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Tag: routine

  • Daddy The Cockwomble

    It was Thursday morning, Daddy had booked the day off of work to go Christmas shopping with Mummy.

    Ohhh, it will be nice to have a bit of help during the morning rush Mummy thought.

    1. At 6am, Daddy, Mummy and the children began their day, as Mummy began to label a pear then ensured the eldest child had everything she needed for her day at school, Daddy sat in his dressing gown, engrossed in the Wiggles.

    2. At 6:15am, Mummy prepared breakfast for both of the small humans, she popped upstairs to fetch both of their outfits for the day, on her way asking Daddy if he would mind keeping an eye on HIS, his own children whom were both tucking into their chocolate hoops happily.

    3. On returning from fetching the children’s outfits, Mummy noticed Daddy, whom was still sat in the same spot, still watching the Wiggles in his dressing gown, simply hadn’t noticed that the youngest child had distributed her chocolate hoops all around the kitchen. For fuck sakes, thought Mummy, is it that bloody difficult to supervise for 2 minutes?

    4. Mummy then attempted to apply a coating of make up onto her tired looking face, she managed to achieve the final look of- ‘still absolutely bollocksed but trying to hide it’ with only 25 mini intervals of chaos, all whilst, of course, Daddy sat in his dressing gown, watching the Wiggles.

    5. As Mummy casually mentioned it was nearly time to get both children dressed, their hair brushed and their shoes on, Daddy realised he instantly needed a wee.

    6. Daddy magically returned 45 minutes later, after both children had been lovingly dressed, they were both looking smart complete with styled hair, and their shoes were placed firmly on their feet. Daddy was still not dressed. Daddy then announced that he would need to iron his shirt before he could possibly complete his getting ready routine.

    7. Mummy was starting to get a little bit fucked off with Daddy the cockwomble, whom had been of the use equivalent to a twatting chocolate fireplace during the getting ready routine, Mummy’s face said it all.

    8. “What’s wrong with you?” The cockwomble questioned Mummy, genuinely oblivious to the chaos unravelling around him as he ironed his shirt. “Oh nothing darling, I’m enjoying the help!” Replied Mummy in her best sarcastic tone.

    9. When Daddy had finally completed his get ready routine and Mummy had completed everyone else’s apart from her own, she then asked him if it would be ok with him if she nipped back upstairs to get herself dressed. The cockwomble then decided this would be a brilliant time to announce he now needed to put the bin out.

    10. Master bin man Daddy was appalled by Mummy’s bad attitude when she asked him if he could possibly wait 5 twatting minutes to put the bin out, just whilst she put some clean knickers on upstairs without an audience, without being asked why her fanny resembled Fluffy the long haired Guinea pig.

    11. Mummy packed the smallest child’s bag for a day at Grandma’s house, she asked Daddy whom had now managed the stressful task of getting himself dressed and resumed his position in front of the Wiggles, if he would mind just popping a packet of wet wipes into the bag. Daddy then moved at the speed of a sloth, looking from left to right, pretending to look for the pack of wipes which were exactly where they always were. In the draw. “Where are the wipes??” Daddy asked, in attempt to piss Mummy off so much, she would fetch them herself.

    12. After 54 disagreements over a plastic pig, two nappy changes, one heartbreak over a broken flashing wand, 20,000 never ending requests for juice and a world ending realisation that it was a pear for snack and not grapes, all whilst Daddy watched the telly or got himself ready for the day, everyone was finally ready to leave the house.

    13. “You get the kids in the car!” Daddy said to Mummy whom was putting on the children’s coats, the cockwomble had forgotten to put out the bin whilst he had been so busy watching children’s programmes.

    “One job!” Laughed Mummy. “You had one job!”

    “Well apparently it wasn’t convenient!” Snapped Daddy whom hadn’t worked out that in the 3 hours he had to put the bin out he chose the exact moment Mummy needed to get dressed.

    It was Mummy’s fault.

    It was all Mummy’s fault.

    What a selfish bitch she was, trying to get herself dressed.

    “I don’t understand why you are so grumpy today?” Daddy asked Mummy.

    “No neither do I? After all that help I’ve had this morning too!!” Snapped Mummy.

    And then Mummy and Daddy went Christmas shopping, and heard all about how hungry Daddy was during the shopping spree due to him not having time to grab any breakfast thanks to the strenuous job of putting the bin out.

    “I know! Let’s go out for dinner!” Mummy said, with a cunning plan to get absolutely shitfaced whilst the cockwomble was the designated driver.

    “Let’s get you fed, you’ve had an extremely busy morning putting the bin out.”

    🤣🤣🤣

    Cheers!!! Happy Thursday! 🍷 🍷 🍷

    #laughwithmummy

    #xmasshopping

    #daddythecockwomble

    #cocktails

    #passthecocktails.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/laughwithmummy/

     

  • The Differences Between A Mummy And A Daddy Lie In

    Mummy and Daddy take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekends. They are each allocated one day to have an extra couple of hours in bed.

    Mummy has noticed there are a few small differences between her morning lie in routine and Daddy’s.

    Daddy’s routine.

    1. Daddy does not have regular visits in bed where he is poked and stared at to check if he is yet awake.

    2. Daddy does not give up on his lie in around 6am and get up.

    3. Daddy comes straight downstairs after his leisurely 2 hours extra In bed and straight away makes himself a coffee and toast.

    4. Daddy goes straight back upstairs after toast and coffee for a 45 minute toilet break.

    5. Daddy returns and sits engrossed in children’s programmes.

    Mummy’s routine.

    1. Mummy is visited in bed 10 minutes into her lie in, she is poked, stared at, and alerted by the word FINISHED!!!! When she is needed in the bathroom instantly.

    2. Mummy gives up 30 minutes into her designated lie in and gets up.

    3. Mummy arrives downstairs at what only can be described as a disaster zone.

    4. Mummy sees Daddy lying on the sofa in the foetal position, looking like he is suffering with post traumatic stress.

    5. Mummy tidies up the twenty thousand toys on the floor whilst daddy goes for a 45 minute toilet break.

    6. Mummy feeds the children a ‘proper’ breakfast that doesn’t consist of Dairylea singles and digestive biscuits. Daddy says Isla didn’t want cereal, she wanted cheese.

    7. Mummy picks up Daddy’s dirty breakfast pots from the floor in the living room and bangs them down on the side in the kitchen to let Daddy know he is a scruffy cock womble.

    8. Mummy is informed the children have been awfully hard work in the 30 minute time span Daddy has had to look after them.

    9. Mummy is given a list of all of the things both children did that were challenging in the 30 minutes Mummy was ‘resting’.

    10. Mummy orders Daddy a large medal off of eBay as she fills the washing machine then changes the baby’s bum.

    11. Mummy washes the pots that are invisible to Daddy as he stands watching next to her, hiding from the children in the living room.

    12. Mummy asks Daddy why his dirty clothes are in the middle of the living room floor. Daddy says he took them off there last night. Mummy is getting cross. Daddy missed the subtle hint that he should pick his dirty clothes up off of the bastarding floor immediately.

    13. Mummy finally gets around to having some toast an hour and a half after she has arrived downstairs. Daddy tells Mummy he is too feeling a little peckish, Mummy thinks it must have been hard for him only managing to eat a bowl of cereal, half a pack of biscuits and 2 slices of toast whilst the children ran him ragged for a whole 30 minutes. Daddy stands right where mummy needs to be stood to butter her toast… still avoiding the children.

    14. Daddy sits watching the children’s programmes on TV whilst the little one empties a full packet of baby wipes onto the carpet and the biggest hounds Mummy in the kitchen to get the play dough out.

    15. Daddy asks Mummy why she is a bit grumpy. Mummy says she just can’t fucking think why she would possibly be feeling grumpy on her designated lie in day.

    😂😂😂

    #lieinday

    #sunday

    #passthewine

    #laughwithmummy

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/laughwithmummy/

     

  • Should The Christmas Holidays Be Extended?

    Well the Christmas holidays have ended and it’s back to early mornings, routine, the dreaded school runs and work.

    Many parents have stated how quickly the Christmas holidays have flown by and how their child has struggled to adjust to returning to school such a short time after all the hype of Christmas and new year, many children are tearful, tired and grumpy.

    Several mothers across the united kingdom are suggesting to schools and the government and approaching local councils to ask to extend the Christmas holidays to four weeks and lower the summer holiday to four weeks as well.

    Emma Corsair said “my children get bored during the summer holidays they are just too long and child care is a nightmare, the summer holidays is ridiculously expensive especially trying to keep three children entertained if we had two holidays of equal amount it would make things so much easier, plus if the Christmas holidays were longer they would have more time to see family and play with their new toys”.

    Mums from across Britain are saying that it doesn’t feel fair that children have had little time to spend playing with their new toys and that it seems cruel to go straight back to normal after all the magic and excitement of Santa and Christmas.

    Also it is  mentioned that many families struggle to keep their children amused for six weeks in the summer and many children are bored and wanting to go back to school sooner, which causes extra expensive to families trying to keep their little ones entertained, some children long for the routine of school.

    One mum has even started a petition in the hope that changes can be made to increase the Christmas break.

    Would you be in favour of an extended Christmas holiday and a shorter summer?

    Let us know your views in the comments