Tag: Single
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This Time Three Years Ago Was The Worst Period Of My Life
This time three years ago was the worst period of my life.
A couple of years previously I’d managed to get myself a job, the hours were unsteady and my boss refused to give me any information further than a week ahead about whether I had a permanent job or whether I would have any hours. Because of this, I didn’t declare my job immediately to the housing benefit department until I had concrete information to take to them for fear of not being able to pay my rent (I had had periods in the past where I had declared unsteady earnings which led to my payments being stopped and me paying no rent for 4 months while it was sorted out).
As a single parent with massive anxiety and depression I was too scared to risk being evicted. So in June 2015 I was taken to court for benefit fraud. As a result, I lost my job, my boyfriend, my mental health spiraled, I was self harming and putting myself into dangerous situations. My self esteem was at an all time low, I entered into another relationship with an abusive boyfriend because I didn’t feel I was worth any more.
I knew that I could never be free of the benefits system while I had children and couldn’t get a job on much more than minimum wage so that September, I enrolled on an Access to Higher Education course at a local college so I could apply for university. Being in education made me start to believe in myself. I made new friends, and was working hard to achieve top grades. I was offered places at 5 different universities and took a place at one of the top universities after Oxford and Cambridge in London – the LSE. I was also offered a place on a mentoring scheme in London in my first year.
Being at University, being in London (I’m a northern small town girl) and being mentored by a strong female figure changed my outlook on life completely. I ended the relationship I was in and I started to believe I could do anything I wanted to do, something I’d never thought before. I get a student loan and a scholarship from my uni because I’m a mature student & single parent so I manage to support myself with that and work during the summer holidays.
This summer I decided to do something different. I saved up some money over the year to start my own online fashion business, which I have done (follow me here if you’d like to: http://bit.ly/2JfZZHN). It’s in the early stages, but eventually my goal is to help people like me, who are experiencing the shitty parts of life. To use my business to help other women with sizes made for real modern day women, paying decent wages if I employ anyone, and giving a portion of profits to women’s charities. I would never have considered being able to do any of this without making the changes I made to my life.
I suppose the moral of my story is that whatever you’re going through, however hard it may be, it isn’t the end of your story. It might be the catapult into something much better, you just have to try to find the way. If I hadn’t been taken to court, I would have never gone to university and I would never have ended up where I am now. Going back into education was the best thing I ever did for myself and my children.
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Ladies Stop Being So Weak You Got This
I want everyone who’s out there crying over a man to read this.
I was diagnosed stage 3 of breast cancer when I was six months pregnant with my son, my life changed forever after that❗ After my son was born his dad walked right out my life, He didn’t give two fucks that I was dying, 😓 he had more important things he had in mind as far as his life.
I had only had my son home for a week… could only hold him with my left arm because I had my breast removed TWO DAYS BEFORE. I could barely feed him but I DID IT…I could barely change him BUT I DID it… yes I cried… yes I screamed… I BEGGED god 🙏🏼 to not let me go through all this at one time…but I had to fight it!
I could barely feed my damn self. I almost didn’t make it through the first week. But look at me now 6 weeks on still fighting, still breathing and still being an amazing um to my awesome son. If I can do it with nobody by my side I sure as hell know you women can also!
Stop being so weak. Stop letting people see you guys go crazy over someone who DOESNT give a damn about u! I had to deal with my man leaving me not caring I barely had much time left. But it’s okay! Shit happens! Stay strong! Because now I’m smiling and almost done with radiation and will have both of my breasts back soon. The crying is over! I’ve never felt stronger in my life.
Be strong ladies, be brave and most importantly be the best mum you can be, you got this girl.
Written by the amazingly strong Bianca Rodriguez
To share your story or raise awareness please email us at mumsadviceltd@outlook.com
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How Dare You Complain About Being A Stay At Home Mum
Stay at home mum (SAHM) depression….
The elephant in the room nobody talks about
I mean, how DARE you complain after being gifted this opportunity to stay at home and raise YOUR own kids but it’s not that simple. Of course we SAHM’s are being grateful to stay home and raise our young BUT that it’s literally all we become.
No one talks about the isolation.
No one talks about the loss of identity.
No one talks about the loneliness.
No one talks about losing your sense of self.
No one talks about how you had to give up your career because it’s cheaper for you to stay home.
No one talks about how you cry in the shower because your day was overwhelming.
No one understands why you’re tired.
No one understands why you’re irritable.
No one understands why you need a mental break.
No one understands why you’re so aggravated with your kids.
No one understands why after you’ve been home all day, the house is a wreck still.
No one understands why you just need 5 minutes with no one speaking to or touching you.
No one understands why you’ve lost your sex drive.
No one understands why you’re completely & utterly exhausted, after all, you just sit at home all day
No one understands the feeling you have when you are told you don’t have a “real job”.
Most of us were working women at one point. We got to go to a job and interact with other adults outside our home. We contributed financially to our household. (Shoot, most of us want some kind of side hustle or part time job because it would sure help with financial relief) We didn’t feel like an endless maid. We got that break away (even though yes, work is a love/ hate relationship) that gives you space from the people you live with (children, spouse… Etc) because yes, EVERY relationship needs time away in it to not go crazy being around each other 24/7. That’s not healthy. Contrary to popular belief…
YOU NEED A BREAK DAILY
I can’t tell you how many women I meet or know that say “oh, you have to much time on your hands” “I sure wish I could stay home, I wouldn’t complain” good for you! I can guarantee you will change your mind 6 months in, unless you’re wealthy and have money to constantly go do things. I once was you. I wished upon a star I could stay home with my kids because I wanted to spend all the time I could. I didn’t realize what all came with being a SAHM.
Oh but YOU chose to have those kids. YOU should’ve thought about that before having them. If you didn’t want to go through all this YOU should’ve never had kids. & YOU said you want more????
Seriously…. Yup, heard those all before.
Next time you hear or see a SAHM venting her frustrations, listen and make her feel like she’s somebody. That her struggles are not invalid. You know just because she don’t have a “real job”.
Submitted by Sarah Castleford
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Single Working Mums You Are Badass
A reality so many women face. When you have no choice because financially you can’t stay home and long to so bad. Whether you are planning your family or it happens on a whim… The thoughts race through your head. How will I do this? How am I going to manage? How will I get off work? How will I balance working full-time plus overtime, get home & try to spend time with the kids before bed. Work on homework, start dinner, attempt to clean, make sure the kids have clean clothes for the next day. Baths. Story time. Hugs. Kisses. But what about you? Where’s your time? By the time you get everything settled and done, there is no time because in a few short hours this chaotic schedule will start back over. & Repeat.
No one understands the punch to the gut you get when your maternity leave is up and you have to leave that precious baby.
No one talks about the guilt.
No one talks about the exhaustion.
No one talks about your mental health.
They just see super mum!
“Oh my gosh, I don’t know how you do it” is something you hear often. Or you get the “how could you choose working over your kids”.
They don’t see all those bills piled up on the table, some past due & some are getting there. They don’t know that you’re a single mum trying to be both mum and dad and all you want is to buy your little guy those shoes he wants for getting a gold star at school or a celebration certificate from school.
They don’t know that you’re trying to put yourself through school while juggling working & taking care of your children.
They don’t see you crying in the shower because you missed your kids
First steps
First words
First day of school
sports game and sports day
Awards ceremony
School trip
Dr appointments
See, you’d give anything to be home with your babies. If only that was doable in this day & age.
Your day doesn’t end. You leave one job to start another. One day they will understand. They will know why you worked so hard to keep your family a float. Trust me.
You are one badass mum & you’re rocking it, being mum and dad and sole provider is one touch job!
Submitted by Dawn Friend
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You’re Not Dad Of The Year For Posting One Photo
Ciara Moore’s Views having gone viral and for good reasons.
Moore said” Having a baby is all cuddles & about family until things hit the fan with your child’s father and he up and leaves. BOOM now you’re a single mother, left to do it all by yourself, while he MIGHT* ask to see the child once or twice a week and change a couple pampers a day but still gets his beauty sleep while months down the road were STILL feeling like a zombie.
You get to sneak away once a week at night if your lucky to catch up with old friends (the two you have left 🤷♀️) and get SHAMED for it . You’re now a bad mum lol. While he lives his regular life with no responsibilities & drinks and hangs out every day but is still quoted “ Best Dad of the Year” JUST because he posts one simple picture with your child he took the last time he saw the kid bc in reality it’s been like a month 😂.
You’ll sit at home after work each day with your child and be happy but still slightly alone because you are. You have a beautiful little person that you take care of but when you rest your head at night and realize “wow my phone hasn’t gone off at all …” and no ones even checked on you or offered to bring you a bite to eat to catch up or ANYTHING small just to make you feel a little less lonely … that’s when reality hits you. And you even start to blame yourself bc now your child is either being raised in a split family , has a revolving door of a father OR no father at all.
I guess that’s a part of growing up is realizing it’s not all that people make it out to be. A picture says a thousand words BUT there’s a thousand more behind it. Dads can drink their feelings away while we have no choice but to face them and pick ourselves back up each day for our child. Especially dealing with some** of the things above or seeing people** i know deal with it .. it’s SAD . But exactly why I admire women/ mothers . We cry all we want but that’s a sign of strength. Somehow we ALWAYS pull through. #notalldadsarethesame !!#dontarguewithme#momsareamazing 👩👧👩👦
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Why Should I Have To Get A Job?
Why should I have to get a job?
I was a happily married stay at home mum raising my three precious children Oliver 8, Joshua 6 and Poppy 3.
I loved being able to take my eldest two to school and spending time with my little girl, then every day being in the playground to collect my boys.
I never missed an assembly or sports day, my children could have friends over and I would always have a healthy home cooked meal on the table for when my husband came home.
I always wanted to be a mum and a housewife, I was very happy.
However my husband can’t have been happy as he ended up cheating on me and left me for his mistress.
I was stuck, I had always been financially supported by my husband but now I had to claim benefits.
But why should I get a job, I didn’t ask for my husband to cheat, I didn’t get pregnant to claim benefits, I have done no wrong!
The job centre says as my youngest child is 3 I have to look for work, but why?
How is this fair on my children to have to go without their mum being there for them when ever they need me, to have to miss sports day or get a paid stranger to collect my children from school.
I do not want a job, I already have one it’s called being a mum.
How can they expect me to leave my three children with a childminder just because my husband couldn’t keep his promise to love me forever.
I didn’t do anything wrong yet I am the one who is being made to feel guilty for not wanting a job, but if I do not prove I’m looking for work they will stop our benefits.
I understand many may not agree with me but I do not care, I set out to be a mum all the time not to miss out on watching them grow.
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Dad, Thank You For Leaving My Young Mum
Dear Dad, Thank you dad for leaving my young mum, she was 17 when you left her, living at home with her parents my grandparents.
You said you would always love her, you said you would support her and were so happy to become a dad.
But you were 18 and still wanted to go out and have fun with your mates, you didn’t want the responsibility of an infant son.
You split with my young mum, you saw me very rarely and eventually not at all.
Dad I’m 26 now and have young of my own, thank you for leaving my mum and teaching me all the things a dad shouldn’t be, thank you dad for leaving and making my mum so strong.
My mum may not have raised such an awesome son and wonderful father had you stayed.
So thanks again Dad for being a role model in your own special way, your grandchildren have a father who would never leave their side, a father who understands what it is to be a man.
Thank you Dad for leaving my young mum I’m glad you didn’t get to walk by my side and show me how little you cared, I never got to sit by the door and wonder if you would actually keep to your visit, my mum never had to make excuses for you.
Dad from a young age I knew you weren’t coming back and for a while I questioned what I had done for you to not want me, but this was never about me this was all about your own selfish wants.
Dad I am better than you and ultimately it’s because of you.
I hope you’re reading this and think that I am strong, I do not want to meet you I just want you to know you were oh so wrong and you are the one who missed out.
Thanks again dad for leaving
Michael X
