Tag: fertility

  • Let’s Talk About This Photo For A Second

    Let’s talk about this photo for a second.. Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long one.

    So.. Everyone gets super excited to post photos of positive pregnancy tests. It’s so exciting and everyone is so happy for you! But think about it, what happens when you’re on the opposite side of that? You think “maybe this is actually a possibility this time?” But you don’t want to get your hopes up so you talk yourself out of it, “No.. the odds are against us.

    It’s just another false alarm.” But then you wake up one morning and say screw it, you’re going to find out what’s happening. So you take a test. And lo and behold, just like the hundreds before this one, it tells you that you’re not pregnant. What now? You go on about your day like nothing happened. Your body is just rebelling against you again.

    There is no need to tell anyone or do anything because nothing has changed. Every once in a while there are the ones when you have accidentally convinced yourself that it’s really happening and you take a test and boom, one line. Those are the ones that hurt the most.

    You’ve done everything you’re supposed to do. You thought that this really honestly could truly be it. And you wind up sitting in the bathroom floor crying praying that your husband can’t hear you. Wondering what you did so wrong that you can’t have the one chance to have what you want so desperately, what your body is SUPPOSED TO be able to do. When you try to confide in someone else how you’re feeling, they give the same remarks as everyone else, “It’ll happen in your time” and “Give it to God, and He will bless you” and “God has a plan” and my personal favorite, “Have you thought about adoption??”

    Sometimes people just need to talk, they don’t want answers or advice or even people trying to level with them. They just need to let out how they are feeling in that particular moment. Sometimes they need to be a little selfish, self-preserving. Sometimes they just don’t want to hear the BS cliché auto-responses from other people. They just want someone to hug them and say that they understand where you’re coming from and it sucks and it’s hard then leave it at that.

    Holidays are a special kind of hell for people like me. They get with family and friends that they don’t see on a regular basis and then all of the questions start. All of the “when are yall going to have a baby?” “Did you know that so-and-so is pregnant?? Aren’t you so happy for them?” You have to figure out how to be a good sport about the whole thing. You have to find ways to joke about it, or even just let it go in general.

    You can’t bite of everyone’s head when they ask you about something, but then again, why can’t people just not ask about such personal stuff? Especially if you never see them? How is it any of their business? Letting go is the hardest part. Everyone has good days and bad days. You can’t expect them all to be good. There are things that are silent triggers that just happen, most of the time, without warning. And you just have to deal with it. It’s not fun. It’s not exciting. This is the other side of pregnancy. This is infertility. This is PCOS.

     

    Original source unknown

  • Stop Asking Couples When They Are Having Kids

    ‘-we are just enjoying being newly married

    -we have some travelling we want to do first

    -I’m just focusing on my career right now…..

    These are just a few of the reasons I used (with a forced smile) to mask what was really going on. I wasn’t always that pleasant. One day I responded with ‘it’s not that f***ing easy, you know’. I had just got my period that morning…. again.

    They would tell me that I’m not going to be young forever or that my maternal clock was ticking. And believe me, I knew it. I just didn’t need to hear it from everyone else.

    Trying to conceive isn’t easy unless you are a highly fertile 17 year old, that could fall pregnant just by talking about it. The odds of conception and retaining a pregnancy are actually pretty shit, topped off with the huge amount of people that are reproductively challenged with polycystic ovaries, endometriosis etc etc. And I was one of them….

    I remember the day, vividly. I had to go to work after we had the appointment and I thought that was it for me. No kids. My husband, always the optimistic one said that we would try the treatments suggested and that it was not over. We even had a very frank discussion about adopting. We were told to expect a long road ahead, if we decided to take it.

    IVF sucks. It is the most time consuming, invasive, expensive and emotionally painful roller coaster I have been on. It actually broke me. You have so much invested in the process, financially and emotionally that it consumes your every thought.

    When you are having difficulty conceiving, it seems everyone around you is falling pregnant. It’s easy to be happy for them at first but that brave face wears thin after a while. I even started to decline going to certain get togethers and attending baby birthdays were just painful. I became quite bitter, desperate and depressed.

    But one year later, I got up for work and did a quick test, expecting the usual mind-numbing result. I crawled back into bed with my husband. He rolled over and said ‘you’re pregnant, aren’t you’!? I was. I didn’t have to say a thing. My face said it all. We were one of the lucky ones.

    But many couples will be trying for years. And some may never succeed and my heart goes out to them. And what about the couple that doesn’t want kids? Or the couple that had a child but can’t afford to have another? Or those that have lost little ones? Even though we went through IVF and had such a struggle to have our Harvey, soon after we were asked… ‘so when are you having number two’? And now that I have two wonderful children and I feel our family is pretty complete, the question still comes….

    So, next time you go to say that ‘throw away’ comment to the newly weds or the couple that have been together for ten years, be sensitive. Don’t ask them when they are having kids. You never know what’s going on.’

    Full Credit: Adele Barbaro- The Real Mumma

  • How Do I Get Over A Friend Having An Abortion

    Has anyone had to cope with their very close friend/family getting an abortion? I am trying to get over/passed it before it happens so we can move on with our friendship, but it is wearing so heavily on my heart I can’t bear it any longer and I’m not sure I will ever be able to look at her the same again.

    She is my Fiancé’s cousin, but they were raised as siblings.. she has offered to carry a baby for us NUMEROUS times and I’ve always been able to vent to her about my struggles with infertility.

    She isn’t always the most responsible person on earth and she called me a week ago saying she thought she was pregnant and the guy she had been sleeping with is just a friend he doesn’t want anymore children.

    Now please don’t think of me the wrong way, I’m IN NO WAY saying she should give the baby to us. (Not that we would decline that offer but regardless) I just didn’t expect her to choose anything other than life for this baby. She has always been on the same page as me when it came to being Pro-Life.. and now that it’s happened to her she’s turned a 360. She has an appointment scheduled for friday to terminate.

    I’m just looking for some advice, do I say something, ignore and move on after all it is her body her choice, but I am finding it so hard to understand and accept, we would give anything to have a new life to call our own, yet she has been given the gift of a baby and she plans to destroy this.

    Am I just being jealous and bitter? Would I feel differently had I already had a baby of my own, what would you do?

  • I Am An IVF Baby, Don’t Judge My Mum

    My name is Sophie and I was born in 1996.

    One Evening in March, when I was twelve, my mum and dad sat me down sat.

    Being the kind of kid I was, I thought I was in trouble. They both looked anxious and very serious. In the months prior she had been giving me educational books and little mum and daughter talks about reproduction. Now, in retrospect, I realise it was to prepare me for this very moment.
    I came into the world a different way

    Together my Mum and Dad told me that I wasn’t conceived the way that my sex education teaching was teaching us about. They told me that I was very special. I was an IVF child, and what’s more, I was conceived using a donated embryo. To be honest, I was confused at first, but eventually I felt proud and happy that i must have been very much wanted.

     My mum couldn’t have children due to very early menopause. Doctors never found out why this happened, it wasn’t genetic.

    Her five sisters had never had a problem.
    As for my biological parents, for their privacy, I won’t disclose what led to their need to access IVF. However, after accessing IVF treatments they were blessed with triplets.

    They were left with eight embryos, which they kindly decided to donate. I spent four years as a cluster of frozen genetic material before my parents were granted access to these donated embryos. I was the only embryo to survive and be successfully transferred.

    It wasn’t until I was a grown woman that I realised that some people thought I was a freak of nature or my mother as a lesser being.

    As a student midwife, I often found myself when on placement asking parents of multiples if they were IVF.
    I remember asking one mum who had twins if they were from IVF. Her face filled with a kind of shame or fear and she looked at me like she wished at that exact moment I would disappear. She finally confirmed that they were IVF. I smiled and told her that I was to, she instantly looked relieved and the tension fled her face.

    It was that moment I began to feel upset and even angry at the ridicule people like her and my mum would have experienced.
    I know what it took to get me here, IVF is not an easy process, but these babies are much wanted.

    Being a person of IVF has never made me feel ashamed or somehow lesser than others.

    At times I felt it’s given me strength that I otherwise wouldn’t have.

    I have never doubted that I was very much wanted, I’ve always known I was meant to be here on this earth.

    It shouldn’t matter if a baby is conceived “naturally”, through IVF,insemination or surrogate, every baby is a blessing, do not judge our mums!

     

  • Shocking And Sad Reason Bride Doesn’t Show Up For Her Own Wedding 

    When Terry Apudo didn’t show up to church for her own wedding, her family and friends immediately knew something was very wrong.

    But the real reason for Terry’s absence on such a special day was more terrible than the guests could have ever imagined.


    Terry Apudo, was a young female pastor, working in a small church in Nairobi, Kenya.

    Her wedding with fiancé Harry Olwande, had been in the works for a long time and the couple were in the middle of preparations for the big day.

    As tradition goes, the bride and groom spent the night before the wedding apart.

    The next morning, as Terry left her house and walked down the road, she noticed a man sitting on the hood of his car.

    She walked past him, but minutes later, the man rushed to her and jumped her from behind.

    The man violently grabbed Terry and threw her into the backseat of his car, where two other male accomplices were sitting and waiting for her.

    The young pastor was kidnapped on what was to be her wedding day.

    “A piece of cloth was stuffed in my mouth. I was kicking and hitting out and trying to scream,” Terry said “When I managed to push the gag out, I screamed, ‘It’s my wedding day!’ That was when I got the first blow. One of the men told me to ‘co-operate or you will die.’”

    The nightmare didn’t end there — the horror continued inside the car. Terry continued to tell her story:

    “The men took turns to rape me. I felt sure I was going to die, but I was still fighting for my life, so when one of the men took the gag out of my mouth I bit his manhood. He screamed in pain and one of them stabbed me in the stomach. Then they opened the door and threw me out of the moving car.

    I was miles from home, outside Nairobi. More than six hours had passed since I had been abducted.

    A child saw me being thrown out and called her grandmother. People came running. When the police came they tried to get a pulse, but no one could. Thinking I was dead, they wrapped me in a blanket and started to take me to the mortuary. But on the way there, I choked on the blanket and coughed. The policeman said, ‘She’s alive?’ And he turned the car around and drove me to the biggest government hospital in Kenya.

    I arrived in great shock, murmuring incoherently. I was half-naked and covered in blood, and my face was swollen from being punched. But something must have alerted the matron, because she guessed I was a bride. ‘Let’s go around the churches to see if they’re missing a bride,’ she told the nurses.”


    “By coincidence, the first church they called at was All Saints Cathedral,” Terry went on to say. “‘Are you missing a bride?” the nurse asked. The minister said, ‘Yes, there was a wedding at 10 o’clock and she didn’t come.’”

    When the wedding guests found out the real reason for Terry’s disappearance, people started screaming and crying inside the church.

    Terry’s family and her fiancé, Harry, rushed to the hospital immediately. Eventually, Terry was moved to another hospital, where the full degree of her physical injuries had become painfully apparent.

    “That was where the doctors stitched me up and gave me some devastating news,” Terry says.

    The doctors told Terry that the stab wounds were so deep that she wouldn’t be able to have children.

    “I was given the morning-after pill, as well as antiretroviral drugs to protect me from HIV and AIDs. My mind shut down. It refused to accept what had happened.

    A few days later, when I was less sedated, I was able to look him [Harry] in the eye. I kept saying sorry. I felt like I had let him down. Some people said it was my own fault for leaving the house in the morning. It was really hurtful, but my family and Harry supported me.”


    Despite everything, Harry still wanted to marry Terry — the love of his life.

    The ceremony took place in July 2005, seven months after their first planned wedding.

    At last they stood at the altar together and were able to celebrate and display their love for one another.

    Everything seemed to be taking a turn for the better, but destiny sometimes works in mysterious ways.

    Only 29 days after they finally got married, another catastrophe occurred.

    During a very cold night, Harry decided to warm the house with the couple’s little charcoal stove, which was usually used outdoors for cooking.

    Unfortunately, the couple fell asleep when the heat started spreading in the room. When Terry woke up a short while later, she realized something was not right.

    She was dizzy and couldn’t get out of bed. With the little strength she had left, she managed to reach the phone next to her bed to call the neighbors for help.

    Right after that phone call — she lost consciousness.

    Terry was able to be rescued in the very last moment, but sadly, it was too late for Harry. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning.


    Terry went into a state of depression so bad that she shut herself off from the outside world.

    The only visitor she would receive was a pastor named Tonny Gobanga. He regularly visited Terry at her home, so she could talk to him about the pain that had gotten stuck deep in her soul.

    Tonny’s warmth and compassion gave Terry new life and helped to slowly mend her broken heart.

    Eventually, with time, the two fell in love.


    “Tonny proposed marriage but I told him to buy a magazine, read my story and tell me if he still loved me. He came back and said he still wanted to marry me.

    But I said, ‘Listen, there’s another thing — I can’t have children, so I cannot get married to you.’

    ‘Children are a gift from God,’ he said. ‘If we get them, Amen. If not, I will have more time to love you.’”


    Three years after her marriage with Harry, Terry once again walked down the aisle, this time with Tonny, who had given her the will to live again.

    Sadly, her life looked like it was taking another dark turn — one year after her second wedding, Terry felt very sick.

    “I felt unwell and went to the doctor,” she says. “And to my great surprise, he told me that I was pregnant.”

    Terry’s pregnancy went smoothly. Contrary to the doctors’ words, Terry seemed to be completely capable of giving birth without any complications.

    The joy that Terry and Tonny felt holding their newborn daughter Tehille in their arm was indescribable.

    Four years later, the pair welcomed their second miracle — their other daughter Towdah.


    The men who tortured and raped Terry were never arrested and brought to justice.

    Terry’s full story is documented in her autobiography “Crawling Out of Darkness.”

    Today Terry travels with her husband Tonny and gives talks. She speaks about the horrific things she has been through and how she got the strength to pull herself out of the darkness and look at the positive things in life.

    She also helps other rape victims and hopes her experiences can inspire them to know that they are not alone.

    Please share this on Facebook to give others hope .

  • Cancer and Hope

    Miracles really do happen & dreams really do come true … 

    Third of May 2011 I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer at the age of 21 becoming the youngest in Wales to ever be diagnosed with the heartbreaking disease. 

    My first question was am I going to die? My second- what about starting a family of my own in the future? I was told that my treatment would be so intense that conceiving naturally and carrying my own child would be very unlikely, for the second time that day my life fell to pieces in front of me.

     I was offered the option to freeze my eggs for the future but would delay treatment for 3 months – another risk I wasn’t willing to take, my only option was to hope, wish & pray that everything would be ok and work out for the best.

    10th of August 2015 came another devasting blow where I suffered from a hetrotopic pregnancy losing 2 precious babies & one of my fallopian tubes in the process (something that is so rare it only happens to 1 in 50,000 cases) BUT there was a positive I was able to take from this – I was able to conceive naturally, something that I was always told that wouldn’t happen for me after the intense treatment. 

     But with every positive comes a negative – I now only have one fallopian tube which gives me less chance of conceiving. Again I could only hope that one day it would happen for me – I was determined to never give up. 

    4th of March 2016 – I received my 5 years ALL CLEAR, i survived cancer and i am now out of remission! Now that a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders I could finally think of what the future holds for me. 

    22nd April 2016 – I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant!! Every day since I found out I was pregnant it has been a struggle constantly worrying. I know that this baby is an absolute miracle and I feel completely blessed that I am able to carry her and have her grow inside me. 

    The doctors still don’t understand how it’s possible considering i was on tamoxifen (a hormone blocker that you cant get pregnant on) and they are just as shocked as I was when I found out but this is even more the reason why she’s so precious to me.

    15th of November 2016 – The happiest day of my life when I gave birth naturally to the most amazing, perfect, beautiful little girl anyone could ever wish for – my daughter, my world, my miracle! 


    I am completly blessed to have her in my life, I cannot believe that she is here safe and sound in my arms – dreams really do come true!

    In February this year i found out i was expecting another little miracle, i cannot wait to meet my bundle of joy and see my two little miracles bond and grow up together. I am well and truly blessed and thank my lucky stars that i never gave up hope of becoming a mother!

    My moto in life will never change- stay strong, stay positive, keep smiling & always remember there is always someone somewhere worse off than you!

  • Suffering with fertility struggles

    Suffering with fertility struggles… written by Hannah Walker
    You start life assuming that if you do want kids when you’re older it will naturally happen straight away. Well that’s what I thought. I met my partner when I was 15 years old, and by 18 we pondered with the thought of starting a family, we had already moved into a home and had full time secured jobs so were financially stable. But as the months ticked by I began wondering what was wrong. My periods became non-existent so I discussed with the DR who referred me for scans. Low and behold I had severe PCOS and both my ovaries were covered in large cysts. No wonder pregnancy was a struggle.
    A year passed by and my partner suddenly became very ill and was admitted to hospital for 3 weeks, it caught us both completely off guard. At first we thought it was a stomach bug but it quickly came to light my partner was seriously ill. Consultants were gathered round and began the process of explaining what was happening to him. He was diagnosed with 4 diseases (but that’s for another article!). He had to take a lot of medication daily, including injections. We sat down and spoke about our fertility struggles and we got the devastating news that due to all the medication he was on, it wouldn’t happen naturally. My first priority was my partner’s health, because we were each other’s rocks and I couldn’t bear the thought to be apart from him.
    We obviously put trying on hold for a few months until my partner was beginning to feel better. During these months my partner was made redundant, and depression hit him hard. I was still holding down my job as well as struggling to pay everything with one pay cheque. Fast forward time and he rapidly went downhill and was admitted to hospital again. I had no choice but to give up my job to care for him. I began giving up with the idea that we’d ever have children, maybe it just wasn’t our chosen path in life, and I became very depressed with everything piling on top of me. Every time I saw a baby my heart ached, why couldn’t I have that too?
    My best friend became pregnant unexpectedly and when she dropped the news to me my heart sank, I cried for hours. I was silently struggling with all these emotions and became angry with myself. I supported her every step of the way, and turned my jealously into love for a new arrival. Every time I picked up a little dress I fought back the tears. What’s wrong with me, why me, what did I do so wrong that I deserved this?
    You let your thoughts consume you, every minute of every day, the moment before you shut your eyes to sleep, or lack of sleep, you sit there awake in the dark crying, wanting to scream, but no one hears you, no one really hears you.
    Some days you think you’ve got this, you think this will be MY month. Your boobs ache, you’re tired…you take yet another pregnancy test, your heart thumping through your chest, scared to look at the results, imagining what that feeling of a positive sign would feel like. But yet again you’re deflated, another negative. You buy bulk ovulation tests, every day hoping for a darker line, and maybe you do get a dark line. Excitement takes over, maybe it will happen. But yet again you’re let down when your period shows its face. Your period becomes your worst enemy, or in my case lack of periods became my enemy, how was I supposed to ovulate without a period.
    There are only so many times you can go back and forth with these emotions, and eventually you hold your hands up in defeat. So what if it doesn’t happen naturally you tell yourself, there’s plenty other alternatives. Maybe medication, maybe IVF…surely they’ll solve my issue.
    I booked in for a consolation with a consultant to discuss the next step. The weeks leading up to the appointment I became excited, hopeful.
    The one thing that kept me pushing was that I became so desperate for my partner to have a child; all I wanted was a child, our child.
    By this point I was 21 and had just celebrated my 21st, I let my hair down and went out with friends to get drunk, forget my problems for just a few hours. But when you’re so consumed with wanting a child, it never leaves your mind. It had the complete opposite affect and instead of enjoying my night out I sat outside on the pavement bawling my eyes out.
    Christmas passed and I decided on New Year’s Eve I would enjoy it with close friends. I vowed to myself to not beat myself up in the New Year, take life as it comes whatever route it leads too.
    January began and a few weeks into it I woke up screaming in pain…what was wrong with me. Pregnancy was the last thing on my mind; I hadn’t had a period for 6 months. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, the pain was unbearable. I was driven to the DRs who immediately done a pregnancy test which came back negative…at first. I was given high pain medication and told it was appendicitis. On the way home I couldn’t cope with the pain, what was wrong with me?

    Half way home I received a phone call, the phone call that changed my life. “The results have changed…you need to come back straight away”. My heart began thumping so hard I could hear it so clearly, my breathing erratic. Surely I wasn’t…pregnant. Even if I was this pain was an alarm bell ringing. I entered the DRs Office and there it sat. The pregnancy test she had removed from the bin.
    A strong positive.
    I cried instantly and she cradled me in her arms, she knew what this meant to me. She immediately began discussing that this was probably an ectopic pregnancy and she arranged a team at my hospital to take me once I arrived. I left, my head was spinning. I didn’t come all this way to lose a baby, please don’t add more heartache on to what I already feel.
    I paced up and down the hospital ward, watching other expectant mothers watching me with a strange look. I was in agonising pain and I couldn’t hide it. I was scanned and there no was sign of a baby…I knew it. In fact there was no sign at all of anything wrong with me. Blood tests were performed and I was put onto a bed with an IV drip. A consultant came in with his team and said we can’t wait for blood test results we need to operate now. I starting shaking, crying, I didn’t know what was happening it was all so fast.
    I woke 5 hours later, exhausted. Before I drifted into a sleep the consultant said ‘you nearly died, we saved you’ and I fell into a deep sleep.
    The next morning when I awoke the consultant was already sat at my bed. He looked at me and I knew something was bad. He said “Your fallopian tube was wrapped around your right ovary, it was killing it off. If it wasn’t for that positive pregnancy test we wouldn’t have operated so quickly, you’re extremely lucky to be here”. I blurted out “And the pregnancy test?” He responded “we still don’t know, it could still be an ectopic pregnancy, we need to keep an eye on you.”
    I eventually went home, I struggled I had infection after infection; I visited the hospital every 48 hours for more blood tests and scans. What was the point in it all? After such invasive surgery no baby would survive it, they even told me that, they told me there was next to no chance now. So why did I still have this glimmer of hope.
    And then mid-January I got the call. The most important call of my life. My HCG levels had risen so much that a scan would reveal everything.
    The same day me and my partner went to the scan, my mind was all over the place.
    At first…nothing…nothing was on the screen. My glimmer of hope had been shot down.
    The screen was turned, and there my baby was, there my baby I so desperately wanted for years appeared on the screen. From that moment on I would do everything in my power to protect it.

    Pregnancy wasn’t easy on me, but I didn’t mind, every moment would lead to the safe arrival and I was so blessed I was able to become pregnant. On the 8th October 2016 I welcomed to the world my son, Joseph.

    I don’t know what the future holds now, whether id ever be able to have more children, but I am so overly blessed for the son I have and my partner that if more children aren’t on the cards for me that’s absolutely fine because if we decide we do want another child, adoption is something I would love to do.

    The point of this post is we all deal with struggles; some more than others, but as long as you remain positive and keep fighting your future will lead you to your destination. Your happily ever after.

    Fertility struggles are real, there are millions of us silently, or openly suffering. Whether it’s been a year or ten years of trying to conceive, the pain never gets any easier, but I’m here to tell you there is light at the end of this tunnel. Whether it happens naturally, IVF, medication, adoption, surrogacy or any other way if your heart and soul is set on a family it CAN happen.

    Don’t suffer in silence, support each other whatever road you lead down.