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Tag: snowflakes

  • Why Is The World Full Of Snowflakes

    “It snowed last night…

    8:00 am: I made a snowman.

    8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

    8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.

    8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

    8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

    8:22 – The transgender man..women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.

    8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

    8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

    8:31 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

    8:40 – The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

    8:42 – The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

    8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

    8:45 – TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.

    9:00 – I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

    9:10 – I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

    9:29 – Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

    By noon it all melted

    Moral:

    There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.”

  • Here’s Why Facebook Annoys Me

    Facebook piss offs:

    1) Men pouting in photos, girls look ridiculous enough, but lads….fucking stop it.

    2) Girls with Ming from Flash Gordon eyebrows. Eyebrows are meant to deflect water from your eyes, they are NOT supposed to have corners….

    3) People who write billy big bollocks statuses like….”to the man in the shop who just stood on my toe, it’s a good job u had ur kids with u or I’d have knocked u out!” Or “to the woman in the green corsa who cut me up earlier then smiled at me at the lights, it’s a good job the lights changed cos I was gonna get out and kick u square in the minge!”…. Firstly they won’t see that status because you don’t know them, secondly, why are you making out like you’d show any aggression towards them? You clearly said absolutely nothing to them, then ran home to write a status about what you would have done if you had some bollocks….

    4) 30+ year old men describing good things as “sick”… Grow up…

    5) Young people using Americanisms, like.. “We got a cab home and made out..” No mate, you fingered her in a taxi….

    6) “New hair” posts…it’s not fucking new hair, it’s your same old hair just shorter and laced with chemicals to make it the same colour as whichever pretty celeb you’re trying to copy… And by the way, she looks nice with red hair…you look like a tool.

    7) Overnight nutritionists…I’m glad you recently discovered health and fitness 4 months ago, but knowing that chicken and rice is good clean food, doesn’t mean you should post pics of your 8 prepped meals online every morning and preach how we should all be eating just that. Some of us like pizza thanks! Fuck off!!

    😎 People who post updates like “what time does the co-op open?” You clearly have internet access… Google it you fucking cabbage!!!

    9) THIS!!!! Status: “completely devastated”

    What’s up babe?

    U ok Hun?

    What’s happened?

    “I’ve inboxed you….”

    You nob….that’s all.

    10) Pics of girls legs in the bath, just short of their tuppence…just pack it in, you attention seeking whore. The post isn’t about… “peace at last”… It’s about, “I’m naked and gagging for cock, inbox me”.

  • Snowflakes Don’t Get Social Media Or Shut Up

    Stay at home snowflakes, don’t get social media, leave us the hell alone.

    “A snowflake is someone who is easily offended or felt they needed a “safe space” away from the harsh realities of the world, but now has morphed into a general putdown for anyone that complains about any subject”.

    I am fed up of bloody snowflakes, can’t say anything without someone get offended, like seriously what has happened to the world that everything upsets someone.

    Can’t ask if someones baby is a boy or girl as some weirdos want to let their child decide what gender they will be, we must refer to them at theybies, BULL SHIT, your baby either has a penis or it don’t! What is so wrong with being a girl or a boy.

    Can’t criticise someones behaviour even if they are being a total cock just in case they have a disability or a rough childhood, Mate if someone is urinating up my car what should I do, bloody smile and them and ask them if they are ok, according to snowflakes I should be more understanding of other people’s needs, oh fuck a duck dear, my car has rights to, the right not to have some cretin piss up it.

    Please for the love of all things sane stop getting your knickers in a twist, yes things piss me off (often) but I don’t need to constantly throw the “bullying” card around or the this offends me line or the best one ever “you need Jesus” nah pal he needs me.

    If you get that upset and need a poxy trigger warning above each post you clearly are too highly strung to be able to cope with social media, take up knitting Barbara Big Balls.

    Vegans go home, Breast is best SHUT UP we know, genderless kids oh bore off.

    You bunch of melts its time you lived in the real world, no one will ever have the same views on some subjects and you forcing your shit down our throats won’t change a thing.