Tag: trauma

  • Birth Trauma-The Walls Are Caving In

     

    The room is caving in

    My vision is blurred and skewed by tears and my eyes trying to squeeze so tight to block it out

    The pain

    The bright lights

    The sensation of that needle and thread sewing me together

    The most sensitive, central part of me

    Over

    And over

    “Open your legs please!”

    “Why can’t you use the stirrups here?”

    I don’t think they believe me

    I swear my legs won’t go up there

    My pelvis might break open!

    They don’t know me

    “Wider please!, just let your legs relax ”

    But I can’t

    My legs won’t open, they won’t bloody relax

    I want to snap them firmly shut

    I want everyone to Fu*k off

    Where’s my baby?

    I have forgotten about him

    He is quiet. Is he cold? Is he ok?

    I can’t focus

    When will this torture be over?

    I’m shaking all over uncontrollably

    I am cold

    I squeeze my husbands hand tightly

    His tension so palpable yet helpless to do much

    I don’t think I have any tears left

    “Try the gas” they say, “I’ts good for you” they say

    I suck, hard.

    Steady breaths in and out of the elephant -like tubing and hard plastic mouth piece

    But I hate this even more now

    I’m Dizzy

    I feel out of control, losing grip of my thoughts

    Nauseated, a dread deep in my stomach

    Where’s the sick bowl?

    I grip the moulded grey paper for dear life

    I can feel everything

    The pulling

    The tightness

    Pinching

    Prodding and poking

    It ends with a swift invasion of painkiller tablets into my back side

    And finally its complete

    I am completely numb

    They pack up and clear the room

    Just as quick as they filled it

    Voices still friendly and cheery

    Their day continues.

    Their shifts end

    But my nightmare has just began….

    Welcome to postpartum

    https://www.facebook.com/Lorrellileena/

  • I Wish I Had Told Them To Stop But I Didn’t

    Angelina would like to spread awareness of the dangers of Vacuum suctins in hospitals and we urge other mums that if they do not feel comfortable with something to speak out

    Angelina said “I would like to help get the word out of what is going on. My son, Killian weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces when he was born and due to that I could not push him out on my own because he would not fit through my birth canal, so they suggested a vacuum to help get him out. Well, they said it would be tried three times and if that did not work the doctor would have to perform a C-Section (which it seemed like he did not want to do for reasons unknown).

    The minute the doctor applied the vacuum to Killian’s head and told me to push it popped off and splattered blood on his clothes and face, so he said it malfunctioned and did not count that as one of the three times he tried to use it. Another three tries went by and the vacuum kept popping off, now I was told that if it kept popping off and not working 30 minutes needed to go by before trying again, which the doctor DID NOT do, also if the device kept having issues the alternative was to be given a C-Section immediately not sit there and try to use the device again. Now my son has swelling in his head (which has gone down since birth) and skin missing from his scalp, I wish I had spoken out.

    Killian, my handsome, you will get justice for what has happened to you. I hope you all have the kindness in your hearts to help get the word around. I am just not sure what else to do at this point”.

    Written by Angelina tingle

  • PTSD Is Only From War- Mocking & Education

    I have something that has been weighing so heavily on my mind since I heard it and I need your advice/ to get it off my chest. We recently hired an 18-year-old at my work that disclosed in his interview that he has overcome anxiety/depression and has a service dog due to PTSD.

    My district manager (who is male) and store manager (female) interviewed him, then consulted with me and we ended up hiring him. He is not allowed to bring his service dog to work, as it’s in the food industry, which he is ok with. Fast forward 2 weeks into his training, they ask me how his performance is, how it’s going, etc. After giving my feedback (mostly positive), they begin to discuss amongst themselves and I overhear them actually mocking him for saying he has PTSD and “needs a dog.”

    The male district manager goes on to say PTSD is something you only get from war. This infuriates me and I pipe up, doing something I have never done before, and say, “excuse me. I have never been to war and I have clinically diagnosed PTSD.” This is something I never disclose, because it’s my private business, but it’s obvious they are ignorant and could use some education. They both were utterly shocked and said, “you do?” Then the male has the audacity to ask “what I have PTSD from, ” to which I replied “none of your business, but people can get PTSD for a variety of reasons, such as being an emergency responder, being in a car crash, or a victim of violence, crime, or trauma.” This ended the conversation.

    Now, don’t get me wrong. Both bosses are actually nice people, but I have never experienced that level of ignorance in my life. There are people in the world that actually think ONLY military get PTSD??? How can you be so blind to the constant trauma people endure on the news headlines every night?

    How can I educate these people to actually understand what this boy, myself, and others are going through, while not stepping outside of my bounds of an employee? It’s really eating at me. I am well liked and respected there, as I have proven myself to them, but they do not give this boy much hope for a future with my company and I feel they have written him off simply because he was brave enough to disclose his battles.