Category: News

Carlos Sainz Jnr has revealed his two-time World Rally champion father wanted him to join a different Formula 1 team this year.

After learning he would lose his seat at Ferrari this year, Sainz spent several months considering his options, and eventually chose to join Williams.

However his father, who scored his fourth Dakar Rally victory with Audi last year, wanted his son to seriously consider the manufacturer’s offer. Audi will rebrand Sauber’s F1 team next year.

“My father, Carlos, is still disappointed that I didn’t choose Audi’s great offer a few months ago,” the F1 driver told Blick.

“After my dream of moving to Red Bull or Mercedes fell through, I had to decide between Audi, Alpine, and Williams. After visiting the factories and having discussions, my gut feeling immediately told me – go to Williams. They want a better future. And when my heart also said yes, the decision was made.”

Sainz added: “I hope that my father, who had great times with Audi, will soon be happy that I chose Williams.”

Speaking ahead of this weekend’s Australian Grand Prix, Sainz said his first impression of his new team was positive.

Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free

“As soon as I jumped into the car [last year] and started working with the people I was going to work with this year, I felt I had just joined a team full of motivation, full of people wanting to bring this team back to the front,” he said.

“The car also didn’t disappoint me. It was a good test overall in Abu Dhabi and we’ve had a strong winter of development. We’ve tried to hit the ground running this year and we’ve had a positive test.”

However Sainz said it’s too early to predict how competitive the team might be. “Are we going to be half a second, one second off the leaders? I don’t know.

“But hopefully we can show progress. I think that’s the fundamental word for us this year: keep showing progress as a team and see where we end up.”

Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free

2025 Australian Grand Prix

Browse all 2025 Australian Grand Prix articles

From indulgent breakfasts and elegant Sunday roasts in restaurant to luxurious Côte at Home dining boxes – Côte offers the ultimate way to celebrate Mother’s Day. Côte has unveiled special treats for Mother’s Day with a luxurious in restaurant menu and home-dining experience designed by Gordon Ramsay’s former Executive Chef.

Côte Brasserie invites families to celebrate with authentic French cuisine, expertly curated menus, and elegant treats, whether dining in one of its welcoming restaurants or enjoying a luxurious meal at home.

Highly respected chef, Steve Allen – who has worked in several Michelin-starred restaurants – has used the finest ingredients to showcase classic French cuisine along with expert wine pairings for this year’s Mother’s Day celebrations.

For those who love the experience of dining out, Côte restaurant offers the perfect setting to relax and indulge in timeless French dishes.

Start the day with a leisurely breakfast featuring classic French flavours. The Breakfast Complet menu offers a choice of breakfast dishes, a fresh juice, and a hot drink, all for £16.45.

Guests can choose from options like Côte’s signature French Toast Stack, made with golden brioche and topped with fresh fruit and maple syrup, or opt for buttery croissants and pain au chocolat, paired with a rich café au lait. For an added touch of luxury, upgrade to a Champagne breakfast for an additional £10, making for the perfect toast to mum.

Or for a long and indulgent lunch Côte’s French Sunday Roast (£26.50 per person) provides a sophisticated twist on a traditional favourite. Guests can savour beautifully roasted meats, crispy roast potatoes, rich shallot & thyme jus, and classic French sides like Peas à la Française and Apricot & Mustard Carrots.

To complement the meal, Côte’s expert sommeliers recommend a crisp Provence Rosé Spritz, perfect for a spring celebration, or a refreshing Wild Strawberry Lemonade for a non-alcoholic option.

To mark the occasion, Côte is launching an exclusive handcrafted pâtisserie selection on March 20, just in time for Mother’s Day. Guests can treat mum to warm, buttery madeleines, delicate fruit tarts, rich éclairs filled with velvety cream, and other decadent French desserts, all freshly prepared in-house by Côte’s expert pastry chefs. These exquisite treats are the perfect way to end a special meal on a sweet note.

For those who prefer to celebrate at home, Côte at Home offers an indulgent Mother’s Day dining experience, delivered straight to your door. Choose from two premium meal boxes, allowing families to enjoy restaurant-quality food in the comfort of their home.

The Confit Pork Belly Box (£24.95 for two, £39.95 for four) features Côte’s signature slow-cooked, crispy-skinned pork belly, paired with golden roast potatoes, Peas à la Française, Apricot & Mustard Carrots, and a rich shallot & thyme jus. This classic dish brings the warmth of a French brasserie to your home, with simple instructions to reheat and serve.

For a truly luxurious feast, the Chateaubriand Box (£44.95 for two, £79.95 for four) showcases Côte’s finest 30-day aged beef fillet, expertly trimmed and prepared by the brand’s in-house butchery team. This tender, buttery cut is the centrepiece of an elegant home-cooked meal, accompanied by the same carefully curated sides for the perfect French dining experience.

To elevate the celebration even further, Côte at Home offers a selection of exclusive add-ons. The Grand Paris-Brest (£24.95) serves as a stunning centrepiece, featuring a baked choux pastry filled with praline chantilly and served with warm chocolate sauce – ideal for sharing.

For gin lovers, the Mirabeau Pink Gin Gift Set (£39.95) includes a beautifully packaged 200ml bottle of Mirabeau Dry Pink Gin alongside a delicate silk twilly in a pastel pink pattern, making it a thoughtful and stylish gift.

Côte is committed to sourcing only the highest quality ingredients, with all meat responsibly farmed in Britain, Ireland, and South America. Each steak is carefully aged for 30 days and hand-cut by Côte’s in-house butchery team, ensuring superior flavour and tenderness.

Côte’s Executive Chef, Steve Allen, has worked at Michelin-starred restaurants including Restaurant Gordon Ramsay and Pétrus, and opened Gordon Ramsay at Claridge’s (which won a Michelin star within its first year). During Steve’s time at Claridge’s, he went from Junior Sous Chef to Head Chef and then Executive Chef, and worked on all of Gordon Ramsay’s books from Secrets to World Kitchen.

Steve Allen, Côte’s Executive Chef, said:

“At Côte, we believe that food is about more than just nourishment, it’s about creating memories. This Mother’s Day, we’ve designed menus that celebrate the joy of sharing a meal with loved ones, whether that’s a leisurely brunch, a beautifully crafted Sunday roast, or a luxurious Côte at Home experience. With classic French flavours, handcrafted pâtisserie, and the finest ingredients, we hope to make every mum’s day extra special.”

About Côte Brasserie:

French taste is great taste. Côte Brasserie’s belief – in quality, freshly prepared seasonal ingredients, served with respect and enjoyed in relaxed, stylish surroundings – has inspired our brand since 2007. Now, with more than 70 Côte Brasserie restaurants across the UK, our menu has evolved to encompass the timeless French classics our guests know and love, alongside new dishes that capture the excitement of contemporary French cuisine. Fresh, delicious and thoughtfully sourced, Côte Brasserie is an affordable taste of French luxury right here in the UK. What we bring to the table will always be the very best it can be. And that’s always been our promise – because in France, they wouldn’t do it any other way.

For more information and reservations, visit cote.co.uk.

Delivered direct to your door, ordering Côte at Home is very simple. See http://www.coteathome.co.uk/.

Pre-order now for delivery . Please note, delivery times are between 7am and 9pm.

Lately, Abhishek Bachchan has been taking roles in which he is required to play a single parent, especially a girl dad. Ahead of the release of his upcoming film, ‘Be Happy,’ the actor opened up on parenting. He noted that the emotions of fathers often go unnoticed, also because they do not openly express it. Moreover, while he stated that women are “superior beings,” a father’s contribution should not be overlooked. Weighing in on parenting, the actor revealed that he believes that parents should not be friends with their kids.

Ahead of his film’s release, Abhishek Bachchan opened up on being a father while speaking with Fever FM. The actor said, “A lot of the time, in general discourse, we forget what a father might be going through. I feel men are not very good at expressing. It’s a huge flaw and we feel that we just need to very silently take on whatever responsibilities or pressures and just get on with it.” Jr Bachchan went on to acknowledge that a “father will never be able to replace a mother.” However, he added that while women are a “superior race, that shouldn’t have to discount what a father does. And it’s nice, once in a while, to just throw maybe a bit of light that ‘hey, maybe nothing compared to what a mother does, but they do try their best.’”

Advertisement

As the conversation progressed, Abhishek also weighed in on the parent-child dynamic. Noting that lately parents and children are like friends, he does not subscribe to it completely. “I think you should be friendly with your kid, you can’t be your kid’s friend. You are their parent. You are there to protect them and guide them. But you have to be friendly enough for them to feel comfortable enough to come and confide in you. And you should be the first person they would think of calling, if anything. But I also believe that at the end of the day, you are their parent. They must understand that distinction, that’s what I believe.”

Moreover, talking about the journey of parenthood, the actor believes it’s a road to self-discovery. While advice pours in from everywhere, this a road one has to walk on their own. “At the end of the day, you have to make your own mistakes and you have to find your own way. That’s something life teaches you. Each parent is unique and their approach to bringing up their children is unique. And actually, it’s a journey of self-discovery because you discover a lot about yourself when you have to not think about yourself but think about somebody else, who you love more than yourself.”

Also Read: Imtiaz Ali reacts to Shahid and Kareena’s reunion; reacts to ‘Jab We Met’ sequel buzz

Abhishek’s ‘Be Happy’ is releasing on Amazon Prime Video on March 14. Choreographer-turned-director Remo D’Souza has helmed the title. Alongside Abhishek, Inayat Verma also stars in a leading role.

Mark Wright’s mother Carol has broken her silence following the arrival of her fourth grandchild.

Former TOWIE star Mark and his actress wife Michelle Keegan welcomed their first child together on 6 March, before later sharing news of their family expansion on social media on Wednesday. In a joint post shared to Instagram, the couple proudly announced: “Together we have a new love to share… Our little girl [white heart emoji] Palma Elizabeth Wright, 06.03.25.”

They also shared a striking image that showed Mark, 38, and Michelle, 37, cradling their newborn who was dressed in a crochet garment and a matching crochet baby bonnet. Doting mum Michelle could be seen holding her little one’s hand, while Mark placed a tender hand over his wife’s.

Mark’s mother Carol was quick to publicly congratulate the couple in a touching tribute. Taking to Instagram, the mother-of-three re-shared the sweet black-and-white photo and wrote: “We are in love with you beautiful baby girl thank you Michelle and Mark for this wonderful gift X.”

While the pair haven’t revealed the sweet meaning behind their bundle of joy’s name, it’s thought that ‘Palma’ is a sweet nod to Palma de Mallorca where Mark and Michelle are known to holiday and where Mark owns an apartment.

It’s also the spot where the pair posed for their stunning bump shoot, with Mark and Michelle sharing a beautiful image with their followers in December last year to announce their pregnancy news. At the time, they wrote: “2025 is going to be a special one for us…” followed by a baby emoji. Find out more in the video below… 

Elizabeth, meanwhile, is likely a touching tribute to Michelle’s great-great grandmother whose first name was Elizabeth. During an appearance on Who Do You Think You Are? The Brassic star discovered that her great-great grandmother, Elizabeth Kirwan, was part of the suffragette movement.

She also learnt that Elizabeth’s daughter’s birth had been registered by the famous Suffragette leader, Emmeline Pankhurst. Speaking on the show, Michelle said: “I was speaking to my great aunty Paula, who was telling me about her grandma Elizabeth, and she was telling me about how she was the matriarch of the street and of the community.

“She used to take people in, and everyone saw her as this strong leader of the community.”

The couple’s unique baby moniker seemingly went down a treat with fans. Reacting in the comments section, one follower wrote: “This is WONNNNDERFUL news. Love the name too. Congrats guys,” while a second remarked: “Beautiful name, massive congratulations to you both, you’ll be amazing parents,” and a third added: “Sooo cute. LOVE the name.”

Lovebirds Mark and Michelle tied the knot in 2015 after crossing paths in Dubai back in 2012. They are now raising their family in a swanky Essex mansion that they built from scratch after Epping Council granted them planning permission in July 2020. Their pad is an opulent masterpiece teeming with plush interiors and complete with a home gym, a swimming pool and a sauna.

The father of Sara Sharif should have been given a whole life order for his daughter’s murder, the Court of Appeal has been told.

Urfan Sharif and Beinash Batool were jailed for life with minimum terms of 40 years and 33 years respectively in December last year after being found guilty of the 10-year-old’s murder.

Sara’s uncle, Faisal Malik, was found guilty of causing or allowing her death and jailed for 16 years.

In a televised sentencing at the Old Bailey in December, Mr Justice Cavanagh said Sara’s death “was the culmination of years of neglect, frequent assaults and what can only be described as torture”, mainly at the hands of Sharif.

All three are bringing bids to challenge their sentences at the Court of Appeal, while the Solicitor General is asking judges to increase Sharif’s sentence under the unduly lenient sentencing scheme.

At a hearing on Thursday, Tom Little KC, for the Solicitor General, said Sara’s murder was a rare case of such “exceptionally high seriousness” that it warranted a whole life order for Sharif.

“This was a truly awful case of a murder of a child,” he told the court, adding that a whole life order was “the only appropriate sentence”.

He said in written submissions: “It is submitted that it is difficult to conceive of a murder being perpetrated on a young girl by her own father that could be any more serious than this.

“Whilst that is not the test it is illustrative of the need to consider the individual facts of the case.”

Sara was found dead in a bunkbed at the family home in Woking, Surrey, in August 2023.

She had suffered 71 recent injuries at the time of her death, including 25 broken bones, iron burns on her bottom, scalding marks to her feet, and human bites, appeal judges were told.

Mr Little continued: “The violence meted out to Sara was premeditated and repeated again and again even if the murder itself was not.”

The barrister told the court in London that Sara was caused “stress, pain and trauma” and began to vomit food or soil herself as a response to the abuse.

Mr Little added: “It is submitted that the level of violence inflicted upon Sara, namely serious violence which was repeated over years, was in itself certainly substantially premeditated, and is not in culpability terms any less serious than a premeditated and planned murder of a child.”

Naeem Mian KC, for Sharif, said that a whole life order would not be the appropriate sentence in this case.

He said: “We say, without hesitation, this is not one of those exceptional cases.”

The barrister said: “We can all agree that this was a tragic case. Regrettably, it is the case that cases of this nature are not unique.”

Lawyers for Sara’s stepmother Batool and Malik are expected to make submissions to the Court of Appeal later on Thursday.

The hearing before the Lady Chief Justice Baroness Carr, Mr Justice Soole and Mr Justice Goose is due to conclude on Thursday afternoon.

Mark Wright’s mum has shared a sweet message after he and Michelle Keegan welcomed their first child together.

The actors, who have both been pretty hush-hush about their private lives since they began dating, shared the news of their pregnancy just weeks before she gave birth on 6 March.

The couple tied the knot in 2015 and have been going strong for over a decade before they shared a beach-side image for the New Year.

In the picture, you can see the Our Girl star flashing her baby bump.

Of course, fans went wild when they realised the pair were becoming parents, and immediately wished them well for their future.

On 12 March, Michelle and Mark took to Instagram to announce they’d welcomed a baby girl, sharing a black and white photo with the caption: “Together we have a new love to share…

“Our little girl.”

They added: “Palma Elizabeth Wright.

“06.03.25.”

Although they haven’t confirmed why they decided on this name, the moniker is Spanish, with Italian, Latin and Portuguese roots and means palm tree, honey and sweetness, translating to ‘palm’.

The name Elizabeth is also thought to be a nod to Michelle’s great-great grandmother.

Mark’s mother Carol went on to write a lovely message for the pair, reposting their photo of the newborn to her Instagram Story as she wrote: “We are in love with you beautiful baby girl thank you Michelle and Mark for this wonder gift. X.”

Mark’s sister-in-law Hollie commented: “Josh and Dusty can not wait to meet their new cousin.”

While his sister Natalya wrote: “So so happy for you both. The best news ever.”

And Mark’s brother Josh posted: “Over the moon for you both and can’t wait for our boys to meet your little one.”

Having just given birth to her first child, Michelle has previously spoken about the difficulties of being a celebrity woman without children.

She spoke about being continuously asked when she and Mark would be having kids as she told Women’s Health: “I get asked about children whereas Mark wouldn’t for example. ‘Why haven’t I had a child? When am I going to have a child?’ I don’t know what they want me to say. I don’t know what the right or wrong answer is.”

The Fool Me Once star was then asked if her family ask her, and she replied: “Not any more!… People don’t mean any harm by it, but they know what the answer’s going to be.”

Michelle also asked people to stop asking couples about when they’re planning on having kids, telling The Mirror: “It’s horrible. People don’t know if we’re trying. They don’t know the background of what’s happening. In this day and age, you shouldn’t be asking questions like that. I’m asked purely because I’m a woman.

“But I’m immune to it now – it’s like a reaction, and as soon as I hear it I brush it off as it’s no one else’s business.”

Roblox boss Dave Baszucki has claimed that while the company is doing everything it can to protect users, parents should ban their children from using the platform if they are concerned.

Roblox, the hugely popular user-generated content platform, has attracted a largely young audience since exploding in popularity in recent years. However, while this popularity has led it to attract more monthly active users than all three traditional console platforms combined, it has also come with several safeguarding issues.

Last year, multiple reports emerged claiming Roblox wasn’t doing enough to protect the young people using the platform, leading the firm to implement stricter guidelines for users under 13, and more expansive parental controls.

Now, the co-founder and CEO of the platform has said that parents concerned about how their children use the platform should stay away entirely.

“My first message would be, if you’re not comfortable, don’t let your kids be on Roblox,” Baszucki told the BBC.That sounds a little counter-intuitive, but I would always trust parents to make their own decisions.”

In November, Roblox introduced new restrictions that stopped users 13 and under being able to use in-game chat features in Roblox games. It also launched remote parental controls.

“Part of our long-term vision is to give parents granular controls to monitor and limit how much time their child spends on Roblox, which is something we’ve heard is important to parents,” said chief safety officer Matt Kaufman at the time.

“In the Parental Controls dashboard, parents can now see their child’s average screen time over the past week, as well as their child’s friends list. Parents and caregivers can also set daily screen-time limits. Once the limit is reached, their child cannot access Roblox until the next day.”

Roblox has also increased the options creators have when tagging what kind of content is included in the games that are published to the platform.

The firm’s boss says that Roblox takes any safeguarding incident incredibly seriously.

“We do in the company take the attitude that any bad, even one bad incident, is one too many,” he said.

“We watch for bullying, we watch for harassment, we filter all of those kinds of things, and I would say behind the scenes, the analysis goes on all the way to, if necessary, reaching out to law enforcement.”

Michelle Keegan and Mark Wright have welcomed their first child together and called her Palma – but there’s a deeply personal meaning behind this geographical name.

The British actress, 37, announced the happy news via a picture of the Towie star, 38, with the newborn on social media.

Revealing Palma Elizabeth Wright was born on March 6, the new parents wrote: ‘Together we have a new love to share… Our little girl.’

Fans took to social media to point out that the unique name could well be a nod to the couple’s Spanish bolthole in Palma.

The seafront property, which they bought in 2019 for a reported £1.3 million and renovated two years ago, boasts a sleek cream and marble design and sweeping ocean views.

Michelle has previously described Mallorca as her and Mark’s ‘favourite place’ to holiday, as she declared on social media just before Christmas.

The pair also chose the island as the location for their pregnancy photoshoot, with sources revealing to The Sun it is their ‘second home’.

Palma baby name full meaning

Palma is derived from the Latin word for palm tree, which is how the Spanish city – famed for its cobbled streets and impressive cathedral – got its name.

Palm trees line the streets of the ancient city, which was founded in 123BC by the Romans.

In Christian iconography the palm leaf symbolises victory, peace, eternal life and triumph, as Palm Sunday commemorates Jesus’ return to Jerusalem.

In ancient Egypt, palm trees were associated with eternal life. Tomb decorations depicting palm trees have been found and they were used in burial practices.

In Ancient Greece palm trees became associated with the god Apollo, who was born beneath one, and who symbolised victory.

In Judaism, the palm tree symbolises righteousness and peace.

Michelle Keegan and Mark Wright’s deep family links to Spain

As well as owning a property in Mallorca, both Michelle and Mark have family ties to Spain, which they both discovered on ancestry TV show Who Do You Think You Are?

In 2019 Michelle said she wanted to learn Spanish after discovering the life of her great grandmother Leonor OIrfila, who was born in Gibraltar and lived there throughout her childhood.

Scandalously, Roman Catholic Leonor married Charles Stuart Wiltshire, who was Church of England, for love despite frowns at the time.

Michelle told HELLO! magazine of the discovery: ‘I love the culture and the hidden gems of the island and it feels more special now when I visit. My family, friends and I love to holiday in Spain and it’s on my bucket list to learn the language.’

Mark meanwhile learnt on the programme of a terrible part of his heritage at the hands of the Spanish Inquisition – a judicial institution established in 1478 to oust heresy.

He discovered that his 9x great-grandfather, whose Jewish name was David de Mendoza and his Spanish name Antonio, was arrested in 1696 by the institution for secretly practising Judaism.

He was born in around 1660 and worked as a master swordsman in Jaen, Andalucia, in the south of Spain, until his arrest.

In a Seville prison, he was tortured for over two years with horrific methods including having a rag placed in his mouth and water poured over it, intended to emulate the feeling of drowning.

David did not confess despite efforts, though his nephew was burnt at the stake for being Jewish.

His punishment was to lose half his assets and serve six months in jail.

Records saw him making it to Amsterdam, where many Jews went to evade persecution at the time. He eventually ended up in England.

Without knowing about their heritage, some of Mark’s family actually now live in Andalucia, having emigrated there from England.

When he found this out, Mark said: ‘Southern Spain, right near Marbella! No carbs before Marbs!

‘On the beach, Plaza Beach, cocktail in hand, I can now, when I’m sat there like that, say “this is home”. Straight outta Marbs!’

He added: ‘How weird is that, it’s done a whole circle!’

He told The Sun’s Bizarre TV column at the time: ‘I always thought I might have been a bit Italian, so I’d tell the girls that in the playground at school.

‘To find out I’m Spanish is amazing. We’ve been going on holiday to that area for years and my brother lives out there. It’s ridiculous.’

Got a story?

If you’ve got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the Metro.co.uk entertainment team by emailing us celebtips@metro.co.uk, calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff page – we’d love to hear from you.

MORE: TV fans are astounded after 2-year wait for ‘incredible’ historical drama

MORE: Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan locked themselves in bedroom as mansion raided by masked men

BHUBANESWAR: Police in Nayagarh district on Thursday arrested a man and his mother on charges of murdering his two minor sons recently for opposing his remarriage plans.
The deceased children, Akash Mohanty (14) and Bikash Mohanty (9), were found hanging at their residence in Dhanchangada village within Fatehgarh police jurisdiction. Initially, their father, Prakash Mohanty (40), and grandmother, Souri Mohanty (68), claimed the children took their own lives for unknown reasons.
Sensing foul play, the children’s uncle, Laxman Nayak, filed a police report on Monday, alleging that Prakash killed the boys as he intended to remarry following his wife Kuma Nayak’s alleged suicide about two and a half years ago. The motive for Kuma’s apparent suicide was attributed to a family dispute, police sources said.
“During the early hours of Monday, Prakash and his mother allegedly suffocated the sleeping children and strangled them. They subsequently attempted to stage the murders as suicides by suspending the bodies from the ceiling beam by tying sarees around the necks of the two children,” Nayagarh SP, S Susree told TOI.
Following the crime, Prakash left the home as planned. In the morning, Souri alerted neighbours, claiming her grandchildren died by hanging. Prakash returned later, stating he was away on business. Police said that Prakash’s father, Achyuta Mohanty (87), was present but unaware due to his elderly condition.
“Although initially maintaining the suicide narrative, both Prakash and Souri admitted to the killings during thorough questioning. Investigators revealed that recently, a potential bride’s family visited the accused’s house to discuss marriage arrangements. After Kuma Nayak’s death, Prakash was looking for a bride. Akash and his brother opposed their father’s second marriage plans and disclosed it to their relatives,” Susree said.
According to police sources, the postmortem report disclosed strangulation marks on the necks of the deceased minors. Prakash, currently without any employment, previously operated a dhaba in Bhubaneswar. His establishment was demolished by BMC about a year ago for encroachment of govt land.

Dear Vix,

I love my job, and I’ve worked hard to build a career that fulfills me. But sometimes, it feels like no matter what I do, I’m letting someone down – especially my children. Recently, I missed a school assembly because of an important work commitment and one of my kids was really upset. Seeing her disappointment broke my heart.

I try to be present when I’m home, but moments like this make me question whether I’m failing the people who need me most (or if I’m being set up to fail). How do I balance my ambition with being the mother my kids need? How do I help them understand that just because I can’t always be there doesn’t mean they aren’t my priority? And am I monstrous for admitting that I want it all?

Torn in Two

Dear Torn in Two,

Oh, the plight of the mother. You’re scorned if you don’t work – you’re ignored and belittled; pretty much knocked out of society if you stay at home for those crucial early years – and you’re branded a “monster” if you do.

Pay for a nanny or childminder (or just basic school wraparound care) to focus on your career and you’re “entitled” and “shouldn’t have had kids if you can’t look after them”. Choose to stay at home (or are forced to, given the eye-watering costs of sending them to nursery) and you’re labelled “lazy” or somehow “unserious” or “out of touch with the real world”.

You can’t win. We will never win. The system/the patriarchy (or whatever you want to call it – the “manosphere”, even) simply doesn’t want us to. It can’t risk it. It would be far too empowering if women were allowed to “have it all”. So, yes. Sadly and bluntly, you’re right. You are being set up to fail.

I often think that mothers (particularly those in early motherhood, shortly after birth) walk among us like ghosts. They are hybrid, half-beings who exist in the witching hour between midnight and three. While the world slumbers, they are its rulers. Their power vanishes when daylight begins.

And why is that? Well, because once women split in two, they become gently rounded whispers of milk and maternity. Removed from work, from responsibility, from heavy lifting; they’re not supposed to be “seen”, not really. They are elysian, beatified… at first. Womanhood as they knew it, entirely erased – and so with it all sense of sexuality, individualism and power. And then as soon as they give birth, they are demonised.

Once, a pregnant friend told me she felt “jealous”. “I feel guilty for admitting it,” she whispered. “But sometimes I envy people who don’t have kids.”

I think this sums up the entire issue you’re dealing with at the moment. And it’s why you feel so conflicted about saying it out loud. Mothers, despite being revered – seemingly protected – are kept under strict controls: they’re simply not allowed to be anything but content with their lot. To be angry with the struggle to keep all the plates spinning all the time is to be a “monster”; a skewed line in the narrative that upholds the idea of “family” at all costs. Mothers are the sacrificial lambs of society.

That’s why you feel the way you do. And I don’t blame you – it wouldn’t serve the patriarchy quite so well for you to feel like you were winning.

What to do? Tell your kids you love them, every single day – as many times a day as you can possibly squeeze in. Explain that you want to be able to provide for them – to buy them the birthday presents they desperately want; to put delicious food on the table, to go on the occasional holiday or weekend away. Tell them that you wish you could spend more time with them – of course you do – but that your career is also important. That it enables you to provide for them. That you will go to every single assembly and school play you possibly can.

Help them to grow up understanding that yes, you are a mother – but you are also a person. An individual – with all the same dreams, passions and pressures as any father (or anyone who’s child-free).

Take heart that you’re an excellent role model for your daughters. They will learn from your ambition and your struggle. They’ll be grateful and in awe that you showed them how hard it was; how hard you were working for them – and for yourself. When they’re grown, they’ll look back and be proud to have known a woman like you. The woman that helped them become.

Do you have a problem you would like to raise anonymously with Dear Vix? Issues with love, relationships, family and work? Fill in this survey or email dearvix@independent.co.uk