Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: Loss

  • Stop Saying At Least It Was Only Early

    Please stop saying “at least it was only early”

    Please stop saying “it wasn’t the right time”

    Please stop saying “you can always try again”

    Please stop saying “everything happens for a reason”

    Please stop saying “at least you weren’t THAT pregnant”

    Please stop saying “you are so young you can just try again”

    Words hurt.

    Whether you lost your baby at 6 weeks.

    Whether you lost your baby at 12 weeks.

    Whether you lost your baby at 16 weeks.

    Whether you lost your baby at 20+ weeks.

    Your pregnancy loss matters.

    Your grief matters.

    Your tears matter.

    You matter.

     

    📸 Photo Credit: Emily Newman Artist

     

  • Dementia Should Be Called Failure Of The Brain

    A Neurologist said that dementia / Alzheimer’s should be called “failure of the brain,” because the other names are nebulous and do not show the severity of the disease to most people.

    As the patient’s brain slowly dies, you know they’ve changed physically, and the caregivers are often in shock!! Patients will end up bedridden, unable to move, and unable to eat or drink. But it is the different phases beforehand that are just as painful.

    The day they suddenly forget how to dress themselves, and become confused or combative when you try to fix the shirt, or trousers, they’ve put on backwards. When they repeatedly ask where their life-long mate is while looking straight at her. When they are confused, angry, or frightened, because they are still partially aware of who they were, yet are no longer…

    Most people don’t know what it is to fight or to have a loved one who leads a battle against dementia / Alzheimer’s.

    If you or anyone you know has dementia/ Alzheimer’s please visit https://www.dementiauk.org/ for advice and support.

    Original source unknown

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    If you answered yes to any of the above please send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com

  • A Sculpture To Capture The Trauma Of A Still Born Or Baby Loss

    A sculpture made to capture the emotional trauma of a still born or a pregnancy that never made it full term.

    This sculpture will probably hit the hearts of women who see this and this isn’t to cause upset, I felt if anything, it enables people to realise that no matter what stage a foetus is developed and what stage your loss occurs, your loss is always a profound heart breaking loss that the mother endures.

    People say “she wasn’t even that far gone” to attempt to ease a mother’s pain but those ignorant comments can not help fill the void of her loss.

    1 in 4 pregnancies are lost before birth so this post goes out to all the angel babies who never made it and all the heroic mothers that have endured and grieved their loss ❤️

    Above content credit goes to Sammie Steers

    Take a look at more of the sculptures amazing work at http://facebook.com/maddilynnmemory

    For parents who are expecting a new life but find themselves facing death, and when a mother has physically given birth to a baby, accepting the reality of that emotionally is immensely difficult. Mothers will still experience all the normal post-natal reactions, which may be especially distressing because their baby has died.

    When a baby dies, fathers often have a great deal to manage. Not only are they grieving for their baby, but their concern for their partner makes this a very difficult time. Often they may be asked how the baby’s mother is rather than how they, as fathers, are feeling themselves.

    Society is likely to dictate that men should be strong, always ready and able to do the supporting – but fathers too have lost their baby and will need to find ways to express their grief. They too need support and care. For help and support please see https://childbereavementuk.org

  • Shocking Post Pregnancy Weight Loss Photo

    The American actress famous for her part in the television series Angel and her role in the film Return of the living dead-rave to the grave and New York best selling author, Jenny Mollen has shared a shocking picture of her post pregnancy weight loss to highlight a common issue and let other mum know about this condition so they can  seek medical attention sooner rather than later.

    Jenny took to Instagram to share the shocking photo of her torso to show her rapid weight loss just six months after giving birth to her second son Lazlo.

    Jenny Mollen said “Not anorexia, it’s a thyroid issue. I don’t know what it says about me that I got this thin and didn’t think there was anything wrong.

    Last Friday, I had a bulge in my neck that finally got me to the doctor. I’m STILL waiting on blood work but my doc thinks it’s Graves.

    If you just had a baby and have lost an inordinate amount of weight, feel like you are on cocaine, are suddenly heat intolerant, can’t stop losing hair, and think your husband is being a d*** it might just be your thyroid!!

    Get checked ASAP”

    Graves disease is an immune system disorder which results in the overproduction of the thyroid hormones, symptoms can be weight loss, irritability, hand tremors, heat sensitivity, tiredness, eyes bulging, red skin and even heart palpitations.

    The condition is also known as Basedow’s disease, Graves disease can be managed with medical treatment, there is no current cure for the disease but medication can help to manage the symptoms for most people.

    If you have your own story you wish to share,want to advertise, trying to raise awareness or would like us to look into any topic then please send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com.

  • Today It Happened He Asked To Try For Another Baby

    Today it happened.

    My fiancée brought up getting pregnant again. I knew it would happen.

    He said “I want to see if we can have a normal pregnancy you know. Have a baby come home two days later and you actually get to breastfeed.”

    I told him I never want to be pregnant again and if we really want another child we can adopt, I cannot be pregnant again, I mean biologically I can but Mentally I cannot do it.

    I really would like to get pregnant and have an easy pregnancy but I’m too scared to. I delivered my twins at beautiful twins at 25 weeks and 4 days, my baby girl passed away, and Max my baby boy spent 140 days in the NICU before he could come home, every day I sat by him, praying he would survive and was so happy he was still with me but at the same time mourning the loss of my little girl and organising her burial all whilst my son held on to his life and was fighting for every breath . I CANNOT DO IT AGAIN.

    My partner has suggested I have therapy and thinks that I might have PTSD, how can I be pregnant again, what if it happens again I don’t think I have the strength to fight my emotions again, to see my baby struggle, to loss another baby, yes i may go on to have a “normal” pregnancy and birth but I do not want to take that risk I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!!!

    How do I make my partner understand that I am weak but at the same time I am just happy to be a mum to one, or am I ill, should I get over my traumatic time and bite the bullet and try for another child?

  • Brides List Of Demands Are Crazy- Bridezilla

    One woman took to Facebook to ask advice in an anonymous forum, let us know in the comments if she is right to be a tad annoyed.

    The woman wrote:

    I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid next year but the bride has some demands, I just want to know if I am being a dick here!

    1) I need long blonde hair. I currently have short red hair I’ve told her I won’t be bleaching however I’ll compromise and wear a wig

    2) I need to be size 10. I’m currently an 18 after losing 8 stone this year i’ve told her I will work as hard as I can but I feel that is slightly unrealistic, she won’t budge and will only order my dress in a 10 and I am to pay  the full cost of it.

    3) I need to take all my piercings out, including my tongue bar! I’ve told her I will comprise with retainers but my chest piercing can’t come out as I’ll never ever get it back in.

    4) (my personal favourite) I need to cover my tattoos. All 15 of them. We are having mid-thigh dresses, I have tattoos on my legs, arms, back, hands, chest and neck. Told her this will not be covered under any circumstances.

    5) my husband isn’t coming to the wedding or reception, she doesn’t want us “being cuter than her and her husband” in fairness, he won’t go anyway because he hates her 😂 and we have got 2 kids so he will be home with them

    If I don’t adhere to all these rules, I’m out of the bridal party. Am I a wrong for my compromises and basically telling her I don’t want to be involved? It’s a bit high maintenance for my liking!

    Would you chance to make the bride happy after all it is her special day or tell her where to go?

     

  • Cancer and Hope

    Miracles really do happen & dreams really do come true … 

    Third of May 2011 I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer at the age of 21 becoming the youngest in Wales to ever be diagnosed with the heartbreaking disease. 

    My first question was am I going to die? My second- what about starting a family of my own in the future? I was told that my treatment would be so intense that conceiving naturally and carrying my own child would be very unlikely, for the second time that day my life fell to pieces in front of me.

     I was offered the option to freeze my eggs for the future but would delay treatment for 3 months – another risk I wasn’t willing to take, my only option was to hope, wish & pray that everything would be ok and work out for the best.

    10th of August 2015 came another devasting blow where I suffered from a hetrotopic pregnancy losing 2 precious babies & one of my fallopian tubes in the process (something that is so rare it only happens to 1 in 50,000 cases) BUT there was a positive I was able to take from this – I was able to conceive naturally, something that I was always told that wouldn’t happen for me after the intense treatment. 

     But with every positive comes a negative – I now only have one fallopian tube which gives me less chance of conceiving. Again I could only hope that one day it would happen for me – I was determined to never give up. 

    4th of March 2016 – I received my 5 years ALL CLEAR, i survived cancer and i am now out of remission! Now that a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders I could finally think of what the future holds for me. 

    22nd April 2016 – I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant!! Every day since I found out I was pregnant it has been a struggle constantly worrying. I know that this baby is an absolute miracle and I feel completely blessed that I am able to carry her and have her grow inside me. 

    The doctors still don’t understand how it’s possible considering i was on tamoxifen (a hormone blocker that you cant get pregnant on) and they are just as shocked as I was when I found out but this is even more the reason why she’s so precious to me.

    15th of November 2016 – The happiest day of my life when I gave birth naturally to the most amazing, perfect, beautiful little girl anyone could ever wish for – my daughter, my world, my miracle! 


    I am completly blessed to have her in my life, I cannot believe that she is here safe and sound in my arms – dreams really do come true!

    In February this year i found out i was expecting another little miracle, i cannot wait to meet my bundle of joy and see my two little miracles bond and grow up together. I am well and truly blessed and thank my lucky stars that i never gave up hope of becoming a mother!

    My moto in life will never change- stay strong, stay positive, keep smiling & always remember there is always someone somewhere worse off than you!

  • Grieving Mum Attacked By Trolls

    A mother who shared the sad pictures of her baby boy after his untimely death at ten weeks old has been attacked by internet trolls.

    The little boy passed away on January 16, 2016 – nine days after being discharged from a children’s hospital.


    Nicole Pike shared the photos of herself and Ralphie body after she discovered him dead inside his Moses basket last year.

    One last picture, one last memory

    Another photo shows Ralphie’s small brother Riley as he says goodbye to his infant brother.

    Since she shared the photo she has received abuse messages from trolls, telling her that she is “sick” and she should be “ashamed”.


    Some of the abuse directed at her was for allowing her two-year-old son to witness her brother’s body and making him take the photos.


    “I got messages like I should be ashamed of myself and, ‘Is there something wrong with you? You must be sick to take a two-year-old to see a dead baby’,” said the mum, from Leicestershire.


    “Most people didn’t like the fact that I let Riley Lee go, but who’s to judge me? I did what I thought was right and I wouldn’t change a thing I did.”


    “When Ralphie passed away, I spoke to a bereavement counsellor who advised that it is good for your children to have their final goodbyes.

    “Of course, at first I was a little worried, but I wouldn’t change a thing that I did. Riley Lee used to cry to come with me to see Ralphie.


    “He was so close to Ralphie, he never left his side.


    “If he cried, he would be right there with him.”


    “I’m not ashamed, I think they’re beautiful. Whether he’s breathing or not, he’s my son and Riley Lee’s brother.”


    “There were a few tears at the comment regarding Riley Lee seeing Ralphie. It hurts that people would be so judgemental when, who can say anything? They don’t know how they would react unless they’d been through it.

    “Everyone grieves differently.”

  • Pre-term Labour

    Pre term labour, I’d never heard of it before, why would I? In July 2016 I found out I was pregnant, but sadly in August I misscarried.

     My partner and I decided to try straight away and with luck on our side, we conceived in October 16. My 12 week scan was perfect, private gender scan, perfect and our 20 week scan, again perfect! Nothing could prepare us for the horror we where about to face.



    3rd March 17. 22weeks 3days.


    A normal day, got up, went to work, came home, cooked and cleaned. I was about to get a shower when I felt the urge for the toilet, nothing. When I’d wiped, I noticed bright red blood everywhere, it looked like a murder scene. My partner was at work and I was in a state of worry, luckily my mum was downstairs and she rang an ambulance.


     I still had this pressure for the toilet and still, bleeding terribly. We arrived at hospital, on walking upto the ward, I left a trail of blood behind me. I was rushed straight in where I was scanned immideatly, it was an anxious wait. Was my baby alive? Why am I bleeding? What is happening? 




    The lady showed us our babies heartbeat, beating away, nice and strong! What a relief. She turned off the machine and looked at me, and I just knew something was wrong. She said “I’m really sorry but your 5cm dilated and you’ll have to give birth, theirs nothing we can do.” At this point me and my partner where distraught. Our precious baby boy, how could this be. How could I be 5cm with no pains?! They must have it wrong!




    A doctor at the hospital, who was off duty at the time had heard about me, he rushed up to my room and told me he was going to take me to theatre to stitch my cervix to give my boy a chance. He told me it would be a difficult operation and with my waters bulging, he could burst them at anytime whilst operating. The operation was a success.. all so we thought.




    4th March onwards.


    The day after the operation, we where in good spirits, happy that our baby had a chance to survive. But a few days later, my thighs where in so much pain, it felt as if the muscles where ripping apart. I was giving pain relief, but nothing worked. 


    Eventually I was rushed to another hospital who specialise in pre term birth. At this point I knew my baby was going to be born early. 




    23+2 arrived at specialist hospital.


    On arrival I was taking to maternity ward where I was closely monitored and my baby was monitored daily. His heartbeat was perfect. I was giving tablets to stop my labour, even though I wasn’t contracting. 


    A few days later, that dreaded pain was back in my thighs coming every 3 minutes, they checked for tightenings, but nothing was there. 


    Nobody was sure what was happening or why I was in so much pain. I’d had no sleep, I’d had every pain relief imaginable but still, nothing would take the pain away. I got up to use the loo, when all of a sudden, I was dripping with blood again, My heart stopped!




    23+5 delivery suit.


    I was taking to delivery suit where all doctors where waiting for me to check my situation. Once again baby way fine and the stitch seemed to be holding in place. 


    At 24 weeks, the pain was that severe they decided it was time to take the stitch out. They tried by hand but the pain was so bad, I was taking to thearer to have an epidural. The stitch came out and I went back to 5cm, what I was originally. 


    A doctor came in to let me know how theatre went, where I was told the previous hospital had stitched my cervix to my vaginal wall and it was ripping. This is why I was in agonising pain and discomfort. But, I knew getting the stitch had it’s cons and with me being 5cm it was hard for them to see.




    24+1 in the small hours of the morning.


    I asked the midwife to check as I was having a bit of pressure – still no pains. She checked and said I was 7cm dilated, but she was confused why I’d not contracted. An hour later I told her the pressure was more server so she checked, and said I was 8-9cm and in rushed a full army of doctors, nurses, nicu doctors. 




    I was told I was 10cm and it’s time to push, I told them I didn’t need to push, I just felt pressure. They burst my waters, which caused my baby to turn and became breech. I listened and I pushed only for my baby’s cord to drop out, which of cause isn’t good. 


    They kept telling me to push and push and I was but my son wouldn’t come. I was rushed to theatre for an emergency section, I was put to sleep as the pain was agonising as a doctor had his arm up me trying to keep the cord up. When I came around, I was told the horrible news that my son didn’t make it. He died that day. The section didn’t go ahead, as his heart had stopped on my way to theater.




    I decided I didn’t want my son to be sent away for a postmortom, I knew none of this was down to him. My placenter was sent away to be checked to find out why my body done what it did.




    In hospital I got to spend time with my son thanks to the bereavement suit who looked after us incredibly. My results where ready, and it turned out that I had a weak cervix, which is why I had no pain and a lot of bleeding as the pressure of my son caused it to dilate quickly. I was told I had a blood clot on my placenter which also, could be a reason I dilated. 


    Myself and my son had an infection, but this was likely to me dialating so far. I was also told on delivery I wasn’t 10cm I was only 7cm. As I was pushing my breach baby, his head became trapped behind my cervix which cause him to starve of oxygen due to my cord dropping. 




    I go over it every day in my head and if I can help 1 person to not go through what I did, then that makes me happy. Their was no signs to look out for, it just all happened to quickly, too early and unexpectadly. But, If you feel something isn’t right, or a change in anything please go and be seen. I’d had a kidney infection prior to this, maybe that could of been the cause, who knows. I’m not suing the hospital, they where at fault on more that 1 occasion and have admitted partial blame for my son not being here today. The nhs is on its knees as it is and no amount of money will bring back my son.




    Thankyou for reading my story, I’m currently pregnant with my rainbow baby, and being closely monitored to make sure if my cervix started to funnel, a stitch would be inserted early.




  • SIDS…A Story Of Survival

    I was always under the illusion that cot death/SIDS only struck babies under 3 months of age.

    I always thought that if i didn’t smoke, didn’t have toys in the cot, had a new cot mattress, had my baby at the foot of the cot, and followed all advise to prevent it my child would be safe.

    On November 17th 2010 at 1:30pm i put my very tired 7 month old son Elijah down for his nap, i didn’t want him grumpy on the school run, he was tired and teething so needed a little sleep.

    At around 2pm my little dog Sinder became agitated and barking frantically, me not having a clue tried to calm down the dog, she wouldn’t stop and was scratching at my son bedroom door.

    I looked in on my baby, my tiny sweet little lad was lifeless, lips were blue his eyes were closed, he didn’t move.

    I grabbed Elijah out of the cot and then I stopped being his mum, he wasn’t my son, he became my patient, I cut off all emotions, I went into first aid mode.

    I did CPR and rescue breathes, I didn’t have time to call for an ambulance i was alone and scared.

    It took me 10 minutes of robotic movements, a cold woman just going through her previous training hoping to see a sign of life.

    My baby screamed!!! He screamed in away ive never before heard.

    I then realised I hadn’t even called an Ambulance, after doing so I phoned my friend and asked her to have my 3 year old son who was still at nursery.

    I didn’t pick up my baby,I didn’t cry,I didn’t feel, I waited for the paramedics in silence.

    On route to the hospital I just stared into space, phoned Elijah’s Father and told him to meet me at Colchester Hospital and hung up, I couldn’t say what happened because in my mind I didn’t know I didn’t feel anything, i was in shock.

    We arrived at the hospital and Elijah’s Dad and Nan where waiting for us, once he was with the experts and his dad I decided to step outside to get some air.

    Now I knew my son was safe I was free to feel, the second I stepped outside I broke down into hysterical tears, dropped to the floor and felt guilt, fear, relief, i replayed everything that had happened in my head and was scared.

    How had this happened?

    What did I do wrong?

    Why didn’t I pick him up?

    Why didn’t I cry, how could i have felt so numb?

    Obviously I now know had I felt, had I cried, had I thought for more than a second I would have panicked and my son may not be here today.

    Elijah had to have numerous tests and then the heart breaking realisation that he had to have an X-ray to see if I had broken any of his ribs, and worse knowing that I couldn’t go in with him as I was 4 months pregnant with his baby sister.

    Elijah spent sometime in hospital having bloods taken, sleep analysis and his father being trained in resuscitation.

    Elijah is now 7 and every year I am thankful that I still have my amazing boy still with me, had I not known how to revive a baby things could have been very different.

    I make sure all my family members and anyone who babysits has knowledge of basic first aid, if you can’t get on a course to learn how to revive a baby and child, how to clear an airway etc please go to the library and get out a book, even watch YouTube videos, download and print off have step by step guide and keep it on your fridge it could one day save someone you love. XGemx

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avYRvVHAvfM]