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Tag: visitation

  • I’m Not Even Sorry You Miss Your Child

    Here we go again.

    It’s 09:26am and I’m sat here once again with a coffee in hand, admiring my daughter playing with her toys, fighting back the tears, wondering what my child did so badly to deserve to be put second by her ‘father’.

    He was supposed to be here at 08:00am.
    After two weeks working away and missing his daughter, he couldn’t make it last night because he was stuck at the barbers; a BARBERS.
    No awful road accident, nobody had died, he hadn’t lost a limb and he was still very much alive.
    These should be the only things stopping a parent from seeing their child, the only things.
    I did my usual and offered him a time slot for this morning; I compromised, because that’s what co-parenting is about, right?
    So, yeah, he’s not turned up at the agreed time.
    Why?

    Because he’s in bed after going on a drink and drugs binge last night, so he’s not fit to even care for my child.
    This isn’t the first time it’s happened, but it’s the last; I’ll make damn sure of that.

    Nearly two years of inconsistency and excuses – how long am I supposed to wait for someone to change? If they don’t want to change for their child, who will they change for?
    I’d have agreed to a later time, but he’s in a hurry to visit his new girlfriend at 12pm and she’s a 5 hour drive away – now tell me, who comes first?
    Call me a bitch, whatever – I’m out of f***s now.

    Why are people so quick to call a mother names for stopping contact between a father and their child?
    “Don’t stop contact, she’ll find out for herself when she’s older.”
    I would usually apologise but I’m past giving a rats arse – why do I want to give my daughter a childhood that she has to recover from?
    Why should I place her in to the firing line of an emotionally abusive, lying, manipulative and drug abusing, lousy excuse for a human being?
    She won’t thank me when she’s on medication or in therapy, when she goes through endless toxic relationships because she thinks this behaviour is normal.
    Why would any parent allow this?!

    In actual fact, I’m a bad parent for allowing contact if anything.
    Children aside, do you have any idea how much damage this also does to the mother? The person actually taking full responsibility of the child takes an emotional beating too, because all she wants to do is protect their child from hurt, pain or sufferance and she has to constantly pick up the pieces all the time.

    How can a mother be happy if her children are hurting?
    It’s a mother’s instinct to prevent unnecessary injury to their child; physically and emotionally.
    You wouldn’t allow another child to bully your child and you wouldn’t encourage them to be in their life, that’s for sure; so why is this different?

    In fact, it’s worse.

    It’s worse because a parent is supposed to be a role model; they’re the people who set examples for how we’re supposed to be treated – how can we do that if our own parents have no respect for us?
    Do I wait until she’s old enough to understand or do I shield her from years of disappointment, lies, hurt and wondering why she’s not good enough?
    You’ve already answered that yourself.
    No child should ever feel like they’re not worth it and I’ll fight until my last breath if it means them never having to feel like they’re not good enough.
    Today was the day I fell to pieces in front of my child and I will never forgive you.

    This picture was taken whilst writing this:

    I'm Not Even Sorry You Miss Your Child
    I’m Not Even Sorry You Miss Your Child

    Credit: https://theunicorninblack.com/

  • I GAVE UP BEING A MOTHER TO INDULGE MYSELF.


    I’m about to hit a “perfect parent”‘s nerve here, but to be quite frank, I’m way past the point of caring.


    I do not give a fuck. No fucks given whatsoever.


    If you’re a mum, you’re probably on a mum’s advice page on Facebook, right? 


    I am, too.  


    I asked a fair question and I was practically mauled by a pack of dogs for it.


    I bet you’re dying to know what it was that I asked, so here it is…


    “My ex-partner has a full time job, he earns £30k plus, he has plenty of disposable income and pays nothing for our child. Am I wrong in stopping contact?”


    Apparently, I was; I was a bitch apparently and God only knows what else.


    So, after a lot of thinking, do you know what I did?


    I decided I couldn’t be bothered to be a mother anymore; yeah, I put myself before my kids. 


    What do they matter anyway? They’re just an inconvenience.


    So, I woke up this morning as usual; I’d usually give my children some breakfast and some juice before school, but today I decided to give it a miss – I scoffed mine down, though. 


    I didn’t bother buying toothpaste when I went shopping either, so they’ll have to skip brushing their teeth aswell – I bought myself some, though. 


    So, then, I made sure the kids were dressed in filthy clothes, ready for school – mine were clean, though.


    It was raining today, but I sent my eldest to school on his own, with no coat. He’ll have to stay indoors and play on his own – coats aren’t cheap, especially mine.


    I went to work as soon as he left. I left my youngest at home, though – I’m not wasting £50 a day on childcare.


    Who has that kind of money to spend?!


    I then had a call from the school to ask why my eldest child wasn’t attending his educational school trip – truth is, I spent his trip money on cigarettes.


    I got home from work and they were both sat in the cold and dark – I spent the electricity and gas money on a night out.


    They started to complain they were hungry again – tough, I’m getting a takeaway when they go to bed. 


    They can skip having a bath and go straight to bed, they can surivive without a wash. 


    It’s Saturday tomorrow, the kids are off and I think we’ll just stay in because I’m skint – I went a bit mad on buying myself new clothes last week.


    Actually, I’ve got a bit of cash spare, I’ll fuck off out for the weekend instead and won’t bother making the effort.


    Of course, I would never do this to my children. 


    Who in their right fucking mind would do this to their child? 


    A man would, that’s who (and apparently some women do aswell).


    If a woman behaved this way, she would have her children taken away and placed in to care – no questions asked.


    So, tell me this – why is it okay for a man not to provide for his children and still think he’s entitled to a relationship with his child?


    There are exceptions, of course – there always are. But, if you work and have money to spend on yourself, you can spend it on your child.


    No fucking excuses.


    Stop defending a man for being a man, it’s WRONG.


    Credit @theunicorninblack

  • Mum Ordered To Allow Formula Feeding

    Mum Ordered To Allow Formula For Her Exclusively Breastfed Infant

    An American judge in Maryland  has ordered a mum to allow her six-month-old son to have formula when he is with his father and so rages the debate between the rights of a mother, father, and child. 


    Amber Brown and Corey Lewis separated not long after their now 6-month-old son was born. Brown’s plan was to follow World Health Organization guidelines that cite recommendations for babies to be fed breast milk exclusively for the first six months, but the baby’s father took her to court, asking a judge to order that the baby be given formula. It seems Brown, like many mothers, had a hard enough time supplying milk as she nursed, and she simply couldn’t pump enough to supply Lewis with milk for night-time feedings. 

    Lewis argued in front of two magistrates in Charles County, Maryland, that he should be able to give the baby formula overnight, because Brown’s desire to exclusively breast feed prevents him from his rights of overnight visitation as the baby’s father. Magistrate Monise Brown agreed with Lewis in July, saying that the mother’s insistence to breastfeed was not a valid reason to withhold visitation, and in fact, could be purposed alienation toward Lewis. 


    Brown filed for an exception, based on her pediatrician’s recommendation that the baby remains nursed, as he could not tolerate formula. The follow-up hearing was just held and Magistrate Mitsy Metzgar concurred with the first ruling that if formula was what was needed for dad to have overnight visits, it should be done.


    And so…this is where it gets so, so sticky.


    While WHO recommends nursing for the first six months, the fact is that the baby has been nursed for six months, with Lewis saying he allowed that to happen. He says that he should now have the overnight visits with his son he is entitled to. Yet, a licensed pediatrician has gone on record saying the baby cannot tolerate formula, and no one seems to be taking that into account. Do judges have the medical experience that licensed clinicians do? Is it normal for them to turn away the advice of certified medical professionals?


    Interestingly, Maryland is one of the states with strong legal wording when it comes to breastfeeding. The law (MD 20-801) states that no person can restrict or limit the right of a mother to breastfeed her child. It would seem that we now are looking at the issue of whose rights trump whose — the right of the mom to breastfeed, or the right of the dad to overnight visitation?

    What about the baby’s rights? If his mother is not able to protect him from possible gastrointestinal issues due to formula intolerance because judges deem that an excuse for her keeping him from his father, who can? Who will?

    What’s your thoughts?