Category: Our stories

HAVING CHILDREN WITH DIFFERENT FATHERS DOESN’T MAKE ME A BAD PARENT

I’d always felt inferior to other mums about being a single parent when they were married or had a partner… until now.

See, I’m part of a lot of groups on Facebook, most of which include parents who ask for a lot of advice about their children, living situation, partner etc and honestly, some people still never cease to amaze me with some of their responses (I mean, to be fair, if you ask a stupid question, expect a stupid answer or some backlash)… but this one post in particular really hit me, hard.

It’s not often I get irate or provoked by something on social media, but I’m not going to lie, I was furious at the enormity of the ‘Perfect Parent Brigade’ and the way they spoke about this situation; a situation most single mothers are currently in and often, through no fault of our/their own.

(A situation nobodyever wants to be in, just let me add).

“Any mums out there who have children with more than one father?”

Aaaand we’re off! (You can almost hear the ‘Perfect Parent Brigade’ marching in!)

Whilst the majority of single parents are commenting and saying they do have multiple children with different fathers (like I do and because the post is clearly asking this), we also have the “in a relationship but not engaged” mothers, the engaged mothers and the married mothers who pipe up and give their (unwanted) two cents – AKA the parents who can possibly do no wrong!

“I just can’t imagine having a different father to my three children”, “Sorry, but why would you want your children to have different surnames, especially at school?”, “I don’t understand why some people keep having children with different men.”

Yeah, well, I couldn’t imagine doing that either love, until it actually happened to me.

Oh oh oh, and… I think I speak for all single mothers when I say… SHIT HAPPENS.

Listen love, I didn’t plan to have two children with two fathers; I planned on buying a house, being married with three children (with the same guy) and living on a farm by the time I was 28.

And guess what?

Life doesn’t work out that way sometimes and that is OKAY.

Who’s to know if it’ll work out? You don’t, Idon’t, they don’t.

I could be married to the same man with three children and he could pass away or suddenly up and leave with no warning (which does happen), which means I may end up meeting someone later on and choose to have another baby with but that would be okay, wouldn’t it? Because you know, I was married.

So, why isn’t it okay for someone to have two children with two fathers, or three children with three fathers? Why is that such a crime?

It’s 2018, it’s more common than it ever was, yet people stillcontinue to judge.

Do you genuinely believe we set out for this, that we wanted our children to have different fathers and surnames to each other?

Why should a woman who’s always dreamed of having a large family be told to stop having children because she’s been dealt a shit hand with men?

Before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I do get that some parents abuse the benefits system and I believe that having a child whilst on benefits already is unfair, but they’re the people who give parents like us a bad name; but, benefits are there to help people who need it until they’re back on their feet – we’re not parasites of society or leeches.

We’re trying our best for our children, just like the ‘perfect parents’ are, too.

We have good intentions and we’re good people, we’re not inferior to you or less of a mother than you because we don’t own a home, or because we’re not married, or even because our children have different fathers and surnames.

Regardless of what anybody may think, my children are brother and sister and they have the same bond that siblings from a ‘traditional’ family would.

They have a mother who loves them unconditionally, who cooks for them, who educates them, who provides a clean home for them, who does her very best for them and who one day hopes she can settle down with the right man and possibly have another baby because that’s what happens when you meet someone isn’t it? You want to believe it’s for forever.

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t.

So tell me, why am I different to you?

Having multiple fathers to your children is hard work and I would change it in a heartbeat if I could – it’s a battle every single day… but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve another chance at happiness or to carry another baby because I always have hope that one day, my children and I will have that.

You shouldn’t ever judge a parent for their living situation or family situation because one day it could be you; there are no guarantees in life, I promise you that.

Submitted by our amazing friend at The Unicorn in Black why not follow her on Facebook http://m.facebook.com/theunicorninblack/

TED-Ed.

Simple Homeschool.

Reading Eggs.

Khan Academy.

Exploratorium.

NASA for Students.

Project Gutenberg.

Duolingo

Steve Spangler Science.

Homeschool.com

XtraMath.

The Learning Network.

HowtoSmile.

The Activity Mom.

Poucation.

BrainPOP.

Coursera

Special Needs Homeschooling.

Day 8 – They are exhausted but recovering. I won’t share day 1 because it’s heartbreaking to see.
Apart from being told by medical professionals that it’s extremely likely these poor boys have corona virus, I’m unsure we will ever have it confirmed. What I can tell you is; if it was “it” then it included highs of 40.7° temperatures, dry coughs, being incoherent, eyes rolling, fever shakes, shivering, struggling to walk, diarrhoea, exhaustion and frantic calls with 111 and paramedics.

We know that it is contagious as Ben is 72 hours in and only just got out of bed, he was delirious.
I’m not one to post personal stuff, this is not for sympathy or attention. It’s for those who aren’t taking this seriously. Government describe children as getting mild symptoms?! This terrifies me to think how this goes on to effect the elderly and vulnerable.

PLEASE PLEASE listen to the advice and isolate or practice social distancing for their sake. Have some respect for the NHS staff awaiting the storm. What you do today will affect the intensive care beds needed in two weeks time. 793 more people died in Italy yesterday. IN ONE DAY. Two weeks ago they weren’t in lock down they were being asked to social distance themselves….. Think about that.

Side note, we’ve got another 6 days left of quarantine and we have plenty of food and still on the same 9 pack of toilet roll we started with. Don’t be a dick, stop panic buying.

Credit https://www.facebook.com/lisa.hellyar.1

I was tested positive in Maryland for Covid-19. This may be a lengthy post, but I want to warn everyone, based on my experience, how dangerous this virus is. I am a 39 year old male in good health. I no longer smoke and have been swimming, jogging and working out at the gym. If you think that this virus doesn’t affect young people, please keep on reading because it does. Just imagine what it does to someone not in as great shape as you are

The symptoms started for me on Sunday night with digestive problems, but I didn’t think much of it. I just thought it was something I ate. Monday they persisted and I started becoming aware of the situation.

Then on Tuesday, the fever started. So carefree with my remarks I started to worry about what I had done or image I had created. I started texting everyone to give them some type of heads up or warning. I took matters into my own hands and quarantined myself, keeping important life threatening information from my family and friends . I just hoped this would just pass and I would be fine

Big Mistake! My fever progressed to a dangerous level (104+ degrees) the point your brain starts to cook and get brain damage. You have to understand what it takes to make yourself an ice bath when you clearly know it’s going to hurt, but that’s that’s the sacrifice you make to protect the people you hold dearest to your heart. I downplayed the runny nose and a a cough so intense I could not sleep, I got winded just to get supplies my loved one got me.. Then comes the sneezing blood and choking on your own fluids. It wakes you up and makes you stand up because you might lose conciseness. Mean while watching your body deplete and seeing a difference in weight. This is all the while leading people nearest my heart to believe I was just running a fever and not feeling well.

Wednesday I took the what strength I had to go to urgent care, just to be turned away. I was treated like a rabid animal and they kept at a distance. Defeated and with no energy, I gave up that night looking for a WV doctor to care for me. I saw first hand what people are experiencing in this state — the lack of care or compassion.

By Thursday, my symptoms were so severe I realized I had to to go to the doctor. My temp was over 104”. I pulled what strength I had left to get tested and to get an answer to what ailed me. I immediately tested negative for the flu and RSV. Sent to Maryland to a have further test, they immediately shoved huge ass Q tip up both nostrils. Sent home that night and experimental drugs were delivered right to my door step. . The next day I get the call my lab results came back positive. More drugs delivered to help fight this horrible disease. I have Covid-19 and as of today am doing much better now, the fever has subsided, but I am focused on alerting whoever I can to take this VERY SERIOUSLY.

Keep your DISTANCE and take this disease seriously. If not, you’re the ones that don’t have a fighting chance.

We still can change the trajectory of this disease, but if we don’t this virus will decimate our country and our families. Please think of your family members who still have a chance to avoid catching this serious disease. Please let me know if you have any questions for me.

Thanks, Chris

Credit https://www.facebook.com/chris.alexander.39566

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
There was no loo roll down at Aldi and I nearly cried.
Oh I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong,
I used to wipe,
And now I’m forced to just drip dry !
No anti-bac !
No bloody soap,
and if you think you’re buying pasta well you’ve got no bloody hope !

I would have bought that box of eggs, I would have rationed out my bread,
If I’d have known for just one second everyone would lose their head !
Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more !

Weren’t you the ones who just bought all the sodding beans ?
You selfish gits !
I hope you spill them down your jeans !
Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy!
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese,
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey !

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,
There was just apples and 1 carrot in my shopping cart,
And I spent hours walking round just feeling sorry for myself,
The empty store, with boxes strewn across the floor
And you’ll see me, somebody who,
Cannot buy anything he came for, and it’s all down to fecking you
And frickin Reg from down the road is such a selfish blimmin git
Because he stockpiled all the loo roll so nobody else can have a s@*t !
Go on now go, walk out the door !

All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more!
Weren’t you ones who just bought all the sodding cakes
Can’t you make a crumble,
Do you people not know how to bake ?
Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy !
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive !

Quick lesson about autoimmune diseases. It takes an average of three years and five doctors for a person to get a proper diagnosis of an autoimmune disease. It is a disease where instead of your white blood cells protecting your body from invaders, they turn around and attack your cells, tissues and organs.

Chronic fatigue is another symptom. It is not a cold or the flu, you will never get better, and even a nap will not help. Just eating a salad and hitting the gym won’t slim your face or get the pounds off. Sleeping 10 hours doesn’t leave you well rested, ever. The last minute changes in plans because that “just got ran over” feeling never makes appointments, it just walks in whenever you aren’t ready.

Painful joints, muscles and bones, dry skin, breaking hair, hair loss, mood swings, and depression are just the tip of the iceberg. You are also prone to having multiple autoimmune diseases, they typically come in pairs of two. You easily catch viral and bacterial infections. You have days where no matter how hard you try, you just can’t smile for anyone.

I urge you to think twice before passing judgment and thinking our nation is overreacting to the extra measures being taken to curb the spread of this virus. YOU might be able to recover from it no problem however, carry it to someone with an autoimmune disease and that individual won’t be as lucky.

The other day I was told something from a friend that oddly made my heart so full.
“I am so scared of this virus. I wont leave the house, I wipe down everything, I stare at everyone and wonder if they are sick and its consuming. Then I realized this is how you feel every day about everything.”
I wasn’t expecting that last part. I immediately began crying.

For three years (since Lolas first surgery) we’ve lived like this. The CICU/NICU team did a great job teaching us about immunosuppression in our kid. “When you wash your hands do it for 20 seconds, up to your elbows and under your fingernails”. “Clean your phone regularly with alcohol prep pads. You would not believe where MRSA can live.” “Be mindful of door knobs, flushing toilets, pen pads, public counter tops, gas pumps and stainless steel.” “Wear a mask after sickness because your immune system is still very low”. “Stay indoors and away from public places like churches, museums & birthday parties during cold & flu season”.

I could go on. But the truth is when all this started I didn’t have to “stock up” as this is what this spot normally looks like. There is normally sanitizer at the door, kitchen, bedroom, diaper bag and car. We have spent the last three years practicing quarantine so she is use to it. I didn’t have to teach myself new habits. Hell, even my coworkers open doors for me without flinching because they know.

But just hearing, “I get it now” from someone is like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. People no longer think I am crazy. Eyes are open to germs and how they spread. The world (whether they like it or not) understands the importance of my child and measures they can take. I do hate that it took their families safety to realize that. But maybe after all this is done we can remember that for some of us this doesn’t end? So wash your hands, stay home when you are sick and appreciate the parent that is wiping everything down just to have a normal dinner in a restaurant like you. #LoveforLola

Credit https://www.facebook.com/loveforlola1/