This story is aimed at everyone who is a survivor.
Growing up for the first 10 years of my life I was a normal kid, mum and dad was together we went on holidays every year, my life was good.
Then they broke up, everything went in a downward spiral. My dad moved over 2 hours away and didn’t bother with us, my mum got in a relationship with someone who was to end up beating the shit out of her in front of me and my siblings. It was a fucking hard time.
The first time I attempted suicide I was 13. My mum refused to believe I had done it until the blood results came back, my dad showed up trying to play the perfect parent he hadn’t seen me in 8 months.
My mum ended up a drug addict so did the man she married (yes despite what he did to her she married him) only good thing that came out of their relationship was my brother who was born a year into their marriage.
This went on until I was about 14/15 then she finally got rid of him, so I might not have to see her getting beat up every other day but I still had to live with the consequences of his actions.
A mother who was addicted to drugs and 3 younger siblings that I pretty much had to take care off. This went on until I was 16. My school work was non existent. I was at one time a good student who was told I had university potential but that all went when you have 3 younger children to get up and ready for school.
When I was 16 she met my step dad. He is an amazing man! He got her clean (yes I still question why she did it for him and not me) but he did it and I was free to resume my life but I was damaged by what I had been through. I spent the next 5 years drinking ,experimenting with drugs mainly cocaine I never touched hard drugs such as crack, heroin ect and sleeping with unsuitable people just to feel wanted.
When I was 21 the incident happened that would change me forever. I was out with 2 people I considered friends. We was in a lively bar but I had decided not to drink the rest of the night after that is still a blur but it resulted in my drink getting spiked and me getting raped. I came around half way through the incident and managed to get away. I ran out the flat but had no idea where I was. I phoned the police thinking they would be able to trace the call and find out where I was. They did just that and took me to a centre within my area that dealt with that crime.
It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I had to have my body examined, every inch of it. I had to give up my clothes and wear what they had. I had most parts of my body photographed so they could document the bruises ect. Whilst I was there they went into the flat and arrested the person who had done this.
After that they called my mum and step dad who came to collect me. All I wanted was to sit in the shower and scrub. The same evening after I had to go to the police station and give my video statement. I refused to have my mum or step dad in there. I had lived through it there was no need for them to hear the details. For the first weeks I had the attitude that it wasnt going to break me, that I was going to be fine. I was wrong. I couldn’t deal with all the feelings it caused, I suffered nightmares and couldn’t sleep, I turned back to drink and drugs I was out of control. Despite many trips to the doctors nothing was helping. I was given sleeping tablets (which I became addicted to and was the worst thing to ever come off) but even with them my step dad still had to sit next to my bed every night and wait for me to fall asleep.
During this time the man who did it was on bail. He was re bailed 3 times until I got that phone call that said he wasnt going to be charged. 2 officers attended my house the next day. They explained that although my alcohol levels made me fine to drive and they did find ketamin (which is a tranquilizer) in my system all his mates had my statements saying I was fine and wanted it and the real kicker was my so called best mate (turned out she already knew him) had made a statement saying I already had the bruises and marks he had made.
This sent me off the rails. I ended up to the point where I required to be sectioned. I was diagnosed with PTSD, BPD, Manic depression and severe anxiety. They finally found tablets that kept me stable.
A few month later I got talking to an old friend. We went on a few dates and eventually became a couple. I was still struggling and still drinking. Then I found out I was pregnant. I still to this day say my firstborn saved my life. We moved into an extremely nice flat. I wasnt working but he was earning very good money and assured me he would take care of the bills. A few months after he changed. Was drinking loads, gambling, stopped going to work and was aggressive. I found the strength to kick him out.
A few days after I was opening post and found a court repossession order for our flat, he hadn’t been paying the rent. I went to the council who advised me to stay until bailiffs came then they would help. I ended up in a house share with a load of scum bags and wrongerns. We spent a year there, the communal areas such as kitchen, bathroom ect were left in such a state that I used to have to spend half hour cleaning before I could use them.
The council decided they wouldn’t help due to me being evicted due to rent arrears. Even tho they was informed by estate agents they had never dealt with me and I was unaware of the arrears.
During 1 rare night out where my mum had my daughter (her father hadn’t bothered seeing or paying for her since we split) I bumped into someone I knew from when I worked in a pub. The connection was instant. I tried ignoring him as I wasnt looking or ready for someone else but I couldn’t help it he was amazing. We started to see each other and it just got better and better. He was amazing with my daughter aswell. I fell pregnant again and we all moved into our own home. It wasnt much but it was ours. Now a few months on I couldn’t be happier I have a partner who worships me and 2 beautiful girls.
I know this was a long post and I have actually made it shorter but to anyone who is going through a really bad time do not give up. If I can make it trust me anyone can x
