Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: Cry

  • In The Eyes Of Society Mothers Can’t

    “After having a child, I realized that in the eyes of society mothers can’t:

    • Complain (who told you to have kids?)
    • Cry (why are you crying? Did you think it was easy?)
    • Getting tired of what? (you do nothing!)
    • Sleep (You’re lazy!)
    • Rest (you’ll have plenty of time for that after they grow up)
    • Getting pregnant again (are you crazy? How many more kids do you want?)
    • Quitting work (how will you support your child?)
    • Work (who will take care of the child?)
    • Leave them at the nursery (Don’t let others raise them!!)
    • Being a housewife (Poor husband, works too hard and his wife stays at home!!)
    • Being single (nobody wants a woman with kids)
    • Going out for fun (why are you leaving your son with grandma to have fun?)

    And you know whats worse???
    90% of these phrases are spoken by other women.

    Let’s learn to be more supportive of each other. I’m human and I love my kids but I’m guilty of all these emotions at some point”

  • Imagine Being Born In 1900

    Imagine being born in 1900.
    When you’re 14 years old
    World War I begins
    and it ends when you have 18
    with 22 million dead.

    Shortly after, a world pandemic,
    a flu called ′′ spanish “,
    kills 50 million people.
    You come out alive and unscathed,
    you are 20 years old

    Then at 29 years you survive the global economic crisis that started with the collapse of the New York Stock Exchange, causing inflation, unemployment and famine.

    At 33 the Nazis come to power.
    You’re 39 when World War II starts
    and ends when you’re 45 During the Holocaust (Shoáh) 6 million Jews die.
    Over 60 million dead in total.

    When you’re 52 the Korean War starts.

    When you’re 64 the Vietnam War starts and ends when you’re 75

    A baby born in 1985 thinks his grandparents have no idea how difficult life is,
    and survivors of different wars and disasters survived.

    A boy born in 1995 and today 25 years old thinks it’s the end of the world when his Amazon package takes more than three days to arrive or when he doesn’t get more than 15 ” likes ” for his published photo on Facebook or Instagram…

    In 2020 many of us live in comfort, we have access to different sources of entertainment at home and we often have more than we need.

    But people complain because about everything.
    Yet they have electricity, phone, food, hot water and roof over their heads.

    None of this existed in the past.
    But humanity survived much more serious circumstances and never lost the joy of living.

    Maybe it’s time to be less selfish, stop complaining and crying.

    (Anonymous)

  • You Can Be A Strong Woman And Still Cry

    Today, I’m tired. I’ve run out of steam.
    So I wanted to share these reminders for anyone else that is pretty shattered with it all too.

    You can be a strong woman, and still cry.
    You can be a wonderful mum, yet still find days hard.
    You can be incredibly happy, but still feel sadness.
    You can be grateful, but still wish things were different.
    You can doubt yourself, but still be a voice of confidence to others.
    You can see your flaws, but still be perfect in someone else’s eyes.
    You can love morning cuddles with your kids, but still wish for more sleep.
    You can feel like you’ve done nothing all day, but to your kids you’re everything.
    You can be scared, but still be fearless.
    You can be tough, but still be gentle.
    You can just do you, and that will always be enough.

    🧡💛💚💙
    credit to the amazing thenofiltermum
    www.instagram.com/thenofiltermum

  • Don’t Let Me Cry Mom

    Don’t let me cry mom. My lungs won’t grow, I won’t be stronger, I won’t be wiser.

    Don’t let me cry mom. Don’t listen to these comments, your kisses will not hurt me, your chest will not make me depend, I don’t do it to bother you.

    Don’t let me cry mom. I can only trust you, I only know your voice, your smell, I only think of you since I came out of your belly.

    Don’t let me cry mom. Don’t teach me to comfort myself, I don’t need it, because I know I can always count on you. Don’t listen to them. You don’t spoil me when you take care of my crying. I don’t ask you for comfort at night to bother you, I’m looking for you because I need you, because I don’t understand this world we live in, because I just learned to love.

    Don’t teach me to cry, to suffer, to be alone.

    I’ll learn it, I promise. One day I will really cry and my crying will not be for you to take me in your arms or for you to give me the breast, one day my crying will be grown up and you won’t be able to comfort it. That day, I want to remember simpler days. Days when my parents used to kiss me and only with that, I stopped crying. These days don’t come back and if i never had one, I won’t have anything to remember. Don’t let me cry mom.

     

  • Dear Kids I’m Sorry I Was A Jerk

    Dear Kids, I’m sorry I was a jerk.

    I wish you knew that sometimes when the house is dark and quiet, I come in and watch you breathe for a minute. I wonder there in the stillness if you know how much I love you. I think about the things I could have said differently, and I wonder if you let my mistakes roll off of you or if they stuck. I hope and pray there in the stillness that you would know how deeply and widely I love you.

    You saw me at my best today, and you saw me at my worst. We cuddled on the couch this morning and your bed head was pressed into my chest. I smelled your hair and whispered I love you. I also lectured you about LISTENING and NOT INTERRUPTING, and was way grumpier than I needed to be. Later, I laid on your bed and apologized for being a jerk.

    You’ve seen me in all my colors and I have no facades with you. I am just one mess of a Mama that apologizes often and loves you with every fiber of my being.

    I don’t really know what I’m doing. I wish I did, but I don’t. I do my best and I trust my gut, but sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I say things that shouldn’t be said. Please keep telling me when I hurt you and I will make it right. We are learning and growing together.

    Sometimes I can’t find the words to let you know how I feel about you. I want to, but I can’t.

    Though sometimes I am overwhelmed and stressed I wish I could push pause and keep these days forever and ever.

    I am proud of you. I tell you that, but I know you don’t fully understand what that means yet. I’m proud of you in a way that doesn’t depend on your successes or failures. I’m proud of who you are and I will always be your greatest fan…no matter what.

    I hope my imperfection gives you permission to be imperfect too. I hope you always let me see your flaws and your mistakes because you know I’m safe. I hope you never hesitate to tell me when you’ve screwed up, because this imperfect mama will love you no matter what.

    My love will wrap itself around you whether you want it or not. There’s nothing you could ever do that would make it stop. Not ever.

    I am yours.

    We’re in this together for the long haul my loves, and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here.

    I love you.

    Love,

    Mama

    Follow Jess of Wonderoak for more like this.https://www.facebook.com/wonderoak/

     

  • Here’s Why Your Child Misbehaves Just For You

    Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder what you’re doing wrong because your child is so well behaved for everyone else, but isn’t for you?

    Challenging behaviour, pushing boundaries, screaming, crying, not listening, shouting, you get the idea.

    People will say you’re too soft and need to get tougher.

    Or that you’re not disciplining them properly and need to gain more respect.

    Or that you have lost control.

    Or that you are a rubbish parent.

    Want to know what I think?

    Its because your child knows you understand them more than anyone else.

    It’s because your child knows that they can show frustration, anger and emotions that we all have and you will still unconditionally love and support them.

    It’s because your child knows that you’re the one person who can make everything better.

    It’s because your child knows you’re the person they can always go to with all of their problems and will never be silenced.

    It’s because your child knows that if they want to cry then they can when you’re there.

    Next time you pick your child up from nursery or from school where they say they’ve been angels all day and once home their behaviour becomes challenging maybe it’s because they’ve been holding it together all day and with you they can let all of their emotions out. Because they know you are never going anywhere. Because you’re their mum.

    So why do they behave differently for you?

    It’s not because you’re their soft touch.

    It’s because you’re their safe place.

    You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing everything right. You’ve reassured your child that they can share their feelings with you and that whatever those feelings are, you will love them unconditionally.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Children’s mental wellbeing means the world and I’ve started sharing what I do at home to encourage my kids to talk about their feelings and emotions through play – have a look here www instagram.com/thenofiltermum

  • Sometimes We Survive The Day And Consider That Progress

    Honest feelings. I am sure many will relate.

    Laying here today while Lauren and little Zea slept I had these thoughts run through my mind.

    Ya know when you have these underlying thoughts that seem to stay with you?

    Some days are good, some days are tough.

    SO tough..

    I guess you call it parenthood right? Or just life..

    “Enjoy holding her while she sleeps, because one day it will be the last time”. – A friend said that to me as a way to remind myself how precious each moment is, even when Zea is crying and it feels utterly impossible to get anything done other than just survive the day.

    Sometimes we just gotta survive the day and consider that progress.

    All the questions that run through my mind..

    How do I manage the stress and pull between working to provide and to be present emotionally and love. How do I step away from the phone and computer and not think about life’s pressures of being an adult.

    Which brings the deeper questions..

    Am I a good father?

    Am I a good husband?

    What if I am not enough.

    How do I love Lauren more and be there for her more during her motherhood journey, when I struggle myself at times?

    Wanting to be all the things, to everyone so badly and the frustration that ensues from that when I can’t.

    These questions I feel like are the first layer.

    As I dig below I think it ultimately leads to this idea of death and separation. It scares me, it’s even hard to talk about it here.

    This fear of being apart with something you love so so much.

    My fear for her and her own death someday..

    And hoping that it is a long long way away, far beyond my time & she lives a beautiful full life.

    To my own death and desperately wanting and needing to feel like I have “it” figured life out, realizing I never will – but still clinging to some insane hope.

    Not even sure what “it” actually is..

    Becoming a parent is life changing on so many levels. It is so freakin hard at times too. One thing I know is it has forced me to look deeper into myself.

    “Enjoy holding her while she sleeps, because one day it will last time”.

    Then I think to myself..

    We can see that with everything in life.

    The last laugh, the last cry, the last kiss, the last “I love you”.

    Then I come back to this moment as she sleeps.

    Her little head resting on my chest.

    Lauren beside us both.

    It brings tears of happiness to my eyes knowing I can feel so deeply, even if its pain at times.. With that deeper pain, comes a deeper love too.

    I am realizing now I have to express it more physically. I think men (I know this is true for me) tend to block off, shut down and detach to some extent emotionally because we fear not being good enough.

    We fear not raising our kids right.

    That we aren’t as present with our partner as we know we need to be.

    We aren’t as connected.

    All the while deep down – we fear death and being apart from them.

    We bury it in striving and achieving.

    In doing “stuff”.

    In busy schedules and rushing around.

    I know I do.

    Providing financial support, but we aren’t always there in the ways we know we should be, but it’s hard to face that vulnerability at times..

    That we are also scared too.

    But each time I come back to appreciation, even on the days that feel tough, because through this it helps me remember that sometimes just surviving the day matters.

    That I might not get all the ‘things’ done..

    But I might be there for Lauren & Zea and that is enough. Tomorrow will come and I will be able to figure tomorrow out when it comes.

    The other, bigger questions..

    Well that’s life.

    Dads out there.. Mothers.. People just trying to figure life out. Know you aren’t alone. It’s such a mirror into our own lives and all the things we need to work on too.

    I am grateful for that, even when it hurts..

    🙂

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/fraser.bayley

     

  • Dear Teacher I’m Sorry You Missed Out On My Awesome Kid

    After a tough year. I wrote this.

    Dear Teacher

    I have heard your complaints, how my child has been bossy.

    I have heard you say he did not follow your exact directions.

    I have heard you say he wrote his name on a ruler.

    I have heard you say he takes some things to the extreme.

    I have heard every single one of your complaints.

    I have heard you tell me he is below grade level.

    I have heard you tell me he is taking advantage of his IEP accommodations.

    I have heard the list of members around the table at every IEP meeting yet it all seems a blur when it is over.

    I have also heard the doctor say he may not be successful in life.

    I have heard a list of diagnoses including Autism, hypotonia, Epilepsy, Dyslexia, Chromosomal abnormalities and even more.

    I have heard him cry at night that he has no friends.

    I have heard him tell me that even you think he is dumb.

    I have heard him tell me that he is too nervous to go to school.

    I have heard him cry over homework at 9pm, because he was at various therapies right after school. All because you told him it must be done, you will check, even though we talked about evening therapies multiple times.

    What I have not heard is one positive thing about my child this year.

    I am sorry that even though you had him for 180 days you missed the amazing child behind those diagnosis’s, you missed the heart behind it.

    While that ultimately made our year really tough, you are the one who missed out on an amazing kid. Not all disabilities show on the outside and that is the case with my child. You missed out this time, I hope not next time. Please remember that positive words go farther than negativity. Your students and families see your eye rolls. If it is hard for you, imagine how it is for us. How would you feel if it was your child? We feel your annoyance, it really hurts. I will not apologize because I am not sorry for my child they are working with what they were given. You are there to guide them, help them and be there when they need it. Remember dear teacher, if all kids were the same this world would be pretty boring. I know he will do great things because he is capable of things you never seen possible.

    Signed,

    The parent of the kid you missed out on

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/amanda.sullivan.790693

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  • I Think It Is Hard To Love A Care Worker

    I think it is hard to love a care worker. We get up early, we come home late and are too tired to cook. We miss weekend events, holidays, birthdays. We don’t get too excited over a minor cough or cold, we have seen far worse.

    We don’t always want to talk when we come home, we have talked all day. We don’t always want to move when we come home, we have moved all day. It may seem that we have left all of our caring, our heart, and our love at work, and have come home to you empty, we probably have.

    I guess it is hard to love a care worker, but know this: we still need your love. We need your understanding. We need to know that you “get it”. We need to be the one taken care of every once in a while. We need someone else to take charge of the details because constantly doing everything ourselves is exhausting. Sometimes we need our feet rubbed. We need a shoulder to cry on when we can’t even tell you why we’re grieving. We need you to do the hardest work you may ever take on, which is…to love a care worker.

    I would like to thank those of you out there who love them and let us do this work, this calling, this life: care work ❤️❤️❤️