Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: Choice

  • You Aren’t Required To Give Birth In A Hospital

    You aren’t required to give birth in a hospital. Did you know that? You’re allowed to decide if a birth center, hospital or your home is the best choice to birth your children.

    You have the right to make choices that you feel are in the best interest of you and your babies. This is your body and you are their parent.

    Do your research. Put together a birth team who will support your wishes and help to educate you on your options. Trust your intuition. You are the conductor of this experience and your birth team is there to help YOU.

    This strong mama knew that she could birth her gorgeous twin girls at home. She put a team together to support her and received incredible care from local OBs along with the prenatal care of her homebirth midwife. She met each milestone necessary to have a homebirth and at 37 weeks and 4 days brought these sweet little ones into the world. Her strength inspires me as she fought hard to keep these babies safe until they decided it was time to enter the world.

    Congrats to a wonderful family and please give a warm welcome to these girls who are already so loved.

    It was such an honor to document.

    XOXO,

    Stacey

    www.cincybirthstories.com

     

  • I Had To Make A Choice Between Being A Mum Or A…

    Yesterday Molly over heard me saying that I was competing in my first track race in 6 years.

    She asked me why, and asked “is it because of me?”

    I answered honestly, and said, “well, Yes.”

    Her little face dropped and she appolgied.

    I then stroked her hair and said, “When you were younger we had to move out of Nannys house.

    It got too difficult being a single mama and trying to train for running so much, if your Dad was around it might have been different… but because it’s just me, I basically had to choose.

    I had to make a choice between being the best Mummy I could be, or being the best runner I could be.

    And I chose you.

    I’ll always choose you.

    Because you are my priority.

    You are the most important person and “thing” to me…

    I love running, you know I do, but I love you so much more.”

    Molly’s face lit up, she told me she loved me and she grabbed me in a big cuddle. 💗

    I continued, “So it’s not your fault at all.

    And you don’t need to apologise to me.

    I’m not upset or mad at you in any way.

    It’s been such an amazing gift to be your Mummy, and I wouldn’t change it.

    And now your older I can get back into running a bit anyway!”

    Molly then jumped in and said, “And I want to help you get to run!”

    I thanked her and we had the biggest cuddle.

    Then she lay her head down on my lap as I stroked her hair.

    She looked so content and warm inside.

    Reminded that she is important and loved.

    I do love running, but I love Molly more.

    And I’m glad she knows it. ♡

    **Picture: left, 2013 County Champs

    Picture: Right, 2019 County Champs**

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/rhiannon.v.griffin

     

  • You Have Missed Everything Daddy

    There was a time in my life that I thought you were the greatest man alive. I got pregnant with your child while we were both still children ourselves.

    I was scared, devestated and so mad at myself. You made things okay. You promised you would be there. You promised that we would make it. My first mistake was believing you. You kept your promise for awhile. You stuck by my side through the cravings, and the roller-coaster emotions, you held my hand through the delivery, you woke up with her at night, changed her diapers, worked to help support her.

    You were perfect. I was so grateful that you were there to help me, I was so grateful that our daughter had a family. Despite everything I had thought the day I took that pregnancy test, I was happy. I had my own little family and life was good. Little did I know how short lived my happiness would be. And little did I know that the person I trusted and loved so much would be the person to rob me of that happiness. When you left, I was devastated. I was devastated not for me, but for our daughter. For the little girl whose first word was dada, for the little girl who smiled so big every time you walked in a room.

    I was devastated that she wouldn’t see mommy and daddy together anymore, but I took comfort in knowing she would still have two parents who loved her, even if they weren’t together. But then you stole that from her. You walked away from her and never looked back. I would hold our baby and cry at night, wishing things could be different with her.

    With each and every day that passed with no phone calls or texts from you, no emails, no letters my sadness started to turn to anger. I was angry at you. I was angry that you left me to do it all alone. I was angry that I worked so hard but still had to stress about bills and buying diapers.

    I would get angry whenever I would see pictures of you partying on social media, without a care in the world. I was so damn angry at you. But here it is, 2 years later. I’m not angry anymore. I am so happy. Your daughter is 3 years old. You haven’t seen her for almost 2 years.

    You have never seen her blown out her 2nd and 3rd birthday candles, talk in sentences, learn her numbers and shapes or dance to her favourite songs. You missed her first day of school and her first school performance. You’ve missed everything. I guess I just want you to know that you lose. I have the greatest gift of all, the gift of child who loves me. And you will have to live with the regret of not knowing the most beautiful little girl that you helped create. And that was your choice.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/nikitawalker97

     

  • This Is Why I Agree With Late Term Abortion

    In light of New Yorks abortion laws, I wanted to share my story for anyone that needs to hear it.

    In 2006, at 21 weeks pregnant I went in to my ob/gyn for a routine ultrasound. My doctor told me they suspected my daughter had Trisomy 13. They said they needed to do an amnio to be sure. Then they asked if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. I said, I wanted to wait until the results came back.

    I wasn’t able to make that decision without knowing for sure. They told me that the results would be back in 7-10 days and by that time I would be past 22 weeks and would not be allowed to have a medical abortion in my state. I had 45 minutes to make that choice. 45 minutes! I decided to wait for the results. That decision is the biggest regret of my life and I have played that conversation in my head over and over for the past 13 years😢 The results came back positive.

    Molly had a genetic chromosome disorder. Over the following weeks, I learned she had 2 holes in her heart, her brain was not formed properly, she didn’t have eyes, she had a cleft palate, extra fingers and toes and barely functioning lungs. The only thing keeping her alive was me. They told me I probably wouldn’t carry full term and if I did, her survival was unlikely. The truth was, Molly would suffer immensely if she lived past birth.

    I carried Molly full term to 40 weeks, I gave birth with a team of doctors by my side and I held her in my arms for 31 minutes and watched my daughter suffocate to death.

    Every single day after I found out the results were torture, delivery was torture, telling my children that after I had the baby, she would die was torture. Telling my family was torture. People would congratulate me on my pregnancy and I would smile and say Thank you because retelling my story over and over was torture.

    FUCK ABORTION REGULATION! MEDICAL DECISIONS SHOULD BE BETWEEN THE PATIENT AND THE DOCTOR. PERIOD!

    That was my choice and it was taken from me. The ptsd I still go through daily is real and debilitating some days.

    Molly was wanted. Molly was loved. My heart goes out to anyone denied 3rd trimester abortions! These are not people who just changed their minds, these are heartbreaking, gut wrenching, life changing stories and NOBODY gets to make those decisions for someone else.

    If you want to learn more about 3rd trimester abortions or the courageous people who risk their lives providing compassion to women, I recommend watching the documentary, After Tiller. I put a link in the comments.

    THANK YOU New York, Alaska, Colorado, New Hampshire, New Mexico, Oregon and Vermont for your compassionate laws regarding 3rd trimester abortions. Thank you for trusting women and their doctors to make these excruciatingly hard choices. Thank you for your compassion❤️

    Full credit Crystina  Irizarry

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  • Don’t Be Like Me Appreciate Your Wife

    I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

    We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

    I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

    We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

    This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

    Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

    I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

    She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

    Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

    We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

    I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

    New beginnings

    Life was sweet!

    Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

    But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

    We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

    I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

    Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

    Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

    I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

    If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

    She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

    I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

    Regret sets in

    But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

    And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last-minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

    Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

    My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

    Too late

    And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

    She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

    I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

    I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

    My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

    She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart-felt like it had been ripped out.

    It should have been me.

    Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

    Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

    Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

    “HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.

    Credit: #Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

  • I Personally Think I’m A Perfect Mother

    I personally think I’m a perfect mother. Why do I think that? Because my child is happy, fed, watered and healthy. The mum who lives across the road, her kids are also healthy happy fed and watered. So she’s a perfect mother.

    I can’t stand pierced ears on babies as to me it’s cruel. And yes secretly I’d be a bit judgy but I would not go out of my way to push my views on people. But I also don’t like kids with great big bows on their head, kids in track suits or little girls in totally inappropriate clothes (hot pants and cropped tops). But would I force my opinion? No!!! Cos it’s none of my fucking business how others raise their children!

    My son has a happy meal now and then. He loves watching tv. He wears the same pjs for more than one night if they are perfectly clean still. He also has on more than one occasion heard me swear and runs around copying for example yesterday I hit my head and said oh cock. He ran around saying cock cock cock. (We managed to pass it off as clock😂) But he also loves walking for miles through the countryside, loves trying new foods, is so polite when meeting new people. So I don’t think I’m doing a bad job.

    And when the judgy mcjudgeface fuckers come along and tell you that you’re a shit parent it’s almost enough to make yourself doubt those snotty kisses, the times where only a hug from mummy will do, and all those giggles over fart noises. But no, I am a perfect mother to MY SON. And if others don’t like how I parent, then quite frankly my dear, I DONT GIVE A DAMN!!

    Original Source is unknown

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  • Why I Wish I Hadn’t Had My Daughters Ears Pierced

    Angelikara Willi took to Facebook to make others aware of the possible regret you may feel if you pierce your babies ears.

    Willi said “When River was a few months old, I took her to have her ears pierced without much thought. Not only that, but I took her to a place that used a piercing gun.

    I knew people were opposed to this, but I didn’t really care. I truly thought those people were just being dramatic. She wouldn’t remember the pain and it’s better to get them done before she can mess with them, I thought.

    Eventually she didn’t like them.

    She wanted me to take them out often, we kept losing earrings and they just bothered her.

    As I grew in motherhood and knowledge, I decided not to put them back in.

    I strongly believe that my children have a right to decide what alterations happen to their body, and realized that this too falls into a cosmetic alteration. I’ve posted before about her asking me why I did this to her, and apologizing because I did not know better. Thankfully I learned before I had my second daughter.

    The holes have closed but the scarring mark remains… and now, more than four years later, look at that placement! It looked perfectly fine as an infant, but ears grow.

    That is not where earrings should be placed, and now my baby will have those scars that I agreed to.

    *Please, rethink piercing your baby’s ears*

    Let them decide if they want this done…

    their body, their choice.

    Do you agree with what she says or is it easier to have them done when they can’t remember it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments

  • Being A Vegetarian Ruined My Childhood

    So my parents always did what THEY thought was right, but being a vegetarian ruin my childhood.

    Now you may think ruined is a bit extreme but I genuinely feel it did, let me explain why.

    School was a nightmare whilst my friends all had tasty delights in their packed lunches or got to eat shepherd pie or lasagna from the school canteen, I was left with chick peas, a vegetarian cold pasta dish and fruit.

    Now okay that’s not completely terrible some of the meals were very tasty but as a child when friends had birthdays and brought in cakes or sweets the teacher would always have to check if I could have it, this caused me great embarrasment.

    Soon my friends began noticing how different I was, going to a friends party and having to bring my own food I soon got nicknamed “Carrot”, “Rabbit” and “freak”.

    I stopped being invited to parties, my mum was always so vocal about me being a vegetarian and soon other parents didn’t want the responsibility of monitoring me and making sure I wasn’t sneaking sausage rolls and pizza slices.

    I craved to be normal, I wanted to eat the food my friends ate, I didn’t want to read labels, I didn’t want to be different.

    I pleaded with my parents to allow me to eat normally but their beliefs were too strong.

    I found myself craving meat, and would often steal from my classmates lunch boxes, even go so far as steal from my local village store.

    My whole existence was thinking about how I could get more of the tasty delights which were forbidden, and how I could escape my family and life.

    By the time I was a teenager I was seriously depressed, self harming and my education was failing.

    At age 16 I hadn’t passed a single Gsce, I had no friends and no life, I left my parents home and slept on the streets.

    Homeless but happy, I found myself on them cold dark streets, I vowed to be a better me.

    A charity called Shelter (http://www.shelter.org.uk/ ) helped me get a bed sit, I found work and eventually found love.

    Fifteen years later I am the proud father of two, I let them make their own life choices and have never been happier.

    I rekindled my relationship with my parents for the sake of my children but I cannot forgive them for pushing their beliefs on me, so yes being a vegetarian ruined my childhood.