“My partner was working late. Toddler hysterical and unwell, and baby hysterical due to me having to prioritise the passing out from crying toddler.
Phoned partner to come home. He sent my mother in law.
I said, “I feel so crap not being able to cope. You all did it on your own?! Why can’t I?!”
“I don’t know anyone of my generation who raised children alone”
“Eh?”
“My sisters were all housewives… my parents and in-laws didn’t work. Most of my neighbours were housewives. There was always SOMEONE here. I always had a visitor. And they didn’t just sit and drink tea. They held and entertained kids whilst I did housework, they popped to the shop. They hung washing. They chopped veg. We may say “well we managed” but the truth is. We had a village and there was always someone to help. Elderly neighbours would be happy to come and hold babies, play with older kids or even bake some biscuits. Can’t even knock and ask to borrow sugar now or people panic.”
“But my mum was a military wife and husband always deployed?!”
“Ask her.”
Mum: “Wives didn’t work or if they did only part time. And there was always someone here. Sometimes it was a house of 10 kids with 3 adults all prepping meals for the week and one sat watching kids. We were never really alone.
The only time I felt alone was with you and your brother but that was 10 years later. And housewives started to be a thing of the past. Retirement was later. It’s hard to be a mum now and have it expected to cope because ‘we had to’ … when really we didnt”
My paternal grandmother always goes on about how she managed it, so I speak to my dad..
“Mum’s Aunty was always around! I can barely remember a childhood day without my Aunty.”
So. Don’t feel embarrassed to ask for help. The village DID exist even if most people forget about it.”
This photo was not taken days, weeks or months after my son died. It wasn’t taken within the first year after his death.
It was taken today. Over 2.5 years later.
This is grief. It doesn’t expire or come with an end date. It cuts through your heart and seeps to the deepest spaces where it will reside for a lifetime.
Holding your child’s lifeless body one last time…your brain trying to process the unimaginable while your heart is trying to memorize every detail of their face, their hands, their scent. This moment will never be erased from the memory. This is an image carried forever. It shows up unexpectedly and unannounced. Year, after year, after year.
We all have what we call “our season”. For those who have never experienced losing a child, their season is a favorite time of year because it’s their choice weather, carries their interest of activities, they enjoy the smell in the air or look forward to a special holiday.
When a child loss parent mentions their “season” it is much different.
Our season does not make us excited. It is something we dread instead of look forward to. It is a time period we want to skip. Put us in a coma and wake us when it’s over. Our season comes with onset anxiety and PTSD. The smells and temperature of our season remind us of birthdays that will never happen, the memories of our sweet angels when they were with us on earth and the worst day of our lives.
During our season it takes everything out of us to keep going. We are emotionally exhausted. We are distant to everyone in our lives. We do not always respond to texts, emails or answer calls because it’s too much right now. We stay in more, declining invites we would normally say yes to. We don’t have the energy to fake the smile and pretend life is great. We are forgetful and unreliable.
Our season is full of broken dreams and questions we will never have the answers to. The what if’s, what would they look like, what would they be doing now.
Each year we have hope the next one will be easier. But it isn’t. It’s always the same, it’s always hard.
When our season passes a weight is lifted and we catch our breath thankful it is over. Shocked we survived once again.
If you know someone going through this be patient and kind. Expect nothing from them. If they cancel plans at the last minute do not be angry with them. Don’t take their actions (or lack of actions) personally. It‘s not you. They are using every ounce of strength they have to find their way through the darkness and back to the light. This is exhausting and they don’t have the energy for anything else.
My season begins very soon. You could say I am in the pre-season phase…I feel it coming. Almost a month away from what would have been a 3rd birthday. Thinking about it knocked me to my knees today, the anxiety suffocating.
But there is a difference between this year and last year, and the one before. This time I know it’s not going to be easier. This year I am accepting it and not fighting it. I know what’s coming. I know what it does to me. I have learned and understand what my limitations are during this timeframe of my life.
I am going to stand still allowing it to hit with full force, a tidal wave crashing into me. As I lose my balance I will fall. I‘ll let the wave of grief wash over every inch of my body and hold my breath until it’s over.
When it has passed I will rise. I‘ll stare at the sun setting in the horizon and remind myself, it hurts this much because you love him so much. I wouldn’t trade that love for anything. Not even to take away this pain.
A PAIR of care workers who ill-treated a vulnerable mental health patient at a private hospital in Colchester left the victim with fractured ribs and a punctured lung.
Scott Geeson, 28, lashed out and kicked the 44-year-old man whilst working at Cambian Fairview Hospital, in Boxted Road, in 2016.
Lelish Shercan, 27, was also on duty and should have been looking after the patient, who suffered severe mental health problems and had learning difficulties.
Geeson, of Winnock Road, Colchester, and Shercan, of Circus Square Colchester, admitted ill-treating or wilfully neglecting a person without capacity on the day of their trial earlier this month.
The victim, who has severe learning impairments and mental health difficulties, was found with fractured ribs and a punctured lung after an encounter with the pair in his room.
He has since made a full physical recovery and has been moved to another care home.
Since the incident reviews have been carried out by the Care Quality Commission, assisted by the force and Essex County Council.
Cambian officially dismantled and relinquished control of the facility.
It has since been taken over by a new management company, Cygnet.
Geeson and Shercan were sentenced at a hearing at Ipswich Crown Court today.
Jake Taylor, mitigating on behalf of Geeson, said his client did not accept he had caused all of the injuries.
He said: “Around this time his mother had become very unwell and passed away.
“He was coping with that and was frustrated for a number of reasons.
“All these factors built up and resulted in a man lashing out against someone who he otherwise had a good relationship with.”
Shercan was educated in Nepal and his father is a member of the Royal Gurkha Regiment.
Sean Hammond, mitigating on behalf of Shercan, said he was at risk of deportation from the country if he was sent straight to custody.
He said: “The way he behaved on this occasion is completely out of character. He deeply regrets the suffering caused to the victim and his family and wants to offer his sincere apologies.”
Judge John Devaux jailed Geeson for 21 months and Shercan for 16 months.
However Shercan’s sentence will be suspended for two years.
Detective Constable Tim Harris, of Colchester CID, described the pair’s behaviour as “vile and completely unacceptable.”
“It has taken more than three years to see justice for this extremely vulnerable victim,” he said.
“The people who should have cared for him were those who betrayed and mistreated him – their behaviour was vile and completely unacceptable.
“I hope that the other workers, who have supported us fully throughout this investigation and raised the alarm when they recognised the victim’s injuries, realise how instrumental they were in the outcome of this case.
“Speaking out against colleagues, even when they’ve done something wrong, can be incredibly difficult.
“Their bravery has made a real difference to someone who could not speak for themselves.
“By standing up, they’ve given him a voice and allowed Shercan and Geeson to be brought to justice.
“This case was complex and harrowing for everyone involved in the investigation, but it has highlighted one thing – we need whistleblowers now more than ever.
“If that’s you, come forward and call us. You never know what impact it could have.”
My son drowned 3 days ago. His limp, gray, lifeless body was pulled from the pool and it was every mother’s worst nightmare. He was dead. I heard screaming, and after a minute realized the screaming was coming from me. I watched in slow motion as people rushed to him, as he was laid on the concrete, as CPR was started.
A million thoughts were flying through my head as I stumbled around, not knowing what I was doing, screaming. I saw my dead baby on the ground. I thought about his twin brother and how could his life go on without his twin. I saw my 10-year-old son, hysterically sobbing, in his bright blue swim trunks, his beautiful tan skin glistening with pool water still. His life ruined because he just watched his brother die, drowned in the same pool where he was playing.
I saw my sassy little 3-year-old daughter, in her pink unicorn and rainbow suit, just watching me, confused. And how was I going to tell my husband that I let our perfect 5-year-old son drown?? It was exactly like I’ve read other people say in emergency situations: I thought this must be a dream, one of those dreams that you wake up sweating from, short of breath, because it was so real. Wake up! Wake up! But no, I was already awake. Then the screaming was worse. This is happening. My funny, silly, sweet, handsome, artistic, thoughtful little blondie was dead.
I finally was able to force myself to stop screaming, I ran over to where CPR continued on my precious baby. I have no idea how long it was. 10 seconds? 3 minutes? I don’t know. But I ran to him and watched and cried and talked to him as my friend tirelessly and relentlessly continued CPR. He looked awful and perfect still at the same time. I watched as water and vomit poured out of his mouth, eyes swollen and rubbery looking. Then a miracle happened! I don’t remember what it was first, but he showed some sign of life because several people at the same time exclaimed “there he is!” and encouraged me to keep talking to him.
My friend kept working, I kept talking. He started to try to open his eyes and another round of exclamation occured. My friend said she could feel a pulse, they decided to move him off the concrete to the pool house. A million thoughts continued racing through my mind. I was sure even if he was saved, it was too late. I was sure machines were going to be doing his living for him. I was sure it had taken too long.
Everything that happened next seemed like an eternity. The ambulance took forever to get there. They tried to get an IV on the scene but couldn’t. The ride to the hospital was painfully long. But my baby started coming around! He jerked his arm back with the IV needle stick! He cried! He was coughing! Somehow, my baby was still with me!
We have now been in ICU at Peyton Manning for the last 3 days. He is sitting beside me in bed right now playing with a stuffed puppy a friend brought to him and watching Captain Underpants for the 70th time. He’s off all oxygen. He will very likely come home with me today. Home with me 3 days after drowning, home to live happily with his family instead of us burying him today.
The reason I’m sharing? This happened in a pool full of people. A pool full of ADULTS. I’ve read so many stories about kids slipping away from their parents and getting into a pool, to be found drowned shortly later. I’ve never considered the possibility that my child could drown right in front of people who were watching him bob up and down from the bottom of the pool to just below the surface, but didn’t think he was struggling because he looked like he was PLAYING.
When I found him myself, 2 feet from adults who were in the pool, my first thought was that it wasn’t him, that it was someone else’s kid who was seeing how long they could hold their breath. I can 100% understand why the adults who were RIGHT THERE didn’t recognize that he was drowning because when I saw him, I too thought he was just a kid who was playing. What tipped me off was the kid I saw was wearing a shirt: Adam had gotten in the pool in his shirt. He doesn’t know how to hold his breath. GET HIM OUT!!!! THAT’S ADAM!!!!
This was 100% preventable. The fault was MINE. He’s a big 5-year-old. He has a very needy twin who makes it easy for me to forget that Adam is still 5 too and has needs that other 5-year-olds need. He’s not self-sufficient even though sometimes I feel like he is because he’s so capable. I didn’t tell him to get in the pool without his Puddle-jumper on, but I was aware that he had. I simply told him to stay in the shallow end while I got his sister’s swimsuit on, then I would be over.
I thought it was fine for 5 minutes, as he could touch just fine in the shallow end, he wasn’t alone because there were multiple adults IN the pool, and I’d be right next to the pool getting her suit on. Wrong. I have never ever been so wrong. He remembers what happened. He said he slipped off the edge. Based on where he was in the shallow end, and where we found him, he means the ledge from the shallow to the deep end. He said he kept going to the bottom then to the top and tried to yell “Mommy!” It kills me to hear that. It kills me to know that his last thoughts were that mommy didn’t come for him. But God decided to give me another chance to do better. He gave my baby back to me. Now he knows I DID come for him.
Who knows what we’ll face from here? Physically, it is beyond comprehension that he is suffering no consequences. He is asking to go back to my friend’s to swim and says “this time, I’ll wait for Mommy” before getting in the pool. But he yells for me every single time I’m out of his sight. He clearly has some anxiety that he didn’t have before. I pray that some counseling and lots of reassurance will fix that.
I’m sharing this because I want to prevent this from happening to anyone else. Before going to any pool, first make sure your kids know not to get in until the adult who is responsible for them is ready to watch them. That sounds like common sense, but I was thinking because so many adults were present, he was fine, but those adults didn’t know his swimming ability so they didn’t question when he was under water. Second, KNOW THE SIGNS OF STRUGGLE!
Adam didn’t look like he was struggling! He wasn’t splashing, thrashing, or screaming. He was simply underwater and couldn’t get his head above water. Third, know CPR. I do know CPR. Could I have performed it in that moment? I like to believe I could have if I hadn’t seen someone else taking charge. I like to think if I had been alone, my survival skills would have kicked in. Luckily, I don’t know, because my amazing friend was busy saving him, but I do know that if I didn’t know CPR, my helping him if we’d been alone wouldn’t have even been a possiblity.
I said I wasn’t going to share what happened. I feel so responsible (I am responsible!) because I let him get in without any sort of safety device on, and he was in before I personally was ready to watch him. But I decided to share because I see parents at pools doing these same things every single day! And I’m sharing to hopefully spread drowning awareness.
I’m also sharing to thank my friend for saving him, to thank her over and over and over. I am eternally grateful to her and will never ever be able to repay her. Ironically, I was there for her as her nurse when her son took his first breath after he was born, and now she was here for me as my son took his first breath after he died.
Please take water safety seriously. I never thought this would be me. It was me, but thanks to God and my dear friend Kristin, my son is still safely here. Learn from my mistakes so it’s not you.
My Son Drowned 3 Days Ago
Adam Jeffrey Leeson, born 3/15/14
Adam Jeffrey Leeson, saved 7/20/19
I have no pictures of what he looked like when he drowned. Unfortunately I only have the image forever tattooed on my brain. I’ve shared a few images of him in the hospital and the most important one, the one with his guardian angel, Kristin Moon.
Please please please share this. I’m a nervous wreck to share what happened, sick to my stomach to hit “share” actually. But I feel this happened to save others. In my heart of hearts, I know other parents need to read this.
I can’t stress enough! Don’t give kittens away for free!!! 😠😡😠😡😠😡😠😠This is what can happen when kittens are given for free or in the hands of the wrong people. Each one painted a color with permanent markers (similar to the photo below) and used as bait for dog fights. People bet on the color of the cat who will survive the longest. This is common – and yes happens in a lot of places!
This is for public awareness and only by all of us advocating and discouraging free adoptions by ANYONE or ANY ORGANIZATION – can we make a dent in this problem.
Craigslist….etc..etc..
PLEASE KEEP SHARING THIS POST.
IT IS KITTEN SEASON , SO THESE SICK PEOPLE ARE OUT COLLECTING THEM NOW.
⚠️ I know this subject has been posted many a times, but still to this day, I see babies/ children in pushchairs on very sunny and hot days with blankets draped over them to block the sun and heat out…. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS!!! ⚠️
👶🏻 Today I did an experiment with my baby in her pushchair, to be able to show what actually happens to the temperature 👶🏻….
🔆Dolly had her factor 50, 5* UVA suncream on, her drink to keep her hydrated and sun hat on.
But it was still hot, so I thought I’d put a blanket over her to block the sun out 🔆
‼️ I also popped a thermometer in with Dolly.
The temperature before a cover over her was about 35 degrees.
After just 12 minutes I thought I’d see how it was going….The temperature had risen to 45 degrees!! Another 15 minutes later we were pushing onto nearly 50 degrees ‼️
All I can say is, thank goodness Dolly is a dolly.
Please, please think before you do this to an actual child as the thought of the outcome is just unbearable.
Please share the life out of this post to reach people who may not know how severe doing this could be!
So.. the most craziest thing happened to us today, we went to our local beach to let the boys try out their new wet suits, we new we wouldn’t be staying long as there was a storm brewing. As Alex and I were walking to catch the boys up we both felt really strange, I looked over at Alex and his hair was standing on end and so was mine, even the hairs on our arms.
We shouted over to the boys who had reached the sea at this point and both of their hair were also standing on end. The thunder started and we decided it wasn’t safe for us so we started running back towards the car, as I lifted my hand over my head there was a really loud crackling that even Alex heard, we were really freaked out. Whilst we were sat in the car we saw two massive lightening bolts strike right where we had been previously standing!
We googled all the things we experienced and were so shocked to find out how much danger we were actually in, and actually feel very stupid now for not knowing! So just thought I’d spread the awareness in case there’s other stupid people like us 🙈
