Tag: Mama

  • Today I Didn’t Like Being A Mum I Yelled More Than I Loved

    Today, I didn’t like being a mom.

    Today, I yelled more than I loved.

    Today, I cried.

    Today, my kids picked on each other all day.

    Today, I don’t remember smiling.

    Today, I don’t remember laughing.

    Today, I wanted to pack up and go sit on a beach with a cold drink completely alone.

    Today, I didn’t want to be around my kids.

    Today, I didn’t like my kids, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.

    Today, the mom guilt is more than I’ve ever felt in all 11 years of parenting.

    A toddler who got me up at 4:45am, then fought for an hour for a nap.

    A hormonal pre teen who is trying to navigate his new found emotions.

    So, I’m going to lay here, drink my mine, maybe cry some more, and hope tomorrow is better.

    I’ll pray for more patience, a calmer heart, and a good nights sleep.

    I want moms to know they aren’t alone. It’s ok to want time away from your kids. It’s ok if you snuck to the bathroom to cry. It’s ok if you can’t wait for bedtime.

    Stop making moms feel they need to love every second of every day of motherhood, because they don’t.

    It’s hard. It’s so freaking hard.

    So, cheers to you mama, (or dad) I’ll just be laying here, regretting how much I yelled today, and strive to better tomorrow.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/brandi.mathena

     

  • I Saw You Mama And I Know What You Need

    In the hustle of the room I peered over at my friend bent over in pain. Baby had just been born and everyone was surrounding the miracle that happened before our eyes and naturally everyone was in awe of him.

    But I was especially in awe of her. I saw you, mama. I saw the pain in your eyes and in your face and in your body. Because this is now a new season called postpartum. We tend to forget our mamas when babies are around. We ask how baby is, what does baby need, can we hold the baby, can we buy this for the baby but… what about mama? Let us not forget the hard work she endured to carry this child AND the hard road ahead to mother and heal and feed and rest and parent her other children also.

    What do mamas really need? Meals dropped off, someone to watch baby so they can shower, solid child care for her other children, house cleaners to stop by and help out. Heating pads and coffee and comfy PJs. Maybe fast food. Or a friend to fold laundry. Maybe a new movie to watch or your Netflix login. Let’s not forget the mamas. It’s just so easy to because women are incredibly strong and seem to have it all together but they need the support and the extra hands more than ever entering into that fourth trimester.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/alexmichelephotography/ and Tammy White

     

  • No one tells you about days like today

    Today I cried.

    I cried hard.

    I sat at top of the staircase, covered my face, & cried.

    When he saw me start to come down the stairs, The Toddler ran behind the recliner to hide.

    He knew he wasn’t allowed to have the cereal but there it was spilled all over the kitchen counter I had just finished scrubbing.

    He was hiding from me, afraid I would start yelling again.

    I wanted to. I would have.

    But instead I cried.

    He watched me for a moment; confusion turning into concern.

    “Oh Mom,” he said, “please don’t cry.”

    But I just sat there. Exhausted, defeated, & broken.

    He brought me his ball & his racecar.

    He did a silly dance & made a funny face.

    He touched my face & put his tiny arms around my shoulders.

    “Please Mom. Don’t cry.”

    Today was a bad day.

    He wants candy for breakfast.

    I want to go back to sleep.

    He wants Team Umizoomi NOT Bubble Guppies.

    I want to turn the TV off & go back to bed.

    He doesn’t want to take a shower.

    I want to take a shower by myself.

    Instead, I shower with my hands over my ears with the Toddler sitting at my feet. The shower walls amplify his defiant screams & shatter my eardrums.

    He wants to get out of the house.

    I want to go to bed.

    He wants a tennis ball from the grocery store.

    I want a bottle of wine.

    Wait now he wants the football?? He screams it loud enough for the entire store to hear.

    I want to leave him in the parking lot.

    The entire day goes on like this. Fight after fight. Argument after argument.

    Despite it all, today, I am trying.

    I reach out to a friend & tell her how I’m feeling.

    I keep my voice level & calm. I talk to the Toddler & listen & try to understand. I give so many hugs & dozens of kisses.

    I turn off the screens & turn on music.

    I dance around & play on the floor & read books.

    But no matter how hard I try & no matter what I do or say or act, it doesn’t stop.

    Today, I tried. I really, really tried.

    Everything I thought I knew about parenting was exhausted & useless.

    Today, I failed.

    Today I screamed & cussed & threw things.

    Today I popped my kid on the mouth more than once & I put him in timeout.

    Today I lashed out at my husband & resented the peaceful relationship he has with our son.

    Today, I was mean. I was unkind. I was impatient.

    Today, I lost.

    I lost the fight with my son. I lost the fight with my husband.

    I lost the fight with myself.

    Today, I don’t think I can do this anymore.

    Today, I don’t want this life.

    So yeah, today I cried.

    No one tells you about this part.

    No one tells you about the anger & the sadness & the isolation & the disdain.

    No one tells you that motherhood brings out an unrecognizable version of yourself who you hate & resent.

    No one tells you about days like today.

    But as I sat on the staircase weeping at the terrible thoughts rattling through my head, that little boy didn’t leave my side.

    He had spent the entire day watching me morph into a terrible, ugly monster, just as I’d watched him become one as well.

    But at the end of the day, when our scary monster masks melt away, I am still his Mama & he is still my child.

    Today, I am his mother & tomorrow will be the same.

    So tomorrow, I will keep trying.

    & you should too.

    Keep trying, Mama. Keep going.

    Today was hard. Tomorrow might be too. That’s okay.

    Some days won’t have a happy ending. Some days there are no resolutions.

    You just have to go to bed & wake up ready to try again.

    We can do this, Mamas. We can do this.

    Credit

    https://www.facebook.com/New-Moms-Connect-283292652500838/

  • Mama I Love You, Could You Wake Up For A Min

    Dear mama,

    Could you wake up for a minute? I know it’s hard for you to open your eyes – we haven’t slept a lot yet tonight. But mama, I kinda need you right now. You see, the thing is, I feel a bit lonely at the moment. I’m laying here in my crib and I’m somewhat cold.

    I didn’t mean to cry so I’m sorry I did. I’ve been trying to get your attention by making some noises for a while now but you were in such a deep sleep, you couldn’t hear me. I don’t know how else to get your attention. During the day, I see and hear you all make noises and I see you respond well to each other. You talk to me like that too. And I try very hard but I don’t know how to do that yet. So I cry so you’d listen to me.

    Mama, I’m sorry for crying. Like I said, I feel a bit lonely. I just spent nine months inside your belly where I’ve always felt safe. It’s a bit scary to me to be in such a big bed all by myself. I miss your heartbeat, the rushing of your blood, the warmth and the food.I miss your breathing and your hands you put over me to protect me when I still was inside your belly.

    So mama, would you please listen to me? I’m calling for you in the only way I’m able to. I feel really alone. I need your warmth and your peace for a moment. I need to know for sure you’re still here. So can I come lay with you for a little while to feel your warmth?

    Some cuddles first. Mama, this feels so nice. When I feel you holding me while you gently rock me and when I can smell and feel you, I feel so safe. I can feel your hand on my back and my ear is placed just right on your heart. Mom, this is home to me. Do you remember back when we were always together? I always felt like this back then. Sometimes I miss that time. It was so nice to be close to you.

    I hear you softly whisper into my ear “Everything is okay little one, everything is fine”. Your voice is so soft and familiar. You smell good mom. A bit like me and a bit like you.

    Mama, will you hold me just a little longer? I’m really tired and I feel so relaxed in your arms. It almost feels like before. I’m going to close my eyes for a little while, okay? Can I please stay with you here a little longer to enjoy your love and your presence?

    And can I drink some more? Mama, since we’re laying like this anyway…I’d like to ask you something. I know, it sounds pretty sad because I can’t talk like you can yet so I’m sorry for crying again. But mama, can I please drink some more? My throat is dry and my tummy is empty and since we’re here anyway…maybe I can have a few more sips? Your milk tastes delicious and is so warm and familiar.

    Thanks mom, that’s exactly what I needed. I was really really thirsty. Your finger on my cheek feels great by the way. And you’re smiling at me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smile and feeling your presence. I’ll close my eyes again, okay? Please don’t put me away straight away, I really enjoy falling asleep here. This feels really good. Can I stay with you for another hour or so?

    My tummy hurts. What is that?! Mama! Can you feel this? Mom? My tummy hurts so bad. What is happening? Please help me mama, I don’t know what’s happening. I’ve never felt anything like this.

    Thank you for rubbing my belly mom. It’s late and everyone is asleep. I’m so happy you’re here for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you mama. My tummy already hurts less and when you hold me like that…I feel pretty tired. Maybe I’ll close my eyes again. Please hold me a little longer?

    Can I have more cuddles? You won’t believe this mama! I’m a bit scared. I just woke up and I didn’t know where I was for a second. It was all dark and a little cold again. I know you’re tired mama. But I really missed you, can I please be with you again for a while?

    Mama, I can see that you’re tired. There are tears in your eyes and every now and then a tear rolls down your cheek. I’m sorry mama but I feel really strange in this new world. I miss home. I miss always being close to you.

    Sometimes I feel a tear fall on my head while you gently rock me. You’re singing me a song so that I can go back to sleep. You softly dry the tears that fell on my head with your hand. That feels nice mom, do that again?

    I fall asleep on your chest. You feel so soft, so familiar. There’s nowhere I sleep better than here. My legs are pulled up, just like they were back when I still lived with you. I can hear your heartbeat again and I move along with your breathing.

    I will learn soon. Mama, you’re the best place to be. I’m so glad I get to come to you over and over again. I don’t like being unable to just ask either but I’m really happy you listen to me when I call for you.

    Soon, I’ll be able to be there for you. Or for my brothers or sisters. Or for my friends in school. You’re teaching me how to take care of someone. You’re teaching me that you listen, even when I can’t ask. You’re teaching me I’m safe, even when sometimes it feels like I’m not. You’re teaching me that you love me, even when you’re very tired. Thank you.

    And mama, I love you.

    {author unknown}

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