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Tag: miscarriage

  • 1 In 8 Couples Are Infertile-Don’t Tell Them What To Do

    Think about this: 1 in 8 couples are infertile. Chances are, you know someone who is secretly dealing with infertility, it could be a close friend, relative or neighbour.

    Think about the simple task of going to the supermarket and walking down the baby aisle and the many emotions this are triggered.

    Think about their pain when asked to attend a friend’s baby shower, or scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and seeing so many new mums cradling their precious new-born, or seeing baby scans posted.

    Think about the complete devastation of finally getting pregnant and then losing the baby they always prayed for, and then the ignorance of people’s comments “oh you can try again you are only young” many woman who have a miscarriage are met with insensitive but well-meaning comments .

    Think about your own children and how much you love them. Think about those women and men who never get a chance to experience the love they long for, who try to adopt but are often unable to or spend their lives savings trying to conceive.

    We do not expect mums not to post photos of their scans or new-born baby photos, we do not want supermarkets to hide the baby stuff, this is something that cannot really be avoided, what we can ask that if someone loses a baby no matter the gestation to listen and care and not make the insensitive comments, a lose is a lose no matter how far gone they are, do not give a couple who are infertile tips on how you got pregnant, trust me they have tried everything, only give your opinion if you are asked for it.

    1 in 8 are infertile these statistics are so high so chances are you may be faced with one of these conversations, be kind, be compassionate and put yourself in their shoes.

  • I Didn’t Feel As If I Deserved To Cry

    “I had to pee so badly but they wouldn’t let me go. They said I needed a full bladder because it’s easier to see the baby during the ultrasound. I remember feeling so frustrated not only because of my full bladder, but because I had to fill out what seemed like 50 pages of paperwork before I could empty my bladder and see the baby I’d been waiting to see for 8 weeks.

    I finally was walked to the back room where I was greeted with a smile from everyone because the happiness from carrying a baby was contagious. The ultrasound began and I saw the images right in front of me. My heart was beating out of my chest. This was exciting!

    This was a day my husband and I had been waiting for, for over a year.

    But these images were different than the ones I’ve seen on Facebook that all my girlfriends had posted, something was wrong.

    I saw nothing because my body was just hours away from miscarrying.

    My ultrasound tech was quiet and I just knew. She left the room and my husband quickly assured me that “everything is fine.” But don’t tell that to a girl who has seen hundreds of ultrasound photos, who has searched Instagram for the hashtag “8weeks” to see what her baby now looked like.

    I knew it wasn’t right and it wasn’t.

    I remember being afraid to cry. I didn’t feel as if I deserved to cry because “I wasn’t that far along,” and “this happens all the time.”

    I remember holding back the tears with every ounce of my being and not being able to look my husband in the face because I knew his pain would break me.

    I was sent home to let my body naturally run its course and it did. I felt everything but had nothing to show for it. My doctor didn’t let me leave without warning and she was right about everything. But what she didn’t warn me about was everything that would happen after the initial heartbreak and pain.

    She didn’t tell me I was going to be reminded for weeks to come because my body was going to take that long to “clean out.” She didn’t tell me I was going to have to watch my husband weep. She didn’t tell me how hard it was going to be to tell my mom what had happened. She didn’t tell me that my body was going to continue thinking it was pregnant for weeks to come. She didn’t tell me how hard it was going be to tell people I was fine when I wasn’t. She didn’t tell me that this was going to make me a jealous person over-night. She didn’t tell me how much harder the question “when are you having kids?” was going to be. And she didn’t tell me that it was going to be so hard losing someone I had never met.

    But she did tell me it was okay to cry and she did tell me that I wasn’t alone.

    Miscarriages are SO real and so common, in fact, one out of four women experience a miscarriage; but don’t let that confuse you into thinking it hurts any less. As large as this statistic is, I still felt alone and I have finally figured out why: because no one talks about it.

    It wasn’t until I started talking about it to my friends and family that I slowly realized I wasn’t alone. That my mom, my aunt, my sister, my sisters best friend all have experienced this heartbreak and pain, a heartbreak and pain I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.

    People may wonder why I choose to talk about this after months have passed, but it’s the harsh reality that time really doesn’t heal all wounds so I am hoping sharing my story will help with the healing process. I am not looking for pity and I am not looking for answers. I am sharing this so that maybe one less woman will feel alone and use this as a reminder or message that there is hope after this heartbreak.

    This is my hope for you…

    I hope that you won’t feel alone.

    I hope that you let yourself cry.

    I hope that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I hope that though your faith will be tested, you will be strong.

    I hope you find peace.

    I hope you won’t be afraid to try again.

    I hope that you don’t blame yourself.

    I hope that your friends hug you a little tighter.

    I hope that you give someone else hope through your hardship

    I hope that you are a light in the darkest of time.

    …and I hope that you celebrate that baby’s life as much as you celebrate the next because no matter how short a life, all life deserves to be celebrated and all loss should be mourned.

    Feel free to share if this spoke to you or you feel as if it might speak to someone you know.”

    Credit: Emily Christine

     

  • 7 Things About Miscarriage No one Talks About (but should)

    It’s hard to know what to say or do when someone you love experiences a miscarriage – it’s a touchy subject people don’t like to bring up. But amongst the awkward tension of not knowing how to react, there are things left unsaid that shouldn’t be.

    Here are seven things about miscarriage no one talks about (but should):

    1. It’s a lot more common than you think

    Between 10 and 25 percent of recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. In fact, most healthy women have a 20 percent chance of miscarrying.

    2. Just because it’s common doesn’t make it any easier to handle

    From the time a woman sees those two pink lines on a pregnancy test, she begins to dream of the little bundle of joy growing inside her and what life will be like once the child arrives. Having that stripped away so suddenly is devastating.

    3. Many women experience depression following a miscarriage

    It doesn’t matter if you were two or 20 weeks along – the pain is still there. The bond between a mother and unborn child is strong, and losing that can bring emotions of anger, guilt, sadness and depression. If you know someone who has slipped into depression following a miscarriage, reach out to them and encourage them to seek counseling if necessary.

    4. Men grieve too

    Men don’t experience the same kind of grief as women, but they still grieve when their partner miscarries. Irving Leon, a psychologist who specializes in reproductive loss, says some men worry that if they show sadness, it will only bring their wife down more.

    Men typically don’t mourn on the outside, but they still battle their emotions on the inside. One study said men show less “active grief” on the outside compared to females, but they are more vulnerable to feeling despair and struggling to cope with the loss.

    5. It’s not the mother’s fault

    Some women feel betrayed by their body following a miscarriage and wonder what more they could have done to prevent it. They ask what would have happened if they went to the doctor earlier or watched their diet a little closer. But there are so many causes for miscarriage, and they typically can’t be identified.

    The most common reason for miscarriage in the first trimester is chromosomal abnormality. In these cases, it isn’t the mother’s fault, and recognizing that is a great first step to overcoming the overbearing grief.

    6. You’ll likely have a healthy pregnancy after a miscarriage

    You might be worried to try for another child after experiencing a miscarriage, but experts say about 85 percent of women who have suffered a miscarriage will go on to have a healthy, full-term pregnancy next time. They say it’s safe to wait at least two to three menstrual cycles and until you and your partner are emotionally ready to start trying again. Go at your own pace, and talk to your doctor about when it’s healthy to become pregnant again.

    7. You can receive help

    Don’t be afraid to speak out. Seek help from trusted family members, friends, experts and online sources. See our Facebook support site https://m.facebook.com/groups/1838309873119464?tsid=0.828228660088226&source=result

    To all the mothers and fathers out there who carry the heavy weight of losing a child, remember you are not alone. You can receive help from experts and loved ones. And although you will never forget your sweet unborn child, your pain can start to fade.

     

  • Flu Jab And Miscarriage-The Facts

     A puzzling study of U.S. pregnancies found that women who had miscarriages between 2010 and 2012 were more likely to have had back-to-back annual flu shots that included protection against  flu.

    Vaccine experts think the results may reflect the older age and other miscarriage risks for the women, and not the flu jabs. Health officials say there is no reason to change the government recommendation that all pregnant women be vaccinated against the flu. They say the flu itself is a much greater danger to women and their fetuses.

    Past studies have found flu vaccines are safe during pregnancy, though there’s been little research on impact of flu vaccinations given in the first three months of pregnancy.

    This study focused only on miscarriages, which occur in the first 19 weeks of pregnancy and are common. As many as half of pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to a March of Dimes estimate that tries to include instances in which the miscarriage occurs before a women even realizes she was pregnant.

    Many tabloids are scaremongering and saying there is a potential link between miscarriage and the flu vaccine.

    When in fact the findings suggest an association not a casual link, and the research is too weak and preliminary, it other words there not 100% sure.

    The researchers who conducted the study emphasise that it is not a reason to avoid the flu jab.

    Science is an incremental process and a lot of people don’t understand that very seldom does a single study provide a definitive answer.

    Our advice to you all is to check it out before you make a decision, read up on it, do not believe what is written in articles written to sell newspapers.

    Remember how many scares there have been on many things and eventually they were found to be wrong.

    Flu and its complications can kill, this is just one study and not proven fact.

     

  • Molar Pregnancy-Have you heard of it? 

    Easter Saturday 2012, we got those 2 blue lines we had been trying over a year for and we’re completely over the moon!

    I phoned my doctors and made an appointment, and told our immediate family, in our excitement we even naively started to buy odd little clothes as we saw them. 


    As the weeks went on I got very big very quickly, I was so ill, I remember when I couldn’t get out of bed mum saying, and I quote ‘its good you feel so sick, it means everything’s going well.’ I knew to expect to be tired but this was something else, and so battled on, after all I wasn’t the first person to ever be pregnant! 

    We became convinced that we were some weeks ahead or having twins due to the size of my stomach! Booking appointment with the midwife and bloods all fine…. 


    24th May 2012, we had moved into our new house the day before and woke up bright and early for our first scan, supposedly 12 weeks, I remember sitting feeling so ill but never  thought anything would be wrong, my name was called.


    She began rubbing the cold jelly onto my belly, it felt like forever before she said she couldn’t find a pregnancy and wanted to do an internal scan as I may not be far along, we knew this was not possible!


    After what seemed like a lifetime we were taken to a ‘comfy’ side room. The next few hours were a blur. I remember the words “no baby” “mass of tissue” “surgery” and “chemo”. Within 2 hours I was in surgery having a d&c, nothing had sunk in, as far as I was concerned I was in surgery having my baby removed. 


    It wasn’t until I had come round it was explained to me that there was no baby. When a sperm meets an egg but there is an imbalance in genetic material it becomes a molar pregnancy, sometimes there is a foetus that cannot survive- a partial molar, and others there is no foetus at all- a complete molar. 

    The body produces HCG in very high levels giving off very strong pregnancy symptoms, hence the severe sickness, so for 12 weeks I had been ‘pregnant’ but was now grieving for a baby that didn’t exist. My head was in a right mess!


    It was then explained that sometimes the tissue can start to regrow so I would need my hcg levels monitored by the specialists at charring cross hospital in London and if the levels didn’t come down as they should there was a possibility of needing chemotherapy. 


    I was one of the lucky ones, although I became very ill and spent a week in charring cross ready to start treatment, I never needed it. My levels lowered on their own. After weekly and monthly blood and urine tests confirmed there was no longer any HCG in my system, we then had to wait another 6 months to try to conceive again. That felt like forever, being told you can’t try for the one thing you want most of all.


    Molar pregnancies are very rare, but after having one you have higher chance of having another so all future pregnancies need monitoring, I went on to miscarry after this but now have 2 happy, healthy, gorgeous boys!

    Please don’t give up hope!




  • Ectopic: I was mentally battered.

    My name is Clare and I’m 23. I have the most amazing 3.5 year old daughter, who I am starting to think was my absolutely miracle child and I will never have more.I am about to be married to a fantastic man named Stuart, who has two lovely children of his own.

    When Ella was around 7 months old, I’d been dating my current partner, who is not her biological father, for about a year. Considering we’d been through A Lot in the first year of our relationship, he was standing by me and going nowhere, and he absolutely adored my daughter like she was his own, and I love his children so much too, so we decided we wanted a baby of our own. This was in 2014. 
    After 2.5 years of trying, and getting nowhere even after tests due to that came back clear things just weren’t going our way. But then in September 2016 I decided to do a test, which came back positive. I think i did another 4/5 tests that day and all were clearly very positive, and for week afterwards they got stronger and stronger. I contacted my doctor, and due to irregular periods I was sent for an early scan. The day before the scan I began bleeding, brown blood, which when contacting EPU (early pregnancy unit) they told me unless it was red, don’t panic. At the scan they couldn’t see anything, so assumed it was probably just early so not to worry. Still weren’t concerned as the bleeding wasn’t red blood, only brown and my urine test came back positive. They took some of my blood, and later that day called me to tell me my bHCG levels were where they should be for early pregnancy, 48 hours later I went back for more blood tests, and later that day they called to say congratulations my levels had more than quadrupled so rest but enjoy my pregnancy and they booked in to see me in a week for another scan. 

    This is the day my entire life changed. My second scan was at 10.30am, obviously assuming all would be okay we had planned to go and see friends afterwards to share the good news. I actually had an interview beforehand, at the hospital as a HCA on the DAU (I didnt get it, i think the fact i was so nervous for my scan affected me).. But anyway, went from the interview to my scan. 
    My OH and daughter came with me, met me outside after my interview. During the scan, the sonographer was quiet didn’t say much. Again asked the usual, are you in any pain? No, I wasn’t. Should I be? She told me to get dressed we’d talk about what she’d seen, I said “It’s cool I know what’s coming” As she hadn’t showed me anything on the screen, and you could quite literally feel the awkward tension in the room. I knew I’d either miscarried or there was no baby.. I Never expected the news I actually got. The baby was growing in the wrong place, in my left fallopian tube. It was bleeding quite heavily and they needed to remove it. Now. I was having an Ectopic pregnancy.

    Within 45 minutes, I was admitted, signing forms, in a hospital gown on the ward being prepped for emergency surgery.

    I was crying, my daughter was crying and my OH looked totally broken, but needed to stay strong for our sake. How he did it i don’t know, but he was my rock that day. I’d totally have lost my mind there and then if he hadn’t have looked me in the eye, held my hands and told me we were going to be okay. I remember the bed being wheeled down towards the lifts, and watching them both getting further and further away, wondering if this would be the last time I ever saw the two of them. I cried the whole way down to theatre.

    It was the scariest experience of my life, waiting down in the surgical unit for “my turn”, everything was so white and sterile. I wasn’t even allowed to walk on the floor to go to the toilet because I had no shoes on, I had to be taken in a wheelchair into the toilet, and back out. The room they put me to sleep in was even scarier, it seemed so small and there were at least 5 or 6 people in there, asking me questions and prepping stuff. I remember one of them putting a mask over my face, and something into the cannula in my arm, and that was me out.

    The surgery took around 3 hours, I was then in recovery for around 2 hours because they struggled to wake me up from the anesthetic and wanted to keep an eye on me for an while. I went down to surgery at around 11.30am pregnant, I came back at around 5pm no longer pregnant and totally broken. 

    Now I was in pain, a lot of it. My OH left not long after I got back because he had Ella and neither of us wanted her to see me the way i was. I was totally out of it, and in realising where I was I was inconsolable, I just couldn’t stop crying.

    I was on and off awake crying all night and in so much pain they were giving me morphine through a drip. No one would tell me what had happened to me because I wasn’t able to understand right away, the medication I was on was too strong and I’d never have remembered what i was told, so they waited till the next morning when my OH came back. I just remember lying in the bed and lifting my gown up, seeing three bandage patches and freaking out thinking maybe they’d taken everything away, and when I asked the nurses didn’t know and just told me to rest until tomorrow.

    The next day, they explained to us that they had removed my fallopian tube completely. It was bleeding out at a fast rate and my womb had already began filling with blood, it was literally a few hours from bursting and potentially killing me. The reason the sonographer asked if i was in any pain, was because I should have been in a Lot of it. The baby(i will always call him my baby no matter what anyone says) growing in my tube was around 6 weeks old. I had 3 holes in my stomach and i was in a Lot of pain. All of my insides were swollen, and my bladder didn’t work properly for a while so I had a catheter in for a few days. I was in hospital for 3 days and signed off work for a month, but took more as I just couldn’t face people. I could barely stand for a week, I wasn’t able to care for my daughter for around 2 weeks alone. It was very hard. Luckily my OHs work were very understanding and he had two weeks off to help me.

    Physically, I recovered within around 5 weeks, I still had to take it easy but I was getting there. Mentally, my head was absolutely battered. We had tried so hard for this, it was all i wanted. What i Needed. It felt like a cruel joke. I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t know how to start again from this. It might have only been a reality for 3 weeks, but for those 3 weeks I was so happy and our future was planned. Slowly I started getting there. 
    Fast forward to April this year, I missed my period. I had a Strong feeling in my stomach something was different. Took and test and it was positive. We finally did it?! Called my doctor, who because of my ectopic pregnancy referred me for an early scan the next week, at what would be 5 weeks pregnant.

    At the scan, this time there was a sac there, but there was also blood around and inside it, so I was told to prepare for the worst. Took my blood, asked me to go back 48 hours later for more. Low and behold, I started bleeding the next day. Blood results came back, my bHCG levels had dropped. I was losing this baby too.
    April 27th would have been my due date for the ectopic baby. That was a very hard day for me, but due to a few close friends having their babies around these days too, I was able to keep myself occupied. But it didn’t stop it from hurting. Wondering why I wasn’t sat there with my newborn too.
    Right now, my head is fried. I suffer daily with panic attacks, anxiety attacks. I can’t think straight. I feel terrible. I don’t know how to cope with this. I don’t even know how to begin feeling normal again. I’m on tablets that, quite honestly, don’t help.

    I genuinely feel like I’m never going to be able to have another baby. It’s never going to happen. Everytime i get a shred of happiness it’s going to get ripped away.

    My doctor wants me to get counselling but I struggle to open up. I can talk about it, but I can’t openly discuss how I feel. Not really. There are no words to begin explaining.
    I live for my daughter now, she has always been my everything and always will be. Everyday I live and breathe for her. I could never imagine my world without her. She often talks about the baby in mummy’s tummy, and talks about her baby brother. She may never have fully understood what happened but she felt his presence, and still does I genuinely believe, feel the newborn baby that he should be today, around her. 
    One day, I hope our family will be complete, but for now, I live for her.
    But I know talking helps, and I’d love to be able to help others. So I want to put it out there that I am Always willing to help anyone else. Always willing to answer any messages with questions or advice about anything. Any time, I will always be available
    Clare Fisher