Today I would like to speak about something that is really rather personal, but is perhaps one of the most important things that I will write and that is how I deal with my disabilities and anxiety in the workplace. For those of you who do not know me, I suffer from ADHD, OCD, Asperger’s syndrome, Tourette’s and anxiety and I currently work as a fast food cashier at a local drive-thru. I’ve been working at this place since June of 2018 where I am a full-time employee I have been very well received by both customers and the colleagues that I work alongside.
Even though there is a lot of positivity that goes my way when I am at this job, there are still things that I struggle to cope with that I would like to explore and share with you. I will not be speaking about the individual disabilities because at the end of the day, they are all parts of me that work together to create the cocktail which is maintaining balance in my life.
The first part of back to cover is the anxiety part because this creates a feeling of self-doubt and self-deprecation to the point where I do not feel like I’m working hard enough, even though my manager and my colleagues say that I’m one of the hardest workers. There was always as part of me that feels I could be completely perfect and this part of me is what drives the stress and anxiety to the point where whenever I make a mistake, compared to how other people deal with it becomes a very big deal for me. In essence, the mistake is somewhat small from the perspective of my co-workers, but to me with the perfectionistic ways that stem from the OCD, whenever something goes wrong there is a feeling of anger towards myself. There is also an element of regret because of the fact that the mistake can cause a lot of problems and can even cause stress for my colleagues. This extreme anxiety that I struggle with means that there is always a small part of me that is doubting everything that I touch and I do.
The way that I deal with the anxiety is mainly through reassurance from others because when other people tell me that I’m doing a really good job and that I’m succeeding in everything that they expect from me, it really helps calm me down. I have tried dealing with anxiety on my own without reaching out to anybody, however the problem is this particular method is that the emotions associated with that can get pent up to the point where it turns from anxiety into anger. Whenever I spoken to people when my anxiety is at it’s worst and I’ve held it in, calming me down to be one of the most difficult things possible because all of the emotions circle around my head like an endless loop to the point where even when I’m not on shift, my brain is constantly thinking about the mistakes of that day. Getting that reassurance from other people that I am doing good at my job without forcing them to say that I’m doing well, is perhaps one of the best ways I deal with it.
The other element is the disabilities side of things because if I’m absolutely honest, whenever the disabilities are at a fever pitch and I’m struggling with them, there are times when I just wish that I would never have been born with disabilities. But then I do realise something quite important, which is without the disabilities, without is the things that I have to battle against every single day, I would not be me. Who knows what I would have turned out to be and the biggest thing is would I still have the same personality, love and care that I share to all the customers at work and to my family. No most likely I would not have the same personality and perhaps I would be someone that I would never want to be. At the end of the day, even though disabilities are difficult for me to handle at work, the major thing that makes me happy to help the disabilities is that the personality and the amount of love that I have everything that I do would not be there and also the intelligence that I have regarding my job with also so potentially be absent.
Overall, anyone with disabilities can achieve anything that they want and for me working full-time being appreciated for the hard work that I do is one of the biggest successes of my life. There are days where things are unbearable and sometimes wishful thinking changes my perspective on the anxiety and the disabilities, but knowing that everyday I win the battle against these and I’m able to work a full time job to the best of my ability, that alone makes it worth it. If you take anything from today’s blog, that will be never underestimate the ability of someone with disabilities because if you give them the opportunity, you might just find someone truly special and someone who can represent the workplace in a positive way. My message for anyone who’s struggling with disabilities is that never give up because I could have easily have given up, but I have a degree and I have a full time job.
Full credit to my amazing friend and colleague Liam Piper check out his blogs at https://liampiperblog.wordpress.com/category/daily-blog/
