in Hampshire, yards from her home in September 2023.

Police were sent to a report that Annabel had gone missing from her home in Forge Road, Kingsley, Bordon, Hampshire, on September 10, 2023.

The youngster was found a short time later at Kingsley Pond and was taken to hospital in a serious condition, but died the following afternoon.

Alice Mackey, 42, of Gibbs Lane in Oakhanger has been charged with her murder and remanded into custody to appear at Basingstoke Magistrates’ Court on Wednesday, March 5.

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Annabel’s heartbroken father paid tribute to his “beautiful” little girl.

In a statement released through police, Annabel’s father said: “Annabel was a beautiful, positive and very happy little girl.

“She had an incredibly pure and caring nature that we miss so much. She loved story time, dogs and her dolly.

“She enjoyed singing songs and nursery rhymes and had a very sweet tooth.

“Annabel loved to laugh, she brought so much happiness into our lives. She was dearly loved by her family and friends.

“Thank you to everyone who was a positive influence in her life. Please continue Annabel’s legacy by remembering her and caring for others as much as she did.

“The world needs more people like Annabel to spread positivity and kindness.

“Annabel, I love you so much, you are a shining star and you will be loved forever x.”

A Hampshire Constabulary spokesman said: “A woman arrested following the death of a two-year-old girl who was found at Kingsley Pond, East Hampshire in September 2023, has today (Tuesday 4 March) been charged with murder.

“Alice Mackey, 42, of Gibbs Lane in Oakhanger has been remanded into custody to appear at Basingstoke Magistrates Court on Wednesday, 5 March 2025.

“We were called at 5.02pm on Sunday, 10 September 2023 to a report that two-year-old Annabel Mackey had gone missing from her home on Forge Road in Kingsley.

“Annabel was found a short time later, unresponsive, at Kingsley Pond. She was taken to hospital in a serious condition, where she died on the afternoon of Monday 11 September.

“Detectives from the Major Crime Team, carried out the investigation into Annabel’s death and her movements before she was located at Kingsley Pond.”

The feeling of losing a young child is unimaginable, parents said Monday as they pushed for mandatory bereavement time and sought to boost understanding of a rare category of childhood deaths.

“When time stops for bereaved parents, we need to give them the time they need to process and grieve,” mother Lynn Sallet said at the event in Nurses’ Hall.

Under a Rep. James Arciero bill (

), employers would be required to authorize up to 10 days of bereavement leave after the death of an employee’s child. The time could be used consecutively or non-consecutively within 12 months. It would apply in the cases of biological, adopted, step, and foster children, Arciero said.

March marks Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) Awareness Month, recognizing deaths of children 12 months or older that are still “unexplained after a thorough case investigation” including an autopsy, according to Arciero’s office. Five hundred children were affected nationwide in 2023, including 247 between the ages of 1 and 4.

Dr. Kristen Dillon described hugging her daughter, Junie, not knowing it was for a final time.

“On the day that Junie died, so many parts of me died, too. The woman, and the mother that I was, was gone. As was my understanding of the world,” Dillon said.

She said she could not face returning to work and needed four months to process what had happened. She later founded Junie’s Place, a Chelmsford-based nonprofit that offers no-cost bereavement support for deaths that occur in pregnancy, infancy, and childhood, along with stillbirths.

Dr. Erin Bowen, a pediatrician and vice president of the SUDC Foundation, said her bereavement leave was initially declined by her employer after the death of her 17-month-old son Connor. She was navigating personal grief while also caring for her surviving 3-year-old daughter.

While her leave was finally approved after a long appeals process, it struck her that the “significance” of her loss had not been recognized.

“After facing the most unimagineable loss, parents should not have to fight for bereavement leave, as well. There is no amount of time that would pass when it would be easy for a bereaved parent to return to work,” Bowen said.

Bowen and the other parents at the State House event called for passage of the Arciero bill, which has attracted a bicameral, bipartisan group of 20 cosponsors including Senate President Pro Tempore William Brownsberger and House First Assistant Minority Leader Kimberly Ferguson.

After Sallet’s son Carson died unexpectedly at the age of 17 months, her leave was approved, and her husband’s employer also granted a month of bereavement time “to say goodbye to our son” followed by a flexible schedule.

“The death of a child is an unimaginable, profoundly devastating, life-changing loss,” Sallet said. “And no parent should be forced to choose between keeping their job or mourning their child.”