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Tag: tantrum

  • Here’s Why Your Child Misbehaves Just For You

    Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder what you’re doing wrong because your child is so well behaved for everyone else, but isn’t for you?

    Challenging behaviour, pushing boundaries, screaming, crying, not listening, shouting, you get the idea.

    People will say you’re too soft and need to get tougher.

    Or that you’re not disciplining them properly and need to gain more respect.

    Or that you have lost control.

    Or that you are a rubbish parent.

    Want to know what I think?

    Its because your child knows you understand them more than anyone else.

    It’s because your child knows that they can show frustration, anger and emotions that we all have and you will still unconditionally love and support them.

    It’s because your child knows that you’re the one person who can make everything better.

    It’s because your child knows you’re the person they can always go to with all of their problems and will never be silenced.

    It’s because your child knows that if they want to cry then they can when you’re there.

    Next time you pick your child up from nursery or from school where they say they’ve been angels all day and once home their behaviour becomes challenging maybe it’s because they’ve been holding it together all day and with you they can let all of their emotions out. Because they know you are never going anywhere. Because you’re their mum.

    So why do they behave differently for you?

    It’s not because you’re their soft touch.

    It’s because you’re their safe place.

    You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing everything right. You’ve reassured your child that they can share their feelings with you and that whatever those feelings are, you will love them unconditionally.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Children’s mental wellbeing means the world and I’ve started sharing what I do at home to encourage my kids to talk about their feelings and emotions through play – have a look here www instagram.com/thenofiltermum

  • I’m A Mum Who Doesn’t Like Children

    Anyone else a Mum that does not really like kids? Everyone falls over in shock when I say this, so let me clarify.

    I love my three kids dearly, and a handful of my friend’s kids, but as a general rule, no, I do not really like children.

    Having extra kids over my house stresses me out. They are super needy, messy and get on my nerves the entire time, it seems to me that other people’s children seem to be louder, ruder and far more annoying than my own flesh and blood.

    I prefer the company of adults. I love mine and I enjoy watching them grow up, but I can also tell them when they are being little assholes and to knock it off. I can’t tell your kids that, also my kids know my look, you know the special mum look that says pack it in or you’re in trouble.

    I do not have sympathy for the mother whose child is having a tantrum in the shop, I tend to tut and move away, I do not judge the mothers parenting but my god are the screams of your damn child annoying, please take it home.

    When I dine out I pick a table as far away from children as possible and will happily move tables if a young family sits near by.

    It’s not that I hate children, I just don’t want to look after others kids or spend any time with them, I do not coo over babies and don’t find it cute or funny when a child pulls a face at me.

    Surely I cannot be the only mum who only likes their own children, I love my trio and enjoy watching them grow, but keep your kids away from me, thanks very much

  • The 10 Commandments of the Single Mum

    The 10 Commandments of the Single Mum 

    Being a Single Mum isn’t just about chain-smoking cheap fags while you lean on a broken-down picket fence as the madly overgrown grass tickles your knickers, bitching to your neighbour about the 15 fathers of your 20 different kids and moaning about the pathetic benefits you had to lie and cheat to get.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that – God knows we’ve all had our moments – but there’s more to being a Single Mum than that one-dimensional, woefully outdated stereotype suggests.

    ​These days, loads of Single Mums are happy to be winging it on their own: doing their best for the kids while revelling in their freedom, independence and hard-won custody of the remote control.

    Single Mums don’t have to argue about parenting stuff with their clueless other halves, they don’t have to be constantly disappointed by his no-shows at kids’ concerts, they don’t have to take him into consideration when ordering a Chinese takeaway – and they don’t have to feel bad about loving (nearly) every minute of it.

    I often get the warm glow of ever-so-slightly smug contentment when I spy a warring couple looking fed up and frustrated, bickering over their baby’s head about who had the least sleep last night and whose turn it is to push the pram and WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BLOODY LEARN TO CHANGE A NAPPY, THEN?

    Because, as a good Single Mum friend of mine so eloquently puts it, ‘There are millions of Single Mums out there – and most of them are married.’

    ​When it comes to winging it on one’s own, there appears to be only one Golden Rule: there are no rules.

    And considering there isn’t a Single Mum-ifesto, Declaration of Indy-Mum-nence or, indeed, The Single Mumna Carta (ENOUGH! Ed) out there, here are 10 commandments I cobbled together earlier:​​

    ​

    1. Thou shalt not badmouth thine Ex

    Or at least not in front of the kids. Yes, even if thine Ex hast been a bit of a dick.

    2. Thou shalt give it thy best shot at being friends with thine Ex – even if thou canst not stand the guy

    Bite your tongue and think of the kids. And the maintenance payments.

    3. Thou shalt not let the superior, sneery judginess of others get thee down

    They’re probably jealous of thy comparative freedom, after all, stuck in their small lives of quiet desperation as they undoubtedly are.

    4. Thou shalt not give a rat’s arse about thy so-called friends who let thee down when thou needst them most

    Thou findst out who thy real friends are when thou becomest an SM and thou’ll be surprised by the ones who fall by the wayside when the shit really hits ye fan.

    5. Thou shalt not eat thy feelings – particularly if thy feelings are made out of Lindor Balls

    Or at least not every night. And anyway, family blocks of Cadbury’s Fruit ‘n’ Nut art way cheaper – and even go some way towards thy five a day.

    6. Thou shalt rest assured that this fresh hell of half-term, too, shalt pass

    School holidays can be a tough time for ye olde Single Mums – but also prime fun time for McDonald’s, duvet days and Spongebob marathons (which thou canst easily snooze through, no worries).

    7. Thou shalt be proud and revel in thy new-found status as A Single Mum

    And thank thy lucky stars thou gotst out of thine own crap relationship, because now thou canst really love and look after those kids properly without some pretender moaning and droning on in ye background about how tired / poor he is.

    8. Thou shalt resist temptation to compare thyself with other mums

    Thy kids will do enough of that for thee. And it won’t be pretty. So give thyself a break and remind thyself how utterly marvellous thou art – thy kids are still alive!

    9. Thou shalt almost expect married maters at thy school gates to mistake thee for a threat and eye thee with suspicion

    They do this because they can’t imagine anything worse than being a Single Mum – but thou knowst better (and have they seen their husbands lately?! Ha! As if!)

    10. Thou shalt think of ye perks of being a Single Mum when life at ye coalface gets tough (from approx. 6:30 am-8:30 pm daily)

    Throughout the tears and tantrums (mostly thine own, usually), thou willst maybe get a sec to think about the movie / cake / bath / bottle of gin thou willst immerse thyself in when thine Ex takes the kids off your hands every second weekend.

    11. Thou shalt get in amongst it on thine own local dating scene when – and, indeed, if – thou art ready and feeling up for ’t

    Elite Singles is apparently fantastic for meeting like-minded potential love interests. If, however, ’tis only a quick bunk-up thou art after, try Tinder.

    12. Thou shalt embrace ye sisterhood of single mums

    And bin thine own prejudices. For united we stand, divided we fall etc.

    13. Girl, thou shalt put thy records on regularly and play thy favourite songs

    Show thy kids how in charge thou art by playing great songs about strong, cool women. I Am Woman by Helen Reddy springs to mind. Great for defusing tension, breakfast kitchen dancing and helping thy kids’ feminist principles and musical tastes develop correctly (ie mirroring thine own).

    14. Thou shalt accept thou did playest thy part in the split

    Thou art big enough to take half the responsibility – thou art a grown up, after all. And anyway, thine Ex started it – nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah. Now where wast thou? Yea, verily, acting all grown up…

    Oops – went up to 14. Maths never was a strong point. Sorry.

    Anyway, armed with this timely guide to what to expect when you’re expecting to become a Single Mum, you and your no-doubt gorgeous kids can live Happily Ever After, unfettered by social stigma or hand brake husbands. Now let thy joy be unconfined!

    Mink Elliott is an author and proud Single Mum.

    https://www.howtobeasinglemum.com

    @minkelliott

  • Why Your Child Is Good At School But “Bad” At Home 

    Your children’s teachers insists they are as lovely as can be during the school day—but that’s not what you’re experiencing when 3 o’clock rolls around. They don’t have split personalities, they’re just experiencing something called “after-school restraint collapse.” And, according to experts, it’s both totally common and totally something we can help our children overcome.“Children experience this in various ways. Some children have a complete meltdown that involves temper tantrums [or] refusal of parent directions while others just withdraw or are quiet for awhile after school,” says Stacy Haynes, CEO and counseling psychologist at Little Hands Family Services.

    Haynes explains it’s only natural for kids to release their emotional, mental and physical energy as soon as they leave the gate. After all, they had to show a lot of self-control during the school day.

     

    After-school restraint collapse is extremely common in kids under 12, says Psychotherapist Nancy Brooks , and (thankfully) lessens as children develop more emotional resiliency.

    Until then, the symptoms of after-school restraint collapse are likely familiar to parents of young children: “When they come home from school they will regress emotionally,” says Brooks. “They will act younger than their age and whine, cry, throw tantrums, act needy, moody and generally have a meltdown. They will look and behave as if they are exhausted.”

    How you can help ease the after-school transition

    At the end of the school day, most of us parents are eager to ask all about the day. But that may be the last thing a child needs for a while, says Haynes. “Give children time to get a snack [and] relax their minds,” she explains. “Offer your child a physical activity directly after school, sports, yoga or walking are great releases that help to balance the mind and body.” Homework can also wait and will probably be done better as a result of a brain break.

    Parents should be aware of how we act when we get home, as our kids are likely to model our behavior. If we’re irritable as soon as we walk in the house our kids will likely follow suit. (After-work restraint collapse is real, too!)

    “I often use my car ride home to decompress from the day and to allow myself to be ‘fresh’ for my family when I walk through the door,” says Haynes, who says meditation and yoga can help parents unwind. You can even do this together with your kids.

    As the school year goes on, Brooks says you can expect after-school restraint collapse to ease up a bit—both because of our children’s increasing maturity and their adjustment to the new schedule. She says if it’s still happening two or three months into the school year, parents should seek guidance from a pediatrician or a child therapist.

    Until then, have hope: Going back to school is a transition for everyone in the family!

    A little tip to help your child; I started bringing a drink and snack for my son so that he couldn’t have till he was buckled in his car Then I’d take his shoes off & play calming music or nothing at all on the way home. For my other kid who could care less about food, I fill a soft sided lunchbox with some of her favorite small toys or books in it & change it up every day. She loves the surprise of it but seeing her familiar things & it’s usually enough of a distraction to let me get her in the car Hope this helped & good luck, mums.

  • Mums Response To Childs Tantrum Ends Up In A Police Visit

    I’m a mum aged 23 and I have a three year old daughter named Lacey.I’d like to warn other mums to watch what they say to their children when In public.

    Back in January I was shopping with Lacey, it was just before midday and she was getting hungry and tired.

    One more shop to go in and then we would head to the cafe for lunch.

    Queuing in Savers, Lacey starts the stomping of her feet and whining, I said to her 
    “Pack it in or I’ll put you on eBay”.

    Soon we were served and on our way to the cafe. I thought nothing more of her micro tantrum in Savers or my jokey reply.


    That night whilst settling Lacey for bed there was a load thump thump thump on the door the police where here.


    My head was a whirl I was thinking the worst that my partner had been injured on his way home from work.


    The police informed me there had been a flagged warning that I may tempt to sell my child… I mean really they thought I would sell my own flesh and blood.


    The police said that a neighbour had been in the shop at the time of my daughters tantrum and heard what I had said and called them.


    Luckily after the police checked on my daughter and seeing that she was loved and well looked after no charges or further action was taken.


    I hate to think that a neighbour thinks I could possibly even consider selling Lacey, please be wary of what you say, you never know what busy body maybe listening.