[ad_1]
Building a team ✨🫶🏼 #relationshipgoals #family #familylife #familygoals #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationship #firsttimeparents #parents #dad #dadgoals #couple
♬ wanna be yours – ourfeelings🪐
@claudinebyrne Building a team ✨🫶🏼 #relationshipgoals #family #familylife #familygoals #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationship #firsttimeparents #parents #dad #dadgoals #couple
[ad_2]
Tiktok by Claudine Byrne
*** This is food for thought ***
One evening my mother made dinner after a hard day’s work. She put a plate of eggs, salad and burnt toast in front of my father …
I immediately noticed, the burnt toast …. And, I was waiting to see if he was going to complain about it, but my father started to eat them, smiling and asked me how I spent my day at school …
My mom apologized to my dad for the burnt toast. I will never forget his response to her: “Honey, I love burnt toast!”
Later when I went to bed and my dad came over to kiss me goodnight, I asked him if he really liked the burnt toast?
He hugged me and said, “Your mother has had a difficult day and she is really tired. She went out of her way to prepare this meal for us, why blame her and hurt her.
Burnt toast never hurt anyone; but words can be very painful! “
We have to know how to appreciate what others do for us, even if it’s not perfect, because it’s the intention to do well that counts, and no one is perfect …
A man’s Maternity Leave ignorance – a belated apology
My wife’s had 3 maternity leaves. All of which I’ve been in work fulltime getting home for 6pm to spend an hour doing the glory bits. I’m not so conceited that I didn’t realise it was a tough gig, but I would rebuff any bemoaning from Mrs Secret Dad Lad with ‘being at work isn’t exactly a f**king holiday’. Turns out, comparatively, it is.
During lockdown my wife’s more demanding job has meant she’s had to basically continue to work fulltime, albeit remotely. This has meant that I’ve had my own ‘Paternity Leave’ looking after our kids (Josephine 5, Ernie 3 and Walt 1) whilst their Mum works away in the loft. Here’s a chronicle of a typical day:
And, it’s pretty much that everyday. Relentless doesn’t cover it. I may have it slightly tougher in one sense during lockdown as there’s less options to escape. But I also don’t have a newborn hanging off my tit, sterilization faff to worry about and an expectation from wider society that it should all come naturally to me. Plus, if the shit really does hit the fan, I have another parent available upstairs who could help me out.
What I’m getting at is all you maternity leave survivors, fair f**king play. I’ve experienced a small amount of what you endure(d) and I’m flagging. We love our kids, but when they’re young looking after them can be ferocious. So, to my wife especially, I apologise for taking your daily efforts in rearing our kids so magnificently for granted. I’ve had a big taste of humble pie. Sorry it’s taken so long.
Also, if you can give me access to the magical housework fairy you must have employed during your maternity leave – that would be great 👌🧚♀️
Breastfeeding
Last Month was Breastfeeding Awareness Month. So I figured id drop some knowledge on my fellow Dads and soon to be Dads. Here’s what it looks like for the first few weeks or months after your child is born. Yup if mom breastfeeds they pretty much are tucked like this and at times you’ll wonder “what is there for me to do?” Here’s my top 5 tips for any Dad after your child is born.
1. For night feedings. When mom wakes up in the middle of the night. You get up and ask if she needs any help or water. The truth is most of the time she will say no but just the fact that you offered will go far.
2. Ask mom if she can pump and then pick 1 feeding that you will always do. Mom will take on almost everything and will burn herself out if you let her. At times you may have to force her to rest without worrying about the baby. This is an easy way to do that without a fight.
3. Don’t put a time limit on how long mom breastfeed the baby. It’s not just about feeding your child it’s about them bonding as well. I know everyone has a diffrent length of time they will breastfeed and as a Dad it’s hard to fully understand. Do not I repeat DO NOT try and rush this process it’s not our place and it’s not safe. You will open yourself up to a fight you can’t win.
4. Be patient. I know as a Dad the first few weeks we are equally excited and yet not as important yet. Your time will come faster than you know. Babies grow fast and the stronger bigger they get the more Daddy Time will be coming your way.
5. Paternity leave! If you have it TAKE IT. The early stages of a childs life are not just for moms to enjoy. I know as men making the money especially after having a baby but trust me. You can always make money but there are no instant replays in life. It doesn’t make you more of a man to not take the leave. It’s equally as important that you as a Dad get to be a part of the early development of your child.
Someone needs this info Tag them
Credit https://www.facebook.com/muhammednitoto
I’ve tried my best to not repeat any but I’m sorry if I have.
source
Honest feelings. I am sure many will relate.
Laying here today while Lauren and little Zea slept I had these thoughts run through my mind.
Ya know when you have these underlying thoughts that seem to stay with you?
Some days are good, some days are tough.
SO tough..
I guess you call it parenthood right? Or just life..
“Enjoy holding her while she sleeps, because one day it will be the last time”. – A friend said that to me as a way to remind myself how precious each moment is, even when Zea is crying and it feels utterly impossible to get anything done other than just survive the day.
Sometimes we just gotta survive the day and consider that progress.
All the questions that run through my mind..
How do I manage the stress and pull between working to provide and to be present emotionally and love. How do I step away from the phone and computer and not think about life’s pressures of being an adult.
Which brings the deeper questions..
Am I a good father?
Am I a good husband?
What if I am not enough.
How do I love Lauren more and be there for her more during her motherhood journey, when I struggle myself at times?
Wanting to be all the things, to everyone so badly and the frustration that ensues from that when I can’t.
These questions I feel like are the first layer.
As I dig below I think it ultimately leads to this idea of death and separation. It scares me, it’s even hard to talk about it here.
This fear of being apart with something you love so so much.
My fear for her and her own death someday..
And hoping that it is a long long way away, far beyond my time & she lives a beautiful full life.
To my own death and desperately wanting and needing to feel like I have “it” figured life out, realizing I never will – but still clinging to some insane hope.
Not even sure what “it” actually is..
Becoming a parent is life changing on so many levels. It is so freakin hard at times too. One thing I know is it has forced me to look deeper into myself.
“Enjoy holding her while she sleeps, because one day it will last time”.
Then I think to myself..
We can see that with everything in life.
The last laugh, the last cry, the last kiss, the last “I love you”.
Then I come back to this moment as she sleeps.
Her little head resting on my chest.
Lauren beside us both.
It brings tears of happiness to my eyes knowing I can feel so deeply, even if its pain at times.. With that deeper pain, comes a deeper love too.
I am realizing now I have to express it more physically. I think men (I know this is true for me) tend to block off, shut down and detach to some extent emotionally because we fear not being good enough.
We fear not raising our kids right.
That we aren’t as present with our partner as we know we need to be.
We aren’t as connected.
All the while deep down – we fear death and being apart from them.
We bury it in striving and achieving.
In doing “stuff”.
In busy schedules and rushing around.
I know I do.
Providing financial support, but we aren’t always there in the ways we know we should be, but it’s hard to face that vulnerability at times..
That we are also scared too.
But each time I come back to appreciation, even on the days that feel tough, because through this it helps me remember that sometimes just surviving the day matters.
That I might not get all the ‘things’ done..
But I might be there for Lauren & Zea and that is enough. Tomorrow will come and I will be able to figure tomorrow out when it comes.
The other, bigger questions..
Well that’s life.
Dads out there.. Mothers.. People just trying to figure life out. Know you aren’t alone. It’s such a mirror into our own lives and all the things we need to work on too.
I am grateful for that, even when it hurts..
🙂
Credit https://www.facebook.com/fraser.bayley
PARENTS.
A handful of us went to the Pittsburgh Pride Parade today, sporting our FREE DAD HUGS and FREE MOM HUGS t-shirts. We gave out hundreds of hugs. Hundreds. Some were super happy hugs. But others were like these two… and there were way too many like them.
Let me tell you about these two.
He was kicked out at 19 when his parents found out. They haven’t spoken to him since. He cried on my shoulder. Sobbed. Squeezed me with everything he had. I felt a tiny bit of that pain that he carries with him every minute of every day. He was abandoned because of who he loves. And on June 9th, 2019, he was participating in a celebration of love when he was brought to his emotional knees by a shirt that said “FREE DAD HUGS” on a complete stranger.
Her story? I don’t know the specifics. But I know that she saw me from across the street. I wasn’t paying attention. By the time she got to me, she had tears in her eyes. She stood in front of me and looked up at me, with a look of sadness and helplessness that I’ll never forget. She hugged me with everything she had. And I hugged her back.
She held on for so long, melting into me, and thanked me endlessly. And I can’t stop thinking about her. What she must be going thru with her family… the ones who are supposed to be there for her no matter what. Who does she go to when she needs advice on love, money or just life? Who does she share old memories with that only her parents would have been there for? What are her holidays like? How often does she hope for that phone call, with unconditional love on the other end? I don’t know her story. But it doesn’t feel like a huge leap to assume she’s lost those who should love her the most and forever.
Imagine that, parents. Imagine that your child feels SO LOST FROM YOU that they sink into the arms of a complete stranger and sob endlessly just because that stranger is wearing a shirt offering hugs from a dad. Think of the depths of their pain. Try to imagine how deep those cuts must be.
Please don’t be the parent of a child that has to shoulder that burden. I met WAY too many of them, of all ages, today.
And if by chance anyone knows these folks, please let them know they can reach out any time they need a surrogate dad to talk to. I’ll be there.
Credit https://www.facebook.com/howiedittman
