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  • Yogurt Bites Can Be Deadly

    We had a big scare at our house yesterday. After Aliyah’s nap I put her in her high chair for her snack. I gave her a yogurt bite and turned to clean some bottles in the sink.

    Checked on her. The first yogurt bite was gone so I gave her another. Turned my back to put away some dishes and when I turned back around (maybe 30 seconds later) her face was beet red and she was gagging. I screamed for brian while taking her out of the high chair.

    As he called 911 I turned her face down and began smacking her back. It seemed like forever before she began expelling the lodged yogurt bites. What came out was globs of sticky and gooey yogurt bites with a consistency and feel just like elmers glue. (See picture)


    Thank goodness for the quick response of the Fire Dept, Ambulance and police. (Yes, all three showed up) They were all wonderful and reassured us that we did everything right, but I had a melt down in the ambulance. The EMT said that yogurt bites are not a safe snack as they don’t really melt away as advertised. Instead they turn to goo.

    The problem is that small children are not capable of clearing their throat, so when the goo gets caught, they can’t swallow it or expel it on their own and when they try to breath the slime goes into the airway.
    Please let this be a warning to all parents and grandparents. I’m not saying that yogurt bites should be taken off the market. I’m just putting this out there so everyone is aware. It will be a long time before we try them again. 😬
    ***Yogurt bites are recommended for crawlers. Aliyah is a crawler. I do believe that recommendation should be changed to walker. AND LET THIS BE A HARD LESSON….DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK ON A CHILD WHO IS EATING ANYTHING!! I’ve learned my lesson. 😥
    Here is a YouTube video on how to save A CONSCIENCE choking baby:

    https://youtu.be/Qv7O8dMR2oE

  • What I Did When My Childs Boyfriend Dumped Her

    I’ve spent the last hour or so comforting my 8yr old daughter Millie.

    For the last 6 plus months, Millie has had an on / off relationship with the 7yr old little boy next door. (I don’t want to use his real name so I’ll call him Joe bloggs) Obviously they’re far too young for a real boyfriend / girlfriend relationship but they’d play together, occasionally hold hands, and blow each other kisses over the hedge. All very cute and lovely.

    Joe bloggs has just dumped Millie from over the garden fence and she is HEARTBROKEN. We’ve had endless tears, lots of snot and lots of cuddles.

    Now anyone who knows me, knows I’m not very tactful. I don’t do the whole mushy stuff, and I definitely don’t sugar coat shit.

    Had this been one of my own girlfriends who had been cowedly dumped by her fella, I’d have known exactly what to do. I’d have wiped her tears, poured her a glass of wine and told her in no uncertain terms that she absolutely had to fuck his dad.

    Unfortunately when you’re dealing with an 8yr old with a glass of apple juice at a picnic table…. Not appropriate.

    I chose to just let Millie vent her feelings. I let her be upset, I let her be angry and I sent Daddy to the shop for some chocolate.

    When she started to calm down, I wanted to try and make her smile.

    Joe bloggs had revealed to Millie that he was dumping her for another girl 😱 Apparently they’ve been talking lots and he’s in love with her and when they’re all ‘growned up’ they’re going to have lots of babies.

    To try and make Millie giggle, I got out the pens and paper and we drew a picture of Millie AND Joe bloggs new girlfriend. We drew Millie as a princess and the new girlfriend all Ugly and icky. We gave her a snout for a nose and googly eyes and Millie even gave her a big hairy face. By the end of the picture Millie was beaming and back to my happy little girl 🥰

    It was only when Millie declared she was off to give his new ‘girlfriend’ the picture herself that I was suddenly confused…..

    …… Turns out Joe Bloggs new girlfriend is Millie’s 8yr old sister Vienna 🤦‍♀️

    Millie took great pleasure in showing Vienna the picture that her AND MUMMY had drawn of her. Including details of how Mummy said she probably ate worms for breakfast, has hairy toes and bogies in her ears 🤦‍♀️

    One 8yr old is my best friend.

    The other 8yr old poured her juice into my cuppa and called me a meanie fathead.

    Joe fucking Blogs has a lot to answer for and Mummy has making up to do whilst trying to keep the peace between sisters.

    Is it bedtime yet 🙈

    *Edit….Daddy thinks this whole thing is piss funny and keeps calling me a fathead 🙄

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/jenny.schofield.77

  • 30 THINGS THE BASTARDS NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT HOME EDUCATING YOUR CHILDREN DURING LOCKDOWN

    30 THINGS THE BASTARDS NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT HOME EDUCATING YOUR CHILDREN DURING LOCKDOWN

    1 For some people, this is the moment they have been waiting for all their lives. These people cannot wait to get hands on with their children’s education, and you know what, all power to them.

    2 Typically, these people fall exactly into the centre of a Venn diagram made up of creativity; not currently working; patience of a fucking saint; kids have at least brief moments of not being utter dicks.

    3 For the rest of us…falling on the very outskirts of the aforementioned Venn diagram…if not off the page altogether…this is likely the antithesis of the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.

    4 Teachers are fucking heroes. We always knew this, but after lockdown, we will frankly be chaining ourselves to railings outside of Downing Street demanding they get knighthoods, pay rises, and a £50k bonus for every single lesson they don’t throw their hands up in the air and run out of the classroom screaming.

    5 Kids are dicks.

    6 I mean; not all of the time, and not necessarily every kid…

    7 …but most children, most of the time – particularly when you are attempting to home educate them – have something of a propensity to be a bit of a dick.

    8 You will start off your home education journey with such hopes! Such dreams! Such plans for your shared learning experiences together!

    9 All of which will be shattered, broken, and crushed into tiny pieces, roughly thirty seconds after you sit down with your child(ren) and ask them to undertake their first home learning task.

    10 I mean, who knew that the very act of explaining to someone how to do something was so fucking complicated?

    11 Very quickly, you will find yourself mastering the key home education mantra:

    12 “ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK ME?”

    13 If you are very lucky, your children’s teachers will have sent your children work to do at home.

    14 The methodologies for completion which will immediately have you doubting everything you ever thought you knew about maths, grammar and the English language.

    15 And, for a least a brief period, it will be your child educating you.

    16 Thank fuck for screen time! While home educating your children, they will be enjoying more screen time than they have ever enjoyed in their lives, because it turns out that pretty much everything they need to learn is now delivered via a screen. The irony not being lost on any of you.

    17 Screen time also gives you a brief opportunity to run out of the room and hide in the airing cupboard screaming silently into a bottle of Hendricks. #makingmemories

    18 Many parents are also trying to carry out a full time job whilst simultaneously home educating their children.

    19 This is likely to be roughly as effective on both sides as if you were trying to mow your lawn whilst simultaneously piloting a Boeing 747.

    20 And who doesn’t love the experience of attempting to chair a conference call whilst also providing a rough précis of A Midsummer Night’s Dream?

    21 By Day 2, your carefully drawn up timetables will be shredded into pieces.

    22 Your gin supply will be in serious jeopardy.

    23 And if you see FUCKING Dave posting any more FUCKING photos on social media of his children building a to-fucking-scale model of a Motte and Bailey castle in their back garden made out of organic vegetables lined up in rainbow formation to celebrate our NHS…

    24 …you are not going to be held accountable for your actions, given the response from your child when you asked them to write their name at the top of their homework sheet was to scream, hurl their pencil case on the floor and tell you that they hated you and that you have ruined your life.

    25 Your kids won’t even look at an organic vegetable, let alone line them up in sodding rainbow formation.

    26 And you will feel like you are failing.

    27 But this is not about recreating full time school. You are not a teacher.

    28 (And don’t you fucking know it.)

    29 This is about trying our best. Doing what we can. Not totally fucking losing our shit.

    30 And longing with every fibre of our beings for that halcyon moment…when the school gates open again…and we can send our offspring through the doors… and run out into the playground… shouting FREEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/iknowineedtostoptalkingblog/

  • Giving Birth During The Lockdown

    I had a csection on Friday April 10th.
    I went to the hospital excited, expecting to deliver and enjoy my baby boy with my husband by my side.
    I was talking to the nurse who was preparing me for my csection… putting in my IV checking my blood pressure, checking baby’s heartbeat etc.
    When I cough….

    She then proceeded to ask if my obgyn had checked my cough and I responded no
    She then asked how long have I had the cough
    I responded since the beginning of the week

    She steps out and a few moments later someone comes in asking if I had been exposed to someone with the coronavirus. Now this person who came in had a mask, a face shield, a yellow gown, gloves and was standing feets away from me.

    I responded no

    She then tells me that she’s going to test me for the virus, and warns me that it’ll go up my nose and that it’ll hurt.

    Oh boy did it hurt.
    I wanted to scream and push her away from me.

    She then says that the csection will still take place but that now they have to prep the O.R. a bit more.

    An hour passes, now someone new comes in, as it turns out. My husband can’t go in with me and hold my hand while in having the csection.

    I had gone to the hospital at 7am it’s now 10am and I’m finally going to my csection.

    I go in alone, scared, nervous, and worried.

    One doctor tells another nurse that once my baby is out I won’t be able to hold him, touch him but I can look at him. When I heard that I couldn’t hold back my tears.

    They took forever to put in the epidural, they hurt me so much… just remembering it makes me cry. They poked me so many times on my back, told me not to move so many times. Had me bent over for so long.
    No one wanted to hold my hand.

    Finally they made me lay down they put my head in a box they had made out of tubes and a plastic bag around it, they tied my arms and legs then placed another plastic on top of the box. So I wouldn’t see what was going on.

    The doctor cut me open and I began to feel pressure a lot of pressure. They pushed between my ribs and I began to scream and cry out that it hurt. But everyone with masks, face shield, the cold air blowing in they couldn’t hear me.
    I began to wave my hands in hopes someone would see me moving and ask if I okay.
    Finally someone did, I was already crying and told them that I can feel the doctor inside me.
    They took out more blood from my arm.

    They added more but by the time it kicked in I was still able to feel everything. I was in pain.

    My baby boy was born at 11:55 am

    I just hear the loudest most strong cry that I have ever heard.

    My baby was born, my baby sounded healthy, my baby sounded strong.

    Someone got close and said ” Congratulations you have a beautiful baby boy, he’s strong and big”

    I heard them say “she can’t see him, it’s best to take him away. For his safety, take him away now, he can be checked in NICU.”

    I had asked for my tubes to be tied, so the doctor began to tie my tubes.

    I heard ” Right tube tied, left tube tied.”

    Then the pain again….

    Same thing no one heard me.

    I was crying, I was in pain, I didn’t get to see my baby. My husband is waiting in the other room for news on baby and me.

    I hear the doctor say that he can control my bleeding, and telling everyone if they don’t need to be there to take off the protection gear and leave. This is covid-19 I can’t stop the bleeding. Hurry up and he wasn’t to get out.

    I feel him putting stitches on my csection.

    I was so cold I couldn’t stop shaking.

    They added warm blankets around me so I could stop from shaking.

    I get moved to the room where my husband is waiting for me.

    He didn’t even know our baby was born he didn’t even get to see him.

    Our baby was moved to NICU and was placed in isolation.

    NICU calls my room and asks for baby’s full name.
    My name, husband’s name, house address, etc.
    Doctor comes in and says that he took pictures of baby and asked for husband’s number to send them to him.
    Nurse took husband’s phone and took a video and pictures of baby.

    I get moved to recovery room, in an isolation room for covid-19 patient.

    My husband asks when can we see baby.

    They tell us that baby and mom are in isolation and they are waiting 16 hours for mom’s test results from the coronavirus.

    My husband asks if he can go home to take care of our 3 year old and then come back tomorrow.

    They tell him if he leaves, he can’t come back. Not until I’m discharged. And he can’t see baby.

    Husband leaves worried and upset that he can’t see our baby. He only had the pictures and one video of baby to look back on.

    Doctor comes in hours later and gives me the worst news I have ever heard.
    In the coldest tone ever, with no heart, with no sympathy.
    “Your results came back positive for covid-19, you tested positive for the coronavirus. You can’t be near or see baby. Baby will have to be tested too.”

    Tears poured down my face I couldn’t even look at him.

    “Why are you crying, are you feeling pain from the csection, are you having symptoms from the virus?”

    “No, I’m crying because this is worst news you could give me, I can’t see my son.”

    He leaves and I’m left in the room alone.

    I call my husband, I give him the news, he can’t stop crying.

    I call my mom, my sister, my in laws.

    Anyone and everyone that was near me, so they can go get tested.

    The rest of my stay at the hospital was horrible.
    I had the worst nurses ever.
    Only 2 were nice.
    I got my catheter removed the next day (Saturday) was told I was expected to get up on my own in 4 hours, walk around IN THE ROOM, and use the bathroom with no help.

    I have to go on my own because if I call for help by the time the nurse comes and gears up I already wizzed myself.

    With all the pain, as slowly as I could, I got up and went to the bathroom.
    I looked for undies, pad, and the bottle .
    Found undies and pad but no bottle.

    Nurse comes in to give me my pain killer pills and other pills.
    This is a nice nurse, I inform her that I went to the bathroom already and I found everything but the bottle. She apologized that she was unable to help me get up and go to the bathroom and that she’ll be back with the bottle for next time that I may need to go use the restroom.

    When the time for my meals, the person bringing it didn’t even bother to come all the way in, there was a trash can near the door and she would place the tray on top and tell me to take my time in getting up and getting my food.
    I didn’t even bother on getting up. I just left it there.

    I got a call from NICU telling me baby is okay baby is doing well.
    But no way on calling myself when I felt like getting news on baby.

    Sunday comes I get told I’m going to be discharged without baby, baby is still in isolation, baby got tested. Waiting on 16 hours for results.

    Later on Sunday, test number two was done on baby without having results from test one.
    (Baby needs to be 24 hours old for test one, 48 hours for test 2)

    Hours later baby is negative for the coronavirus.

    I call my husband in relief.

    A nurse walks up to my door and asks who is going to come for me, that I need to leave.

    I call husband and tell him to come to the hospital that I’m being discharged.

    Husband arrives and tries to call NICU for news on baby before we go home. Nurse gets near the door and tells him to hang up the phone that we need to leave that we can’t stay any longer.

    Husband demands to know why can’t he call to check on his son, and demands to know the name of nurse to report her.

    Husband storms out wheeling me with him out of the hospital.

    We get home nice nurse 2 calls me to give me direct number for NICU. Husband calls to check in on baby.

    Husband calls Monday and gets news that second negative and he can go pick up baby from NICU. But momma can’t see or be around baby until 7 days after baby’s birth.

    Mother in law and husband care for baby while I’m in isolation at home. 3 year old son doesn’t know momma is home. Baby’s first bath and second and I wasn’t there, I didn’t get to see.

    Days later I came out from isolation but I need to wear mask, gloves and gown to hold baby.
    I woke up at 7am took a shower on my own being 6 days from having csection. Went to where baby was and geared up and held my baby boy for the first time, I got to talk and meet my baby boy for the first time.
    3 year old woke up at 10am and I got to hug my son after 6 days of not seeing him only video chatting. Tears of joy poured down my face. I was back with family.

    I only coughed once at the hospital. I don’t feel sick, I don’t have a fever, I can breathe just fine.

    This is my birth story.
    Worst month ever and it’s still not May.

    I’m still wearing a mask now,
    I’m almost at the end.
    Those days in isolation I was in the dark,
    I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I didn’t go out to not be exposed during my pregnancy I don’t know where I got the virus from…

    Thank you for reading my story, I still cry remembering what I went through to have my son’s with me.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/kimberly.quezada.123829

  • Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

    Every cloud has a silver lining.

    Did you know, since the Covid-19 lockdown began in the UK, mums and midwives across the country have seen an increase in the number of babies coming back up to their birth weight by day 5! – Something that has not been seen in decades!

    It is totally normal for your baby’s weight to decrease post birth, however in recent years, it’s been known to take up to day 10, or longer, for babies to get back up to their birth weight. This meant, extra measures were advised if your baby’s day 5 weigh-in didn’t reach the expected amount.

    Interestingly, what the lockdown and self-isolation has shown us is that without a constant stream of visitors, mum and baby have had a better opportunity for uninterrupted bonding which seems to have hugely helped mums and babies to establish breastfeeding and feed for longer, helping them regain their weight far quicker!

    Whilst this evidence from midwives and other professionals is only anecdotal, at this stage, we hope that, once the NHS workload has returned to normal, formal research can look into this data in greater detail as this could have a huge impact on how women and their partners prepare for bringing home their baby and breastfeeding.

    📸-ashjustine

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/MyExpertMidwife/

  • Lockdown Letter From The Dog

    LOCKDOWN LETTER FROM YOUR DOG

    Dear hoomans

    I have noticed over the past couple of weeks you have been staying in my home for extended periods of time. It is lovely having you here but I feel I should set a few ground rules. I would appreciate it if you would follow the rules whilst you are staying with me.

    1. When you do pop out you will need to take me with you.
    2. You seem to be eating lots of nice goodies whilst lazing about the house. I am entitled to a share of these. I won’t make a fuss I will just sit in front of you and quietly stare at you until I get my quota.
    3. Don’t call me for another bath, I am clean now. Just because you are bored doesn’t mean I need a wash or haircut. I suggest you go clean the metal box on wheels outside again. Daddy human has done that a few times now even though it hasn’t moved in weeks.
    4. As you are here constantly at the moment, it is your duty to let me out as often as I require. That means that even if I have just come in and want to go out again you should let me. Sometimes I miss a spot whilst sniffing about and I need to recheck.
    5. When I am asleep, leave me sleeping, this isn’t a cue for the little humans to play with me. I can also sleep where I like, I don’t expect to be woken so you can move me.
    6. Do not shhhh me when I am barking. As you are here more, my job of protecting you has increased. I have to listen out for every little noise and inform you of it in case it’s a threat.
    7. Don’t leave a room without me, I know how sneaky you guys can be. Just the other day I am sure I heard a crisp packet being opened upstairs and no one called me to share. So from now on I will be following you about.
    8. This is a very important rule. If it lands on the floor it’s MINE, if it’s in my mouth it’s MINE.
    9. You will never pee alone again, you watch me pee so I do not understand why you shut me out and close the loo door when you pee.
    10. If you do not follow these rules I will use SAD PUPPY DOG EYES TO GET WHAT I WANT !

  • My Child Is Not Required To Share With Yours

    MY CHILD IS NOT REQUIRED TO SHARE WITH YOURS.

    As soon as we walked in the park, Carson was approached by at least 6 boys, all at once demanding that he share his transformer, Minecraft figure, and truck. He was visibly overwhelmed and clutched them to his chest as the boys reached for them. He looked at me.

    “You can tell them no, Carson,” I said. “Just say no. You don’t have to say anything else.”

    Of course, as soon as he said no, the boys ran to tattle to me that he was not sharing. I said, “He doesn’t have to share with you. He said no. If he wants to share, he will.”

    That got me some dirty looks from other parents. Here is the thing though:

    If I, an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, am I required to share my sandwich with strangers in the park? No!

    Would any well-mannered adult, a stranger, reach out to help themselves to my sandwich, and get huffy if I pulled it away? No again.

    So really, while you’re giving me dirty looks, presumably thinking my son and I are rude, whose manners are lacking here? The person reluctant to give his 3 toys away to 6 strangers, or the 6 strangers demanding to be given something that doesn’t belong to them, even when the owner is obviously uncomfortable?

    The goal is to teach our children how to function as adults. While I do know some adults who clearly never learned how to share as children, I know far more who don’t know how to say no to people, or how to set boundaries, or how to practice self-care. Myself included.

    In any case, Carson only brought the toys to share with my friend’s little girl, who we were meeting at the park. He only didn’t want to share with the greedy boys because he was excited to surprise her with them.

    The next time your snowflake runs to you, upset that another child isn’t sharing, please remember that we don’t live in a world where it’s conducive to give up everything you have to anyone just because they said so, and I’m not going to teach my kid that that’s the way it works👌

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/AlanyaKolberg

  • Do Not Lose Your Good Heart Just Take Precautions

    A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him causing excruciating pain. The man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire.

    So, the man looked around and found a metal pole and used it to take the snake out of the fire, saving its life.

    Someone who was watching approached the man and said: “That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?”

    The man replied: “The nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not going to change my nature, which is to help.”

    Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, but learn to take precautions.

    (Original author unknown)

  • How To Dye Your Childs Hair

    Anyone with young children wanting to keep them entertained during this horrible time 😔

    🗒All you need is coloured tissue paper

    👧🏼Part the hair into as many sections as you want

    🍵Put the tissue paper into blows of hot water (let them cool a little before you put there head near the bowls)

    🍵👧🏼Put hair in the bowls leave for 5 minutes

    🌬Towel dry then blow dry or leave to dry naturally

    🦄Then you have yourself a rainbow unicorn

    EDIT
    This trick is safe to use on children and those with damaged hair, since it is only temporary.

    The amount of time the colour will stay locked in depends on your hair.

    If your hair is in better condition, it may last longer.

    In general, though, it will last around a week.

    If you want it to last longer, you should only wash your hair with cold water.

    So much fun 🥰

    Hope everyone’s safe and well ❤️

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/lillysloungehairsalon/

  • My Boobs Will Have A Panic Attack When I Try To Put A Bra On Again

    I got drunk the other night

    It was a decision.

    99.9% of the time that I drink, the first sip – is a dedication to a night of getting out of my mind. Because i guess thats always been the point, right?

    And I’ve been doing THAT since nearly a decade before i was legally allowed to – so i don’t really fuck around

    Alcohol has basically been eliminated as one of my vices
    The hangover, the hangxiety – honestly, i don’t have the will, orrr the liver to fight those insecurities anymore, when i have 867 other ones to worry about

    But sometimes I’m weak to that particular pull of obliteration – the kind that you can only find at the bottom of a bottle
    And the desire to slip into a whole different state of unconsciousness, gets to me.

    Well, apparently even in lockdown i cant get my shit together
    The ONE day i agree to punishment via liver – and it was fucking

    EASTER

    Because of COURSE it was
    I don’t even know what day it is at the moment, let alone what DATE, it is
    But it was the ONE day out of 8756 in the year, that alcohol is illegal.

    Obviously i was not aware of this when i sent Joe off to the most exciting place on earth at the moment

    He txted me from the supermarket, letting me know the devils news

    Joe doesn’t drink anymore, but his favourite was always Whiskey and lucky for mee, we had a couple of bottles left

    Never in my LIFE have i been a whiskey drinker
    Cheap wine or vodka have always been my nirvana

    I mean, i’d love to be one of those cool, hot, bad ass whiskey drinking bitches.
    I’m just not made that way

    But for the first like 4 drinks – i thought i was
    I was totally into it

    You know that super warm feeling you get as your conscious starts to melt? (Is that your brain dying? 🤔) – it was transcendent

    I had my headphones on LOUD, listening to hype girl music, i was laaughing, and all ‘fuck yeeeh man’ – why the hell don’t i do this anymore? This is amaaazing
    Getting all nostalgic on old songs because I’m OLD, sending messages to my friends, telling them how much i love them – the works

    The drinks got stronger, the more i got used to the taste.

    Now my body – she’s been through some shit
    Some really gross boys, some really bad habits – and a whoole lot of alcohol

    I like to think of myself as a bit of a seasoned wildling 💁🏻‍♀️ – so what was a bit of Whiskey gunna do?

    Fuck me UP – that’s what it was gunna do. And that’s exACTly what it did

    Honestly, i have no idea how much i actually drank. It wouldn’t have been a whole lot
    My 15 year old self would have called me a pussy anyway, put it that way

    I was sideways on the couch in the studio (the sinners room) doing that little dance inside my head when the end is nigh
    You know the one – where the world spins around you and you wish you were dead?

    THAT’S when i remembered what kind of a world we are living in now
    One without cheeseburgers or Uber eats

    And i decided i wanted NO part in it
    I mean, why would you EVER get to this level of blur – when there is NO McDonald’s to save you?

    So i went to bed
    Which I have no recollection of.

    But I DO remember waking up every two hours like a god damn baby, and vomiting – until my throat burned with regret and bile

    Ohh yeh hi 👋🏼 – THIS is why i don’t drink

    Because its almost imPOSSible for me to stay just on the verge or precipice if you will, (😌) of fucked up – i have to THROW myself allllll the way over it, until nothing exists anymore

    As well as the fact that the next day always brings debts for my soul to pay
    And in this new world we live in – i just couldn’t give it what it needed
    Heealing foods – like pies and KFC

    I said ‘grace’ – to a bottle of old friend Blue Powerade and screamed when i realised i hadn’t remembered to get two. Joe was absolutely NOT going to go back to the dairy for me

    And Human STILL made me do the dishes in my precious state – she wouldn’t even accept cash bribes. I told her that i will never, ever forget it, don’t worry.

    She’s been kept pretty sane through the last three weeks – thanks to the fact that her boyfriend is here

    Lawwd, this lockdown would have looked a whooole lot different if i was a teenager when it happened. I absoluuutely would have been caught in the middle of the night going from one boys bubble to another

    And then i probably would have got Coronavirus and died.

    Week three and still nothing has wildly changed in my world

    I’m still working, still emotionally distancing myself and STILL not doing anything productive
    However i do miss, my like – 4 friends and their tiny humans

    And oh my GOD – honestly I’m WET just thinking about a barista coffee
    I can remember my very last one, having no idea thats what she would be 😪

    Having to MAKE meals – like every SINGLE one – thats breakfast, lunch AND dinner – for multiple people – is head doing when you live in the 1920’s and don’t have a dishwasher yet – and an oven that broke down in week two

    I mean – I wouldn’t know, but human tells me thats the case.

    But to be honest – I feel safe in my bubble

    It’s an upside down brain person’s dream

    For example, i always imagine how everyone close to me could die in the most WILD ways. More times than is like – normal
    Obviously my biggest fear is losing the ones i love. The ones that iii need, to keep breathing

    But now – because most of them are stuck inside this bubble with me – it cuts out like 78% of all the bad things that could go wrong and kill them.

    So i feel safe 🤷🏻‍♀️

    I’m well aware that I’m fucked up, honestly
    That’s only a PEEK into what it’s like inside my head. And I LIVE here

    So when the time comes – and we can socialise DISTANTly – and i dont have everyone in my sight anymore – iiiim not sure how into that i am yet tbh

    My poor therapist, she already has a whole lot of crazy to unravel. Having virtual therapy is amazing though, she may just never see me in person again

    Neither she, nor my colleagues – can tell i don’t have pants on
    To be fair – they probably don’t have them on either – but HOW good that we can ALL be comfortable in that situation?

    My boobs will have a panic attack when i try to put a bra on them again one day.

    But yeh, that’s basically as exciting as its been for me 💁🏻‍♀️

    We can talk later about what brought me to the point of needing to lose consciousness – but we’re neearly there Team!

    Only a WEEK until i can go and get my coffee – then go riiight back on inside 🥰

    Love you x

    🖤

    Trigger warning : this photo was taken pre-lockdown lololol

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/growingahuman/