Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: Cheat

  • Why Leaving My Wife Was The Worst Mistake

    I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

    We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

    I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

    We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

    This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

    Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

    I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

    She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

    Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

    We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

    I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

    New beginnings

    Life was sweet!

    Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

    But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

    We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

    I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

    Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

    Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

    I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

    If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

    She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

    I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

    Regret sets in

    But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

    And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

    Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

    My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

    Too late

    And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

    She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

    I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

    I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

    My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

    She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

    It should have been me.

    Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

    Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

    Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

    “HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.

    Credit #Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

  • My Wife Will Never Touch My Penis

    My Wife has never actually touched my e.nis

    So this is the first time I have ever done this.

    So My wife and I are both 32 years old and have been together for about 10 years, and married for 7 years. We had both had a few partners before we were together.

    We have a great relationship and love and care for each other.

    The only problem is that when we have sex she doesn’t touch me. not once in the whole time we have been together has she ever touched me or given me oral.

    I haven’t bothered too much about it until now. Yea I long for head or even just to have her hold my member in her hand.

    See the thing is she never ever talks about sex. I have tried to talk to her and she gets embarrassed and shuts down.

    When we have sex I always am the one doing the foreplay. It is very one-sided. I kiss her everywhere, I touch her, I give her oral, and pleasure her and she goes wild for it. But she never touches me. I have tried directing her hand down there and she stops. I have dealt with it for years, but now it is becoming a problem because when we start a session I do the usual foreplay but because it is getting a bit boring not receiving and feels a bit unfair I loose the erection before we can even have sex. It is happening more often now and it is leading to having less and less sex. she takes offence to the loss of erection.

    Because it is happening more often I am getting performance anxiety which is creating a huge problem.

    I am now so sexually frustrated and have even considered straying. Not that I ever would but am finding myself fantasising about it.

    Anyone in the same boat or have any advice?

    ​

  • Boyfriend Wants Us To Be Poly-Advice Needed

    Boyfriend wants to be poly because he already has feeling for someone else. We just had a baby.

    My boyfriend and I have been a monogamous couple for 12 years. I knew that he was interested in polygamous but he never pursued it because I did not think I would be able to cope with all my insecurities.

    Last month my boyfriend told me that he has develop some strong feelings for a coworker (his employee actually) and he did not want to dismiss them this time.

    surprisingly, I reacted rather well. I know that he loves me and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. I do not feel that my relationship is threatened by this other woman. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I want him to be happy and I will try very hard to accept his other girlfriend. I have already read some literature on the subject that helped me grow a lot. We are working hard on my insecurities.

    The thing is we just had a baby, she is 5 months old.

    We talk a lot about agreements that I would feel comfortable with. He can see her 2 nights per week and lunch with her once a week.

    I do want to be the strong and positive woman but I can’t help but feel betrayed and abandoned when I am home taking care of our baby girl while he is out having fun and intimate moments with his other girlfriend. Will this feeling ever go away?! Should I work on that or is it normal to feel this way?

    I feel the situation is really unfair because I too would like to go out and meet new people but it is actually impossible with our baby right now. I feel like I would like for him to wait untill our daughter is older so I can have more freedom. But at the same time, he already has feeling for someone and I would feel bad asking him to end it.

    Also, I feel ashamed the way our polygamous adventure began because it feels as though he forced it on me at a very bad timing in our life.

    I have no one in my entourage to speak to who I feel won’t judge us.

  • He Cheated In The Worst Way

    Last year me and my husband  were watching Netflix when he got a call. He took it in the other room, but I could hear him and could tell he was upset. After a few minutes he came out, said he’d be right back, and left without answering my many questions.

    About an hour later he came back with my best friend.  This was odd, but I politely greeted her, thinking to myself why has he gone and collected my best friend.

    My husband told me to sit and they sat next to each other on the couch across from me, was one of the ill I thought to myself, what is going on?

    She was really uncomfortable and wasn’t making eye contact with me, and my husband couldn’t look at me. He looked passed me and told me what was wrong. He told me that he had cheated on me, and that she was pregnant, and that she had been kicked out of her house so he offered her our spare bedroom.

    She was four months pregnant and we had barely been married a year and he had already fucked another girl, if he were going to cheat he could at least of picked someone else.

    I felt sick, embarrassed, angry and betrayed, and the fact that he let her live here without asking me was too much.

    I couldn’t even bring myself to yell at him. Or throw something at him. I just cried. I cried for about ten minutes, and the my asshole husband never comforted me, or even looked at me. All he could say was “well…. sorry”. I couldn’t bring myself to kick her out so I’ve let her stay, i was basically taking care of the girl who ruined my marriage, who I used to confided in.

    In one night I lost my husband and my best friend, I was used, it is clear to me now that neither of them loved me, and you know what I no longer care, I am not angry, I am not sad I am free, my best friend actually did me a favour I didn’t have to spend a life time with a man who did not love me.

    They aren’t together anymore, my husband does see the child but only once a fortnight as he lives in a dirty house share, I however have found a rewarding career ad awaiting a huge party when my divorce is finalised.

  • To The Other Woman Who Ran Off With The Love Of My Life

    To the other woman:

    I hated you. I watched you run off with the love of my life, happily and shamelessly showing the world what you had done. It took me weeks to realize that the infidelity had been going on long before our relationship ended. It took me months to realize that my pain and tears were used as a device to manufacture your sympathy. And now, it will take me years to recover from the insecurity that comes from being triangulated with another woman.

    But I do not hate you anymore. I fear for you.

    Although we share different personalities, bodies, and spirits – when it comes to this relationship, we are the same woman.

    You see, I once rode the high that you’re currently living. I was the special one. The most beautiful, perfect, flawless partner in the world. I saved him from the pain of his last, crazy ex. I sympathized with him about how horribly she treated him, according to him. I was elated to be the woman who finally made him happy, after all of his alleged suffering. He was fascinated by me. He spent every waking moment texting me and showering me with attention.

    Does this sound familiar?

    One must wonder, in this short span of time, how I suddenly became crazy. Bipolar. Jealous. Needy. Clingy. Abusive. How did that happen? Is it really possible for a person to go from flawless to horrible in the blink of an eye? And furthermore, is it really possible that his previous ex was all of these things as well? And what about the ex before that?

    The common denominator has become startlingly clear.

    For so long, I punished myself. I truly believed that I deserved it. Something must be wrong with me, I thought, in order for him to run off into the sunset with another woman. So happily and enthusiastically.

    But then I realized, I was once that woman. I was you.

    And because of that, I understand that I can never save you from this nightmare. Psychopathic victims cannot escape once they have been groomed. For the rest of your relationship, you will deny reality and invent reasons that you might be the exception. You will lie to yourself, desperately trying to recreate your perfect dream. But ever so slowly, your identity will begin to fall apart. Like sandpaper, he will push your boundaries until you don’t even know who you are anymore.

    Another woman will enter the scene. It is inevitable in relationships with narcissistic men. You will be strung along for as long as possible, as I once was. Your increasingly volatile reactions will be used against you, to evoke sympathy from the new target.

    And eventually, you will be me.

    This is why I fear for you. I would not wish the pain & suffering I’ve experienced on anyone. I know that your intentions were not malicious. I know that you were being spoon-fed the exact same lies I believed a long time ago.

    The story you’ve been told is false. It was a pity ploy, designed to enhance your fairytale and consume your heart. You will not believe that today, but someday this letter will make sense. Brutal, heartbreaking sense.

    I can only hope that the aftermath of your abuse might be guided by this letter. I can only hope that this might provide you with the tools that I was never given. A puzzle piece, to jumpstart your journey.

    I do not hate you. That is what he would want.

    Psychopathic mind games are invincible to everything but love. I will not carry on his legacy by taking part in these triangles anymore, injecting jealousy & hatred to fill the void of his soul.

    I’ve made it through to the other side, and I know you can too. Please have the same empathy for the woman who replaces you. We can only ever stop this cycle of abuse with compassion for one another. By recognizing that all human beings deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and honesty. By recognizing that there is no other woman – we are all that woman.

    Wishing you love, hope, and above all: freedom.

    original source unknown

  • Why Should I Have To Get A Job?

    Why should I have to get a job?

    I was a happily married stay at home mum raising my three precious children Oliver 8, Joshua 6 and Poppy 3.

    I loved being able to take my eldest two to school and spending time with my little girl, then every day being in the playground to collect my boys.

    I never missed an assembly or sports day, my children could have friends over and I would always have a healthy home cooked meal on the table for when my husband came home.

    I always wanted to be a mum and a housewife, I was very happy.

    However my husband can’t have been happy as he ended up cheating on me and left me for his mistress.

    I was stuck, I had always been financially supported by my husband but now I had to claim benefits.

    But why should I get a job, I didn’t ask for my husband to cheat, I didn’t get pregnant to claim benefits, I have done no wrong!

    The job centre says as my youngest child is 3 I have to look for work, but why?

    How is this fair on my children to have to go without their mum being there for them when ever they need me, to have to miss sports day or get a paid stranger to collect my children from school.

    I do not want a job, I already have one it’s called being a mum.

    How can they expect me to leave my three children with a childminder just because my husband couldn’t keep his promise to love me forever.

    I didn’t do anything wrong yet I am the one who is being made to feel guilty for not wanting a job, but if I do not prove I’m looking for work they will stop our benefits.

    I understand many may not agree with me but I do not care, I set out to be a mum all the time not to miss out on watching them grow.

     

  • I Got My Council House Through Lies, I’m Not Ashamed

    I got my council house through lies and I’m not ashamed.

    Back In 2010 I was living at my boyfriends Mums house, in a cramped room, we both worked really hard to make a living but never seemed to make enough to save for a deposit on a flat.
    We finally gave in and went to council, they did a banding system.

    So Band A was top priority, although I was pregnant, as I wasn’t disabled, had a roof over my head and a job we were given Band C.
    In other words we were very unlikely to be housed, we tried so hard to move but with no luck we had no choice but to play the system.

    I suddenly came down with depression, my partner played on his bad back from years ago, my soon to be mother in law wrote a letter to the council to say she couldn’t have us living there anymore.
    We pretended we were sleeping in my partners work van, I cried to the housing officer, my midwife pleaded our case as did our local councillor.
    4 months of waiting and we finally got a viewing, a small two bedroom flat on the 8th floor.

    We were second on the list to get it, the ones in front of us turned it down, it wasn’t good enough for them, but we decided begers couldn’t be choosers and jumped at the chance to have a place to call home.

    Our first proper home, a place to bring our baby back to.
    Yes, we played the system, am I ashamed? no way!!!
    We work so hard, why should others who won’t help themselves and already receive so much help get priority.
    We pay all our own rent, we have added two new addition to our family and moved to a larger home.
    Sometimes us hard workers have to play the system to get anything in life, it’s upsetting that it’s like this but needs must.

     

  • Prove Your Loyalty With Hairy Legs

    A soldiers in the parachute regiment, currently based in Colchester Essex has caused an online debate with his controversial idea to keep his wife faithful and loyal.

    Lisa Watts 27, originally from Swindon took to a Garrison girls Facebook group (a support group for army wives to chat and get advice).
    Lisa posted in the group and said that last year when her husband was away for three months on training he had made her do something to prove that she wasn’t cheating whilst he was away. 

    Her Husband Stephen 29 also from Swindon is due to go away for six months after Christmas. 
    Stephen expects his doting wife and mother to their two young children, Oscar 4 and Autumn 5 months old  to go unshaven whilst he is away.

    This means allowing her armpit, leg and vagina hair to go uncut, trimmed, waxed or shaven.
    When he returns from action he demands to see her body to prove her loyalty.

    The post had over 4000 replies from members the majority of which were against the idea.

    Sandra Daly commented on the post and said “This is control, he’s sick, surely he should trust you, time to file for divorce”.
    There were hundreds of comments similar to this, however some people thought it was a good idea.

    Tanisha Fitzgerald said “I kind of like the idea, it’s like unwrapping a present, plus think of all the money you’ll save on razors etc and at least it is winter, the extra hair will keep you nice and warm”.

    What’s your thoughts, would you go unshaven to prove your loyalty? 

    Let us know your thoughts in the comments

     

     

     

  • Husband Believes Wife Is Cheating For A Ridiculous Reason

    Matthew Sim’s wife has been wrongly accused of cheating, wait til you see what evidence he has.

    It all started after the birth of Mattew and Jodie Sim’s first child Millie who is now 9 months old.

    Mattew felt that his loving wife had changed and he finally had evidence that she was a dirty cheat.



    Mattew text his wife and said

    You fucking bitch why would you throw our marriage away, I loved you!!!

    I’ve had a feeling you were cheating for a while, never wanting sex with the lights on, constantly distance, tired all the time and find any excuse to “pop out”.. now I have fucking proof, I saw you naked your knees are red raw only way they could get like that is carpet burns from sucking cock

    HER KNEES!!!

    Mattew took to social media to share his wife’s betrayal and the fact she didn’t even have the guts to respond.

    But wait….

    Jodie’s savage reply publically is even better.


    Dear husband, I have never cheated on you although maybe I should of.

    Yes I’m tired I’ve just had a baby, I don’t want to be naked as I no longer feel attractive, I pop out to the shop for the first bit of quiet I have had all day.

    I shouldn’t have to explain myself but seen as you’ve put this post up in front of all our family and friends you have given me no choice but to defend myself!

    MY KNEES… my knees are not from fun times with your imaginary man but from psoriasis.

    It’s time you grew up, maybe if you changed a nappy or fed Millie once in a while I wouldn’t have been so distant, tired and stressed.

    Now kindly apologise publically for being a prize prick.

    Jodie uploaded a photo of the suspect knee.


    Is this one of the most ridiculous reasons to accuse someone of cheating, we have yet to have a follow up to see if the couple have smoothed things over.