Tag: dark

  • Last Night I Tried To Kill Myself- I’m Glad I Failed

    Last night I tried to kill myself, last night I was alone and broken.

    You see I suffer from depression and have done for such a long time.

    My Facebook posts are often depressing, dark or sad, I am not crying out for attention it just really helps to post a meme, article or video which states how I feel, it’s kind of like off loading some of my emotions.

    Last night I was feeling low and scrolling through my Facebook news feed, I saw so many happy photos of people on holiday, days out or meals with the family, I felt even more down, why could I not have that?  I posted a meme about depressing, my own mother commented “oh Emma are you ever bloody happy, stop attention seeking”.

    In that moment I felt more worthless, more fragile and more alone than ever.

    A handful of pills I swallowed a glass of water in hand a moment of despair in my mind.

    An awakening thought, these people who seem so happy, whose lives appear so perfect ARENT!!! It’s posed, it’s for Facebook, no one has a perfect life NO ONE.

    Everyone has their dark moments others like me just have them more often.

    Fingers down my throats and a call to a friend who has never given up on me no matter how depressing I am to be around.

    Please don’t let me dampen your joy, don’t stop spreading the happy, I won’t stop posting my feelings.

    You are not perfect and neither I am, if my posts are too depressing remove me, don’t comment telling me to “cheer up”, or oh “are you ever happy”, trust me I get a lot of comments like this and it does not help.

    Not everyone deals with things the same way, some times the person who seems the most perfect, the happiest is the one who is breaking inside, be kind with your words, think before you comment, you never know what that person is going through, Emma H

  • Why You Feel More Depressed In Winter?

    Why You Feel More Depressed In Winter? You could be suffering with Seasonal affective disorder – also known as SAD – is a mood disorder which gets worse during winter. But how do you know if you’re suffering from it? And what can you do to relieve the symptoms?

    “Daylight plays an important role in maintaining our sleep patterns, appetite, temperature, sex drive, mood and activity,” says Bridget O’Connell, head of information at mental health charity Mind. So it’s no surprise that a lack of daylight could affect our general health and well-being.

    “The amount of light we need to keep on track varies from person to person, but for some people, the reduction in daylight hours seen in the UK through the winter months is enough to significantly slow these internal mechanisms down.”

    As a result, people could have problems sleeping and concentrating, difficulty coping with everyday pressures they normally take in their stride, and may become more prone to depression, overeating and illness.

    “Anyone could be affected by SAD at any time,” says Bridget, but it is most likely to develop between the ages of 18 and 30. Research also shows twice as many women as men are diagnosed with the disorder.

    Wanting to sleep or eat more during winter, coupled with being less inclined to get out and about, is a normal reaction to seasonal changes and decreased exposure to natural light. “However if you feel your low mood in winter is so severe it is preventing you from living your life as usual, and occurs regularly every winter, then you may have SAD,” says Bridget.

    Symptoms may start between September and November and can last until late May. Once someone has experienced two or three winters of symptoms, they can be said to be suffering from SAD.

    “If you feel you are suffering from SAD, you should visit your GP to discuss the best course of treatment, be that bright light therapy, talking therapies, medication or one of the many alternative treatments available,” Bridget advises.

    Outdoor activity, whether it’s a bike ride, a run around the block or pottering in the garden, could have a positive impact on mood. “Research shows outdoor exercise could be as effective as antidepressants in treating mild to moderate depression. In turn, exercise will increase physical fitness, improve self-confidence and self-esteem. Exercising with friends or an organised group could also help to lift mood.”

     

  • Keep The Faith 

    A year ago tonight at around 2am I tried to kill myself, I had enough after struggling year after year with the black fog that is depression. Thankfully I was unsuccessful. 

    15 days later me and my girlfriend found out that she was 3 weeks pregnant. 7 months later we had a son who is a week shy of 5 months. 

    If I had of been successful in taking my life then basically I would be airbrushed out of this photo, I wouldn’t exist. I would have missed out on the best thing that has ever happened to me. That absolutely terrifies me to think about. 


    While I’m not going to lie there has been dark days since and I’ll always have to face this illness on a daily basis, it’s worth facing, it’s worth dealing with & most importantly it’s worth talking about, that’s what’s kept me alive I think, talking to people I care about & that care about me. 


    Anyway that’s my story about the past year of my life & for the first time in a long time I’m looking forward to enjoying many more! 


    Keep the faith x