Welcome to Mums Advice

Tag: CARER

  • As A Carer You’ll Watch Me Do Things And Instantly Judge Me

    As a Carer you’ll watch me do things and instantly judge me for them, you’ll look down your nose and see me as nothing more than someone that deals with other people’s body fluids and makes cups of tea.

    You’ll wonder why I can walk out of a room and instantly into another, forgetting that I may have promised your relative a blanket or a cup of water because I was “distracted” by someone else.

    You’ll wonder why I’ve walked past your relatives room and not entered theirs, you’ll wonder why some people are attended to sooner and you’ll curse my name under your breath as they wait.

    You’ll wonder how I seem to have time to sit down and write and wonder why I cannot fix things immediately.

    You’ll wonder how, under any circumstance, I could be sharing a smile or a laugh with a co-worker as if laughter has no place.

    As I walk in for my shift, you’ll look at me, your eyes saying that you want me to help and you’ll wonder why I can’t just make that happen.

    But here’s what, if you’re very lucky, you’ll never see.

    You’ll never see me lose. You’ll never see me take off my sweaty gloves and say a goodbye to someone I’ve cared for for months or even years

    You’ll never see the weight that we carry home. For minutes or hours, days, or weeks, or even lifetimes.

    You’ll never see our children’s faces as we kiss them goodbye on Christmas morning so that we can make it a special day for your family member.

    You’ll never see the deep breath we take as we walk into a room to prepare a loved one before family enter to say their last goodbye.

    You’ll never see our hearts ache with the pain for those we have nursed and passed and those that continue to battle.

    You’ll never see our minds as they tirelessly overthink and overwork scenarios, wondering how or if we could do something better next time.

    You’ll never see us break the news that someone’s husband or wife, that they have been married to for 50 plus years has died because they have forgotten again, you’ll never see us comfort them as they cry.

    And for the most part, I’m okay that you can’t see those things. It’s my job to do, my burden to carry, and my labor of love and service so that you don’t have to, so that the relationship you have remains as it always has been, so that you don’t have to become their Carer. I’ll take on that role for you.

    However, I’ll be honest, there are times that I wish you could understand the alternative to your relative that’s waiting. There are times I wish you understood the difference between urgency and emergency. And there are certainly times that I wish I could be transparent enough to tell you when your relative dies it breaks our hearts too.

    If you know, or love a Carer please do me a favor and just give them a hug. Or maybe a fist bump if hugging isn’t their thing, or maybe even just a nod of approval but more anything please remember were more than just bottom cleaners and tea makers.

    We’re working as hard and as fast as we can, and most days, it’s never enough.”

     

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/rosieann93

     

  • Vulnerable Woman To Be Locked Up At Night

    My sister Ruth has complex learning disabilities. She’s autistic, non-verbal, epileptic and unable to wash herself, feed herself or go to the toilet. She needs 24hr care. Ruth has a nice, busy life, living in her own home thanks to the excellent care we as a family have had to fight so hard for.

    All of this is being threatened and Ruth is potentially being put in danger because her overnight care workers have been replaced with a technology system. That’s why I’m asking East Renfrewshire Council to reinstate Ruth’s overnight carers and not leave her alone at night.

    Ruth is now 27 years old and has only been living independently for 6 months with her carers. It has been fantastic to see her begin a new independent life, and wonderful to see my parents finally be able to rest after many years of struggle. Everyone in the family could sleep soundly knowing Ruth was safe, no matter what happened to the rest of us.

    Ruth’s care workers have become not only her emotional and physical support but also her friends. They are now expected to leave her alone at the end of the day and hand over control to a technology system. 

    In this new system, Ruth would have to be locked in her home overnight, with no physical support, attention or care. Ruth wakes often in the night, sometimes in distress, and cannot go to the toilet or speak for herself. The new telecare system expects a stranger to be able to communicate with her about how she is doing and what she needs, from a camera system placed in the room. Ruth not only cannot respond to this, but is likely to find it distressing.

    Advocacy workers, police, health professionals, carers and many people in the wider community condemn the course of action being embarked upon by East Renfrewshire Council.

    Even the fire brigade had said that this could be potentially dangerous for Ruth and they don’t approve of her being left alone at night. 

    A friend whose son has similar disabilities as Ruth experienced their local authority trying to impose this new system on him. However, with a successful petition, the decision was reversed.

    I don’t want to live in a society where vulnerable people like my sister are left alone with only technology at night. I hate the additional stress that it puts upon my parents. My Mum is now staying at Ruth’s home every single night. She cannot in good conscience leave her daughter alone all night. This is not an independent life for my sister or my mother. What makes it so devastating is that it destroys the great strides made for Ruth in recent months.

    Please help us change this! I don’t think anyone as vulnerable as Ruth should ever be left locked-up, alone, in their home all night.

    Please sign the petition

    https://www.change.org/p/don-t-put-my-sister-s-life-in-danger-by-taking-away-her-carer

     

  • The Reality Of Being A Stay At Home Carer To A Disabled Child

    The reality of being a stay at home carer to a disabled child.

    Of course we carers are grateful to stay at home and still have our child to look after but a carer is literally all you become.

    The mental health professionals’ advice is to talk but;

    Nobody talks about the isolation.

    Nobody talks about the loss of identity.

    Nobody talks about the loneliness.

    Nobody talks about losing your sense of self.

    Nobody talks about how you had to give up your life and often your job to care.

    Nobody talks about how you cry in the shower out of sight of everyone else because your day was overwhelming.

    NOBODY TALKS!

    No one understands why you put your hand on your child’s tummy when they are asleep to make sure they are breathing.

    No one understands the pressures of making sure they have all their medication and are given it at the proper times and proper dosage despite frequent changes.

    No one understands the medical procedures you must learn and use daily to keep your child safe and healthy.

    No one understands the scrutiny you are put under by professionals involved with your child.

    No one understands why you only get 4/5 hours broken sleep every night even in the rare event your child sleeps all night.

    No one understands why you’re always tired.

    No one understands why you’re irritable.

    No one understands why you need a mental break.

    No one understands why you’re aggravated by your other children.

    No one understands why you cannot take an active part in your other children’s schools.

    No one understands why after you have been home all day your house is not spotless.

    No one understands why you need just 5 minutes on your own.

    No one understands why you’ve lost your sex drive or self-confidence to meet a partner.

    No one understands why you are completely and utterly exhausted after all, you just sit at home all day.

    No one understands the feeling you have when you are told you don’t have a “real job.”

    NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!

    Most of us carers have been in employment but gave it up to take on our caring role. When we gave up our job we also gave up our social interaction with other adults outside the family home.

    I cannot tell you how many people have said to me “You have too much time on your hands. I wish I could stay at home all day.” I can guarantee after walking in my shoes for a couple of weeks they would soon change their minds.

    Source unknown.

  • As A Carer You Will Instantly Judge Me

    As a Carer you’ll watch me do things and instantly judge me for them, you’ll look down your nose and see me as nothing more than someone who deals with other people’s body fluids and makes cups of tea.

    You’ll wonder why I can walk out of a room and instantly into another, forgetting that I may have promised your relative a blanket or a cup of water because I was “distracted” by someone else.

    You’ll wonder why I’ve walked past your relatives room and not entered theirs, you’ll wonder why some people are attended to sooner and you’ll curse my name under your breath as they wait.

    You’ll wonder how I seem to have time to sit down and write and wonder why I cannot fix things immediately.

    You’ll wonder how, under any circumstance, I could be sharing a smile or a laugh with a co-worker as if laughter has no place.

    As I walk in for my shift, you’ll look at me, your eyes saying that you want me to help and you’ll wonder why I can’t just make that happen.

    But here’s what, if you’re very lucky, you’ll never see.

    You’ll never see me lose. You’ll never see me take off my sweaty gloves and say a goodbye to someone I’ve cared for for months or even years

    You’ll never see the weight that we carry home. For minutes or hours, days, or weeks, or even lifetimes.

    You’ll never see our children’s faces as we kiss them goodbye on Christmas morning so that we can make it a special day for your family member.

    You’ll never see the deep breath we take as we walk into a room to prepare a loved one before family enter to say their last goodbye.

    You’ll never see our hearts ache with the pain for those we have nursed and passed and those that continue to battle.

    You’ll never see our minds as they tirelessly over think and overwork scenarios, wondering how or if we could do something better next time.

    You’ll never see us break the news that someone’s husband or wife, that they have been married to for 50 plus years has died because they have forgotten again, you’ll never see us comfort them as they cry.

    And for the most part, I’m okay that you can’t see those things. It’s my job to do, my burden to carry, and my labor of love and service so that you don’t have to, so that the relationship you have remains as it always has been, so that you don’t have to become their Carer. I’ll take on that role for you.

    However, I’ll be honest, there are times that I wish you could understand the alternative to your relative that’s waiting. There are times I wish you understood the difference between urgency and emergency. And there are certainly times that I wish I could be transparent enough to tell you when your relative dies it breaks our hearts too.

    If you know, or love a Carer please do me a favor and just give them a hug. Or maybe a fist bump if hugging isn’t their thing, or maybe even just a nod of approval but more anything please remember we’re more than just bottom cleaners and tea makers.

    We’re working as hard and as fast as we can, and most days, it’s never enough.”

    Original source unknown

  • Just A Carer Is What People Think Of Me

    Just a carer?

    I am just a carer

    That’s what people think of me,

    It isn’t very pleasant,

    They’ve seen it on TV.

    Blood and guts and vomit

    Sickness and diarrhoea.

    They wouldn’t want to do it,

    It isn’t a career.

    But I have been a carer

    Since the day that I left school.

    I haven’t been to college,

    But I’m really not a fool.

    Caring for the elderly

    Is more than making tea.

    It needs a special person,

    And I know this is for me.

    When you have dementia,

    when you’re getting old.

    It can be very lonely,

    When you’re left out in the cold.

    It needs a special person,

    One who really cares.

    One who lights the room up,

    When all around are stares.

    Someone very patient,

    Someone very kind.

    Someone who will lead you

    When you’re going blind.

    A wealth of understanding

    And time to listen too.

    You won’t be able to do it,

    If all you think about is you.

    The job is quite a privilege

    That others do not see.

    When you finish work today,

    Did you think of me?

    Did you know I sat with

    Someone taking their last breath?

    Do you know how precious those moments before death?

    Do you know how hard it is

    To say goodbye and then,

    Go and help the other folk

    And do it all again?

    Do you know how good it is

    When you get a smile,

    From someone who is down and low

    When you’ve gone the extra mile?

    Caring is a way of life

    Judge us if you must

    But we are not just carers

    We are magic fairy dust!

    To share your story or to raise awareness of any topic or to ask us to do so on your behalf, or to find out our advertising prices then please send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com

  • Just A Carer That’s What People Think Of Me

    Just a carer?

    I am just a carer

    That’s what people think of me,

    It isn’t very pleasant,

    They’ve seen it on TV.

    Blood and guts and vomit

    Sickness and diarrhoea.

    They wouldn’t want to do it,

    It isn’t a career.

    But I have been a carer

    Since the day that I left school.

    I haven’t been to college,

    But I’m really not a fool.

    Caring for the elderly

    Is more than making tea.

    It needs a special person,

    And I know this is for me.

    When you have dementia,

    when you’re getting old.

    It can be very lonely,

    When you’re left out in the cold.

    It needs a special person,

    One who really cares.

    One who lights the room up,

    When all around are stares.

    Someone very patient,

    Someone very kind.

    Someone who will lead you

    When you’re going blind.

    A wealth of understanding

    And time to listen too.

    You won’t be able to do it,

    If all you think about is you.

    The job is quite a privilege

    That others do not see.

    When you finish work today,

    Did you think of me?

    Did you know I sat with

    Someone taking their last breath?

    Do you know how precious those moments before death?

    Do you know how hard it is

    To say goodbye and then,

    Go and help the other folk

    And do it all again?

    Do you know how good it is

    When you get a smile,

    From someone who is down and low

    When you’ve gone the extra mile?

    Caring is a way of life

    Judge us if you must

    But we are not just carers

    We are magic fairy dust!

    To share your story or to raise awareness of any topic or to ask us to do so on your behalf, or to find out our advertising prices then please send us an email to mumsadviceltd@outlook.com

  • My Life As A Young Carer- I Still Cry At Night

    Soo, sit back and grab your coffee cause this is a quite long story.

    My mum was 35 when she had me, who ended up with mental health issues. My sister cared for me, did the night feeds, helped my mum and took me out almost every day there is 14 years between us. As they ( my sisters) got older the caring got more intense. Trying to look after me while my mum was accusing them over every little thing. From trying to kill her to moving stuff to mess with her head.

    My sister let’s call her Callie who was 14 years older than me and my other sister let’s call her Ellen who’s 10 years older than me, had her own child at 19 and ended up moving out because of my mums mental illness, my Ellen lived with her dad. From 6 years old I watched my mum smash her house up every weekend, hear she was going to kill her self, that people were trying to kill her, kill us.

    From 6 years old I began to look after my mum. Not being able to go out, not being able to leave her side and being scared every single day and night because all I ever heard was that people were trying to harm us. She would stop her meds every time she thought she was better. I also got told that I got left with her while she over dosed.

    Bad went to worse. We moved house because of her thinking people were trying to kill her… then what was about to happen next changed our lives. Someone ( who I can’t name) tried to petrol bomb us at just 10 years old I woke up screaming because I thought I was going to die.

    Every night I couldn’t sleep because I had to make sure my mum was ok, sit at the bottom of the bed so she could nap, not leave the house, not go to school, not leave her side. Help her cook and clean. We eventually got out after she had a ‘break down’ as she was admitted to a hospital. For almost a year I didn’t live with my mum.

    I went from seeing her every day to thinking she didn’t want me. When she eventually got out, we lived in a flat. Still depressed she would sleep all day so I’d have to clean my own clothes, try make meals ect. Then I slowly started going off the rails… drinking almost every night, drugs. I was 14 screaming for someone to care someone to listen. But no one did.

    At the age of 15 I would be drinking so excessively I would be brought home by the police, going through liter bottles of vodka. Then I met my boyfriend, who then I fell pregnant to, at 16. the As I settled down my mums mental health got worse again, blaming my bf for everything that he was trying to kill her. I then had my son.

    Yet again bad went to worse. My son was 2 weeks over due. Struggled at birth. Went home the next day, something wasn’t right this wasn’t the baby I had last night… he was just different.

    Rang an ambulance and it was almost as if I was getting made a mockery of, no one listened NO ONE. 6 days later after getting called over panicky mum and my mum not wanting to leave me alone with my own child because she thought I couldn’t cope. A midwife that dealt with teenagers came out. I told her how I was feeling. She checked my gorgeous boy and rushed us to icu.

    Our son had pneumonia and because it had been left for so long they didn’t know if he’d live cause his lungs were so weak. At 16 I thought my son was going to die. My life was ending. After getting admitted another 2 times after leaving icu for people not listening again. We almost lost him in total of 3 times.

    After countless visits to hospital and him being on oxygen for 8 months our baby boy became strong again, while all this was going on we were still getting accused of things, accused of taking my mums meds to mess with her head, trying to kill her. Until one day she tried to act the way she would when I was little. That day I went to leave, she rang the police after trying to beat up my bf and threatened to take my son.

    For months she drummed into my head that my bf and his family were going to take my son away. We finally got our own house and left after she tried to start again. She has schizophrenia. Now because of this, I have a mental illness. I’ve got a personality disorder. My son is 3 and I’m now 20, I’m still with my boyfriend. But now I suffer every day with the thought of loosing my son.

    That is always there in the back of my mind. I still cry most nights because of the thought of it. I go to play group and explain every single bruise. But guess what I’ve made it. I’m in a healthy environment now trying to pursue a dress making career. My mum is still poorly but I took a step back after my sister suddenly passed away a year ago. Life does get easier I promise. ‘Remember everything will be ok in the end and if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.

  • Don’t Marry A Health Care Assistant

    Don’t marry a Health care assistant. They sleep all day while you work and work all night while you sleep. Or, their 0500 alarm disturbs your sleep and then they come home too tired to cook dinner. Don’t marry a Health care assistant.

    They walk in the door mentally exhausted and sometimes forget to even say hello. Don’t marry a Health care assistant. They run out of patience and snap at the slightest question or demand. Don’t marry a Health care assistant. They constantly complain about germs or access for people in public. It can be embarrassing.

    Don’t marry a Health care assistant. Their stories are not dinner-at-your-moms appropriate. Don’t marry a Health care assistant. Your complaints of a sore throat will hardly be heard. Don’t marry a Health care assistant. They spend so much of their energy on their patients that they have nothing left to give to you when their shift ends.

    Don’t marry a Health care assistant. They don’t make you a priority when they agree to work on their days off Don’t marry a Health care assistant.

    They’re so emotionally unstable that sometimes they come home and just cry for no reason. Don’t marry a Health care assistant. They are constantly in crisis about where their life is going. Don’t marry a Health care assistant.

    Marry a Heath care assistant. They are brave enough to take on any challenge. Marry a Heath care assistant. They get up every day to put others first. Marry a Health care assistant. They have the best gut instincts to know when something is wrong.

    Marry a Health care assistant. They have felt with depths of their hearts unknown to most people. Marry a Health care assistant. They’re always ready to help someone in need. Marry a Health care assistant. They see things that others don’t. Marry a Health care assistant. They give their all and utilize every talent they have. Marry a Health care assistant. They know what it means to sacrifice. Marry a Health care assistant. They were brave enough to embrace a duty that never sleeps.

    Marry a Health care assistant. They have learned to adjust without complaining. Marry a Health care assistant. They are strong enough to hold back tears until they are alone. Marry a Health care assistant. They never settle for less than they are capable of. Marry a Health care assistant. They succeed in times of unknown.

    Marry a Health care assistant. They know the value of life. Marry a Health care assistant. They are the best comforters. Marry a Health care assistant. They know time is precious. Marry a Health care assistant. Those quiet moments truly are sacred. Marry a Health care assistant. Because if you have the chance to marry a Health care assistant, that means they are trusting you to help them carry a beautiful burden that you will never understand. Marry a Health care assistant.

  • Childminders Should Wear These By Law?

    We all see lorries carrying our precious cargo with the sign “How’s my driving call 123 with any concerns etc”

    Well that got me thinking why can’t it be used for other things like people who are  child minders or even carers in the community looking after vunerable adults or the elderly, or disabled or the mentslly ill.

    Only the other day I saw a child minder with 3 small children, one child was in a buggy and can’t have been older than 6 months and was sobbing her heart out, the child minder ignored the child’s cries, the other two didn’t even have their hoods up in the rain, I couldn’t keep my anger in and spoke with the childminder and said I didn’t think she was doing a very good job, she listened for a minute or so and then made her excuses and hurried off, I have no idea where she lives or the parents of the children, it would be handy if there was a way to raise minor concerns.

    Wouldn’t it be a wonderful if by law that child minders would have to wear high visibility jackets with a contact number or a name of Facebook page to add positive comments for wonderful caring and creative child minders or to raise concerns of the child care providers who ignore children, possibly abuse them or are purely only in it for the money.

    Does anyone else think this would be a wonderful idea, we hand over our children to these people we trust but have no way of 100% knowing how they treat our children especially babies and small toddlers who are yet to be able to voice any concerns.

    Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

    Post submitted by Anna Finney

  • Vunerable Lady Left In A Poor State In Carehome

     Josh Meszaros has taken to Social media to share his hurt and disgust at his mothers care.

    Josh said:

    So I popped in to the care home to see mum earlier on the way to the hospital to see dad.. What I found when I went in was absolutely disgraceful. 

    Went into mums room at 5:50 to find her sat in her chair in the dark, no lights on at all, and the TV turned off. This is bad enough, yet it gets worse..

    Vunerable Lady Left In A Poor State In Carehome

    She is sat like this with her evening meal and drink in front of her, unaccompanied when every single member of staff is fully aware that she is at serious risk of choking on food and drink. They have been told this numerous times, yet still ignore it. 

    She didn’t look right in herself at all, disoriented and looked worried. 

    Vunerable Lady Left In A Poor State In CarehomeVunerable Lady Left In A Poor State In CarehomeVunerable Lady Left In A Poor State In Carehome

    She was soaking wet throughout, to even her leggings being soaked, so she had certainly been left like this for a substantial amount of time. Then I found that whatever ‘carer’ had changed her earlier in the day had put her pad on the wrong way round. It is made a certain shape so almost impossible to get wrong!

    I ended up having to shower her myself, at which point it had been an hour since I had got there and still no one had come to check on her and make sure that she hadn’t choked. She had no soap or shower gel in there so what the hell have they been using to shower her with? I noticed some bed sores which are due to the carers leaving her sat in her own piss and shit for extortionate amounts of time, this can lead to Sepsis and can be deadly.

    Again, they have been told about this many times and still ignore it. They try to blame it on the pads yet she had not once got sore at home so how can it be down to the pads?  

    There was a little cup on the shelf above her bed with tablets in, god knows how long it had been there for. What if another resident had walked in and taken them, or if mum had managed to reach and take them? This could have been a lot more serious and potentially involve a death. 

      Again, they have been using the Sara Steady which was obvious with it being left next to her bed, every single member of staff has been told by Dad and also by the Social Worker, not to use this for transfers and to use her walker instead to keep transfers consistent each time. Again, it gets ignored and because if that she has lost more mobility and independence. 

    Vunerable Lady Left In A Poor State In Carehome

    Oh, and the bloody stupid handrail next to the toilet in the bathroom.. how the hell can that even be useful to a client? It’s about 1ft too bloody low! I stood up and it was too low for me to reach, fucking ridiculous. 

     Eventually the person in charge decided to come to talk to me about my concerns, to which they she said that she had been extremely busy and had to deal with 3 or 4 falls, she tried to say that she had been sat with mum earlier when she first had her food and said that mum would back her up? So let me get this straight, you’re trying to say that a 48-year-old woman with MS, Dementia, and Advanced Cognitive Impairment who often does not recognise her own children will have the mental capacity to correctly back you up?!

    Of course I can understand that they have had apparently a busy day, but if the staff cannot deal with the workload then surely they should cut back on the amount of clients, or employ more people. 2 carers to 15 clients is a complete joke. They will listen to complains, but not document anything or make any changes whatsoever. Think it’s about time they sorted themselves out before they all seriously regret it!
     

    I can now safely confirm that this Care Home is Whittington House Nursing Home Cheltenham. We have decided that it is now appropriate to publicly name the home as the manager has now resorted to retaliating to the below safeguarding concerns and complaints by using ‘Tit For Tat’ tactics attempting to cause trouble between us and the social worker, who is in fact fantastic at her job and a very decent person, so these petty tactics have not worked. 

    https://www.facebook.com/WhittingtonHouse/