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  • Last Photo Before Her Dad Took His Life

    This is a picture of my daughter the night before her Dad took his own life. 4-years old and her first night of ballet class. Full of joy. Full of innocence. The worst thing that had ever happened to her was dropping her ice cream cone at the county fair.

    The next day her Dad waved goodbye to her as we drove off to our play date and then he got in his car and went and shot himself on my Grandpa’s land.

    I had to sit on her little bed with her and her fuzzy stuffed animals and baby dolls and I had to tell my 4-year old that her Dad had died. She stared at me and then said, “Mama? What does die mean?” It took days, weeks for her to fully understand…….even after she seen him in his coffin…..that he was not ever coming home and that’s what die means.

    If you are having suicidal thoughts and you have children? Your children will not be better off without you. Your kids need you. Your death will take away some of their innocence. They will have nightmares. They will wake up sweating and screaming. Look at their photo and figure out a way to keep yourself alive on this earth. Don’t drop a load of pain, guilt, abandonment, trauma, and grief on their shoulders. They are so little. They need you. Stay. If for nothing else…….if for no one else……stay for them. Find your fight and get yourself the help you deserve so that you can care for your children.

    This girl knows things other kids don’t know.

    She knows how her Dad died. I told her the truth….not the gory and scary details…..but just the plain and simple truth that he hurt himself so that he would die. She knows what suicide is and openly says the word when most adults shy away from it.

    She also knows that he was a very loving, kind, and good person who made a very wrong choice.

    She knows that he was human, that he was sick, and that he was terrified and she has deep compassion for him because she too knows what it’s like to be scared.

    She knows that he loved her to the moon and back a billion times and he still does.

    Telling her the truth opened up conversations about mental health, love, emotions, strength, grief, God, spirituality, and more. She doesn’t judge him or blame him…..only loves him.

    She forgives her Dad.

    She knows that he didn’t leave because he didn’t love her but because he had no fight left in him to stay.

    She misses him…….we all do…..every day. It’s a soul deep missing when a child loses a parent.

    She barely remembers him.

    She still loves him…….very, very much.

    She will grow up not knowing what it’s like to have her very own Dad to protect her, laugh with her, care for her, and love her.

    If she grows up someday, gets married, and has children of her own? That will be the first time since she was 4 that she sees first hand in her own home what a Dad does.

    I look at this photo and my heart hurts so much for this little girl.

    This girl is now 7 and she is happy again. She is joyful, smart, kind-hearted, loving, adventurous, compassionate, and the bravest girl I have ever met in my entire life.

    So, you. The guy who is thinking of taking his life. The guy who is sitting at the dinner table right now with his kids and wife eating tacos and you’re smiling and you’re laughing but in your mind you are planning your own death for the next day?

    I’m asking you to stay.

    I’m asking you to tell your wife your plans.

    I’m asking you to close your eyes and remember being a little kid. Remember how much you loved and needed both of your parents.

    Fight for your life.

    You belong here on earth.

    You are worthy and so, so loved.

    Your family needs you.

    You belong here on a Tuesday night eating tacos with your kids and your wife laughing at inside jokes only a family understands.

    You deserve to watch your children grow up.

    You deserve their hugs and kisses and giggles.

    They need you.

    Maybe pleading with you to stay on this earth won’t work. Maybe it’s not enough…..maybe you’ll still go. I don’t know if spreading this love and pleading will work because I never got that chance to do that with my husband. But maybe it will help you. Maybe it will help just one of you and that’s why my children and I share our story.

    So, you. Please stay.

    Yes, they will survive and move forward in their lives if you leave but they won’t be better off without you.

    They will forever be missing a piece of themselves….a piece of their heart.

    Love and strength, Nik❤❤❤

    🌻Share this post to spread the awareness. Thank you.🌻

    Full credit www.niktebbe.com

  • Balloons Do Not Go To Heaven

    Balloons do not go to heaven. They land in the ocean and choke sea turtles, kill dolphins, whales and fish, and the ribbons entangle birds of all sizes. Many times, they end up on a beach as litter. Even the ones marked “biodegradable” can hurt animals before they have a chance to break down. Animals far from the ocean, such as horses, have been hurt and killed by balloons (they eat them when they land in their hay or they get spooked and bolt). Some balloons have even started fires when they got entangled in power lines.

    Balloons Do Not Go To Heaven
    Balloons Do Not Go To Heaven

    Sky lanterns have set homes, power lines, trees, and buildings on fire. Sky lanterns can also entangle an animal even if it is marketed as “biodegradable.” There are many safe alternatives to releasing litter into the air, such as planting a tree for your loved one and watching it bloom, or blowing bubbles into the air. Grief is a painful process. In our grief, we do not need to cause others grief. While there are many environmental problems facing our planet, this is a very simple one to solve, please think before you release anything into the sky.

    Author unknown (for credit please email us)

    We hope we have not offended anyone who has lost a loved one but we saw this and we thought it was important to share and raise awareness I know noone means to cause harm but we are slowl killing our precious planet, please share and get the message out.

    If you would like to raise awareness, share your own story or see a topic you think we should cover or advertise on Mums advice Facebook page or website please send us an email to mumsadvieltd@outlook.com and we will get back to you as soon as we possibly can.

  • Living In Hell Whilst My Child Is In Heaven

    The worst loss of all Living In Hell Whilst My Child Is In Heaven

    I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world that your beloved child died… Let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. Never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing – just silence, emptiness.

    Now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry – what happened, why!?.. You have never felt longing like this in your life! Longing to hear her voice, to see her face again, and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it.

    Now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. Not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. Everything you loved now hurts like hell…

    For example: music, I used to love music, it gave me pleasure, I didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red-hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, the day the music died, that’s me, and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child, I am not unique in that pain – if you lost a child you would know.

    That is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example! You feel the loss with every thought, every emotion, and the loss bleeds into every aspect of your life even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. It doesn’t’ fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn’t fit anymore.

    Everything that felt right, now feels wrong, and of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing…

    As good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children… this we cannot fix, cannot make it better. So on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless…out of control and hopeless…and this is universal, every parent that truly loves their child will feel this. Are you starting to imagine now how it feels? and you are doing this exercise for 10 minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 –

    Day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. you’re a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child’s life…but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget…so now, please add FEAR to the list of emotions.

    This is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, don’t just read the words, FEEL them – died, gone forever… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life. NO WONDER!!!!!

    A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell… that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss… you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.

    And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are – are Gone!!!

    That is why when parents who have lost children hear “I want the old you back”, “it’s been a year (a month, 6 months-whatever), and don’t you feel better yet?” “You are doing this to yourself, you’re making it harder on yourself”, “grief can become a selfish thing you know”, we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive.

    No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves; we are just trying to hold on. So were you able to imagine for 10 minutes what it must feel like? Even 2 minutes is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, I would not wish it any anyone, but did you get a sense of how Life changing it is?

    Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! Now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music…go home and hug your child, listen to them laugh, watch her smile, smell the scent that you know is them and please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven’t lost a beloved child of yours, you haven’t got a clue.

    Now when you hear these words “the presence of her absence is everywhere”, will you finally understand?

     

    Related article: http://mums-advice-old-copy.local/7-things-about-miscarriage-no-one-talks-about-but-should/

    Written by Louise Lagerman..

     

  • Things Not To Say To Parents After The Loss Of A Child

    Losing a child is the hardest thing a parent can go through. There are often no words to describe the pain and anguish the parent feels. As a friend, you want to reach out to them but you often feel like you don’t quite know what to say.

    Reaching out in love is the best thing you can do to help your friend who has just lost a child. Mums advice asked bereaved parents what things are better left unsaid.
    Here are eight things Things Not To Say To Parents After The Loss Of A Child:

    1. “Your child/baby/fetus that passed away recently…”
    Never refer to the child that passed away in impersonal ways. One of the biggest fears parents have is that their child will be forgotten. It is best to call the child by their name and talk about the great memories you had of him/her.
     

    2. “I just don’t know how you’re managing to hold it all together”
     Quite often  the grieving parent is just putting a face on to make it through the day. You bringing it up will often tear down the facade they have built up that day to go out and get things done. They are obviously heartbroken; you don’t need to be the one to tell them that.

    3. “Well at least you’re still young”
     The loss a baby or child is heartbreaking it doesn’t matter how young or old they are and if they can have more, no child can replace their angel baby.

    4. “He/she is in a better place”
    Often a person believes this statement, but they would rather not hear it. The parent would rather their child be here on Earth with them. It isn’t bad to bring up religion, but maybe focus on listening to the parent share how they are feeling instead.

    5. “Well what you’re going through is just like that time I….”
    Never trivialize their pain with your own story. Yes, you have pain and yes, they are feeling pain, but it probably isn’t the same pain. It is better to just listen to them share their feelings and the experience they are going through right now.

    6. “It’s been a while; maybe you should get over it”
    This is a very blunt way of saying what a lot of people think: “How are you still grieving?” or “Why haven’t you gotten over it?” Never keep a clock on someone else’s grieving. It takes us each a different amount of time to deal with pain, and it is unfair to expect everyone to overcome grief in a certain time frame. The loss a child isn’t something you just get over.

    7. Dark jokes
    Some people grieve by making terrible jokes about the situation. It is not a good idea to jump in and start making these kinds of jokes.

     8. Nothing
    Reach out in love. Not saying anything will make the parent feel alone. Ultimately, whatever you say, as long as it is said with love, the parent will feel that love.
    It is a terrible thing to lose a child, and it is important that those who have experienced this type of loss are surrounded by love. This is a hard thing to go through, and you can help erase some of that pain by reaching out with open arms.

    If you are looking for support Mums advice have a special group, where we offer love and a companionship with other parents who have also  lost their precious angel https://www.facebook.com/groups/1838309873119464/