Tag: situation

  • Boyfriend Wants Us To Be Poly-Advice Needed

    Boyfriend wants to be poly because he already has feeling for someone else. We just had a baby.

    My boyfriend and I have been a monogamous couple for 12 years. I knew that he was interested in polygamous but he never pursued it because I did not think I would be able to cope with all my insecurities.

    Last month my boyfriend told me that he has develop some strong feelings for a coworker (his employee actually) and he did not want to dismiss them this time.

    surprisingly, I reacted rather well. I know that he loves me and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. I do not feel that my relationship is threatened by this other woman. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I want him to be happy and I will try very hard to accept his other girlfriend. I have already read some literature on the subject that helped me grow a lot. We are working hard on my insecurities.

    The thing is we just had a baby, she is 5 months old.

    We talk a lot about agreements that I would feel comfortable with. He can see her 2 nights per week and lunch with her once a week.

    I do want to be the strong and positive woman but I can’t help but feel betrayed and abandoned when I am home taking care of our baby girl while he is out having fun and intimate moments with his other girlfriend. Will this feeling ever go away?! Should I work on that or is it normal to feel this way?

    I feel the situation is really unfair because I too would like to go out and meet new people but it is actually impossible with our baby right now. I feel like I would like for him to wait untill our daughter is older so I can have more freedom. But at the same time, he already has feeling for someone and I would feel bad asking him to end it.

    Also, I feel ashamed the way our polygamous adventure began because it feels as though he forced it on me at a very bad timing in our life.

    I have no one in my entourage to speak to who I feel won’t judge us.

  • A Day In The Life Of A Reactive Dog

    A day in the life of a reactive dog

    Hello. I’m a reactive dog. People call me ‘reactive’ because I sometimes bark, growl and lunge towards other dogs, people, cats, cars – some of those things, or all of them.

    ‘Reactive’ is a label though and I would like you to understand what it’s really like to be ‘reactive’ and how I actually feel when I ‘react’.

    If you are a ‘reactive’ dog, certain things, taken for granted by other dogs – such as a simple walk in the park or a trip to a dog show, become a bit more complicated. While I would love to be able to investigate all the fantastic smells in the park, or have a great time in a training class, scoffing off some yummy treats and exercising my brain cells, life for me is sadly full of anxiety and fear, and instead of enjoying these events, I am constantly on edge.

    Why, you might want to ask? Can’t you just, like, get over it?

    Nothing ever happens to you when you are out, why get yourself so worked up?

    The problem is, ‘getting over it’ is not that simple. My anxiety and fear stem from many things – I might not have been socialized properly when young, or I might have had a bad experience. That means that certain things (other dogs, small children, load noises, people coming up to say hello) fill me with anxiety, fear or sometimes even panic. In many of those situations, if I could, I would probably run away, but many a time I can’t as I’m attached to a lead or cornered (like when another dog comes up to me and doesn’t want to leave me alone). But what sometimes works to make scary things go away is barking and growling at them – even bouncy dogs eventually get it. And while I might not look pretty or friendly when I growl and bark and lunge – hey! It works to get me out of a sticky situation and makes me feel safe again.

    It’s not easy to feel scared every time I leave the house, and it’s not nice to see my owner tensing up or upset every time I feel I need to react. People shout abuse at me sometimes, ask my owner to muzzle me or even never walk me. But frankly, I don’t mean anyone any harm, I just want to be left alone. My owner works so hard to convince me that life isn’t all that scary after all – she feeds me yummy treats when a scary things approaches, she keeps me safe by helping me move out-of-the-way rather than walk towards what is bound to upset me, she really, really tries, and I am slowly learning to trust things that used to freak me out loads.

    But every now and then, just when I start thinking that maybe other dogs, people, cars etc. aren’t that scary after all, someone or something comes up a bit too close and my old fears come back – and all I can do is panic and scream (that is bark, growl and lunge) to make them go away.

    So next time you see one of us – reactive dogs – out and about, please please – don’t judge. Don’t shout abuse at my owner who is trying all she can to make me feel safe. If you’re asked to call your dog away, please do, and don’t ask questions or claim your dog can do no harm as he’s friendly (to us, reactive dogs, that’s sometimes even worse!). Don’t let your children stroke us unless our owner says it’s fine. Just give us a bit of space so we can be on our way.

    Thank you so much!

    Written by the team at Pets in Practise “where determination and positivity, works!”