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  • Leave Me At Home

    Sporty Boss,
    leave me at home. It’s not nice for me to run next to you. But because I am a loyal dog, I often go beyond my limits. And so I run beside you, stand still if I must. And feel my paws burn. I look at you for a moment, but you don’t understand.

    Because in 5 minutes, we will be at the cool puddle, right? But those 5 little minutes can now just be fatal for me. Because I sweat through my legs, and this heat just can’t reach it. I cook from the inside, but I keep going…..
    And so I end up on the asphalt. In the heat and in the sun. With my tongue out of my mouth and my eyes blinking in the sun. My legs burned, my tongue dry and my head pounding from the heat that my body can’t get rid of….
    Don’t brand the paw print!
    Let your dog enjoy the sun, with a large bowl of water, a place in the shade. And best of all, preferably a cool patch of grass.


    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10214305920315201…

  • 20 SIGNS YOU LIVE WITH A TEENAGER

    1 Literally not a single cup, mug, glass or plate to be found. Because they are all in their bedroom, festering; like the world’s worst branch of John Lewis.

    2 All communication is carried out via grunts, shrugs, and monosyllabic exchanges of: “No.” “Fine.” “WHY?”

    3 Until they want something from you, when they suddenly wax lyrical about their desperate needs and the relative unfairness of their life compared to everyone else they know like they’re writing the next Shakespearean tragedy.

    4 Minimum of three different screen devices on the go at all times.

    5 A fridge that is permanently full of empty packets, because god forbid anyone works out how to use the fucking bin.

    6 And is systematically emptied between the hours of 11pm and 3am each night.

    7 Almost entirely nocturnal lifestyles.

    8 And on your head be it if you try and communicate with them before a reasonable hour of the day. Say…..4pm.

    9 You have a newfound appreciation of the many and varied ways it is possible to express your emotional turmoil via the slamming of doors.

    10 And have provided that many lifts in the last few days, you’re probably outperforming your local Uber driver.

    11 Everything you do/wear/think will be met with a sigh/eye roll/proclamation of how utterly tragic you are as an individual.

    12 Which won’t stop them from borrowing your favourite possessions, mind. And, if you’re really lucky, losing them, too!

    13 Apparently it’s “sick, fam”, and you didn’t realise you were going to need to grasp a completely different command of the English language in order to understand what the fuck they’re banging on about.

    14 Hell hath no fury like a teenager wronged by their sibling/BFF/favourite top that they wanted to wear and they now can’t find because their bedroom looks like the inside of a skip and it is of course ALL YOUR FAULT.

    15 Speaking of bedrooms…you’ve had genuine debate over at what point you need to consider putting a call into Environmental Health.

    16 Where you were once sleep deprived to fuck from sitting up with them through the night when they were tiny babies… you’re now sleep deprived to fuck waiting to collect them from late night parties and ensuring they don’t choke on their own vomit after one too many Malibu and Cokes.

    17 Basically, parenting is about not sleeping at all, ever.

    18 Teenagers can be unreasonable, emotional, irrational gits.

    19 But, when you least expect it, they can also be absolutely bloody lovely, too ❤️

    20 And the entirety of living with a teenager is basically one big massive dose of karma for your own teenage years 👍

  • I Won’t Feel Guilty For Doing Nothing With My Son

    I won’t feel guilty for doing nothing with my son.

    During the holidays social media is filled with photos of parents and carers taking their kids out places. Everyday seems to have a new adventure. I used to think I was a bad mum if I didn’t do this, now I realise it’s the opposite.

    My son can’t cope with endless days out. What may be a neurotypical child’s heaven could be my son’s hell. He likes time at home and more than that, he needs it.

    We are lucky enough to have a large garden and I realise how blessed we are to have this space. When we spend the day in the garden I’m not being a lazy parent, I’m proactively giving my son time to process and regulate. The holidays mean we are out of routine and this can be a lot for him to cope with. Some days he just needs his iPad. This is not lazy parenting, this is understanding his needs.

    I’ve been told in the past that my son doesn’t have ADHD, I just don’t take him out enough. Comments like this wash over me now but in the early days I used to get really upset.

    Parenting a neurodiverse child in the holidays is a completely different kettle of fish to parenting a neurotypical one. Endless days out will not lead to a tired, happy child but an overstimulated and dysregulated child.

    We have plans tomorrow and kiddo went out yesterday. Today we are having a rest day at home.

    Don’t feel guilty for having calm days with no exciting adventures out and about. Our kids need them more than we realise.

  • My Nana’s Last Goal

    When my Nana was put on hospice, the nurse asked her what her goals were. She replied that she wanted to be at my wedding. They reluctantly told her they didn’t want her flying anymore (she was nearly 103 years old) and her heart was failing. I knew in my heart she was trying to hang on to get there somehow. I decided to fly to her with my wedding dress, it was unaltered and didn’t fit yet but none of that mattered. I may have lied to my entire family about where I was that weekend, and I didn’t tell my friends so I could surprise everyone with these photos. Words cannot explain how much these moments mean to me and I will cherish these memories for the rest of my life. Her smile and her laugh are forever etched in my mind and the love between us will live in my heart. This was one of the greatest days of my life. When I said goodbye to her that night, I think we both knew it would be the last time we would see each other. She grabbed my cheeks with her hands, looked me straight in the eye and said “I love you very much” and 27 days later she passed away. I am so blessed to have this be my last memory with her. She was beyond an amazing woman! I love you Nana, always and forever!

    Credit Due:

    Red Door Photography thank you for capturing this amazing day! I will cherish these photos forever.

    MW Makeup Artistry your hair and makeup skills are incredible! You are a true talent!

    Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me make this possible.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/tfoley803

  • Maybe She’s A Bad Friend, Maybe It’s About Her

    Maybe she’s blowing you off. Maybe she’s a bad friend. Maybe she is keeping you in her back pocket for a rainy day. It’s entirely possible.

    Or maybe she’s busy. Maybe her plate is completely full. Maybe she’s coping the best way she knows how. Maybe she’s stressed. Maybe she’s maxed out. Maybe stuff isn’t going her way, and she’s saving her energy.

    Maybe she really did miss your text.

    Maybe she is overwhelmed with kids, family, and bills. Maybe she’s trying her best, but her best isn’t much right now. Maybe anxiety is getting in the way and rearing its ugly head, as it so often does.

    Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all.
    Maybe it’s about her.

    There are a million reasons she might be falling short. Maybe it really is that things have run their course. It’s a sad part of life, but it is, nonetheless, a part of life. Only you can make that call.

    But, then again, maybe it’s something else. Don’t forget to give the benefit of the doubt. Don’t forget to cut her some slack. Don’t forget to forgive. Don’t forget sometimes friendship means loving each other through the tough seasons, and the rainy weather, and all the ups and downs.

    May we hold each other in the good times and in the rough times even if that means giving space… I see you sister.

    To those I have been too busy for – I love you, I’m sorry.

    To those who have been distant from me – I love you, I understand.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/awomanssoul

  • Hilarious Amazon Review

    I had tears rolling! 😂
    THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK

    AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

    After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
    Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit if a treat.
    I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
    I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’ have long to wait.
    At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
    Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
    Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
    I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.
    The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
    I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
    This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
    This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
    The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
    I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

  • What To Do If Your Tyre Blows Out

    Public safety announcement
    I want to share something important with you all. Today, I had a very scary and narrow escape. At 70 (ish) mph in lane 3 on the motorway, I had a blowout on my front near side tyre.

    Apparently, the natural reaction in these circumstances is to brake. I didn’t. Thank goodness. Something in my subconscious reminded me of a conversation I’d had with my dad when I was about 18 – about what you should do if it ever happens to you… So, I am going to share the advice with you too – it might save your life. If this ever happens to you, firstly stay calm. Grab the wheel as hard as you can (it’ll feel like you’re driving an out of control washing machine on a crazy spin cycle) WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T BRAKE and try and steer the vehicle to the side of the road (avoiding other cars if possible). Braking hard at this speed could cause your vehicle to somersault…. Get out of vehicle, get to a safe place, apply hazards and call assistance.

    Bit long winded for me, I know – but if this advice helps you too one day, I’m happy with that. Stay safe x that’s all xx Oh, and thanks dad Alan – see, I was listening!

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/LadyBairdy

  • For Days She Undressed and Stared In The Mirror

    For days she undressed and stared in the mirror for a few minutes, I pretended that I did not see her, but I noticed that she looked worried, she tightened her belly, raised her breasts, raised her butt, as if everything were out of place.

    One day I took the mirror out of the room and hid it. She came home from work, undressed, turned to the wall and freaked out!

    -Where is the mirror?

    I said -I took it out

    She asked -Why did you take it out …

    • because it does not reflect what I see! I see a beautiful woman, who works hard to achieve everything that has been proposed, who studies, who is the mother of my children and still has time to go out with me. And I know that when you look in the mirror you don’t see any of that

    She filled her eyes with water, hugged me excitedly and said: – What would I be without you? -I don’t know what I would do without you my love 😍

    Sometimes all it takes is a word of love, letting that person know that you love all their imperfections and that what they feel for each other goes beyond what the mirror can reflect.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/awomanssoul

  • Amazing Cucumber Cures And Tricks

    FACTS OF THE DAY ….
    Cucumbers… I didn’t know this… and to think all these years I’ve only been making salads with the cucumbers…

    1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
    2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.
    3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.
    4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
    5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!
    6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!
    7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
    8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don’t have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
    9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
    10. Stressed out and don’t have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber will react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.
    11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don’t have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemicals will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
    12. Looking for a ‘green’ way to clean your taps, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the
      shine, but is won’t leave streaks and won’t harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.
    13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

    Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer ways to solve life’s everyday problems.

  • In The Eyes Of Society Mothers Can’t

    “After having a child, I realized that in the eyes of society mothers can’t:

    • Complain (who told you to have kids?)
    • Cry (why are you crying? Did you think it was easy?)
    • Getting tired of what? (you do nothing!)
    • Sleep (You’re lazy!)
    • Rest (you’ll have plenty of time for that after they grow up)
    • Getting pregnant again (are you crazy? How many more kids do you want?)
    • Quitting work (how will you support your child?)
    • Work (who will take care of the child?)
    • Leave them at the nursery (Don’t let others raise them!!)
    • Being a housewife (Poor husband, works too hard and his wife stays at home!!)
    • Being single (nobody wants a woman with kids)
    • Going out for fun (why are you leaving your son with grandma to have fun?)

    And you know whats worse???
    90% of these phrases are spoken by other women.

    Let’s learn to be more supportive of each other. I’m human and I love my kids but I’m guilty of all these emotions at some point”