Tag: blog

  • To Everyone Blaming The Government

    To everyone blaming the government for the Covid19 death toll surpassing that of Spain and France and calling them incompetent, bear this in mind:
    It is possible to change an argument in your favour with statistics even if they are not truly representative. Try looking at it logically and dispassionately.

    If you look at the population levels of the 3 countries mentioned, the U.K. has the highest at around 70 million, compared to 66 million in France and 49 million in Spain.
    Then look at the size of the area these people are living in : The UK 250,000 km2, France 650,000 km2, Spain 506,000 km2.
    Figured it out yet? No?

    The U.K. has a population density of 280 people per km2
    France has a population density of 102 people per km2
    Spain has a population density of 97 people per km2

    Know what that means? That means, ( according to figures from google today) the U.K., despite having nearly 3 times (275%) the population density of France and (289%) that of Spain, has death figures which are only 8% more than France and 7.5% more than Spain.

    But, it’s easier for the media to use the headline number in order to create the hysteria and panic they are so desperate for to give this story legs, so why let facts get in the way of the narrative.
    Wake up people, use your brains, not your emotions.
    Have a lovely day.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/mark.jose1

  • 30 THINGS THE BASTARDS NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT HOME EDUCATING YOUR CHILDREN DURING LOCKDOWN

    30 THINGS THE BASTARDS NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT HOME EDUCATING YOUR CHILDREN DURING LOCKDOWN

    1 For some people, this is the moment they have been waiting for all their lives. These people cannot wait to get hands on with their children’s education, and you know what, all power to them.

    2 Typically, these people fall exactly into the centre of a Venn diagram made up of creativity; not currently working; patience of a fucking saint; kids have at least brief moments of not being utter dicks.

    3 For the rest of us…falling on the very outskirts of the aforementioned Venn diagram…if not off the page altogether…this is likely the antithesis of the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.

    4 Teachers are fucking heroes. We always knew this, but after lockdown, we will frankly be chaining ourselves to railings outside of Downing Street demanding they get knighthoods, pay rises, and a £50k bonus for every single lesson they don’t throw their hands up in the air and run out of the classroom screaming.

    5 Kids are dicks.

    6 I mean; not all of the time, and not necessarily every kid…

    7 …but most children, most of the time – particularly when you are attempting to home educate them – have something of a propensity to be a bit of a dick.

    8 You will start off your home education journey with such hopes! Such dreams! Such plans for your shared learning experiences together!

    9 All of which will be shattered, broken, and crushed into tiny pieces, roughly thirty seconds after you sit down with your child(ren) and ask them to undertake their first home learning task.

    10 I mean, who knew that the very act of explaining to someone how to do something was so fucking complicated?

    11 Very quickly, you will find yourself mastering the key home education mantra:

    12 “ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK ME?”

    13 If you are very lucky, your children’s teachers will have sent your children work to do at home.

    14 The methodologies for completion which will immediately have you doubting everything you ever thought you knew about maths, grammar and the English language.

    15 And, for a least a brief period, it will be your child educating you.

    16 Thank fuck for screen time! While home educating your children, they will be enjoying more screen time than they have ever enjoyed in their lives, because it turns out that pretty much everything they need to learn is now delivered via a screen. The irony not being lost on any of you.

    17 Screen time also gives you a brief opportunity to run out of the room and hide in the airing cupboard screaming silently into a bottle of Hendricks. #makingmemories

    18 Many parents are also trying to carry out a full time job whilst simultaneously home educating their children.

    19 This is likely to be roughly as effective on both sides as if you were trying to mow your lawn whilst simultaneously piloting a Boeing 747.

    20 And who doesn’t love the experience of attempting to chair a conference call whilst also providing a rough précis of A Midsummer Night’s Dream?

    21 By Day 2, your carefully drawn up timetables will be shredded into pieces.

    22 Your gin supply will be in serious jeopardy.

    23 And if you see FUCKING Dave posting any more FUCKING photos on social media of his children building a to-fucking-scale model of a Motte and Bailey castle in their back garden made out of organic vegetables lined up in rainbow formation to celebrate our NHS…

    24 …you are not going to be held accountable for your actions, given the response from your child when you asked them to write their name at the top of their homework sheet was to scream, hurl their pencil case on the floor and tell you that they hated you and that you have ruined your life.

    25 Your kids won’t even look at an organic vegetable, let alone line them up in sodding rainbow formation.

    26 And you will feel like you are failing.

    27 But this is not about recreating full time school. You are not a teacher.

    28 (And don’t you fucking know it.)

    29 This is about trying our best. Doing what we can. Not totally fucking losing our shit.

    30 And longing with every fibre of our beings for that halcyon moment…when the school gates open again…and we can send our offspring through the doors… and run out into the playground… shouting FREEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/iknowineedtostoptalkingblog/


  • Here’s Why Facebook Annoys Me

    Facebook piss offs:

    1) Men pouting in photos, girls look ridiculous enough, but lads….fucking stop it.

    2) Girls with Ming from Flash Gordon eyebrows. Eyebrows are meant to deflect water from your eyes, they are NOT supposed to have corners….

    3) People who write billy big bollocks statuses like….”to the man in the shop who just stood on my toe, it’s a good job u had ur kids with u or I’d have knocked u out!” Or “to the woman in the green corsa who cut me up earlier then smiled at me at the lights, it’s a good job the lights changed cos I was gonna get out and kick u square in the minge!”…. Firstly they won’t see that status because you don’t know them, secondly, why are you making out like you’d show any aggression towards them? You clearly said absolutely nothing to them, then ran home to write a status about what you would have done if you had some bollocks….

    4) 30+ year old men describing good things as “sick”… Grow up…

    5) Young people using Americanisms, like.. “We got a cab home and made out..” No mate, you fingered her in a taxi….

    6) “New hair” posts…it’s not fucking new hair, it’s your same old hair just shorter and laced with chemicals to make it the same colour as whichever pretty celeb you’re trying to copy… And by the way, she looks nice with red hair…you look like a tool.

    7) Overnight nutritionists…I’m glad you recently discovered health and fitness 4 months ago, but knowing that chicken and rice is good clean food, doesn’t mean you should post pics of your 8 prepped meals online every morning and preach how we should all be eating just that. Some of us like pizza thanks! Fuck off!!

    😎 People who post updates like “what time does the co-op open?” You clearly have internet access… Google it you fucking cabbage!!!

    9) THIS!!!! Status: “completely devastated”

    What’s up babe?

    U ok Hun?

    What’s happened?

    “I’ve inboxed you….”

    You nob….that’s all.

    10) Pics of girls legs in the bath, just short of their tuppence…just pack it in, you attention seeking whore. The post isn’t about… “peace at last”… It’s about, “I’m naked and gagging for cock, inbox me”.

  • Myths And Truths Of Breastfeeding

    🤱Whether you have chosen to / are able to breast feed or bottle feed let us start by saying we respect you just for loving your baby!

    Outdated advice and misinformation is deterring mums from breastfeeding and making them feel like they are doing something wrong.

    So…for the breastfeeding Mummas among you please see the below myth vs truth and feel free to message us for any advice!

    ❌MYTH❌ Babies feed every 3 hours on the hour!

    ✅TRUTH✅ Babies usually feed between every 2 and 4 hours however, it is not unusual for babies to feed more often, almost constantly in fact, during a growth spurt or to boost your milk supply.

    ❌MYTH❌ If your baby still seems hungry after a feed you should feed them a bottle.

    ✅TRUTH✅ Giving your baby a bottle after a feed could deplete your milk supply and could hinder your latch in the early weeks. If your baby has lost a certain % of body weight then your midwife may recommend supplementing with a bottle.

    ❌MYTH❌ Babies should sleep through the night once they are eating solid food.

    ✅TRUTH✅ It is perfectly normal for infants, breastfed or not, to wake up in the night for a feed or comfort.

    ❌MYTH❌Breastfeeding is easy for everyone.

    ✅TRUTH✅ It all goes swiftly for some Mummas but for others there can be a minefield of issues from a shallow latch, tongue ties, a baby with a bubble pallet, low milk supply, and much much more. So think before you label a Mumma as a quitter! And in fact…some Mum’s just don’t want to breastfeed and frankly…that is nobody elses business 🤷‍♀️

    EDIT : To echo the words of the inspiring lady below…It is indeed a myth that every woman is able to exclusively breastfeed! For those that can’t it does not have to be all or nothing! See pic in comments of Ella using an amazing system that allows her to both breastfeed and supplement at the same time. 💛

     

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/thepositivemummas/

     

  • You Do Not Want That Puppy Its The Runt

    A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

    “Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”

    “Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

    The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

    “I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

    “Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called.

    Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

    Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up…

    “I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

    The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

    With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

    With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

    “How much?” asked the little boy…

    “No charge,” answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/delynne.schneider

     

  • Man Explains His Toilet Trouble

    Last night, I had a near death experience. No, it didn’t involve a gun (although I’d rather get shot again than go through this).

    Until last night, I didn’t understand the term “shit storm” but let me tell ya, after 10 fluid ounces.

    Not 5 fluid ounces.

    Not 7 fluid ounces.

    Not just a swig.

    But after 10 FLUID FUCKING OUNCES, I’m a brand new man.

    Ya ever wonder what two homeless people fornicating on a pile of burning tires next to a pig farm on a 98 degree day with a 80% humidity level smells like? If so, go to Walgreens, spend 4 bucks, get ya a bottle of this bullshit right here, get ya a baby sitter to watch your kids and lock yourself in the bathroom cause you’re about to star in your very own shit show for the next few hours.

    And ya know what? Just when ya think it’s over, when everything stops and you can finally wipe the tears and sweat from your face, that’s when the party starts.

    My soul left my body. Yeah. I pooped out my soul, but when I got to heaven, I got sent back because I brought the smell up there with me.

    It’s all a blur, but at one point. I was looking down on myself from the sky watching all of my internal organs liquefy and spray out of my ass like someone jumped on a balloon full of nutella.

    And then that’s that. Right? you’re done pooping, so you muster up what strength you have left, shaking and weak, you stand up and flush for the 18th time.

    But wait, THERES MORE.

    That’s when you start puking. At this point, I was surprised there was anything left in me. Let alone the 20 piece boneless nuclear wings from zaxbys.

    You know what nuclear sauce feels like when it’s coming out ya nose, throat and ass at the same time?

    I imagine it’s the same feeling as spontaneous combustion.

    After 5 straight minutes of puking and 4 straight hours of pooping, I passed out on the bathroom floor for two hours only to be awoken by my dog licking me to see if I was dead.

    Magnesium citrate? More like magnesium shit-strate into a coma. Shit ain’t no joke. But in all seriousness. This shit did its job. It cleaned me out so good, I even got a clear conscience. 10/10 stars for completely making me into a new man.

    Between the crying and farting and dying and what not, It was one of the worst experiences of my life so far.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000762470772

     

  • I Was A Kick Butt Mother And Then This Happened

    So, I was a kick butt mother this morning.

    My doctor upped my medicine last week and I’ve been feeling goooood. No more out-of-control, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type parenting for this mama.

    Not anymore.

    I am Mary Freaking Poppins, y’all.

    So today I baked muffins and read books to my babies and picked out adorable matchy-matchy outfits, all before school.

    They didn’t even fuss when I got them dressed.

    I was patient with their breakfast table meltdowns and gentle with discipline.

    I was pretty much a bastion of parenting perfection.

    Somewhere between packing lunch boxes and brushing ponytails and generally herding cats (like moms do), I threw my black skirt in the dryer to get the wrinkles out.

    Who has time for an iron, ammiright?

    Not me!

    I was busy being SuperMom. Into the minivan kids! Time to sing happy songs on the way to school!

    We got to the preschool five minutes early, and when the teachers pulled my babies out of the car, I blew kisses.

    “Bye kiddos! Mommy will be back at 3!”

    Maybe we will bake cookies. #Fromscratch

    Then I drove to my doctor’s appointment all the way across town with ten minutes to spare.

    That’s right. GLANCE UPON MY GREATNESS, YOU UNDERLINGS. I am SUPER MOM.

    I hopped out of my van with my Starbucks and my side ponytail and

    WHEEE is it breezy today or is it me?

    Omg.

    no pants no pants no pants

    NO PANTS!!!!

    My skirt is still in the dryer!!!!

    But now my appointment is starting so I guess I’ll be clinging to this tunic like a wet cat to a curtain for the next two hours?!

    And OH. I just realized I’m wearing floral granny panties. The HOLY kind, if you hear me.

    NOOOO!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭

    YES Lord, I have heard Your voice. Pride cometh before the fall and I was was so proud—SO PROUD—to be Mary Poppins.

    Welp. I guess it’s true that I won’t be flying by the seat of my pants, today.

    Because I DONT HAVE ANY FREAKING PANTS.

    #ThatSkirtIsStillSpinningAtHome #TheBreezeIsSwifterThanIRealized #AtLeastImWearingATunic #throwback

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/MomBabble/

     

  • Anxiety Is More Than Just Worrying

    Anxiety is more than just worrying.

    Anxiety is the restless nights of sleep, as you toss and turn. It’s your brain never being able to shut off. It’s the thoughts you over-think before bedtime and all of your worst fears become a reality in dreams and nightmares.

    It’s waking up tired even though your day just started.

    Anxiety is learning how to function with sleep deprivation because it took you until 2 am to shut your eyes.

    It’s every text you wonder ‘how do I word this properly?’ It’s a double or triple text in case you messed up. Anxiety is answering texts embarrassingly fast.

    Anxiety is the time you spend waiting for an answer as a scenario plays out in your mind of what they could be thinking or are they mad?

    Anxiety is an unanswered text that kills you inside even though you tell yourself, ‘maybe they’re busy or will answer later.’ Anxiety is that critical voice that says ‘maybe they’re deliberately ignoring you.’ It’s believing every negative scenario you can come up with.

    Anxiety is waiting. It always feels like you’re waiting. It’s the inaccurate conclusions drawn as your mind takes off and you have no choice but to follow it’s destructive lead.

    Anxiety is apologizing for things that don’t even require the words, ‘I’m sorry.’

    Anxiety is self-doubt and a lack of confidence both in you, yourself and those around you. Anxiety is being hyper aware of everyone and everything. So much so, you can tell if there’s a shift in someone merely by their tone or word choice.

    Anxiety is ruining relationships before they even begin. It tells you, ‘you’re wrong, they don’t like you, they’re going to leave.’ Then you jump to conclusions.

    Anxiety is a constant state of worrying and panicking and being on the edge. It’s irrational fears. It’s thinking too much, it’s caring too much. Because the root of people with anxiety is caring.

    It’s sweaty palms and a racing heart. But on the outside, no one can see it. You appear calm and at ease and smiling but underneath is anything but that. Anxiety is the art of deception for people who don’t know you. And for the people who do, it’s a constant stream of phrases like, ‘don’t worry’ or ‘you’re overthinking this’ or ‘relax.’ It’s friends listening to these conclusions you’ve drawn and not really understanding how you got there. But they’re there trying to support you, as things go from bad to worse in your mind.

    Anxiety is wanting to fix something that isn’t even a problem.

    It’s the stream of questions that make you doubt yourself.

    Did I lock the door before I left?’

    Did I turn off the stove?

    Is the straightener still on?

    It’s turning back around just to double check.

    Anxiety is the uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there. Anxiety is that extra shot you take and it seems like you’re finally relaxing. Until you wake up the next day hungover, full of regret and wondering what you said to whom and do you owe them an apology?

    Anxiety is the overcompensating and trying too hard to please people.

    Anxiety is being everywhere on time because the thought of being late would put you over the edge.

    Anxiety is the fear of failure and striving for perfection. Then beating yourself up when you fall short. It’s always needing a schedule or a plan.

    Anxiety is that voice inside your head that’s saying ‘you’ll fail.’

    It’s trying to exceed people’s expectations even if you’re killing yourself to do so. Anxiety is taking on more than you can handle just so you are distracted and not overthinking something.

    Anxiety is procrastination because you’re paralyzed with fear of failing so you hold it off.

    It’s the triggers that set you off.

    It’s breaking down in private and crying when you’re overwhelmed but no one will ever see that side of you. Anxiety is picking up and trying again because the only thing worse than overcoming other people is overcoming you and your own demons.

    It’s beating that critical voice that says, ‘you really fucked up.’ or ‘you should feel awful right now.’

    Anxiety is the want and the need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life is outside of your control and you have to learn to live with it.

    But more than anything anxiety is caring. It’s never wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s never wanting to do something wrong. More than anything, it’s the want and need to simply be accepted and liked. So you try too hard sometimes.

    And when you come across friends who begin to understand, they help you through it.

    Then you realize this might be a battle you face every day but it’s one you won’t have to face alone.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/gninworDllitSmI/

     

  • Do People Ever Really Change

    So I don’t usually air my dirty laundry but.. i need input ->

    So, we have been together for a while now. I love him, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He can be so sweet and loving, but everything is so one sided. He doesn’t work, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean. He contributes nothing to the house except for messes that I end up cleaning up myself. And he doesn’t appreciate anything I do, doesn’t even seem to notice the majority of it.

    For the most part he’s always in a good mood, but when he gets upset, he becomes so unreasonable. There’s no talking to him about it. His communication skills are severely lacking. So most of the time it’s just a guessing game of trying to figure out what’s bothering him this time. Like dude, just tell me what’s wrong, how can I fix it or make it better. He won’t tell me.

    He always wants me to do what HE wants to do. Even when I spend nearly all of my time with him, he wants more. Sometimes it’s hard to even get things done like laundry, or dishes cause he expects me to be 24-7 available to him. He will even WAKE ME UP in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, to cater to him. Because he wants to eat or hang out. I rarely get a decent nights sleep and he doesn’t care how it affects me during the day.

    Like I said, I love him more than anything. But it’s so much. I try venting to my friends and family but they are always making excuses for his behavior. ‘he’s only 2yrs old…He’s just a toddler. Things will get better.” but I don’t know. Do people really ever change? Or is he just toxic?