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  • Mum Sets Up a Justgiving Page For Sons Birthday

    A mum has set up a justgiving  page to get parents to ‘contribute’ money for her son’s 10th birthday instead of giving him the traditional presents.

    Paramita Sarkar says her son Adi always gets far to many presents from friends when he has his parties that they are pointless and not played with .

    So, before his tenth birthday next month, she’s set up a JustGiving page and is planning on asking parents and friends to donate cash instead – ‘to get something useful that would be treasured’.

    With a suggested donation of £15 per child, from around 20 children he is thinking of inviting to his party, Adi, from Bramhall, would have a huge £300 to splash out on what he really wants.

    Paramita, who’s taking her son to Disney World in Florida next week as his present from his mum and dad Indranil, said: “There is no party without presents but afterwards we are left with boxes of Lego every year which stop getting played with.

    “They get piled up in boxes and we run out of space to store all the board games – sometimes duplicate ones.

    “So I have set up this JustGiving page where I would request mums to contribute – not donate – instead of buying presents.

    “I can then buy something that my boy would actually appreciate and treasure over a long period of time. This is simply to reduce the clutter and buy something really useful.”

    The mum is trying to gauge people’s reactions as to whether her site is an ‘acceptable’ idea, or whether she’d be judged or have negative comments by other parents.

    She said: “Friends have said it’s a good idea so I set up the link, but I’m apprehensive about circulating it at school as I don’t want to feel judged.

    “I’m hoping they’ll be positive when they see it and take it up.

    “If everybody contributed say £15 a time, there’ll be 20 people and Adi can actually buy something really nice.”

    The 39-year-old says Adi, who’s in Year 5 at Cheadle Hulme School, will not be upset that his school mates  arrive at his party without gifts.

    She added: “I have explained to him and he is cool with the idea and also keeps asking how much collections have been made.”

    Paramita says there is no specific target for the crowdfunding, but she set ‘a humble one’ at £50.

    She’s already exceeded the amount after money donations from some close friends and family who attended a small party for Adi when they went to watch the Chinese circus at Tatton Park earlier this month.

    What’s your view on this? Let us know in the comments 

     

     

  • I Wish My Son Was Never Born

    Call Reddit user Dislikemythird a “horrible person” — and she’ll agree with you.

    According to a recent post on the social media site, Dislikemythird loves her two daughters but does not like her 3-and-a-half-year-old son “at all.”

    She explained:

    It all starts with the fact that my daughters were very much planned and wanted pregnancies. My son was not. I didn’t realize I was pregnant until 16 weeks when I first felt the baby move.

     

    She continued:

    I sobbed my eyes out when I realized I was pregnant because I didn’t want to be pregnant again, hence the birth control, and it was too late for an abortion anywhere in my country. I probably would have had one, to be honest. Both my husband and I were pretty adamant we didn’t want more babies. I hated the baby/toddler stage with my daughters and with them being 3 and 4.5 at the time, it was like having a prison sentence extended right before freedom.

     

    The Reddit user admitted that she was finally starting to really enjoy her two oldest children and finally got on the right path in her career. So when she learned that she was pregnant with her son, it threw everything off track again.

    And to make matters worse, her son never slept through the night. He suffered from reflux and colic, and she said it nearly ruined her marriage:

    I can honestly say it nearly broke my husband and I’s marriage apart. At one point, we didn’t sleep in the same bed with one another for months, because we had to take shifts sleeping at a friend or sibling’s home with the girls because he screamed that badly they couldn’t sleep. We tried numerous doctors, and nothing helped, we just had to wait for him to grow out of it.

     

    She and her husband resented their son for so much, and she admitted they even wished horrible things on his health and considered adoption at one point. But how could she explain keeping two and giving away one?

    She wrote:

    I don’t want to be insensitive to anyone who has suffered a loss in this way, but I have to be honest, my husband and I both had a period where if he had of died in his sleep, we would have felt relief. At one point, I googled if we could still put him in the “baby hatches” our country has. He was too old. But again, how would we explain to everyone, including the girls, why we had a baby and then suddenly didn’t. I sobbed. I wished more than anything I realised I was pregnant earlier and could have had the abortion I wanted. I feel like my ability to bond with him was shot to hell by the fact he was just such a difficult baby. I honestly hated him for the first 18 months of his life.

     

    Dislikemythird acknowledged on Reddit just how awful it sounded to say that she “hated” her own son and that while she loves spending time with her daughters and doing things with them, she only does things for her son because she has to:

    Now he is three-and-a-half years old and even though he has now outgrown all that, and is pretty chill, I still just don’t like him. I am struggling to bond with him or even like him because I’m having trouble separating him from the memories of my marriage almost falling apart and my career being absolutely destroyed by having him and just the feelings that he was “forced” onto me by a birth control failure. My husband isn’t struggling to the same extent as I am, but has confessed he wishes our son “didn’t happen” because things were “better” before. Things have also been a lot more financially strained, and there he fact that we now have three kids to provide for and not two. Thankfully, we managed to save our marriage, but we both agree that we’d undo our son in a heartbeat if we could.

     

    The Reddit user continued by saying she has visited two therapists since her son’s birth, and all of them simply told her to “fake it till she made it,” but that hasn’t worked in her.

    Again, I am well aware I am going “mess him up” and he’ll grow up feeling like the least favorite child and all of that. I feel guilty about it and don’t want to feel this way, which is why I’m here.

     

    Dislikemythird is hoping that by being honest about her feelings toward her son, she can get advice from someone who will make her feel differently about her son. She hates feeling this way and understands that he deserves better from her.

  • Mum Ordered To Allow Formula Feeding

    Mum Ordered To Allow Formula For Her Exclusively Breastfed Infant

    An American judge in Maryland  has ordered a mum to allow her six-month-old son to have formula when he is with his father and so rages the debate between the rights of a mother, father, and child. 


    Amber Brown and Corey Lewis separated not long after their now 6-month-old son was born. Brown’s plan was to follow World Health Organization guidelines that cite recommendations for babies to be fed breast milk exclusively for the first six months, but the baby’s father took her to court, asking a judge to order that the baby be given formula. It seems Brown, like many mothers, had a hard enough time supplying milk as she nursed, and she simply couldn’t pump enough to supply Lewis with milk for night-time feedings. 

    Lewis argued in front of two magistrates in Charles County, Maryland, that he should be able to give the baby formula overnight, because Brown’s desire to exclusively breast feed prevents him from his rights of overnight visitation as the baby’s father. Magistrate Monise Brown agreed with Lewis in July, saying that the mother’s insistence to breastfeed was not a valid reason to withhold visitation, and in fact, could be purposed alienation toward Lewis. 


    Brown filed for an exception, based on her pediatrician’s recommendation that the baby remains nursed, as he could not tolerate formula. The follow-up hearing was just held and Magistrate Mitsy Metzgar concurred with the first ruling that if formula was what was needed for dad to have overnight visits, it should be done.


    And so…this is where it gets so, so sticky.


    While WHO recommends nursing for the first six months, the fact is that the baby has been nursed for six months, with Lewis saying he allowed that to happen. He says that he should now have the overnight visits with his son he is entitled to. Yet, a licensed pediatrician has gone on record saying the baby cannot tolerate formula, and no one seems to be taking that into account. Do judges have the medical experience that licensed clinicians do? Is it normal for them to turn away the advice of certified medical professionals?


    Interestingly, Maryland is one of the states with strong legal wording when it comes to breastfeeding. The law (MD 20-801) states that no person can restrict or limit the right of a mother to breastfeed her child. It would seem that we now are looking at the issue of whose rights trump whose — the right of the mom to breastfeed, or the right of the dad to overnight visitation?

    What about the baby’s rights? If his mother is not able to protect him from possible gastrointestinal issues due to formula intolerance because judges deem that an excuse for her keeping him from his father, who can? Who will?

    What’s your thoughts?

  • Mum’s Fiancé Asks Her To Give Up The One Thing She Loves Once They Get Married. The Most Shocking Part? She Is Already Considering It

    A mum is being slammed by parents around the world after she confessed that she fully plans on giving up her son once she gets married.

    As The Sun reports, the mother, who goes by “Feeling Stuck,” wrote into the Dear Wendy column to ask for some advice regarding her predicament.

    “I’m a 30-year-old divorcee with a son. I have joint custody with my ex-husband. My boyfriend, who is also divorced, has a daughter who is under the sole custody of his ex-wife. I only get to spend time with my son on alternate weekends and my boyfriend doesn’t see his daughter at all,” the woman begins.


    The woman has reportedly been waiting for her boyfriend to propose for quite some time, so when he finally did, she was over the moon.


    There’s just one catch: She must give up her son.

    “My boyfriend already proposed to me, but, one month after proposing, he wants me to give up seeing my son,” the mum revealed.


    As it turns out, Feeling Stuck’s greatest concern in giving up her only child involves her ailing parents, who absolutely adore their grandson.

    “I did tell him that my parents want to spend time with my son too and they can only do that on the alternate weekends I see him. He told me that he wants to go overseas to work and meanwhile I can use this period to think about whether I want to give up my son for him,” she writes.


    Shockingly enough, the mum is considering her fiancé’s offer and is even thinking about going through with a trial run.


    “I have thought of giving up my son after we married, but how am I supposed to answer to my parents? My mother has depression and my father has cancer. I don’t want them to be sad knowing that they will lose a grandson,” the woman continues.


    According to the mum, it has been apparent from the beginning that she would one day have to choose between her son and her boyfriend.


    “My boyfriend told me when we started dating that he could not accept my son, and I know not all men can. I’m actually prepared to give up my son after marriage, but my boyfriend wants me to do it right now. I want to be with my boyfriend and yet I can’t bear to let my parents feel sad because of their illnesses. I also have a mother’s guilt in me because my son loves me so much. What should I do?” she concluded.


    Unsurprisingly, Dear Wendy, as well as hundreds of other commenters on social media, were horrified that a mother would consider going through with such a horrifying plan.


    “Shame on you. Are you so lonely and so desperate for a husband that you would cast away your own child? Apparently so. Please, please get yourself to therapy and figure out what the fuck is wrong with you that you would behave in such an appalling, disgraceful way. I’m not even touching on your parents. That you would use them and their illnesses as the main reason to maybe keep seeing your son occasionally speaks volumes. Get help,” Dear Wendy responded, in part.

  • Man Ends Up In Court Over Viral Photo

    When Heather Whitten’s son Fox was sick, her husband Thomas brought his son into the shower to help give Fox some relief.  The photo was taken by Whitten, who is a professional photographer.

    “I snapped a couple of pictures,” she said. “It was just beautiful. It was not surprising or anything out of the ordinary; it’s how he has always been with the kids.”
    She likes the image because it shows that “it is okay to get naked with your son and nurture him … the important thing is really taking care of your kiddos.”

    While many loved the photograph of a loving moment with father and son and were upset when the photo was removed, not everyone agreed, and a single individual sent a letter of complaint to the local authorities.

    The Whittens, who have four children — Lillian 7, Leena 4, and   2-year-old twins Fox and Persephone — were then investigated by Arizona’s Department of Child Safety and the Sahuarita Police Department for a number of claims that the person made in their letter.

    While the police said they wouldn’t take action and the case would be closed, a DCS investigator spent the next few months working to portray Whitten as “an immodest, neglectful and abusive mother based on the single interview she had with me.”

    Whitten detailed the whole ordeal on the GoFundMe page she made to help raise funds for her civil case.



    She said the investigator’s negative opinion of her was largely based on the fact that she had chosen to openly breastfeed one of her twins during the interview.

    The claim against the Whittens could be substantiated against Heather in that she “neglected to supervise our children by allowing their images to be online and so put them at an unreasonable risk of harm.”


    If this claim turns out to hold weight in court, Whitten will be added to Arizona’s Central Registry for 25 years, and her right to foster or adopt children will be taken away.

  • He’s 10 and Independant 

    I am raising my child how I choose too.

    I want my son to be independent and a social butterfly.

    I do not need to be told I am wrong because he is not your child.

    My son is 10 he is free to eat what he wants, go where he wants and sleeep when he wants.

    Do other parents really have a right to tell me I am wrong?

    Today my son travelled 3 miles to a skate park and got himself a McDonald’s at 9am this morning.

    I received a call from my son at 1pm to say that parents kept asking where his mother was.

    Why ask my son? He was not in trouble or in danger!

    Anyway he arrived home at 4 and was visibly upset that these so called parents had threatened to contact social services, because he was unsupervised and looked unkept.

    Come on seriously why would he put on good clothes to go to a skate park.

    So please keep your words to yourself, my child my choice.

  • Keep The Faith 

    A year ago tonight at around 2am I tried to kill myself, I had enough after struggling year after year with the black fog that is depression. Thankfully I was unsuccessful. 

    15 days later me and my girlfriend found out that she was 3 weeks pregnant. 7 months later we had a son who is a week shy of 5 months. 

    If I had of been successful in taking my life then basically I would be airbrushed out of this photo, I wouldn’t exist. I would have missed out on the best thing that has ever happened to me. That absolutely terrifies me to think about. 


    While I’m not going to lie there has been dark days since and I’ll always have to face this illness on a daily basis, it’s worth facing, it’s worth dealing with & most importantly it’s worth talking about, that’s what’s kept me alive I think, talking to people I care about & that care about me. 


    Anyway that’s my story about the past year of my life & for the first time in a long time I’m looking forward to enjoying many more! 


    Keep the faith x

  • Who Would Want To Be With A Single mum

     

    Summer 2009, I was a 21 year old single mum with a 3 year old son who had severe autism. I had been single since my son was 3 months old- when me and his father broke up, he never really bothered again after that. I was fed up of feeling lonely and wanted to meet someone special so I decided to sign up to a dating website.

    After a few days I got chatting to this lad, he seemed lovely. We spoke for a few weeks before deciding to meet. On our first date I met him at the cinema, he was so lovely. After the date we decided to meet up again and I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about it. I was so happy he seemed such a lovely man and so good looking.

    Over the next month or so we went on a number of dates and decided we both liked each other and started a relationship. Every thing was good for a month, he met my family and my son. Everyone loved him, he treated me so well.

    One night he called me and said if I still wanted to stay at his one night a week then I would have to start helping him pay his rent. I was so sad when he said this, I knew it wasn’t right but I did it anyway.

    Not long after that I was at his when we got into an argument because he wanted to go out to a club and I didn’t. Next thing I know he got the newspaper, rolled it up and hit me across the face. Broke my glasses and I had a bruise on my cheek. I cried. He said he was sorry and foolishly I forgave him.

    Everything was ok again for a few weeks before he hit me again. Over something minor, this time I ended up with a black eye . Again, I forgave him, covered my face with make up so no one could see. Things just carried on like this for a good year.
    We were good then he’d hit me again and again he’d apologise I’d forgive him.

    I never told anyone what he was doing to me, my family all loved him – thought he was perfect. I knew deep down what he was doing wasn’t right but I loved him and always thought ‘who would want to be with a single mum who had a disabled son’?

    We had been together 18 months or so, when he was over at mine with me and my son. We got into an argument over messages on his phone, he was always cheating and I always knew it deep down but just tried to ignore it. I was sat on the sofa, my son playing on the floor. He launched over at me in front of my son and hit me repeatedly in my face and back. I was mortified! More at that fact my son had just seen what was happening rather than anything else. Again,  I forgave him. I stayed with him paying his rent amongst other things, forgiving him for being violent to me and cheating on me.

    After we had been together 3 years, I was at his one night. We were in his room he said he was going to the kitchen to get some food. I thought he had left the room and saw his phone on the side. I decided to take a look but he hadn’t left. He was still stood by the door- watching me. I saw him and tried to joke about it. Laugh it off. Pretend that I knew he was standing there. Well, he definitely didn’t see the funny side. I was laying on the bed, he jumped on top of me, hit me over and over again. Put his hands around my neck and choked me until I was unconscious.
    When I woke up, he was just standing over me staring at me. I was scared for my life. My phone was in my pocket, I quickly got it out and dialled 999. As soon as he saw me with my phone he threw it to the other side of the room. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do. Blood was streaming from my nose and my whole body was so so sore. I just apologised, said it was all my fault and I should never of looked on his phone. He eventually calmed down and told me he forgave me and that I shouldn’t do that again.

    As soon as he went back in the kitchen, I took my phone and my car keys and ran as fast as I could to the car praying he wouldn’t catch up with me. I drove straight to the police station where they called an ambulance. I was in hospital for 3 days, I was badly bruised and had two broken ribs.

    I decided that day that enough was enough. I honestly thought he was going to kill me that night, I finally realised I had been so stupid and selfish. I felt incredibly guilty for letting my son see what he saw and felt like the worst mother in the world.

    I told my family everything. They were so sad for me and were in complete shock. I think they felt guilty too because I didn’t let them know what was going on at the time, but it wasnt their fault. I was ashamed and embarrassed. Towards the end, I even thought it was normal.

    I didn’t press charges which I still regret to this day. I’m not the same person I used to be before I met him. He drained the life out of me. 8 years on I still have awful trust issues and doubt a lot of things that anyone tells me.

    Anyone going through the same – I know at the time it seems impossible, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But please, tell someone. Leave before it’s too late. There is always someone out there who will listen and help you!! No one deserves to be treated like that!!

  • Autism: Who am i to complain?

    I have had the great honour of being part of Mums Advice for 2 years now. It’s taught me so much more than I ever knew when I first became a mum at the age of 19. This is for all the mums that maybe going through something similar or are just not sure.

    When I gave birth to our second son at the age of 27, we were so excited having already been parents to our first son Trey and finally taking the plunge and having our second. Tien was born two weeks early and was my surprise VBAC, after an emergency c-section 8 years previous. His birth was the most amazing experience of my life and he was such a beautiful baby, slept well, ate well, was no trouble at all. He hit all his milestones until 8 months when I noticed he wasn’t babbling. He didn’t look when we called his name and slowly he started to appear distant, like he was in his own little world. I remember my husband often trying to make him smile and saying “tough crowd” as he never really responded, he smiled at things randomly and never at things we did to try to entertain him.

    By 15 months he wasn’t saying a word, in comparison to my friends children who were repeating 15-20 words and who were similar in age. I took him to our health visitor and pointed out my concerns, she sent him for hearing tests which came back normal. They put it down to “speech delay” and told me they would reassess when he was 2. “2?” I thought, that’s way too long if there’s really something wrong. Thankfully I had been working with a good friend whose son and grandson are autistic. I often spoke to her about Tien and without saying the words and listening to her experience I knew Tien had autism. He turned 2 and still never uttered a word, instead he screamed and covered his ears at different sounds not necessarily loud or high pitched just noises he couldn’t tolerate. He would point to things instead of asking for them and would become frustrated very easily. By the age of 3, we sent Tien to nursery in an attempt to “socialize him” as we were advised by our Health visitor. Nursery just highlighted even more how behind he was and it brought to the forefront that he was definitely autistic.

    By the time he was almost 4 and before he had his assessment, we already were working towards the fact that Tien was autistic and I had applied to the council for an EHCP for him. Our council had an early autism team who were amazing, visiting us at home and at school for one hour, doing different activities with Tien, working on his eye contact, pen control, numbers, letters and his imaginative play. He thrived on this programme and amazingly he seemed different, made eye contact, using the PECS folder he would bring us pictures of the items he wanted. We were finally turning a corner.

    The day of Tien’s assessment they told us there and then that they believed he was autistic. We were so relieved. The doctor, in shock, asked us why we had not broken down at the news. “Because, we said, we already knew deep down.” Tien’s diagnosis wasn’t the end. It was the beginning of an uphill battle for our precious 2nd son. He did really well at nursery but then the school we had chosen which had an ASD resource began to complain about him. They knew he needed a 1-2-1 but insisted on using unqualified TAs already employed at the school instead of using the funding they received for Tien to hire someone specialised. They are always trying to get Tien removed from the school instead of putting the adjustments in place for him to thrive. They fear the different and instead of trying to be better they try to get rid of the problem. We will never let Tien down though. We will fight for him everyday, making sure he has only the best in life. It is not easy, we have good days and bad days but Tien has now, at the age of 6, started to speak, write and spell. One of the best days of my life was when he called me Mumma. I could have bursted with pride.

    I’m so glad I followed my instincts when I felt something was wrong, my advice to anyone, don’t give up if you feel there maybe something not quite right. Don’t be fobbed off. Prepare for the worst, that way if things aren’t good, you are equipped to hand it. If they are better than you expected then even better. We believe that we were chosen to be Tien’s parents because we are strong enough to fight for him. There are bad days, don’t get me wrong, when I cry in the toilet, wondering what I did wrong in my pregnancy to having caused my beautiful baby to be autistic?, but then I shake myself and remember he’s a gift given specially to me. Who am I to complain?