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Tag: Program

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  • Married Woman This Is For You! Trust Me You’ll Love It

    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from my Boyfriend 5.0 software program version to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as FIFA 5.0, MOTD 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA 3.6. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed,

    Desperate

    RESPONSE FROM TECH SUPPORT FOR MEN:

    Dear Desperate:

    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0

    is an Operating System. Try to enter the command:

    “C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME”

    to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0

    and Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck,

    Tech Support

  • Why I Banned Peppa Pig From My House

    Why I banned peppa pig from my house

    Peppa pig aka rude little brat is banned from my house and for good reason.

    Now I’m not against my children Amelia 4 and Caleb 2 watching television at all, in fact sometimes it’s the only piece and quiet I get.

    Now I’m sure every parent has seen Peppa pig but if not I’ll explain it.

    Peppa lives in a large house with mummy pig daddy pig and her little brother George (who is the only bloody character whose name doesn’t rhyme) George carries a dinosaur around with him.

    Every episode is just as wrong and annoying as the last.

    Peppa has hardly any manners, is never disciplined, is rude to her friends even hangs up the phone on them when they can do something she can’t erm how bloody rude..

    Peppa speaks for her brother and bosses him around this is probably why he is such a cry baby and constantly gets his own way, great life lesson cry and scream and get what you want.

    Peppas parents give into their children and clearly the pigs are not supervised properly.

    Peppa is a spoilt brat we all know that but that is not the only reason I’ve banned Peppa from my house.

    The program is bloody annoying “a bing bong” song is one of the reasons that I can’t stand this awful show.

    My daughter became obsessed with bloody puddles and stopped saying spaghetti we now have peegetti, arghhh chop her up and turn her into bacon.

    My heart aches for poor Miss.Rabbit who has at least 10 jobs, there is a bloody potato, yes a potato, yet they eat chips, a hamster vet who treats other creatures.

    What the actual hell are the producers on? Acid?

    This show makes my brain hurt and my ears bleed, if Peppa was real I’d make her road kill.

    We are now loyal fans of a child who is allowed to roam the jungle unattended with a creepy talking monkey called Boots and a bunch of puppies on a mission. Fml roll on the teen years.

     

     

  • Maya The Bee, Offensive Dick Pic

    Netflix  has officially pulled an episode of popular kids’ show Maya the Bee from their streaming service after fans spotted a secret penis etched into some of the background art.

    The story started last week, when one mom was surprised to spot something a little more than G-rated in the background of season 1, episode 35.


    “Please be mindful of what your kids are watching. I did NOT edit any images whatsoever,” Chey Robinson wrote in a Facebook post. “There should be no reason my kids have to see something like this. I don’t know if they’re gonna do something about this or what, but there’s no reasons why this should be in this show.”

    Another mum was able to corroborate her sighting, and tweeted screenshots:


    Then it was off to the races. To be fair, it’s… pretty difficult to argue the carving is anything but a phallus—it’s almost an exact replica of the dick that gets drawn on every worksheet and folder a certain type a school boy encounters.

    Netflix has yet to release a statement about the episode, but the show debuted in 2012, so it’s safe to say the season one episode has reached a lot of young eyes since it was first uploaded.