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Tag: legs

  • Ode To My Bladder

    Ode to my bladder

    Enjoy!

    Ode to my bladder

    My bladder and I were always friends, and she would never leak,

    But since we’ve have this baby, she’s just become so very weak.

    I’m sorry that your space was invaded, and you were squashed up god knows where,

    I think you think I didn’t notice, or that I didn’t care.

    I know that you’ve been in overdrive, working very hard,

    So you’re probably a little fragile and feeling rather scarred.

    But now that things have settled, I’d really like to say,

    Take a chill pill bladder, so that you don’t ruin my day.

    Remember when I used to laugh, and things would be just fine,

    Now when someone makes me laugh, I’m weeing all the time.

    And as for when I have a cough, you choose not to play along,

    I have to cross my legs, so everyone knows what’s wrong.

    Jumping on a bouncy castle, I used to have such fun,

    But now I know a bouncy castle, is not for a newborns mum.

    You know that I’m a violent sneezer, it happens rather a lot,

    But if you could just please stop me weeing, then I won’t loose the plot.

    So I’m sorry that in my pregnancy, our friendship went a miss,

    But please let me enjoy myself, without having to take a piss.

    Reply from my bladder…

    Look at you kicking off, I can’t help it if I leak, I’m not the one who got pregnant, it’s not my fault I’m weak

    Without a care for me, you decided to have a baby,

    I told you it was stupid and I thought that you were crazy

    You made me work so hard, like 5 times through the night,

    I knew I was exhausted, and boy how I was right

    Things would not have been so bad if only you’d have listened,

    If you’d have done your exercises, tenna ladies would not be christened

    You were told to look after your pelvic floor, then all would be just fine,

    But you did not do it properly, and now the fault is mine.

    And then you had a csection, so a catheter was needed,

    And I didn’t want it, I begged you and I pleaded

    So quite frankly it’s all your fault and I have been through hell,

    And I don’t want to wee all the time, in case you couldn’t tell

    So help me to get stronger, that would just be bliss,

    And then you won’t get so embarrassed every time I piss

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/tellingthetruthtomums/

  • Rude Joke Of The Day

    A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven….. which part of your body goes first?

    Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think its your hands.”

    “Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?” said the Nun.

    Suzy replied, “Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.”

    “What a wonderful answer!” the nun said.

    Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Sister, I think its your legs”.

    The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

    Now Little Johnnie, why would you think it would be your legs?

    Little Johnny said,”Well I walked into mommy and daddy’s bedroom the other night..

    Mommy had her legs straight up in the air, and she was saying, “OH GOD, I’M COMING!”.

    If dad hadn’t pinned her down, we’d have lost her!”

    THE NUN FAINTED! 😂😂😂

  • Prove Your Loyalty With Hairy Legs

    A soldiers in the parachute regiment, currently based in Colchester Essex has caused an online debate with his controversial idea to keep his wife faithful and loyal.

    Lisa Watts 27, originally from Swindon took to a Garrison girls Facebook group (a support group for army wives to chat and get advice).
    Lisa posted in the group and said that last year when her husband was away for three months on training he had made her do something to prove that she wasn’t cheating whilst he was away. 

    Her Husband Stephen 29 also from Swindon is due to go away for six months after Christmas. 
    Stephen expects his doting wife and mother to their two young children, Oscar 4 and Autumn 5 months old  to go unshaven whilst he is away.

    This means allowing her armpit, leg and vagina hair to go uncut, trimmed, waxed or shaven.
    When he returns from action he demands to see her body to prove her loyalty.

    The post had over 4000 replies from members the majority of which were against the idea.

    Sandra Daly commented on the post and said “This is control, he’s sick, surely he should trust you, time to file for divorce”.
    There were hundreds of comments similar to this, however some people thought it was a good idea.

    Tanisha Fitzgerald said “I kind of like the idea, it’s like unwrapping a present, plus think of all the money you’ll save on razors etc and at least it is winter, the extra hair will keep you nice and warm”.

    What’s your thoughts, would you go unshaven to prove your loyalty? 

    Let us know your thoughts in the comments

     

     

     

  • Mum Wakes From C-Section To Find Both Her Legs Amputated 

    Mum Wakes From C-Section To Find Both Her Legs Amputated


    Not even in your wildest dreams would you want anyone to go through this terrible trauma what Ella Clarke, 31 of Torquay, Devon has experienced. Clarke was pregnant with her eighth baby but she had a condition called placenta previa, also known as a low-lying placenta. Midway through her pregnancy, Clarke was told she would have to deliver via C-section.
    Mum Wakes From C-Section To Find Both Her Legs Amputated
    No big deal for this mum who has delivered six of her babies the same way. But what happened after labour has changed her life forever.
    Clarke was put to sleep for scheduled C-section. The procedure didn’t last long but she woke after six days to see both her legs amputated below the knees.


    How could this happen?


    Well, a medical negligence cost her legs.
    About 30 minutes into her C-section, Clarke’s placenta embedded itself deeply into her uterine wall. 

    A complication called placenta accreta caused massive hemorrhaging which lead to an emergency hysterectomy. After five blood transfusions and an induced coma, she delivered a beautiful and healthy baby girl – Winter Rose.


    Due to the negligence of the hospital, as supposed to be monitored every hour for blood clots, she was not under observation. Six hours allegedly passed without being monitored. This deadly mistake cost her legs – clots formed in her legs and deprived her lower limbs of blood supply. It was too late to save her legs. Ultimately, her legs were amputated below the knees to save her life.

    Clarke was clueless about her induced coma. She woke up and waited for the nurse to pass the baby but she was in for a shock.
    She said, “I remember the moment I woke up. I thought I was waking up from my C-section. I expected my beautiful little baby girl to be passed to me. I had no idea I’d been in a coma.”
    The hospital has apologized for the mistake and is held for thorough investigation. 

    Ella has taken legal action against the NHS hospital in Torquay; her family and friends strongly support her battle against the hospital. 

    The Life of Ella Clarke would never be the same again. 

    A Once active mum is now in a wheelchair and has prosthetic legs.
    All for what? A medical oversight that should have been easily prevented.
    “I knew the risks of blood loss, but I never expected to wake up three days later without my legs,” Clarke said.
    “Going into the hospital to have a baby should have been the best moment of my life. Instead, my world has been shattered. A thoughtless oversight has cost me so much. I will never stand on my own two feet again, and that makes me shudder,” she said.