Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: Escape

  • Why Doesn’t She Just Leave

    Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

    Because he has her so brainwashed that it’s all her fault and that she’s no good to anyone and no one will want her or love her and there’s no way she can possibly make it on her own.

    Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

    Because she thinks that if she just tries harder and if she’s a better wife and a better mom that maybe he will be happy with her and he wouldn’t get so angry with her. And maybe he will be the same sweet, charming man that he was when they first met.

    Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

    Because he has her convinced that if she tries he will hurt or kill her or her family. Because he has threatened to tell the judge that she is a bad mom and will take away her kids and she will never see them again. Because he has taken away her money and convinced her that she has no good job qualities to make it on her own financially and she will always need him.

    More people are concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women. Unless you’ve been in an abusive relationship people have no idea how hard it is to escape. Abusers are able to fool those outside the home because they usually only abuse those inside the home.

    They need your support.

    They need your love.

    They do not need your judgement.

    Let’s raise awareness 💜

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/slimmingandinchloss

     

  • Against His Wishes, I Am A Survivor And He Can’t Take That From Me

     

    HAILEY:

    Sometimes I cant get the sounds out of my head… of me crying begging for my life, his fist slamming into my face and crushing my bones or the haunting calmness that ran through his voice. Each time his fist pounded my face I felt a part of my soul leaving my body. I can remember the feeling of blood running down from my face and onto my neck and into my hair. My eyes were swollen shut and I had towel over my head to keep hidden. I wanted to give up, I was just to tired.

    I was dying.

    A trip to Colorado that had been in the works for months was where it all started. Roman and I had been dating for 6 months and a few weeks beforehand we had found out we were expecting. My entire family and friends loved him. He was perfect, charming, and such an “old school” type of guy every girl dreams of. I could not wait to share it with my friends and for them to meet Roman. We stayed at our 1st stop with a few of my friends in Denver and then headed towards Fort Collins the next day. Roman and I had fought the entire ride there and he had mentioned to me at one point that he “wanted [me] to see the worst and see if [I] can handle it.” Now looking back I feel like I should have let that soak in before rolling my eyes and shrugging it off but we don’t always see our own red flags when we are manipulated and deceived…

    The 2nd night at Fort Collins, I still can’t seem to fully understand how the love of my life and father of my unborn child was hiding such a crooked soul…. I walked upstairs in my panties to get my dog Scooby, everyone was already sleep but Roman and I so I did not think it was a big deal, but it was a trigger for him apparently. *Edit** (We were down in the basement on the opppsite side of the house from the people sleeping. FBI did hearing tests and confirmes nothing could have been heard.)

    He became angry, yelling, cussing, and I told him that when he was ready he could talk to me like a normal human being. About 5 seconds later he was standing over me, pouring beer down onto my face, grabbed me by throat and threw me down onto the floor/up against the wall and choked me out.

    I woke up to Roman on top of me. I couldn’t collect my thoughts quick enough to realize what had just happened. I remember just looking up at him, at the tranquility that seemed to take over his body and in his face. He was just staring at me, observing his work. He was, I believe, doing it out of admiration.

    The beating and torture lasted for about 6 hours or more. It was hard to tell… it felt like a lifetime. I was out of conscious from him choking me out, wailing on my face with his fist, shoes, and at one point my own phone. It was a repetitive never ending sequence of being strangled, beaten, raped, and at one point he told me he wanted to die by his hand and that he wanted to cut my teeth out with his dull pocket knife.

    When he raped me both times, he let me know he wanted to have sex. He wanted to have sex with me while I was in and out of conscious, black and blue, eyes swollen shut and at that point drenched in blood. He enjoyed himself and he didnt even have the decency to turn me around. No. Instead he faced me and was looking down at me. Its so strange to think that during all of this he told me he was going to propose to me during our vacation. Why? How? How could we go from that to this?

    At some point… I lost control over my body. My legs were shaking violently and I couldnt stop them. It seemed to anger him and I was too weak to care anymore. There is no way to truly describe what I was feeling after all of this started. I have never felt so lifeless and out of control. I have never lost complete hope but I did that night.

    He told me that he wanted to make sure that no one knew who I was or no one could love me. He stressed to me that he wanted to cut out my intestines and pull them out because it was the worst type of death he has ever seen.

    It ended after several hours of me passing in and out.

    I remember feeling each blow to my face, his hands around my neck, pushing inside of me while he enjoyed himself.. the sounds of him moaning…its too hard to forget.

    I couldnt move by the end of it. I couldnt lift my head nor move my legs. He wanted me to get up and pack my things and help him clean all of my blood from the walls, floor, bed, and the ceiling. I of course was unable to so he tried to himself. He missed a bunch of blood and the mattress was soaked so he was forced to throw a sheet over it to try to hide it. He threw a towel over my head and carried me to the car and took me a few hours away into New Mexico. Crossing state lines becoming an FBI issue.

    Once we were at a motel I was in and out of conscious for a while. I just kept beginning for him to call an ambulance. He finally did and then slit his throat. I couldn’t see him doing it but I could hear his dull knife cutting into his skin and the blood squirting out and hitting the wall and floor. I was terrified that he might have lied about making the call and that I would die in this motel room with him, I think it would have been worse than anything to have my life slip away in his hands next to him.

    I cannot thank the EMT’s enough that rushed in to save me. The moment I heard their voices everything else, the pain, my fear, Roman…. just faded away. They were my heros. I felt myself let go. If i was going to die, I could do it in peace knowing I was no longer in Romans hands.

    Roman was brought in under custody to have emergency surgery and survived. After 2 days they took him in. Trial has been officially set and I am not sure what will happen to worthless human being. But I do, in certain moments, have to stop myself from feeling bad for him and his family. I have to remember that this was not the first time (I found out afterwards) that he had done this to a girlfriend. His family didnt try to warn me.

    The only thing I could do is ask for my dad during my care flight and transfer to the trauma unit. When I finally heard him on the phone…. when I heard him tell me “I am on my way to you”… It was the most precious and meaningful words I have ever felt, a mixture of excitement and an overabundance of the desire to have his comfort overcame me. I knew I could hold on because of him. He really his my rock. Dad. I love you.

    He spent fathers day with me there and it was the first day I could open my eyes and see him.

    My family was there and my friends came to see me. Everyone was so supportive and caring. The nurses and doctors I met, I owe so much too. Nurse Brandi and Nurse Julia, I love yall.

    My hair was so matted in dried up blood, the nurses tried their best to clean it and brush it out but was not successful. We were able to get a hair stylist to the hospital and into the trauma unit and she took care of me. She stayed for hours doing her best to make sure to leave as much hair has possible. My long hair was now so short it barley fit into a pony tail. It was just one more thing Roman was able to destroy.

    My kidney levels were very low, I had to get blood transfusions, poked and prodded every day. I was going to go home to get surgery on my detached retina but ended up developing pneumonia (I had my surgery but still blind in my left eye). I had several bone fractures in my face, busted ear drums, and much more. On my 3rd day is when I had my miscarriage. My beautiful baby boy, Liam Moore. (I just received his ashes last week so now he is finally home❤).

    Things have been different. I live a new life. Moved from my home, healing is still in the works and I am thriving. I used to think Roman won. I used to believe that because of all of these struggles that I dealt with and continue to deal with while he gets to be protected in a jail cell meant he was still control. He made me want to hate myself for a while and I knew it’s what he wanted.

    I am way to stubborn for that. He should know better than that. Im sassy enough to out weigh this negativity. I am way to strong to allow such a weak little coward destroy me. He is nothing. I am everything. The smile I showcase, my family that embraces me and the friends that surround me. The life, MY LIFE, that I will continue to be thankful for everyday is no longer in his control. He did not win.

    Against his wishes, I am a survivor and he can’t take that from me.

     

     

    Hailey Moore

     

  • I Finally Found The Strength To Leave Him

    I finally found the strength to leave him. He’s been abusing me for the almost 2 years we’ve been together. The first time was because he couldn’t find his controller and this last time was because I went out on a Saturday night and went to a bar he doesn’t like and didn’t text back for 26 minutes.

    This is what it looks like when you’re woken up being beaten. This is what a skull fractured in 4 areas looks like. This is what somebody with bleeding on their brain from being hit so hard looks like after being held in a corner and beaten continuously.

    If you’re being abused just know he will NEVER get better…. nothing you say or do will make them change… I spent months dealing with the mental attacks. “you’re fat”, “ you’re nothing” “you’re ugly and nobody will ever want you”. All the way to since I lost my baby I failed life and would never be worthy enough for love.

    This escalated to him hitting me more and more. He’ll pretend he’s sorry & shower you with words of love and gifts. hell, he’ll even visibly show his supposed change just to get that hold back over your head for a week or two but he’ll always be the same. He wasn’t always terrible. He showed love and happiness but if he can hit you once it’ll escalate and continue happening.

    I miss the old him that I knew. The one that loved unconditionally and made me melt with one look. The one that made me feel so good about myself and beautiful but I’m here instead moving back into my moms because the cops can’t find him to serve a restraining order and I have no idea where he is to get him off the sts away from me.

    Yes I left him and yes I’m scared he’ll come retaliate but I’m SO proud and happy I left… if you’re being abused please leave. There are people there for you, don’t stay out of loniness ‘cause ya know what??? Being lonely is better than being dead. Not seeking pity or attention either I just need People to know it’s not just them and there is a way out.

    Kelly Kennedy

     

  • my plant is trying to escape

    [ad_1]

    dailyhaha funny pictures

    [ad_2]

    Source link

  • I Am Too Weak To Leave My Abusive Marriage

    I am too weak to leave my abusive marriage. Walking on eggshells everyday. Trying to do all the house works while watching two little kids and still get yelled at, at the end of the day, if it is not up to his standards and he has had a bad day I may be hit . I feel sorry for the kids, so after each fight, I beg him not to leave, I do not want them to be raised without a father. After getting yelled at and abused, I asked him not to leave, I beg him, I apologise.

    He is a wonderful, loving, supportive father, he is the bread-winner, he doesn’t mean to hurt me, he is just tired after a long day at work, I must be doing something wrong, not working hard enough myself or clearly don’t give him what he so needs after a long day.

    This is how I felt three years ago I was clearly weak, NO I WAS WEAK, I had been broken down so much to think I was worthless that I believed it, no one would want me, I was scum.

    When my daughter was five years ago she fell asleep in her loving fathers lap, she had an accident in her sleep and wet herself. He leapt up from his armchair launching our daughter across he room, he launched towards her, fists raised, ready to hit our little girl, I stepped in between them, I took the punch, and you know what I woke up to the reality I was actually living in, I was not the problem, HE WAS!

    Once he was in bed, I packed a small bag for my children, and walked in the night carrying one child and holding the hand of another, I had no plan, nowhere to go, but anywhere was safer than living with him.

    Three years later and I have a job, a new relationship where I feel safe to have a voice, to have a lazy day, to let my kids be kids, life has never been better, my children remember very little of their father but sometimes my daughter will wake up crying and remembers glass breaking and my tears, I did not realise at the time that she had heard the fights, that she had snuck into her baby brothers room (he was 2 at the time) she had held him and covered his ears so he could not hear.

    Please if you are in an abusive relationship, GET OUT. GET HELP, you may think he will never hurt your children, but he will, he doesn’t have to physically hit them to cause pain, the pain of hearing their mother being abused is enough

  • Raped, Controlled, Stalked Don’t Let This Be You

    I hope that others can take from this, hope and strength to make positive changes.

    I met Rick when I was 18, we were in the same friendship groups and knew the same people but had never spoken. He added me on Facebook randomly and we got to talking. It started as friendly chat and then he asked to take me out. He was lovely at this point, complimenting me and making me feel like I was the only one he had eyes for. I had been messed around in the months previous to this and dangled on a string, cheated on and all sorts so this was a welcomed change.

    For the first month or so things were amazing, we spent all our time together and he couldn’t do enough for me. I began staying at his house where he lived with his parents pretty much every night. It wasn’t until we were out for a friend’s birthday that things started to change. I was glad to have him with me but by the end of the night he started to get a bit quiet and moody. When we got home he started questioning me about my male friends that were there. How long I had known them, where we met and if there was ever anything between us. I chalked it up to insecurity and put his mind at rest and we moved on but it became so frequent. Whenever a male friend would comment on my Facebook or show up in my news feed it would cause an argument and I would end up having to unfriend them.

    Time goes on and it becomes an issue going out at all. I thought if he came with me everywhere it would ease his mind but it just didn’t. It ended up turning into excuses “I hate your friends” “You’re not going if I don’t and I’m not coming” “you’re supposed to want to spend time with me not them”

    How things ended up in just a few months is still kind of amystery but I went from being so sociable and not being able to live without my friends and family, to living in track suit bottoms all day every day in his bedroom staring at the same TV, dreading getting a text incase it caused an argument. I wasn’t seeing my friends, I wasn’t going home anymore and my mum would plead with me to come home once a week so she could see me. Even that ended in arguments so that I would feel so bad I wouldn’t want to leave to see my family but stay and sort things instead.

    I think it was around four months in when things started to get physical. It started the day I had my contraceptive implant removed, they had a really hard time getting it out so I was left with stitches and heavy bruising. I was feeling really poorly and all I wanted to do was to just go to sleep. For a month or two he had been going on at me constantly how we don’t have sex enough and made me feel guilty because I apparently made him feel unwanted. Even though we were having sex at least 5 times a week.

    So he is hassling me whilst im laid trying to sleep. Groping me and just not letting it go. I told him I didn’t want to and pushed him away but it wasn’t enough. He was rough with it and as a result the stitches in my arm burst open from being held down. When he was done he headed for the bathroom and I grabbed my bag, left my shoes behind and legged it out into the garden and out the back gate and walked and ran barefoot to my closest friends house which was around 10 minutes away.

    It was probably around 2am but she let me in, covered in my own blood and was asking me what the fuck had happened. I couldn’t even tell her I was beside myself. 15 minutes later he was outside in his car calling and texting me to come out. She begged me to stay because she knew he was the cause but I was embarrassed, scared and ashamed so I went home with him.

    This became a regular occurence where I would say no but it wouldn’t matter. So I stopped saying no. It was easier for me that way, I didn’t need to be held down. I didn’t need to be hit, I could just lay there and wait for it to be over.

    He became every single part of my life. I couldn’t do anything on my own anymore, couldn’t bath without him in the room. I couldn’t even wee without him in the room and if I did manage to get to wee in peace he would watch me through the key hole. I had to go to work with him, he was a mobile carer so I had to sit in his car and go with him wherever he went.

    I couldn’t take pride in my appearance anymore, I remember dying my hair and having him rub hair dye in my eyes and pushing me into the bath tub in anger because “Who was I trying to impress?” I became no one.

    It came to an end around a year in, it was coming up to my closest friends birthday, I wanted so much to be able to go and celebrate with her. I knew if I asked or told him I was going it would cause an argument and result in getting hurt so I waited until the day before to tell him. At least then it would be over with quicker and it wouldn’t be drawn out arguments. We were sat in his car between his jobs and he was screaming at me. I remember I just caught sight of myself in the mirror of the sun visor and I saw myself properly for what felt like the first time in months.

    My eye was black, I looked grey and miserable and I remember thinking – what the fuck are you doing? Have you heard him? Have you heard what he is saying to you? LOOK AT YOURSELF. And I turned to him and said, calmly “take me home Rick I can’t do this anymore.” He changed, from being this screaming beast of a man to a pleading little boy.

    Telling me how he would change, he would give me my space and he would try hard to work on us. I had left him twice already and gone back because of this kind of promise. But this was it, I was done. He was refusing to take me home so I told him if he didn’t I would call my step dad to come get me and that would be worse for him because he would want to know why I was crying. So he took me home.

    That should have been the end because it was for me, but it wasn’t for him. I had to deal with him stalking me, being wherever I was. Texting and calling me so much that in the end my mum had to take me to the police to report it. They were genuinely concerned because of his behaviour and the way he was talking about killing himself and it being because of me, that he would try and take me with him.

    He had tried already to grab me and drag me into his car on my way home from work. He was everywhere and I couldn’t escape him. I felt so guilty reporting him to the police I tried to walk out half way through interview but they told me – given the stuff they knew already they would be taking things further whether I wanted to or not.

    The Police escorted my dad to collect my stuff from his house, which he had pissed all over and given back to my dad in a last attempt at any kind of control. Eventually he gave up, the last contact being him waiting for me outside a relatives house where he knew I would be and having to phone the police to remove him whilst sat in this relatives car and having him watch and listen to me do it standing at my side of the car just tapping on the window begging me to hear him out. But it worked, they granted me an injunction meaning he wasn’t allowed to contact me at all and doing so would result in arrest and charges.

    It has taken me years to move past it, to trust people again. I became so angry and hostile that I would cause fights with strangers in bars for something as simple as putting their hand on my shoulder when I hadn’t told them they could. Every time I smelt something that smelt like him I would panick and just not function.

    Everywhere I went I had a memory of him. I got to a point where I had changed jobs and was working in London, and every day I would stand on that platform and think about throwing myself in front of the incoming train because it would just be over. I won’t lie and tell you it was easy to get out because it wasn’t, but I will tell you it was the best decision I ever made. There is support out there, there is people that will listen, believe you and take you seriously. The help is there and when you are ready to take that step it is waiting.

    This is my story, don’t let it be yours.

     

  • What If He Tries To Rape Me Again?

    I think my relationship may be about to get abusive … it started when I stupidly did not discourage a male from being sexual with me over social media

    It was wrong of me and I know that.

    I stupidly allowed my PND and low self esteem to take the better of me in that situation

    My thought was

    “You’re fat and ugly, your partner thinks the same too”

    So when another male showed sexual interest I allowed it

    While I did encourage him, I didn’t discourage him either

    And that was wrong
    My partner found out..

    My partner

    My lover

    My saviour

    My BEST FRIEND
    He’s hurt. Of course he’s hurt and I have nobody to blame for that but me

    How could I ever hurt him like I have ?!

    How could I ever have been so fucking stupid???
    We spoke and I thought things were somewhat sorted between us

    I knew the trust would be hard to rebuild

    I know because he’s shattered my trust before

    More than once

    But that isn’t the point.
    He wanted to have sex in the utility room, I said no

    He pushed and pushed and forced his penis inside of me

    Without consent
    Is this rape?

    God knows I deserve it
    I got out of that situation unharmed, I went outside to avoid him for a while

    Came back, and he acted as though nothing had happened
    Cue bed that night, he again tried to initiate sex

    I complied, it’s the least I can do after betraying his trust

    The sex was rough, I didn’t enjoy it. But I allowed it to continue regardless

    Half hour after he finished he wanted to go again, again I complied
    It was this time when he strangled me, I couldn’t breathe.

    I justified it in my head “he’s upset, he wants to hurt me without actually hurting me”

     

    I mentioned it the day after

    He “didn’t realise he had done it”

    Ok, not to worry
    We spent the day together and had a good laugh,

    I hadn’t laughed like that in such a long time

    We had such a good day together as a family
    Again, back in bed that night he brought up my infidelity

    We spoke, I asked if he wanted to hit me, I felt like I deserved it.

    He was horrified I even suggested such a thing

    “Id never hit a woman, EVER”

    I apologised

    He again initiated sex

    He wanted anal, I refused

    That didn’t stop him

    He forced himself in me once again

    And despite my screams and crying he continued

    I tried to get away, he held me in place while he continued to force sex
    I again, thankfully managed to get away

    I ran, I was so distraught, I ran to the bathroom

    But there is no lock

    So, naked, scared and still crying I ran to my car

    I drove away

    I had nowhere to go. I’d left my phone so couldn’t ring anyone for help

    And stupidly, all I wanted was my partner. The man who was my everything
    But also the man who he caused me to be in this situation
    I returned home, he was looking for me

    “Are you ok?”

    NO, no I am not

    “You wanted me to hurt you”

    Not like that …

    he didn’t understand my point of view
    I returned to bed and put some clothes on

    What if he tries to rape me again?

    What if this is the start of an abusive relationship?

    Is this what I deserve?
    He acted like nothing happened. And went away to work in the morning

    Will tonight be better? Only time will tell?

    I know everyone will read this and think

    “Why stay?! Take your children and leave!”

    But I can’t, it isn’t who he is.

    He’s an amazing man, and my entire world

    Thankfully I can recognise that what has happened the last two nights is wrong

    If it continues, I’m gone.

    But for now. I’m hoping he will be the man I love

    The caring, affectionate man
    I’m hoping this is his way of getting his frustration out for what I’ve done to him

    I’m hoping this is the end