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  • The Christmas Present Of Nightmares

    Let me share with y’all a massive mom fail I experienced tonight. So about a week ago, I noticed this toy for sale on Amazon. They’re called “Yellies” and the whole concept is that the louder you yell at it, the faster it goes. Being the mother of a naturally loud and boisterous kid, I thought it would be the perfect Christmas present… well I couldn’t wait for Christmas.

    So I crack it open tonight, and get a good look at it. I test it out. I’m amazed at how powerful the little motor is… how fast the little legs move… how its creepy little eyes glow a lovely shade of radioactive green. So I call Leo in. He looks at it, cocks his little head to the side. And then, obviously, I yelled at it. The spider ran for it.

    Leo starts screaming… the louder he screams, the faster the spider pursued him. He runs. And this is when we discovered the fun little feature in which the spider has a tendency to stop abruptly… pause for a couple of seconds… spin in several erratic circles… and then turn towards wherever it senses sound… and take off in that direction.

    More screaming. Spider runs faster. Leo is backed into a corner as murder glows green in the eyes of little “Skadoodle.” So, in short, maybe a little electronic spider that’s power source feeds off of screams of terror… is not the best Christmas gift for your small child. 10 years from now we’ll be discussing this in therapy. #merrychristmas #ontheseconddayofchristmasmymamagavetome #nightterrorsandalifetimeofanxiety

    Credit Hilary hard

  • Beware Of The Kellogg’s Sip Up Bowls

    So last night I had a craving, a craved something sweet like a nice Twix or a bag of malteasers but I hadn’t done a food shop in a week and my supplies were low so I decided to make myself some coco pops (you’re never too old) anyways I thought I’d use my daughters special bowl so I could suck all the chocolate milky goodness.

    Ok now this is where my happiness ended, no sweet release, no enjoyable chocolately goodness but along came distress, horror and a grown woman screaming in the kitchen in her very old, worn out but ever so comfy dressing gown.

    Just as I was about to pour in my coco pops I see something black sticking out of the built in straw.

    Ok don’t panic it’s probably an eye lash!!!

    Nope nope nopedy nope it’s an 8 legged mafia looking spider 🕷.

    Let’s just say I’m traumatized I could have sucked on a spider.

    My daughter no longer has her favourite bowl as it was launched out of the back door, ok I could go in the garden and retrieve it but it can stay there, until one of the kids is brave enough to see if mafia spider has moved out and started a little family in the garden where they belong.

    Now I’m sat here eating a bloody apple. 🍎

    I’m super paranoid now, checking in the toilet roll insert, looking in glasses, shoes, mugs and even checking under tea spoons, so to all mummies out there with a spider phobia rinse the straw under the ap before use.

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