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  • 30 Things The B*stards Never Tell You About Childbirth

    30 THINGS THE B*STARDS NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT CHILDBIRTH

    #1 It hurts.

    #2 No. It REALLY f*cking hurts.

    #3 Imagine simultaneously stubbing your toe while standing on an upturned plug adjacent to a piece of Lego.

    #4 Now multiply that level of pain by TWELVE MILLION.

    (#5 Obviously every woman is different, it doesn’t hurt that much for everyone, some simply “blow the pain away”, and it’s “more pressure than pain” in certain cases.)

    (#6 But for the remaining 99.99999% of us: it f*cking hurts.)

    #7 C sections are by no means the easy option. Have you ever tried taking sole responsibility for the life of another completely helpless human being after any other form of major surgery?

    #8 It doesn’t matter how much you love and trust your birth partner. By the time you are around 95% of the way through the childbirth process, writhing in agony as they stand there, blissfully pain free…you will want to f*cking MAIM THEM.

    #9 Midwives are saints in human form. Anaesthetists even more so.

    #10 Bar epidurals, pretty much all other forms of pain relief that they offer you in labour are about as effective as soothing an amputated limb with a squirt of antiseptic spray and a dinosaur plaster.

    #11 Before going into labour, you will spend a disproportionate amount of time packing your hospital bag, which will contain roughly the amount of items you would need if embarking to set up life on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean.

    #12 You will use roughly 0.21% of these items.

    #13 You will also have spent days, if not weeks, planning the perfect outfit to wear in childbirth which will allow you to labour comfortably whilst still retaining your modesty.

    #14 By the time your cervix has reached 10cm of dilation, your modesty will have fled several hours ago, pursued by a bear, and you could be giving birth wearing nipple tassles and a gimp mask, with an audience of thousands, for all you care.

    #15 You will panic that you will poo yourself in labour.

    #16 And you will poo yourself in labour, by which point you will not give a shit. (Pun entirely intended.) About anything. At all. Ever.

    #17 Speaking of which, childbirth is basically just like having a really big poo.

    #18 If that poo was the size of a badger. And made of barbed wire. And doused with Original Source Mint and Tea Tree shower gel. And came out wielding the upper limbs of Edward Scissorhands.

    #19 Once you’ve had the baby, you have to have the placenta, which all the books kind of gloss over and suggest you won’t notice, because you’ll be so wrapped up in your new baby. For the record, there is nothing I have ever been so wrapped up in, EVER, that means I would fail to notice several pounds of raw flesh falling out of my front bottom.

    #20 Oh, and just when you think it’s all over?

    #21 Stitches.

    #22 And afterpains.

    #23 STITCHES AND MOTHERF*CKING AFTERPAINS.

    #24 F*ck’s sake.

    #25 The first post-birth wee is almost as terrifying as giving birth.

    #26 And don’t get me started on the first post-birth poo.

    #27 Which basically IS giving birth, all over again.

    #28 It is, of course, all totally worth it ♥️

    #29 But those people who tell you that “I just forgot the pain, the moment it was over”?

    #30 Are lying f*cking bastards.

    Credit: www.twitter.com/IKINTST

     

  • Things Post Baby That No One Talks About

    T H I N G S P O S T B A B Y

    After just turning 22 when I had my first baby I had no idea about what women go through “after birth” but I wish someone would have told me what happens when you’ve just had a human… so without being to descriptive I am happy to help a sister out + say what no one else is willing to say

    •Maternity Pads (aka surf boards) are totally uncomfortable but totally necessary because after those nine months that you didn’t have a period (which at the time was brilliant) its like someone finally opened the flood gates, especially in those first few postpartum days.

    •downstairs will be sore especially if you tore or had an episiotomy from one end to the other like yours truly but ask for ice (yes ice downstairs) trust me it makes it bearable until it is bearable!!!

    • The after pains. When your stretched uterus starts to shrink down. It’s Pain. Who knew? I didn’t & it wasn’t until I had my second that I became aware of these bad boys + for me it got worse with each baby.

    • Your first wee. OMG. You will feel scared as shi% but it’s not as scary as the first poo + don’t worry your bits will still be able to do its job.

    • The first poo. The nurses will ask if you have had a bowel movement + you will feel the pressure maybe even get stage fright but mostly I mean you will be so scared but don’t panic. You are not having another baby. It just feels that way. But just remember you pushed out a human and the prospect of pushing out what’s in the back bit won’t be quite so daunting. Your bum is not falling out. Or it might be. If you have piles. Which you probably do… while on the topic of poo it could be the opposite, constipation after birth, it really happens + chances are it will happen to you but don’t be embarrassed happens to most women for many reasons but Try to eat high-fibre foods, especially fruit + drink plenty of fluids

    • If you have a c-section + that first time you have to stand up, It’s like your insides are going to feel like they are going to fall out. That first time standing can be brutal & even leave you feeling nauseous but I promise it does get better and your insides won’t fall out!!!.

    Oh + just a side note if you don’t have high underwear (aka granny undies) get some so you have them higher than your scar!!!

    •Your first shower will be like heaven. You will feel human again. Normal again. I know this sounds slightly dramatic but it’s the truth!

    • You will say the words ” Breast is Best” and be asked a billion time “Are you breastfeeding?” but just remember “fed is best” + do what makes you feel comfortable, what’s best for you & your baby.

    • The hospital food sucks. Yep that’s it. No more of a description needed then that.

    • Your once hard round beautiful belly will now more than likely resembles more a balloon that’s slowly deflating and you will be left feeling like your still 5 months pregnant.

    * Day 2 or 3 (well that’s when it was for me) your hormones will be raging, your emotions will be at an all time high & you will just cry, cry because your happy, cry because your overwhelmed, cry because you feel guilty, because you’re missing your other babies at home… but you will settle & if you don’t then please speak to your health care professional.

    So beautiful Mumma’s our parting words are don’t stress and worry, you’re not going to know everything and every baby is different also note to self; There is no such thing as normal, and there is no such thing as “the right way”. You are your baby’s normal. You are your baby’s right way. They aren’t judging you. They are completely reliant on you and being responsible for another human being is not a piece of cake. It’s a piece of ‘oh my god I can’t do this’. You can. And everyday will get easier. You will find your groove. Breath mummy. You just grew and pushed out. So be gentle with yourself.

    Full credit goes to:

    https://www.facebook.com/bumpbabyandcoau/

  • Amazing Trick To Ease Ear Infection Pain

    What I’m about to share with you, is a coveted family secret given to my mom from aunt Mer. Because as a child/ teen and now adult.. with ears prone to infections and broken eardrums.. I use this all the time.

    Your child ever wake up screaming in pain of an ear infection?

    Because it takes 30 minutes for pain meds to kick in, this is the handiest trick you will ever learn.

    1. Take a face cloth and heat it up in water as hot as your hands can stand, and ring the water out..

    2. Place the hot wet face cloth in a mug.

    3. Place mug in the microwave for 20 seconds until the cup is warm and cloth is burning hot..

    4. Place open end of mug on your child’s head, around the ear being careful the hot cloth does not touch your child’s ear.

    The pressure from the mug, will help relieve the pressure built up in the ear- VOILA- back to sleep and calmed /not crying.. and then the pain meds will kick in. 😍 you are welcome.

    -echo

    Follow me for more tips, or on Instagram for relationship and children tips! Credit @canadianmomgoddess

    https://www.instagram.com/candianmomgoddess

     

  • C-Section Is The Easy Way, Is It?

     THIS POST IS GRAPHIC- but it’s for those of you who say that a c-section is the “EASY” way out. Let me explain to you what happens. I’ve had both an emergency c-section and a planned one…

    First, (during your probable panic attack) they’re going to sit you up on the operating table. They’ll open the back of your hospital gown and a nurse will cradle your head and shoulders to make sure that your spine is arched. You HAVE to stay still because the anesthesiologist is about to stick a large needle in your spine and IF you move, let’s just say, it’s not good. You DON’T move. But you feel that needle go into your spine and the pain and pressure is something you will NEVER forget.

    Next, the nurses lay you on your back as your legs begin to go numb. At this point, I’m shaking and crying because there’s something very terrifying about knowing that your stomach is about to get cut open- and you’re awake for it. The bright surgery light shines down on you as they begin to clean your stomach. Your blood pressure and pulse are being monitored as they touch your stomach up to your ribs to make sure you’re numb. EMOTIONALLY, you CANNOT be numbed. It’s like emotional overdrive.

    After the anesthesia sets in, the panic begins (at least for me). Will he be healthy? Is he going to be okay? Am I going to die? Will it hurt? And then they begin to cut..

    I felt every ounce of pressure and movement. Don’t think that you don’t, you do. The clamps, the pulling, the tearing. You don’t feel the pain, but you know/feel exactly what’s happening. Mentally, there’s really no way to describe this. After a couple of minutes your baby is taken out of your stomach and in the first picture, they held him up to the curtain so I could see him. I couldn’t hold him, I could only watch as they worked on him. By this point, I’m hysterical. My hands were shaking so bad that the anesthesiologist kept having to put my hand back on the arm holders.

    After he’s out, that’s when they begin sewing you up or gluing you. This is when my blood pressure and pulse drop and I feel like I may actually die. Emotions are in overdrive. I just want him to be okay. Desperately I pray that he’s okay. Tears were pouring out of me.

    The operation is over, but the pain isn’t. You’re wheeled into the recovery room to be monitored for an hour. I had severe amounts of pain in my back and chest and we’re still not certain as to why. But this is when it all starts “setting in”. See, after a c-section, when you cough or even giggle, it feels like your stomach is tearing open and your organs are about to fall out. Moving at all shoots an indescribable pain into your abdomen and you feel sick. You need help moving in your bed, rolling over and adjusting the blankets. (You just had a baby cut out of you so..)

    Lastly, it really takes time to heal. But during your healing process you also need to care for that newborn. Be prepared to barely sleep while trying to recover from major surgery. He’ll be nursing and laying his beautiful little body RIGHT on top of your incision. And just wait until you have to walk in 12 hours- THAT is pain. Showering, walking and moving are NO easy task. Your incision will burn, your stomach will feel like you’ve been stabbed repeatedly and going to the bathroom will seem nearly impossible.

    LUCKILY there is something amazing about all of this- you gave birth to a beautiful child. Incredible. And NO it’s not the “easy” way. The truth is, there is NO “easy” way to give birth.

    So for all of us c-section moms, don’t minimize our births. Don’t tell us that we did it the “easy” way. Don’t tell us that we “copped out”. It’s simply NOT true…. just ask any woman who’s had one. It takes a STRONG woman to endure a c-section and recover from one. I’ve had 3 now so I KNOW how strong you have to be.

    We’re women, we endure more pain than most. We shouldn’t cut each other down over how we give birth. For me, I didn’t have an option but to have c-sections as my uterus nearly ruptured with my daughter. We don’t choose c-sections, our DOCTORS deem them medically necessary. We should build each other up. If you gave birth vaginally, YOU are a warrior. I don’t pretend to know your pain. I just know it IS pain. If you’ve not had a c-section, just know it IS pain as well.

    I gave birth to my beautiful boy 3 days ago and I’m still very much recovering from my c-section and just to let you know- it still hurts! IF this is the “EASY way” please enlighten me as to which is the “hard way”……

    Credit goes to the amazing Chanda lynn

  • This Is Why You Should Rest After Giving Birth

    When your placenta detaches from your uterus at birth, it leaves behind an open wound roughly the size of a plate! It is from this wound that you lose nearly a tenth of your total blood volume during and after birth.

    Many cultures around the world encourage a period of “lying in” after the birth of a baby to give this wound (and the rest of the body) time to fully heal. If you are doing too much too soon after birth your body will let you know – you’ll pass more bright red blood from this wound.

    If his wound was on the outside of your body would you rest? Even though it can’t be seen from the outside, this is the size of the area that is left to heal on the inside of your uterus immediately after childbirth. That’s before we consider other places on the body that are sore or tense or just plain exhausted.

    Make a plan while you are still pregnant to allow time for postpartum healing. Postpartum is a time of recovery and rest is a crucial ingredient in the recipe for healing. Take it seriously. Postpartum recovery matters. 

    Photo credit 📷 @earthmamaorganics

  • Pregnancy Sucks Balls I’m Not Ashamed To Hate It All

    The next person to ask me if I’m ‘excited for newborn cuddles’ or I bet you can’t wait to show your baby off is going to get kicked in the mouth, I don’t plan on winning no mum of the year awards, I will love her and will be there for her no matter what, but being pregnant sucks balls.

    Yes I am excited to have a baby, but who gets butterflies in their stomach knowing they are going to push a crotch fruit out of your tuna taco.

    What I am excited to do is sleep on my belly again, to be able to roll over with ease, I’m excited to drink gallons of wine again, when ever I damn well choose.

    I’m excited to not piss myself every time I try to sneeze, I’m excited to not be a hormonal mess who cries at the hunger games or an advert for an animal rescue shelter, I’m excited to go out out and shake my little arse in a club again. I’m excited to not have heart burn every minute of every bastard day. I can’t wait to never have random people stroking my stomach like it brings them good luck or some shit. I can’t wait to run, and I mean run, this duck waddle is not a good look.

    I want people to ask about ME, ask me about my job, my life and not keep asking “you not had it yet” or the oh so funny “are you sure you’ve got only one in there”.

    But yeah hun I can’t wait to push a baby out my lady hole, to bleed for weeks and to be in pain!!! Yay how exciting

  • Are You Risking Injuring Your Child When Picking Them Up?

    How many times have you picked up your child by their arm? Have you ever playfully swung them by their arm? Take a read of this and find out why you should not.

    Nursemaid’s elbow is a common injury in young children. It is sometimes referred to as “pulled elbow” because it can happen when a young child’s elbow is pulled and partially dislocates. The medical term for the injury is “radial head subluxation.”

    Because a young child’s bones and muscles are still developing and growing, it takes very little force to pull the bones of the elbow partially out-of-place, making this injury very common. It occurs most often in children ages 1 to 4, but can happen any time from birth up to 7 years of age.

    Although the injury may cause a lot of pain, a doctor usually can easily reset the elbow, quickly relieving any discomfort and restoring arm movement although the child may require a sling and pain relief.

    Are You Risking Injuring Your Child When Picking Them Up?
    Are You Risking Injuring Your Child When Picking Them Up?

    Nursemaid’s elbow normally happens when an adult holds a child’s hand or wrist and pulls suddenly on the arm to avoid a dangerous situation such as walking out into the road or to help the child up a step. The injury may also occur whilst playing when an older friend or family member swings a child around holding just the arms or hands, many parents have done this by both holding a child’s hand and swinging them as they walk along.

    Nursemaid’s elbow is hardly ever caused by falling over. If a child injures the elbow when falling onto an outstretched hand or directly onto the elbow, it may be a broken bone rather than nursemaid’s elbow.

    Please share and make other parents aware.

    Would you like to share your own story, or want to raise awareness? Send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com

  • Woman Warns Others About Claire’s Accessories

    Brenda Campos is trying to spread awareness after her child had a bad ear-piercing experience at Claire’s accessories.

    Campos said “Do not get ur kids ears pierced in Claire’s Accessories this is what’s happened to r Poppy’s ears she paid £50 followed what she was supposed to do now she’s got to have an operation 2moro to get them out I’m fuckin fuming😡😡😡😡 she’s not the only one a few people have had bad experiences 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡PLEASE SHARE”.

    Claire’s accessories only pierce ears with guns,

    Piercing guns use stud earrings of a standard length. People with thick earlobes may find that their new earrings are tight when lobes swell after piercing. They will have little to no post length to use for expansion to relieve the pressure.

    A professional body piercer has access to many styles of initial jewellery that won’t inhibit comfort or the healing process.

    Piercing Guns Cause Blunt Force Trauma to earlobe
    Most guns force blunt-ended studs through the tissue of your ears, a painful process that can cause damage. The shock isn’t typically a huge issue for the lobes, but why risk it? A piercing professional will pierce you with razor-sharp hollow needles that pierce through areas quickly without damaging the surrounding tissue. This process is usually less painful than using a piercing gun.

    People who have worked in some retail establishments that use piercing guns often say they began to pierce after just a short amount of time and  training, sometimes only a few hours. With that little training, how can piercers be aware of the sanitary precautions that must be followed to prevent contamination? Or how to instruct for proper aftercare?

    Have you had a bad or even great experience with Claire’s accessories? If so let us know what happened in the comments section down below

  • My Vape Exploded In My Face And Damaged My Room

    I Vape (I know, terrible and uncool) but I no longer do and I hope to possible sway those that do to maybe reevaluate or find other methods of smoking or giving up.

    I had been Vaping for around a year and assure you I did not do anything I wasn’t supposed to (battery was in right, always had the shop put it together when I first bought it and add things and maintenance it the right way while taking their advice) but it exploded in my face.

    I lost at least 7 teeth, 2nd degree burns to face and neck and had to pull large and small chunks of plastic, teeth and foreign objects from mouth, throat and lips. I was lucky and they’re was a huge amount of damage to the room in my house I was in as well.

    I never had any issues with over heating or concerns until the unfortunate happened. I know vapes help people quit smoking cigarettes and that’s amazing. I just want to bring to light this is possible that they can explode without warning. I would have said “no way that’s possible” until now.

    This is not fake, this really happened, I have recovered now and had false teeth put in to replace the ones I lost and barring a few small scars on my face I have healed well, I have not touched a Vape since this happened and I truly hope this never happens to anyone else. Credit Andrew Hall

    To share your own story, find out advertising prices for our Facebook page or website or if you are looking to raise awareness of any topics or would like us to do so on your behalf then please send us a short email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com, we also feature new and established bloggers.

  • I Did Not Consent To Genital Mutilation

    Austin Caudill has an important message for parents “I didn’t have a choice. A needless modification was made to my own body, and I was given no say in the matter.

    As a child and adolescent, since my own penis had skin covering the glans, I thought that I was either partially circumcised or not circumcised at all. It took me just one look at adult content to begin researching, and through that research I quickly realized how wrong I was.

    I did not consent to genital mutilation

    I discovered that the skin covering my glans is not the result of an incomplete circumcision or the removal of too little skin, but rather because the practitioner had cut away too much skin. A tight penile shaft skin, combined with the body’s tendency to protect its parts, causes the penis to be pulled in and become covered by the scrotal skin. This condition is known as “buried penis.” Scrotal skin covers my glans most of the time, as if it was intentionally pulled up and held there.

    I found out that the different skin tones on the shaft of my penis, one skin tone near the base and a distinctly different shade closer to the glans, is a direct result of the cutting. The dark line between them is a scar I share with many other mutilated men.

    As my research progressed, I began to realize the brutality of the circumcision procedure; that my penis was probed, clamped, crushed, and ripped apart – just like every other circumcised boy was forced to endure. In my case, however, during this mutilation, one of the instruments was pushed into my urethral opening and punctured through the underside of my glans penis. This created a huge hole below the glans. This unnatural urethral opening is a medically induced hypospadias that should have never happened to me. It also completely destroyed the frenulum, another repercussion in a long list of risks and possible complications of circumcision.

    Having a buried penis with hypospadias means that my urethral opening is itself buried; the mechanics of which means that I am forced to pee sitting down, always, or otherwise I end up urinating all over myself.

    My penis has been irreparably mutilated through a forced childhood genital cutting that many people euphemistically call “circumcision.” – This is my experience, the reality that I must live with every day.

    But I am a human rights activist and an intactivist for more reasons than just my own experiences. I work to bring awareness and save other children from circumcision because I have thoroughly researched the topic. I have seen presentations such as The Elephant in the Hospital , and I’ve commiserated with other victims, including The Bloodstained Men and their Friends (Facebook page ). I realize that this problem is bigger than just myself. I understand, first-hand, the trauma and fallout surrounding circumcision that most people refuse to acknowledge. When someone tells me they don’t care, or that I am a bully or a hypocrite for standing up for an innocent baby, it burns me to the core.

    – Austin, in Cincinnati, Ohio.

    #IamNotThankful

    #IDidNotHaveAChoice

    #MenDoComplain

    #ididnotconsent

    #metoo

    #mentoo

    #cutpumpkinsnotbabies

    #makecuttingillegal

    #cuttingismutilation

    #notthefamilypenis

    #thebabydeservesachoice

    #leaveyourbabywhole

    #wholeisbeautiful

    #intactivism

    #foreskinpride

    #foreskinisbeautiful

    #16functions

    #yourwholebaby

    #bloodstainedmen

    #intaction

    #doctorsopposingcircumcision

    #citizensagainstritualviolence

    Just my story from my mouth to your ears, hopefully no more babies will have to go through what I have. Austin x